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View Full Version : If Apple designed a tennis racquet ....


sureshs
09-17-2007, 08:11 AM
(the iStick), how would it look?

ananda
09-17-2007, 08:45 AM
all i can think is that it would certainly restore the child-like wonder in me.

1. somehow steve jobso will have it run OSX.
2. and i can see Firewire ports althouh what function i dunno. a webcam - will record your entire session and send it to your laptop via firewire.
3. there'll be an iPod in there too so you can watch movies while you play. the throat could have a screen fitted there.
4. the strings, aah the strings will be apple strings that only apple makes and thats where he'll make his bucks , i guess.

the ad will say something like 27 inches of pure pleasure in the palm of your hands.
they could even call it the iRod.

ananda
09-17-2007, 08:55 AM
he'll have the sexiest grip ever made. you will lust just to touch and smell the grip. playing will give you an iGasm.

BiGGieStuFF
09-17-2007, 08:58 AM
It'll look like an apple on a stick.

sureshs
09-17-2007, 09:04 AM
There would be a built in cell phone to use during the changeovers.

Camera with instant replay so you can hit a shot, then review it at once to see what you did wrong.

It will also record close to line balls with a mini version of Hawk Eye - disputes would be resolved on the spot.

A bluetooth connection to send the ball impact sound to an earphone - helps you hear the sweetspot impact in an amplified way.

Gyroscopic sensors and accelerometers to sense wrong biomechanics and give a beeping feedback.

ananda
09-17-2007, 09:10 AM
but instead of making the racquet themselves, they will tie in with some awful manufacturer, and tie you down to it.

to see the instant replay, just swipe your finger on the sweetspot.

ananda
09-17-2007, 09:12 AM
It will also record close to line balls with a mini version of Hawk Eye - disputes would be resolved on the spot.



DISPUTES !!! what am i paying apple 600 bleeding USD for, if the internal Hawk eye goes against me. It will always rule in my favor!

Nuke
09-17-2007, 09:16 AM
http://www.worth1000.com/entries/329500/329787ChJG_w.jpg

ananda
09-17-2007, 09:22 AM
at the point of contact the internal correction system (guided by laser beams) will do 2 things:
1. correct angle of impact so that ball goes within one cm of the nearest line possible (one other side).
2. modify string tension so that ball blasts at highest speed possible.

Each shot guaranteed to be a winner, no matter what your level.


(if the grip detects an extra squeeze, it blasts the ball onto the body of the opponent)

ananda
09-17-2007, 09:24 AM
at the end of the set it can print your statistics, which will always be:
Score: 6-0
UE: 0
Aces: 12
Winners: 12
Second Serves: 0
First serve %: 100
Second Serve points won: NA
Points won on service return: 100%

surfryder
09-17-2007, 09:30 AM
http://i10.tinypic.com/641zqcl.jpg

jmverdugo
09-17-2007, 09:32 AM
I think it will look like the white version of the Vantage rackets. Apple designs are rather minimalistics and rounded, just like vantage forms and painjobs. Just my opinion.

Ok found a picture:

http://i173.photobucket.com/albums/w50/jmverdugo/white-DB.jpg

ananda
09-17-2007, 09:40 AM
http://i10.tinypic.com/641zqcl.jpg
wow it looks so se** i am willing to pay 600 USD for it, and stand in line several days outside the apple store to get it.
latr you can all say it was a PS85 paintjob har har, gloat gloat.

ananda
09-17-2007, 09:42 AM
next time i string my rack, i am putting the apple sign instead of the stupid outdated passe W.

ananda
09-17-2007, 09:49 AM
hey wait. looking at the pic surfryder posted.... all 2hbh's will have to change to one hand to use it. (i told you we'd be tied down somewhere!)
national outcry!
el jobso says in an interview he really doesnt give a sh** about a few wimps who use both their hands to use their iRod.
He sends Moshe and his gang to bump off all known 2hbh's.

surfryder
09-17-2007, 10:24 AM
or they can just make a iExtend for your racquet...click a button, and the buttcap pops open to extend 5 inches on the racquet for 2hbh people!

snoflewis
09-17-2007, 11:04 AM
if apple made a racket...they would price it way higher than it's really worth...just like all their computers.

