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View Full Version : What makes Someone a "Sellout"


richw76
10-12-2007, 09:01 AM
I recently moved from an Atlanta Suburb to a more "prestigious" younger area
ITP(inside the perimeter) which is closer to my wife's and my job. We moved into the area because it is much closer to work, all the places we go to, restaurants, better tennis closer, more childless professionals thus night life, etc, etc.

We went out to brunch and out of nowhere my wife says "are we sellouts?" We're black and moved from a relatively black area to a predominantly white area.

That's not why we moved but I wonder how others percieve our move. We are very happy in our new area, and we know we made the right decision.

I was just curious if other groups have the same ??guilt?? around things like this.

forzainter
10-12-2007, 09:28 AM
why would you be sellouts? What does it matter to you what others think of you (I personally dont think you are a sell out), you should do what you like, live where you like, you earned it didnt you?

KoreanHB
10-12-2007, 09:28 AM
Rich you can fix your wife's phone by following these steps. 1) Remove the battery, 2) Dry your phone, 3) Soak in Alcohol for at least 5 minutes, 4) Let your phone dry, and 5) Start using it again.
It should work fine after this.

PED
10-12-2007, 10:14 AM
Just curious but which suburb did you move from and which area do you move to. I've spent a lot of time in Atlanta and like it, but it sounds like you made the right move as you enjoy your new place. I've always said, if you're going to live in a big city, than really live IN the city and not some far flung suburb. The outer burb's of Atlanta like Duluth or any other could just as easily be anywhere in america: they all have the same shops and fast food places, so for you to move to a better area is likely smart. Atlanta is a great and unique city once you get ITP: if you're happy than it's the right move :)

tricky
10-12-2007, 10:39 AM
We went out to brunch and out of nowhere my wife says "are we sellouts?" We're black and moved from a relatively black area to a predominantly white area.

Goes with the notion that your identity is intrinsically tied to your community/group. When somebody is a "sell out", he has partially renounced his bond and responsiblity toward his/her group for the sake of personal gain. His success is therefore not shared with the group. It is part of the "us vs. them" rhetoric, which creates different identities through opposition, not conciliation.

PED
10-12-2007, 10:43 AM
Interesting point Tricky, there's a lot of truth to that. I always tell my son that HE is the one living his life not someone else, and if he likes something, than that's what's important: not what a group of outsiders thinks. I think you are correct that we often feel responsible to our tribe or group-even when we should not.

richw76
10-12-2007, 10:47 AM
Just curious but which suburb did you move from and which area do you move to. I've spent a lot of time in Atlanta and like it, but it sounds like you made the right move as you enjoy your new place. I've always said, if you're going to live in a big city, than really live IN the city and not some far flung suburb. The outer burb's of Atlanta like Duluth or any other could just as easily be anywhere in america: they all have the same shops and fast food places, so for you to move to a better area is likely smart. Atlanta is a great and unique city once you get ITP: if you're happy than it's the right move :)

We moved from Lithonia/Conyers Area (SE Atlanta) to Dunwoody. It was bad because we had no friends near us and we were always driving 45min-1hr to dunwoody,midtown,buckhead for dinner, clubs, bars etc. since there's not much outside of hot wings places and bars(I'm exagerating a little).

It's kind of funny because were I am now is technically still Dekalb county I believe but there are obviously ALOT more resources being focused over here.

I just thought it was funny that my wife even asked the question. It was obviously on her mind or she wouldn't have mentioned it.

I was wondering if say 1st generation U.S. born families, or other minorities, or not white guys too ;-) , ever feel a need to "Justify" moving to "nicer" areas.

If you live in one of those areas, in atlanta it would be dunwoody, buckhead, alpharetta. Do people assume you're gonna be snobby?

Personally I don't think so and most people could not care any less.

**and just a side note the reason we originally moved into the 'burbs was we thought we were having kids and the house was big and nice and the schools were good, with nice families and kids in the neighborhood.

PED
10-12-2007, 10:52 AM
Dunwoody is a great area, my uncle's been there for over 40 years. I think people will likely assume you are snobby. I was sitting at a traffic light in southeast charlotte the other day. I was coming from an appointment and i had a suit on and was driving a late model import car. the guy next to me in his pickup was staring at me while subtly flipping me off! I've never seen this guy before and had done nothing to him but he just assumed i was an ***** and wanted to let me know. He's probably right about me though :) JK I just shrugged it off and drove away. We all love to stereotype and I'm as guilty as the next guy or girl.

richw76
10-12-2007, 10:53 AM
Goes with the notion that your identity is intrinsically tied to your community/group. When somebody is a "sell out", he has partially renounced his bond and responsiblity toward his/her group for the sake of personal gain. His success is therefore not shared with the group. It is part of the "us vs. them" rhetoric, which creates different identities through opposition, not conciliation.

