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Serpententacle
10-25-2007, 11:53 AM
I need some help with my wife's play. She is 29. I got her to go hit with me late this summer, and we have been hitting every weekend since. She feels most comfortable hitting one-handed forehands and backhands and has been improving. Her racquet is a Wilson N-code N-1... so it's light as hell, and not hard to wield.

I noticed she has been choking up quite high on the handle. I asked her to TRY holding the racquet from lower on the handle (light most people do). She tried for maybe five minutes of play before saying she doesn't like it. I told her she needs to try it longer. I jokingly said the only people who choke up on racquets are 10 year olds. She got ****ed at me and wouln't hit with me any more that day... I appologized and told her I didn't care if she choked up or not, as long as we could bond by playing together. We went back the next day to hit, and after our session she said tennis wasn't fun for her anymore, becasue I take it too seriously. What?!!??!! :-(

My question is: Is it alright if she wants to continue playing by "choking up" on the handle? Should I continue to **** her off by asking her to change her grip or just let her be?

I want to keep hitting with her, b/c she looks so damn cute in her workout clothes, it's great exercise, and most of all—it's fun.

smoothtennis
10-25-2007, 11:58 AM
I need some help with my wife's play. She is 29. I got her to go hit with me late this summer, and we have been hitting every weekend since. She feels most comfortable hitting one-handed forehands and backhands and has been improving. Her racquet is a Wilson N-code N-1... so it's light as hell, and not hard to wield.

I noticed she has been choking up quite high on the handle. I asked her to TRY holding the racquet from lower on the handle (light most people do). She tried for maybe five minutes of play before saying she doesn't like it. I told her she needs to try it longer. I jokingly said the only people who choke up on racquets are 10 year olds. She got ****ed at me and wouln't hit with me any more that day... I appologized and told her I didn't care if she choked up or not, as long as we could bond by playing together. We went back the next day to hit, and after our session she said tennis wasn't fun for her anymore, becasue I take it too seriously. What?!!??!! :-(

My question is: Is it alright if she wants to continue playing by "choking up" on the handle? Should I continue to **** her off by asking her to change her grip or just let her be?

I want to keep hitting with her, b/c she looks so damn cute in her workout clothes, it's great exercise, and most of all—it's fun.

From 11 years tennis experience, and 20 yrs marriage...tennis 'instruction' from spouse to spouse is a doomed activity, LOL!!! I mean it.

It's just your wife man...consider the main goal. As long as you get her out there, hitting balls, and not getting ****ed at YOU, then you are doing GREAT!

Venetian
10-25-2007, 12:13 PM
I'm just happy when my wife comes out and let's me hit a few monster forehands off her floaters. I learned pretty quickly that she wasn't really interested in getting any better, so I just have fun and crack winners at her every so often.

Shahar26
10-25-2007, 12:13 PM
From 11 years tennis experience, and 20 yrs marriage...tennis 'instruction' from spouse to spouse is a doomed activity, LOL!!! I mean it.

It's just your wife man...consider the main goal. As long as you get her out there, hitting balls, and not getting ****ed at YOU, then you are doing GREAT!

That pretty much sums it up....

You may wanna give her a "gift" of a few lessons with a pro, that will probably make her feel more confident and she'll probably take the advice that's NOT coming from you.... (even if it's things you told her before)

Good luck.

volusiano
10-25-2007, 12:56 PM
You may wanna give her a "gift" of a few lessons with a pro, that will probably make her feel more confident and she'll probably take the advice that's NOT coming from you.... (even if it's things you told her before)

Good luck.

That's a good idea, but it may not even have to come to that. Just let her have fun doing it, even the wrong way. You should focus on HER motivations of why she wants to do it, and not YOUR motivations of why YOU want her to do it.

If you get her to play often enough, she may get hooked a little bit at a time, and eventually may want to improve. Wait for her to come to you and ask for help. Then, you can slowly start teaching her the basics (don't dump it on her like a fire hose), or if it doesn't work out, offer to buy lessons for her from the pros.

But offering to buy her lessons now at this point would just reinforces her perception that you're taking it too seriously.

I've been trying to get my wife, my daughter and my son to play tennis with me over the last year and I learned that they all have different motivations for playing. So I realized that either I let them do it at their own pace, or they just would'nt want to do it anymore.

Being on the court with them teaches me a lot about being patient with my family. I hope to learn from it and apply some of that at home, too.