Jackie T. Stephens
09-17-2007, 11:11 AM
I'm sorry but that sounds ******** :D

AlexP
09-17-2007, 11:38 AM
An apple designer tennis racquet would have very fluid edges, basically everything is rounded off, including the grip, it would also have a very dense string pattern of 110 x 150 with the idea of using fiber glass to sting it, so later on after the match you could project anything you want onto the fiber string.

Jackie T. Stephens
09-17-2007, 11:47 AM
(the iStick), how would it look?

The iStick..... lol.

mucat
09-17-2007, 01:12 PM
If Apple designed a tennis racquet ....

-their rackets will come in all kind of fruity colors...

-the string pattern of the racket is 1x1 and Apple insist that will be enough

-their rackets are only compatible with their own brand of a accessories, iGrip, iString, iLead, iDampener...they also come in all kind of fruity colors...

-their rackets are only compatible with their own brand of balls...you guess it, the iBalls also come in all kind of fruity colors...

mucat
09-17-2007, 01:18 PM
If Apple designed a tennis racquet ....I would be double posting...

Topaz
09-17-2007, 01:31 PM
If Apple designed a tennis racquet ....

-their rackets will come in all kind of fruity colors...

-the string pattern of the racket is 1x1 and Apple insist that will be enough

-their rackets are only compatible with their own brand of a accessories, iGrip, iString, iLead, iDampener...they also come in all kind of fruity colors...

-their rackets are only compatible with their own brand of balls...you guess it, the iBalls also come in all kind of fruity colors...

Ahhhh...iBalls!!! Love it!

Craig Sheppard
09-17-2007, 01:42 PM
If Apple made a tennis racket....

I don't know what it would look like, but it would be way expensive, work only with Apple branded strings and grips, play just about the same as every other racket out there, and everyone would want one but not know why.

A.T.S.
09-17-2007, 02:59 PM
If apple made a racket it would make fun of a microsoft racket.

federer envies me
09-17-2007, 03:04 PM
no apple is awesome. If apple made a raquet as sweet as their other products I would buy it no matter how it plays

ananda
09-17-2007, 06:58 PM
If Apple designed a tennis racquet ....


-the string pattern of the racket is 1x1 and Apple insist that will be enough


OMG. this one was really over the edge.

quest01
09-17-2007, 07:02 PM
I just know one thing, if Apple made a tennis racket i already know its going to be overpriced just like the rest of there products. Also i highly doubt many pros would endorse an apple tennis racket because of the lack of hardware support.

ananda
09-17-2007, 07:02 PM
i just pray to God that Microsoft does not make a racquet.

OTOH, if the Linux guys make a racquet (not to hijack the thread), it won't be compatible with any balls, strings, grips etc that have been made in this century.

Back to Apple.

TENNIS_IS_FUN
09-17-2007, 07:02 PM
iraq-uet....

ananda
09-17-2007, 07:07 PM
if apple designed a tennis rack, the strings will double up as a guitar.
Steve Jobs in his keynote address at the Moscone Center will stand there like a buffoon saying:
A Racquet, a guitar!
A Racquet, a guitar!
A Racquet, a guitar!
... while the appletards wildly cheer.

ananda
09-17-2007, 08:14 PM
wondering whether they would make just one head size or many?

praps you can change the headsize with some slick gesture. the graphite+kevlar will just move from the frame to the handle making the headsize smaller, and the rack more HL. that will require some kind of liquid metal.

Voltron
09-17-2007, 08:47 PM
ddddddwondering whether they would make just one head size or many? Two headsizes, and they will be so far apart that no one can use either one. A 16 oz 80 sq inch model, and a 8 oz 160 sq inch model.

tennispro11
09-17-2007, 08:52 PM
Best Thread Ever!!!!! :)

ananda
09-17-2007, 08:53 PM
dddddd Two headsizes, and they will be so far apart that no one can use either one. A 16 oz 80 sq inch model, and a 8 oz 160 sq inch model.

otoh, i suspect the PS85'***** on this forum may drool over the 80 sq inch model even tho in reality they may be shanking each ball :-)

Muffin Man
09-18-2007, 03:17 AM
you can bet that the iracquet would have way better commercials than prince or babolat's showing on the tennis channel.

now....if apple made a stringing machine....i would wait on a very long line for that one.

ananda
09-18-2007, 03:58 AM
you can bet that the iracquet would have way better commercials than prince or babolat's showing on the tennis channel.

now....if apple made a stringing machine....i would wait on a very long line for that one.
commercials ... you mean like the "Hi, I am a PCRack!" "Hi, I am a MacRack" ones?