Yeah I guess that us vs them thing is it. Truth is the #1 reason we moved is my wifes commute went from 1.5 hours+ to 15 minutes. She was tired and cranky all the time because she spent 3 hours in traffic everyday. This week she's been a dream :-)

I was curious In the Black community there is diffinitely soem Us vs. Them Rhetoric soemtimes. Do other Communitoes put this type of baggage on each other?

richw76
10-12-2007, 10:55 AM
I think people will likely assume you are snobby. I was sitting at a traffic light in southeast charlotte the other day. I was coming from an appointment and i had a suit on and was driving a late model import car. the guy next to me in his pickup was staring at me while subtly flipping me off! I've never seen this guy before and had done nothing to him but he just assumed i was an ***** and wanted to let me know. He's probably right about me though :) JK I just shrugged it off and drove away. We all love to stereotype and I'm as guilty as the next guy or girl.

Yeah I understand. I'm 31 with a new corvette, and although my wife also has a nice car people treat me a little differently when I'm in the vette. I don't think I'm acting any differently though.

PED
10-12-2007, 10:59 AM
In the end, a lot of people want to hate. If you're doing well and they're not it makes them feel like crap but instead of getting stuck in and getting to work to change things, they'd rather do nothing and complain...human nature at it's finest.

Shahar26
10-12-2007, 11:07 AM
Yeah I understand. I'm 31 with a new corvette, and although my wife also has a nice car people treat me a little differently when I'm in the vette. I don't think I'm acting any differently though.

Ahhh, a vette, you failed to mention that before....

If before I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, now I'm sure you are a sell out :p

I'm just kidding though, taking care of yourself (I.E better job, car, location) has nothing to do with being a "sell out" IMO.

If lets say you'd stop hanging out with old friends, or stopped going to places you used to visit, just because you got a better job / promotion / won money etc, then I'd say you're a sell out.

LuckyR
10-12-2007, 11:12 AM
I recently moved from an Atlanta Suburb to a more "prestigious" younger area
ITP(inside the perimeter) which is closer to my wife's and my job. We moved into the area because it is much closer to work, all the places we go to, restaurants, better tennis closer, more childless professionals thus night life, etc, etc.

We went out to brunch and out of nowhere my wife says "are we sellouts?" We're black and moved from a relatively black area to a predominantly white area.

That's not why we moved but I wonder how others percieve our move. We are very happy in our new area, and we know we made the right decision.

I was just curious if other groups have the same ??guilt?? around things like this.

Interesting topic. A couple of thoughts: It is well appreciated that there is a subset of economically depressed folk who envy those of their own group who "make it", even more than the perceived Majority oppressor. The issue of regression to the mean as a way of fitting in if one stays in that group is commonly experienced, so many move away to avoid this. Of course you can't "move away" from your family and gatherings can generate tension in certain cases.

It is kind of funny how white males move up the ladder quite nicely and have no qualms helping others in that group do the same, but women and certain minorities have the reputation of being conflicted on the practice.

IMO noone has the "obligation" to live anywhere in particular, so in my way of looking at the Universe there is no such thing as "selling out" in the way your wife used the term. I do support helping your group though, all other things being equal.

richw76
10-12-2007, 11:31 AM
Ahhh, a vette, you failed to mention that before....

If before I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, now I'm sure you are a sell out :p

I'm just kidding though, taking care of yourself (I.E better job, car, location) has nothing to do with being a "sell out" IMO.

If lets say you'd stop hanging out with old friends, or stopped going to places you used to visit, just because you got a better job / promotion / won money etc, then I'd say you're a sell out.

Nope, same friends for 10 years ++ . Met them when I had a Subaru Justy and lived with my mom ;-)

richw76
10-12-2007, 11:56 AM
Interesting topic. A couple of thoughts: It is well appreciated that there is a subset of economically depressed folk who envy those of their own group who "make it", even more than the perceived Majority oppressor. The issue of regression to the mean as a way of fitting in if one stays in that group is commonly experienced, so many move away to avoid this. Of course you can't "move away" from your family and gatherings can generate tension in certain cases.

It is kind of funny how white males move up the ladder quite nicely and have no qualms helping others in that group do the same, but women and certain minorities have the reputation of being conflicted on the practice.