LuckyR
10-25-2007, 01:09 PM
BTW also don't teach her to drive or to ski...

kevhen
10-25-2007, 01:28 PM
Oh no, your marriage is over now that you have decided to play tennis with her. Don't give her advice unless she first asks for it. Right now she doesn't want to play so give her some time off since you agitated her last time by telling her she plays like a 10 year old.

ClayisFun
10-25-2007, 02:37 PM
Oh no, your marriage is over now that you have decided to play tennis with her. Don't give her advice unless she first asks for it. Right now she doesn't want to play so give her some time off since you agitated her last time by telling her she plays like a 10 year old.

This is definitely true. My wife HATES, absolutely HATES it when I try to give her advise. I got as far as having her hit with two hands on both sides and stopped.

I just don't expect to play serious tennis with her. Have fun and give her lots of compliments on how good she looks in her workout gear... it's better in the end. (plus you might be able to get a new racquet out of it if you are nice enough. I did.:grin: )

Shahar26
10-25-2007, 02:41 PM
BTW also don't teach her to drive or to ski...

or rollerblade....

Serpententacle
10-26-2007, 07:45 AM
I'm just happy when my wife comes out and let's me hit a few monster forehands off her floaters. I learned pretty quickly that she wasn't really interested in getting any better, so I just have fun and crack winners at her every so often.

I laughed for five minutes at your post. Thanks. She does hit floaters, but I get too lusty for the open court, that I end up having trouble with them. I hit better with someone who hits as hard as I like to hit.

Thank you everyone for your wisdoms. I agree with just being patient, let her go her own pace, and hope that over time she will ask for my help. Until then, I'll just have some fun.

smoothtennis
10-26-2007, 08:10 AM
BTW also don't teach her to drive or to ski...


LMAO!!!!!!! I spit up my breakfast reading that!

LuckyR
10-26-2007, 08:12 AM
LMAO!!!!!!! I spit up my breakfast reading that!

Just passing along the wisdom of the ages...

harleywilson
10-26-2007, 08:25 AM
Yeah I once made the mistake of actually telling my wife what I thought of her match. (After being browbeat for hours) Never again. We play mixed together "wince" and I've learned that it is always my fault at all times. Advice is to get her some lessons from anyone but you or don't worry about it. My wife is so damn competitive that she really tries to play with me. As soon as things go south she starts complaining about my B.O. although we're playing outdoors and I'm not even working up a sweat.

chess9
10-26-2007, 09:34 AM
I tried for years to get my wife interested in sports-ANY SPORT. LOL! You should be in my age group. 90% of the women over 50 think sports aren't for them.

Anyway, good luck with all of that. My guess is that you guys are pretty young and haven't been married long.

-Robert

desilvam
10-26-2007, 09:34 AM
Yeah I once made the mistake of actually telling my wife what I thought of her match. (After being browbeat for hours) Never again. We play mixed together "wince" and I've learned that it is always my fault at all times. Advice is to get her some lessons from anyone but you or don't worry about it. My wife is so damn competitive that she really tries to play with me. As soon as things go south she starts complaining about my B.O. although we're playing outdoors and I'm not even working up a sweat.

:D :D :D :D

Rules I have learned from this thread:
1) Never play mixed doubles with your wife, either as your partner or opponent
2) Never try to coach your wife
3) Never play tennis with your wife. PERIOD

LuckyR
10-26-2007, 09:38 AM
:D :D :D :D

Rules I have learned from this thread:
1) Never play mixed doubles with your wife, either as your partner or opponent
2) Never try to coach your wife
3) Never play tennis with your wife. PERIOD

You, my friend, are destined for a wonderful married life...

harleywilson
10-26-2007, 12:22 PM
You, my friend, are destined for a wonderful married life...

I don't know about that. If your wife senses that you don't want to play with her she'll start complaining that you never want to do anything with her. Believe me there is no way around it. Just remember it's always your fault and you'll survive.

LuckyR
10-26-2007, 01:55 PM
I don't know about that. If your wife senses that you don't want to play with her she'll start complaining that you never want to do anything with her. Believe me there is no way around it. Just remember it's always your fault and you'll survive.