"Hey PCRack, why are you playing with the racket cover on? I thought you were supposed to take the cover off while playing?"
"Er no. i catch viruses very easily. I have to (sniffle) keep the cover on (blows nose)"

Kaptain Karl
09-18-2007, 04:38 AM
The iFrame would ...

... Cost twice as much as even the Bosworth

... Make the game immediately easier to play for all (except the overly "anal" types who'd snottily claim it couldn't possibly be better because THEY couldn't understand how it worked)

... Put thousands of Teaching Pros out of work -- because people could play the game well right "out of the box"

... Be the frame you borrowed from your friend whenever (some) stroke of yours was "off". You wouldn't know WHY, but it would immediatedly remove all obstacles and your timing and effectiveness with that stroke would be perfect. (And you'd still insist on playing with your POG / PS85 most of the time ... you're a "purist" after all....)

... Germinate hundreds of TT threads from the same purists as above, claiming it was ruining the game

... Cause "certain purists" to repeatedly claim learning the game with the iFrame ingrained bad habits; everyone should really use a PS85 to learn first ... switching to the iFrame only after they'd "paid their dues"

... Have strings that rarely broke and grips that rarely wore out, but even those who started playing the game just last month would be hitting amazing angles, with awesome spins and superlative power

- KK

origmarm
09-18-2007, 04:58 AM
The iStick would
- Get upgraded very 6-12months
- The first versions would have a grip that wore out but you couldn't replace. They would replace it for you for 1/3 the price of the stick
- You could only get your strings from apple or steal them, or make them from previous tennis racquets you own
- It would look really cool
- Shadows would play tennis with it
- Serena and Venus would issue a black and red version of it.
- It would also work for squash and racquetball in the later versions
- Everyone who had an Ipod would tell you that Apple had made the best everything for years anyway and you were just late.

tennisadict
09-18-2007, 07:48 AM
I just know one thing, if Apple made a tennis racket i already know its going to be overpriced just like the rest of there products. Also i highly doubt many pros would endorse an apple tennis racket because of the lack of hardware support.

truuuuuuuuuuuuuue

ananda
09-18-2007, 08:34 AM
"certain purists" - haha, love that.

but wait (origmarm), the Serena and Venus brothers! Then you don't know Steve Jobs. You have to be cool and decent looking to play with an iStick. If he finds out these 2 have a stick, or masha has one, or roddick has one, or Mauresmo, he'll find some way of having them relieved of it.
Ivanovich, Vaidisova, Kirilenko, Jankovic will certainly have one! Can't say about Safin.

ananda
09-18-2007, 08:41 AM
I just know one thing, if Apple made a tennis racket i already know its going to be overpriced just like the rest of there products. Also i highly doubt many pros would endorse an apple tennis racket because of the lack of hardware support.

i am sorry to disagree with you, bro. Mac provides very good hardware. And they do support 3rd party hardware too. perhaps you belong to MS camp where you can stick anything into your comp. that's one reason your comp crashes all the time. Supporting one million device drivers is a baaaad decision. anyway, back to the Apple iStick or iRod.

ananda
09-18-2007, 08:50 AM
The iFrame would ...
... Germinate hundreds of TT threads from the same purists as above, claiming it was ruining the game

... Cause "certain purists" to repeatedly claim learning the game with the iFrame ingrained bad habits; everyone should really use a PS85 to learn first ... switching to the iFrame only after they'd "paid their dues"

- KK

KK, i agree with all you said... BUT ...

MACs are geek machines too, not just gr8 UIs. You may know about the unix OS (Darwin) underlying OS X.

as i said yesterday, (acco to the Apple Insider), the iRod / iStick will certainly be running a slightly stripped version of OS X.
So PS85'***** and other purists will have no issues. They'll just use the command line equivalent which will make it work like a block of wood.

But what the "purists" will really love is the pluggable look and feel (PLAF): you can switch to the PS85 St Vincent look and feel by the press of a button, or the PC600 classic l&f, the Asian PS85, the Asian or american K95 etc etc. hope that clarifies matters.