IMO noone has the "obligation" to live anywhere in particular, so in my way of looking at the Universe there is no such thing as "selling out" in the way your wife used the term. I do support helping your group though, all other things being equal.

Yeah it's funny you talked about helping people "move up the ladder". My wifes brothers are great nice guys but are kinda screw ups. Not major but they make bad choices sometimes. They both used to drive trucks and one does heavy machinery(forklifts, bulldozers, etc.)
I had a buddy that's a real estate developer but wanted to do something else too. We'll my brother in law had been working for this demolishen/salvage company and said he wanted to try it on his own because the company he was working for was getting all these unbidded contracts. Anyway my friend had all the money in place, and all my brother in law had to do was help to develop bids, and run the crew. He flaked out, wasn't returning calls etc. And my friend decided he didn't want to work with him.

I have other stories but yeah some people don't want to help themselves. I think because of were and how my wife grew up she feels it a little more than me.

And I'm doing ok but not Wall street good were I can buy my mom a house or something :-)

TennezSport
10-12-2007, 12:50 PM
"I'm the one who has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to" - Jimi Hendrix

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" - JC

Words to live by and that's all I have to say about that.

TennezSport :cool:

raiden031
10-12-2007, 02:14 PM
A sellout is someone that goes against their own beliefs or does something they wouldn't normally do for personal gain. Thats it.

As for your situation, this is America. I don't understand why you should feel obligated to live around people of your own race. If more people could live life without constantly thinking of race, then there would be alot less racial problems out there. I'm white and middle class, and I treat everyone the same. If you're an a-hole I will treat you accordingly, regardless of your race. If you're nice, then the same applies. I choose where I live for economic reasons and just make sure its safe and not alot of crime. I have no clue what the ratio of white to black is because its not as important as so many other things.

And for every 1 racist/sexist white male, I've probably met at least 5 sexist females and 5 racist non-whites.

LuckyR
10-12-2007, 03:33 PM
Yeah it's funny you talked about helping people "move up the ladder". My wifes brothers are great nice guys but are kinda screw ups. Not major but they make bad choices sometimes. They both used to drive trucks and one does heavy machinery(forklifts, bulldozers, etc.)
I had a buddy that's a real estate developer but wanted to do something else too. We'll my brother in law had been working for this demolishen/salvage company and said he wanted to try it on his own because the company he was working for was getting all these unbidded contracts. Anyway my friend had all the money in place, and all my brother in law had to do was help to develop bids, and run the crew. He flaked out, wasn't returning calls etc. And my friend decided he didn't want to work with him.

I have other stories but yeah some people don't want to help themselves. I think because of were and how my wife grew up she feels it a little more than me.

And I'm doing ok but not Wall street good were I can buy my mom a house or something :-)


I hear ya about your bro-in-law. You're thinking: "Damn! What is he doing?".

Folks reap what they sow, but the only reason it strikes you is because you care about the guy and you wish the best for him. Perhaps through time he will "get it".

It is true that it is easier to blame others than it is to get up early in the morning and get the job done.

TheShaun
10-12-2007, 06:50 PM
I recently moved from an Atlanta Suburb to a more "prestigious" younger area
ITP(inside the perimeter) which is closer to my wife's and my job. We moved into the area because it is much closer to work, all the places we go to, restaurants, better tennis closer, more childless professionals thus night life, etc, etc.

We went out to brunch and out of nowhere my wife says "are we sellouts?" We're black and moved from a relatively black area to a predominantly white area.

That's not why we moved but I wonder how others percieve our move. We are very happy in our new area, and we know we made the right decision.

I was just curious if other groups have the same ??guilt?? around things like this.

good news!!! you're not a sell out :)
bad news: you're a yuppy...

same thing happened to me. moved to an area of young professionals, no kids, nice restaurants and bars, everything costs too much... yup, i'm a yuppy too. for gods sake man, we even play tennis!!!!!! now tell me we're not yuppies :p

richw76
10-12-2007, 07:39 PM
good news!!! you're not a sell out :)
bad news: you're a yuppy...

same thing happened to me. moved to an area of young professionals, no kids, nice restaurants and bars, everything costs too much... yup, i'm a yuppy too. for gods sake man, we even play tennis!!!!!! now tell me we're not yuppies :p

LMAO, Worst part is I like it ;-)

TheShaun
10-12-2007, 08:46 PM
LMAO, Worst part is I like it ;-)

me too! makes me feel very modern.:D