Good points...

tbini87
10-26-2007, 03:02 PM
if you want to keep playing with her, let her choke up. until she gets better it won't really matter. and don't try to coach her too much, unless she wants it. i have the same problem! haha. if she is doing you a favor in the first place by playing, she prob doesn't want to hear constant coaching and you pointing out her weaknesses. one way you could help her out is by watching some women's tennis and talking about their technique. but in the end just have fun with her. if you need more competition start hitting with some guys at a different time!

volusiano
10-31-2007, 12:14 AM
Rules I have learned from this thread:
1) Never play mixed doubles with your wife, either as your partner or opponent
2) Never try to coach your wife
3) Never play tennis with your wife. PERIOD

I'm not sure about rule #3. I play tennis with my wife right now and have a lot of fun doing it. She's eager to learn so I'm happy to help her with the techniques. Because I really want her join me in my favorite sport, I try to teach myself to be patient with her. I'm surprised at how much more patient I am with her on the court compared to other stuff at home. But only because I care about tennis more than the other stuff.:D

brtennis
10-31-2007, 02:33 PM
Okay, everyone seem agree on the "wife" part.

Now, how about son or daughter? Is the same principle applied?

burosky
11-01-2007, 01:18 PM
In the words of the late Nipsey Russell:

"If you don't tell a girl she is beautiful, she will think that your love is untrue. But, if you tell her she's lovely, delightful and smart, she will think she's too darn good for you".

Kidding aside, the post about motiviation is very true. I am one of those lucky ones who can partner with my wife not just in a social match but actual league and tournament play. I taught her how to play but it was certainly a gradual process. I didn't teach her right away. I waited until she really wanted to learn.

Initially, I just hit with her. I then introduced her to other ladies. Shortly after, I convinced her to join a tournament. After the tournament, I got her to join a league. It didn't take long after that for her to get bit by the tennis bug. Once that happened, she asked to be taught and just absorbed anything I taught her. She has been playing 4.0s for a couple of years now. Not bad considering she's only played for a little over 6 years. Her 3.5 women's adult team even won the nationals in 2005! I apologize if I sound like that guy who always says "watch my daughter Calindy". You guys know what I'm talking about.

She continues to "listen" because she wants to progress to the highest rating she can attain. The drawback? Now, she wants to be on the court so much more than I do. I used to be the one dragging her to the courts. The roles are now reversed. Not so bad though because it has had a huge positive impact on our relationship.

To the OP, just let her go at it at her own pace. You may "steer" her in a certain direction but don't push it. If she wants to, she will.

burosky
11-01-2007, 01:20 PM
Okay, everyone seem agree on the "wife" part.

Now, how about son or daughter? Is the same principle applied?

Pretty much the same principle. Wife, son or daughter. All the same - human.

Bundey
11-01-2007, 04:35 PM
Pretty much the same principle. Wife, son or daughter. All the same - human.

I disagree. My dad pointed out all my flaws from day one. (I'm a son) I have never had a problem with it, and 2 years later I doubt I ever will. I don't know if a daughter would handle it as well, but I think it is cool to have my dad as my coach, even though I get ****ed at him sometimes.

volusiano
11-01-2007, 06:15 PM
I disagree. My dad pointed out all my flaws from day one. (I'm a son) I have never had a problem with it, and 2 years later I doubt I ever will. I don't know if a daughter would handle it as well, but I think it is cool to have my dad as my coach, even though I get ****ed at him sometimes.

I don't think there's a conflict of opinion here actually. Burosky is still correct that the same principle applies to wife, son or daughter. If they want to learn and ask for it, teach them. But if they don't take up on your offer, just let them be.

You're the best case scenario of somebody who wants to learn from day 1 and don't mind the coaching. So your dad taught you. But if you didn't want advice from your dad, you wouldn't have learned no matter how much he gave.

My son is not very interested in tennis like I am, by the way. He would play only when there's nothing else for him to do. So in that case, I leave him alone and don't get pushy on him.

Bundey
11-02-2007, 10:38 AM
I don't think there's a conflict of opinion here actually. Burosky is still correct that the same principle applies to wife, son or daughter. If they want to learn and ask for it, teach them. But if they don't take up on your offer, just let them be.

You're the best case scenario of somebody who wants to learn from day 1 and don't mind the coaching. So your dad taught you. But if you didn't want advice from your dad, you wouldn't have learned no matter how much he gave.

My son is not very interested in tennis like I am, by the way. He would play only when there's nothing else for him to do. So in that case, I leave him alone and don't get pushy on him.

Okay you are right. I didn't really think of that. :grin:

Sorry.

autumn_leaf
11-02-2007, 01:37 PM
as the song goes "girls just wanna have fun". i believe like what most people said already on this board, never give advice where it's not wanted.

i think we need a stickie on this thread and add "warning to spouse, bf, or any guy" to the title.