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View Full Version : HAHAHAHAHA!!! Hilarious read about kids


xtremerunnerars
09-02-2007, 09:36 AM
http://www.adequacy.org/public/stories/2001.12.2.42056.2147.html

This is like those other great articles by parents who have no idea what they're talking about. Here are some quotes from it:

Quake is an online virtual reality used by hackers. It is a popular meeting place and training ground, where they discuss hacking and train in the use of various firearms. Many hackers develop anti-social tendencies due to the use of this virtual world, and it may cause erratic behaviour at home and at school.

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips.

Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos


I'm still laughing!

SFrazeur
09-02-2007, 10:42 AM
3. Has your child asked for new hardware?

Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory. If your son starts requesting these devices, it is possible that he has a legitimate need. You can best ensure that you are buying legal, trustworthy hardware by only buying replacement parts from your computer's manufacturer.
Who wrote that, a Dell employee?

Funny, site, thanks for sharing. I certainly hope it is satirical.

-SF

Andres
09-02-2007, 02:56 PM
IT IS satirical :)

Look at the poll:
Poll

I'm scared of hackers because...

They hack into NASA 5%
They steal things 4%
They are violent sociopaths 4%
They use amphetamines and speed 7%
They help Osama Bin Laden 14%
They're un-American 5%
They smell bad 58%

9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.

10. Is your son struggling academically?

If your son is failing courses in school, or performing poorly on sports teams, he may be involved in a hacking group, such as the infamous "Otaku" hacker association. Excessive time spent on the computer, communicating with his fellow hackers may cause temporary damage to the eyes and brain, from the electromagnetic radiation. This will cause his marks to slip dramatically, particularly in difficult subjects such as Math, and Chemistry. In extreme cases, over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia, meningitis and other psychological diseases. Also, the reduction in exercise may cause him to lose muscle mass, and even to start gaining weight. For the sake of your child's mental and physical health, you must put a stop to his hacking, and limit his computer time drastically.

It was a fun read :D

angharad
09-02-2007, 03:03 PM
Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash".

The funny part about this is that Comet Cursor was voted as one of the worst things to ever appear in the computing world - it was riddled with spyware and tracking cookies.

tennisdarren
09-02-2007, 03:27 PM
9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son's group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.






I thought pacifiers were to keep them from breaking their teeth while on E.

Wait bright shirts ...... has anyone checked Santoro to see if hes a hacker???? :p

xtremerunnerars
09-02-2007, 07:39 PM
Santoro has a hacker-like game (hacker in the junkballer sense) so maybe you could call him one.


Part of me is pretty sure that this wasn't satirical...

angharad
09-02-2007, 07:42 PM
Santoro has a hacker-like game (hacker in the junkballer sense) so maybe you could call him one.


Part of me is pretty sure that this wasn't satirical...


I think it was...looking at the FAQs for the site and some other stuff (like the "copyright" on the hex code for the background) makes me believe it was satire. Pretty well-done, like Landover Baptist, but still satire.