Gorecki
09-18-2007, 09:04 AM
iSwing...
iServe...
iLob...

a whole new world of possibilities....

sureshs
09-18-2007, 10:06 AM
They will also bring out the iStick Nano for juniors. But it will be usable only with iBalls.

If Microsoft brings out a racquet, you would need to activate it thru their web site before using it. If a friend borrows your racquet, you will be sued. The racquet will not really belong to you - you just have a license from Microsoft to use it.

Eventually a Linux racquet will come out, but only 2 guys will know how to use it.

ananda
09-18-2007, 07:37 PM
They will also bring out the iStick Nano for juniors. But it will be usable only with iBalls.

If Microsoft brings out a racquet, you would need to activate it thru their web site before using it. If a friend borrows your racquet, you will be sued. The racquet will not really belong to you - you just have a license from Microsoft to use it.

Eventually a Linux racquet will come out, but only 2 guys will know how to use it.
MS: thats why i said, MS should not be allowed to make a rack!

Linux: LOL!!! Yes, one will be Richard Stallman, the other Linus Torvalds!
But wait, altho only 2 will be able to use it, but one million freetards will PRETEND they know how to use it. There'll be one hundred choices for everything and no one will know which one to start with.

ananda
09-18-2007, 07:47 PM
If Microsoft makes "Microsoft Racquet for Windows", every two games there will be a 4 minute timeout to reboot the rack. Instead of a medical timeout there will be software maintenance timeouts. And instead of calling trainers and doctors you will be calling the tech support guy in.

If Linux makes a racket, you will spend all your time boasting how many days you went without a reboot and how you compiled the whole racket yourself.

If Apple makes an iStick you'll just be pounding away on the court, impervious to all of the above.

Zets147
09-18-2007, 07:48 PM
http://i10.tinypic.com/641zqcl.jpg

lmao "one-handers onry"

ananda
09-18-2007, 11:35 PM
i have stevie over the phone right now. Quite upset about how we have underestimated their design genius.

He says the iStick won't have strings or iStrings etc. they have laser beams for strings. He's been spending sleepless nights about natural gut and the whole PETA thing. the software can change "string" tension and feel and spin using the touchscreen.

the pictures you guys have put up are fakes, he fumed, **** poor fakes, made by someone in Redmond, he thinks.

the iBalls wont be actual tennis balls like we have them. you just cant imagine them, he said. they will be GPS enabled, you'll only need ONE ! no losing tension or requiring new balls, no lost balls. they have a magnetic tracking so lost balls just come back. No ballboys. Just a gesture on the sexy touchscreen. yu can change the weight and feel and bounce of the balls from the software. the balls are basically forever.
but they can only be used with the iStick cos they aren't balls as you know them.

then he went back to the iStick pictures and revealed that it could be brushed aluminium unlike that sorry-assed Red and white thing someones put up. he confirmed it would run OSX (yeah, i got one thing right!).

He also mentioned in passing that the court lines would be special iLines connected to the system on the iStick, we've spoken with ATP about kicking out Hawkeye. Then there's also the iNet which we can't talk about yet. But it's all connected seamlessly. There will be absolutely no need for an umpire or lines-persons, and that means NO wrong line calls ever again.

he asked me to say thanks to all the guys on this gr8 forum for excellent ideas and said he'll be giving me one iStick for special review soon.

tennis_nerd22
09-19-2007, 12:07 PM
If apple made a racket it would make fun of a microsoft racket.

hahahaha i laughed out loud when i read that, cuz its probably true :D

Best Thread Ever!!!!! :)

definitely, this was a lottttt of laughs.

iLike ! ! ! this thread...

michael-uk
09-19-2007, 12:13 PM
Great pictures from Surfryder and jmverdugo - thanks guys.
I am persuaded - it would look like the white Vantage!
And guess what...I now feel that...I want one!

mucat
09-19-2007, 01:04 PM
OMG. this one was really over the edge.

...with the one button mouse sort of way of course...

ananda
09-19-2007, 08:11 PM
i had Steve Jobs on the line last night keeping me awake with updates. First called up to say that the umpire will be replaced by a mac mini connected to the iLines, iNet and iStick. Then he called up to say that the umpire will be required but only for the coin toss.

Then he woke me up to tell me that starting AO 2008 all GS's and ATP events will be using the iLines, iBalls and iNet, so all players will have to have the iRod (its named after Rod Laver, not the iPod). I said as long as you dont call it the iWilliams or something.