View Full Version : Classical Grips!

Very Western
10-26-2004, 05:53 AM
As the Persians marched westward towards ancient Greece, the Spartans, under the generalship of Leonidas were dispatched to the pass at Thermopylae, and ordered to check Xerxes' advance.

Wielding their light and deadly 'Pure Drive' swords (a technology they stole from the ancient Babolatonians), the Spartans wreaked havoc upon the Persians by swinging wildly at them with their (practiced since early childhood) western grips.

Unfortunately, due to the many injuries caused by the combination of equipment, and physically demanding fighting style, the Spartans were only able to send three hundred warriors to the battlefield.

Xerxes ordered his soldiers to utilise their old fashioned eastern grips, and slice low at the Spartans' ankles. This tactic forced the Spartans to fight on their knees, and alas, one by one, they were all laid low.

When news of the Spartans' defeat, and the manner of the the tactics employed by the Persians reached Athens, an army was dispatched to halt the Persians advance.

The Athenians were able to field a much larger army than the Spartans because their method of fighting was much less prone to injury. Prokennides, Archimedes' great grandfather, had designed a new type of sword for them, which was know as a 'kinetic'. This sword protected the user from the harsh vibrations caused by clouting people all day. The Athenians also employed use of the Semi-Western grip, which not only allowed them to lay Spartan-like crushing blows upon their enemies, but also enabled them to parry the Persians' low slices.

Needless to Say, the Persians were defeated by the Athenians, and Western civilization was saved at it's birth, thanks to kinetic technology and the Semi-Western grip.

10-26-2004, 09:22 AM
That was some impressive writing!

10-26-2004, 11:23 AM
good one! very inventive... i wrote something for the board too a while ago on a similar but diff vein and will share..it's about stiff gear.
The parable of Kruel King Babalot, The Evil Lady Luxilon, SirTourten the Kind, and BowBrand the Protector.

There once lived in TennisWarehouse King Babalot, Lady Luxilon, Sir Tourten, and the artist known as BowBrand. King Bab hung out w. Lady Lux in one part of the warehouse and were evil, cold, firm, and stiff. SirTourten hung with BowBrand and they were warm, fuzzy, welcoming and very flexy.. The two factions simply could not get along. Every once in a while ‘The One’ would force them to interact w. less than good results.

Once the evil lady Lux was installed into the kindly SirTourten and forced to perform. The Wilson struck the LadyLux first and she just wouldn’t bend (deflect) stiff little ***** that she is. She announced ‘You shall have to flex even more than you are used to SirTourten because I am a stiff unwieldy ***** compared to BowBrand’ and the system MUST flex because of the force of the blow ….and so the kindly SirTourten did flex even more and the operator was happy to play another day, but did not enjoy the experience and left with a sore wrist.

Later on BowBrand the Protector was installed into the evil King Babalot and asked to perform. Wilson struck the BowBrand a mighty blow first and BowBrand flexy kind string that he was deflected and absorbed more of the impact than would LadyLux and the evil King Babalot did hardly get to flex at all. He flexed less than he did w. LadyLux. He was ****ed! He yelled in his kingly way ‘Bring me Lady Luxilon for I wish to flex!’ The operator was happy to play another day, but did not enjoy the experience and left with a sore shoulder.

The “One’ could not understand why the stiff faction was wearing out so many operators and the flexy faction had one operator that lasted many years…..

seriously..all you youngens, get out of the stiff frame/stiff string thing and embrace the flexy, and you too can still be a good uninjured operator when you get older like me…oh…and enough racquet weight is always a good thing too ;) edo

10-26-2004, 06:44 PM
those are great! Please do something on Exacalibur... :-)

10-27-2004, 05:18 AM
sir tourten...great!! good one ed! how do u have yours weighted? i want to add some lead and play around, but i like the balance. where should i place the lead?

10-27-2004, 06:59 AM
brettolius i dont have mine weighted at all..i have weight removed by shaving the grommet strip..i have a little extra weight with the leather grips..in my case, i didnt like the balance..i wanted more headlight with this frame. if you wish to preserve the balance and want more weight, put some weight at 3 and 9, and the identical amount in the handle area

10-27-2004, 07:45 AM
under the tape or under the butt cap? thanx

10-27-2004, 08:25 AM
if you arent adding much you can just wrap it around the top of the grip underneath where that rubber finishing band goes.

The Gorilla
07-06-2007, 09:16 PM
that is hilarious