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peter
12-02-2004, 03:37 AM
There are plenty (not to say an abundant amount) of funny golfer stories/jokes around. But I can't really think of any similar tennis stories/jokes... Anyone? Are tennis players so boring in comparision to golfers or what might be the cause of this?

Add your best funny tennis stories/jokes to this thread!

Peter Samprer
12-02-2004, 09:01 AM
here ya go! corny or not, i don't care. i contribute! lol!!!

:lol:

While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that ?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh," said the girl sympathetically, "that must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."

==

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Tennis!
Tennis who?
Tennis five plus five!

==

Did they play tennis in ancient Egypt?
Yes, the bible tells how Joseph served in Pharaoh's court!

==

To err is human. To put the blame on someone else is doubles.

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What did one tennis ball say to the other tennis ball?
See you round.

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A tennis player went to the doctor because he heard music whenever he played. The physician cured him by removing his head band.

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You should never marry a tennis player, because to them love means nothing.

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What is the definition of endless love?
Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.

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What's a horse's favorite sport? Stable Tennis.

==


Where do ghosts play tennis?
On a tennis corpse!

==


A guy has a bad case of tennis elbow so he makes an appointment with his regular doctor for an exam. The receptionist takes the appointment, never asks what it's for, but says he should be ready to give a urine sample when he comes. He thinks this is rather odd, but, when he shows up for the appointment, he nonetheless gives the sample. When the doctor finally comes in, he says "Well, so how long have you had the tennis elbow?"
The man is now fascinated, since he told no one that this was his problem, and here they have diagnosed it only with a urine sample! The doctor explains that they have a new diagnosis computer that uses a urine sample and can tell them everything they need to know about the patient. The doctor prescribes treatment for the tennis elbow and asks the man to return in a few weeks.

The day before his return appointment, he gets a call from the office, the receptionist reminds him of the time, and "be sure to be ready to give a urine sample". Well, he decides to have a little fun this time and see what this machine is made of. Before he goes in, he collects in a small jar a few things around the house. First, he takes a few drops of oil out of his car engine. Then he grabs some dog poop off the lawn. Finally, he manually collects a semen sample into the jar.

He takes these along in the jar to the appointment, and adds them to his urine sample. When the doctor finally walks in, he says "Hi Doc, what does your wonder machine say today?"

"Well, " says the doctor, " it says that your car needs an oil change, your dog has worms, and if you don't stop abusing yourself, that tennis elbow will never go away!"

raftermania
12-02-2004, 10:47 AM
heheh, those are great thx PS!

that knock knock joke deserves a nobel prize!

atatu
12-02-2004, 05:16 PM
I just made this one up: A zookeeper who playes tennis is having problems deciding on a racket. His boss tells him to get the dolly and move the animals to different cages. So he get the Lion and moves it to another cage and the whole time he's saying to himself "What frame should I use ?' Then he gets the Tiger and moves him to another cage and he's muttering "Tweener or players frame ?" Then he gets the Llama and as he's moving the Llama he's saying "Thick beam or thin beam ?" Suddenly the Llama speaks up and says "Just use the Prince Original Graphite Oversize, it's the best damn frame ever made." Needless to say the zookeeper is shocked that the Llama can talk, but he orders a POG from TW and all his problems are solved. MORAL: IF YOU SEEK ENLIGHTENMENT, ASK THE DOLLIED LLAMA.

raftermania
12-02-2004, 09:25 PM
seems a bit biased :P

Peter Samprer
12-03-2004, 07:16 AM
I just made this one up: A zookeeper who playes tennis is having problems deciding on a racket. His boss tells him to get the dolly and move the animals to different cages. So he get the Lion and moves it to another cage and the whole time he's saying to himself "What frame should I use ?' Then he gets the Tiger and moves him to another cage and he's muttering "Tweener or players frame ?" Then he gets the Llama and as he's moving the Llama he's saying "Thick beam or thin beam ?" Suddenly the Llama speaks up and says "Just use the Prince Original Graphite Oversize, it's the best damn frame ever made." Needless to say the zookeeper is shocked that the Llama can talk, but he orders a POG from TW and all his problems are solved. MORAL: IF YOU SEEK ENLIGHTENMENT, ASK THE DOLLIED LLAMA.

http://www.clublakers.com/forums/images/smiles/toilet3.gif

K!ck5w3rvE
12-04-2004, 12:14 AM
How about this joke...Mardy Fish...

K!ck5w3rvE
12-04-2004, 12:15 AM
Brad Gilbert picked up his laptop and logged onto www.ask.com, the site where you can find the answer to almost any question at all. He entered "How many great tennis coaches have there been?" Only to be frustrated by reading the response of "1 less than you think".

K!ck5w3rvE
12-04-2004, 12:15 AM
Q. What do u call the girl lyting across the middle of a tennis court?
A. Annette

K!ck5w3rvE
12-04-2004, 12:15 AM
2 friends just finsihed 2 sets of tennis, and as they were walking off the court, one said "I've been taking lessons. So far its cost me nearly $1000. "Oh" said the other. "You should call my brother." "Is he a tennis coach?" asked the first. "No" replied the other. " He's a lawyer and he'll get you your money back."

K!ck5w3rvE
12-04-2004, 12:16 AM
At the veterans tennis tournament, both players teeth fell out. The score was one set all.

K!ck5w3rvE
12-04-2004, 12:16 AM
Tennis is the only social occasion where you pray for bad service.

K!ck5w3rvE
12-04-2004, 12:16 AM
Two cows were watching the 2004 Wimbledon final through the window of the farmers house on TV. One (who was a big Federer fan) turned to the other and asked him who he was supporting. He said "Roddick". "Why on earth would you go for Roddick?"....."I've got a brother in that racquet" came the reply.....

K!ck5w3rvE
12-04-2004, 12:17 AM
"Why dont you play tennis with Jim anymore?" "Would you play tennis with someone who cheats on every call?" "No of course not!"....."Well neither will Jim".