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View Full Version : How to beat Nadal: Advice for Roger


officerdibble
06-10-2007, 08:48 AM
Well, I thought I'd give him one last chance, but he really is missing some obvious stuff. Here's the top eight things Federer needs to do to beat Nadal.

1. Get a bigger racquet - go on mate give yourself a chance, it's not a competition to see who can use the smallest racquet head.

2. Use a string dampener. Don't worry, I know what you're thinking Roger, isn't that going to be expensive? No. Even the best clay court players only buy one, even though this means having to fiddle with it when you change racquets.

3. Sort out your underwear. With the right pants crawling up your butt cheeks, you can constantly stick your fingers up your bum in a subliminal gesture of contempt to your opponent. One size too small should suffice.

4. Sort out your underwear. Further to point 3, just think how distracted your opponent is going to be when he knows he has to shake your hand at the end of the match.

5. Taunt your opponent into hitting long by pretending that it's your job to wipe the baseline clean after every point. The covert "this is where you should be aiming" message will freak out even the best player into over-hitting.

6. Don't waste time on unnecessary fitness work. Just do arm exercises on your primary racquet-holding hand. I'm fairly sure you're right-handed, so that one.

7. Don't miss with your forehand so often.

8. If you get a break point don't panic.

Normally you would have been paying Tony Roche for this type of advice (although he clearly missed a trick or two), so please just send whatever his cut of the prize fund to me at:
Top Tennis Tips
P.O. Box 606060
England

P.S. No Euros.

FitzRoy
06-10-2007, 08:54 AM
Not bad. I'm sure you'll see the money rolling in pretty soon. ;)

War, Safin!
06-10-2007, 08:54 AM
Well, I thought I'd give him one last chance, but he really is missing some obvious stuff. Here's the top eight things Federer needs to do to beat Nadal.

1. Get a bigger racquet - go on mate give yourself a chance, it's not a competition to see who can use the smallest racquet head.

2. Use a string dampener. Don't worry, I know what you're thinking Roger, isn't that going to be expensive? No. Even the best clay court players only buy one, even though this means having to fiddle with it when you change racquets.

3. Sort out your underwear. With the right pants crawling up your butt cheeks, you can constantly stick your fingers up your bum in a subliminal gesture of contempt to your opponent. One size too small should suffice.

4. Sort out your underwear. Further to point 3, just think how distracted your opponent is going to be when he knows he has to shake your hand at the end of the match.

5. Taunt your opponent into hitting long by pretending that it's your job to wipe the baseline clean after every point. The covert "this is where you should be aiming" message will freak out even the best player into over-hitting.

6. Don't waste time on unnecessary fitness work. Just do arm exercises on your primary racquet-holding hand. I'm fairly sure you're right-handed, so that one.

7. Don't miss with your forehand so often.

8. If you get a break point don't panic.

Normally you would have been paying Tony Roche for this type of advice (although he clearly missed a trick or two), so please just send whatever his cut of the prize fund to me at:
Top Tennis Tips
P.O. Box 606060
England

P.S. No Euros.
Or...
1. Don't attempt it on clay.

FitzRoy
06-10-2007, 08:55 AM
Or...
1. Don't attempt it on clay.

Well, he's beaten him on clay now, so that isn't quite true. So far no one has in Best-of-five, so maybe you should modify that.

War, Safin!
06-10-2007, 08:57 AM
Well, he's beaten him on clay now, so that isn't quite true. So far no one has in Best-of-five, so maybe you should modify that.
Please....please don't say you're one of the 'Hamburg Theorists' are you?
You are, aren't you?

Simon Cowell
06-10-2007, 08:59 AM
He (Fed) needs to give up on clay and stop giving hope to his fans that he'll actually win at R.G. someday. .::Laughs::.

jivesamba
06-12-2007, 10:26 AM
Brilliant!

Seriously though... I was about to start a new thread here debating on whether people thought that Fed would perhaps benefit from a 95in. or 98in. headsize racquet? He certainly mis-hits more balls than anyone else and not just on clay either. I counted one mis-hit by Rafa in the FO final and his grip and swing are far more extreme than Roger's (and therefore should, in theory, produce more mis-hits). Maybe he could give the K Factor KSix-One 95 a try if he hasn't already? Of course, Wilson would make him whatever he wanted. Your thoughts?

jivesamba
06-12-2007, 10:30 AM
... and as far as Roger giving up on clay... Never! Rafa could always roll an ankle or something in the quarters or semis! Or maybe Mirka could secretly hire Tonya Harding to do a little "hospital job" on the bull? ;)

helloworld
06-12-2007, 10:30 AM
Nadal is too good on clay, Fed knows it and Nadal knows it, but he'll get one pity French Open from Nadal. Nadal is a good hearted man and he'll let Federer have one so that Fed can claim his GOAT thing

jmsx521
06-12-2007, 11:26 AM
Get advice from Monica Seles.... Take the ball on the rise as early as possible and don't back too much behind the baseline.

The Victor
06-12-2007, 03:08 PM
That was funny, good stuff :D

I also like the Tonya Harding idea, it could do the trick :)

Gundam
06-12-2007, 03:43 PM
I think it's time for Mirka to act.
For example, she can pretend as if she is leaving Roger (For the maximum effect, for Rafa) or she should threaten to leave after 2008 FO.

Tennis_Monk
06-12-2007, 06:26 PM
I think it's time for Mirka to act.
For example, she can pretend as if she is leaving Roger (For the maximum effect, for Rafa) or she should threaten to leave after 2008 FO.

Instead of that she can try going after Nadal. That should do the trick. Either Nadal will be Out of contention OR federer will be so mad , that he will do something abt it.

( I know Mirka is a nice person and this post is not an attemp to disrespect her. )

tennis_hand
06-12-2007, 06:30 PM
maybe u should post this before the next clay season.

jivesamba
06-12-2007, 08:11 PM
Here's a new twist- Perhaps Roger and Mirka have secretly agreed to get married when he wins the French and he's got cold feet!?

VikingSamurai
06-12-2007, 08:41 PM
Simple:

Mix it up a little..

And make that biatch ruuuunnnn! :-))

JZImmer123
06-12-2007, 10:31 PM
Pull a Tonya Harding on Rafa!

FREDDY
06-13-2007, 06:30 PM
ATTACK!!! don't give nadal the chance to slow things down. harder, flatter shots.

Nadal_Freak
06-13-2007, 08:22 PM
Hope for Nadal to have a bad day. Once Nadal's game clicks in (3rd and 4th) it almost impossible to stop him. He makes like 4 unforced errors set which is incredible. Federer did a good job to hang in, despite Nadal stealing the first set. Federer stole the second but after that Nadal was on a role. Cool and overcast would help Federer a lot since he definitely looked tired at the end of that match along with the bounce being lower.

Nextman916
06-13-2007, 08:26 PM
Federer lost plain and simple, he was pressure to have to hit everything deep or we would get killed. Nadal simply jumped on any short ball. Fed starts to hit through, trying to pull out those amazing winners he can do against most others. With the ball kicker higher than normal, pressure building in his head, and very hard timing and bounce. He begins foolishly running around forehands and producing a less than par shot very often. Finally he starts to regroup but with too much safety that even his approach shots start to land around the service line.

caulcano
06-14-2007, 01:23 AM
9. Get really friendly with the organisers of the French Open, so you can convince them to change the clay so it's more like Hamburg. Better still if you can convince them to change to the surface to grass. :D :D

tennisadd1ct
06-14-2007, 04:01 AM
and seriously roger, i know tiger woods is watching you play(tv),but, no time to show off all right?


JUST WIN THE FRENCH OPEN AND STOP SCRATCHING YOU GLUDIOS MAXIMAS (BUTT)

jmsx521
06-14-2007, 04:40 AM
Pull a Tonya Harding on Rafa!.... And make sure the k90 you used gets discarded, so there's no DNA evidence left on the frame.

Gundam
06-14-2007, 10:38 AM
and seriously roger, i know tiger woods is watching you play(tv),but, no time to show off all right?


JUST WIN THE FRENCH OPEN AND STOP SCRATCHING YOU GLUDIOS MAXIMAS (BUTT)

Errr, maybe it's Gluteus Maximus :grin:

Well, I think she is too good, too HOT for Roger. Should spend less time with her, save energy, and practice more.

ledor
06-14-2007, 11:47 AM
Well, I thought I'd give him one last chance, but he really is missing some obvious stuff. Here's the top eight things Federer needs to do to beat Nadal.

1. Get a bigger racquet - go on mate give yourself a chance, it's not a competition to see who can use the smallest racquet head.

2. Use a string dampener. Don't worry, I know what you're thinking Roger, isn't that going to be expensive? No. Even the best clay court players only buy one, even though this means having to fiddle with it when you change racquets.

3. Sort out your underwear. With the right pants crawling up your butt cheeks, you can constantly stick your fingers up your bum in a subliminal gesture of contempt to your opponent. One size too small should suffice.

4. Sort out your underwear. Further to point 3, just think how distracted your opponent is going to be when he knows he has to shake your hand at the end of the match.

5. Taunt your opponent into hitting long by pretending that it's your job to wipe the baseline clean after every point. The covert "this is where you should be aiming" message will freak out even the best player into over-hitting.

6. Don't waste time on unnecessary fitness work. Just do arm exercises on your primary racquet-holding hand. I'm fairly sure you're right-handed, so that one.

7. Don't miss with your forehand so often.

8. If you get a break point don't panic.

Normally you would have been paying Tony Roche for this type of advice (although he clearly missed a trick or two), so please just send whatever his cut of the prize fund to me at:
Top Tennis Tips
P.O. Box 606060
England

P.S. No Euros.

See someone else beat Rafa....or hope he gets injured.

Result: Roger to see more titles in your collection.

Taram_Nifas
06-14-2007, 11:54 AM
Forget Tonya Harding, when Hamburg comes around next year just give ole GŁnter Parche a call, he seems like the kind of person who would be a Fed FanBoy. ;)

Forza Milan
06-14-2007, 08:33 PM
On clay...I think Federer needs to work more on his dropshots and use it more often....Nadal likes to stay well behind the baseline sprinting left and right where he's at his best, but if you get him off his comfort zone and get him off balance a little bit to respect dropshots, then it's going to be a bit awkward for him...and that's exactly what you want.

caulcano
06-15-2007, 02:54 AM
On clay...I think Federer needs to work more on his dropshots and use it more often....Nadal likes to stay well behind the baseline sprinting left and right where he's at his best, but if you get him off his comfort zone and get him off balance a little bit to respect dropshots, then it's going to be a bit awkward for him...and that's exactly what you want.

Yep. Plus it should may he more tired faster!