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View Full Version : I don't know when to stop talking.....Help!~


Ballinbob
12-26-2008, 07:13 PM
Thread closed. Oh and btw, you can be assured you wont be seeing these threads from me anymore

Hot Sauce
12-26-2008, 07:20 PM
Look for signs that the other person is losing interest.

Ballinbob
12-26-2008, 07:22 PM
yeah I guess.... Maybe its that simple.... I don't know I guess I just got to triple check everything I send to make sure its not awkward/unnecessary..

RestockingTues
12-26-2008, 07:38 PM
It's not THAT bad if you can't stop talking... Consider the other extreme, one of my friends is so antisocial he won't even play MMORPGs.

Ballinbob
12-26-2008, 07:48 PM
It's not THAT bad if you can't stop talking... Consider the other extreme, one of my friends is so antisocial he won't even play MMORPGs.

Wow that's....crazy. Luckily I'm not too extreme with the talking, but I'm worried I'll get there. And MMORPG's are games like world of warcraft and stuff right? what's so bad about those, you don't actually talk do you? just chatting right?

that actually made me feel better though, I never thought of the opposite situation :)

Mansewerz
12-26-2008, 07:51 PM
Well, I don't think it's that bad to talk about random stuff. I do it all the time. It's just part of my personality. But yea, i'd say with some stuff, just make your point, and then go onto a new subject unless the other person has something to say.

RestockingTues
12-26-2008, 07:56 PM
Have you ever watched the Office? Seems like you'd be a good match for Kelly :)
Don't even worry about it though, it's just a perk of your personality. Some girls like that actually; if you talk a lot the ladies can have a fun conversation without working too hard.

Ballinbob
12-26-2008, 08:03 PM
Have you ever watched the Office? Seems like you'd be a good match for Kelly :)
Don't even worry about it though, it's just a perk of your personality. Some girls like that actually; if you talk a lot the ladies can have a fun conversation without working too hard.

Lol I love that show! Yeah dude I would definitely give Kelly a run for his money :)

I only talk alot to guys. Still working on polishing my girl-talking skills:) What I did though was with that dancing text I talked about, I sent the text to this girl I know and one of my best friends. However I "phrased" the text like I was talking to a guy if you know what I mean. It was kinda like an experiment to see how she would respond. My guy friend thought it was hilarious and we ended up talking about it for a bit but my friend whos a girl responded with "wow thats cool". Lol she wasn't impressed

Ballinbob
12-26-2008, 08:05 PM
anyway, so basically you guys think I'm overthinking this? Maybe its just part of my personality and not really an attention getting thing? Or maybe both.... I have no clue. Sometimes I end up being really funny when I talk alot and other times not. I guess it backfires though sometimes for ppl who talk alot

El Diablo
12-26-2008, 08:10 PM
Take the Adderal.

mikeler
12-26-2008, 08:14 PM
Bob,

I'm not an expert in parent/child relationships, but many teens have trouble getting along with their parents. It is an awkward age because you are seeking independence but you are still not an adult yet.

When you talk with people, if their eyes start to drift, they are no longer paying attention. Try your best to do one thing...LISTEN. Then ask questions about what you've heard. This is a true conversation. When you do this, the person will likely be more interested in you because they sense that you care about what they have to say.

tennisguyak
12-26-2008, 08:19 PM
Alright..... I got a big problem with not knowing when to stop talking. I'm just referring to talking with friends not like a business interview. Just casual talk that means nothing. I don't even know why I do this to be honest. Like when I text i'll bring up a good topic to talk about and then get carried away and just won't stop talking. And the thing I don't realize I'm going overboard until its too late because the conversation will be going fine and then I say that 1 thing that really is unnecessary and my friend just wont respond. That's when I realize"crap, why the hell did I even say that..?". It's really getting embarrassing and I didn't talk to any of my friends for like 2 days because I was sick of myself. Then today my friend texts me and I do the same thing again....ugh! I also have the tendency to want to talk to people about things that really just aren't.....necessary (only thing I could think off). For example awhile back I was just feeling dumb so I descided to get up and dance to some random song. Anyway, I actually ended up telling my friend about this over text for some reason and it was um, an awkward conversation lol. I always feel so dumb after alot of conversations with my friends. Sometimes I'm fine and I don't go overboard with the talking, but its gradually getting worse.

Basically when I analyzed this, I realized that I need attention and am doing this stuff for attention. It makes sense because I never talk to my parents because I don't really like them.

Anyway, some questions:

1. General rules to know when to shut up
2. General rules to know when to text and if what your talking about is neccessary....
3. What is the best thing I can do? I don't get attention from my parents and I don't want to seem like an attention freak with my friends.
4. Just do double check, from what I posted, it seems like im not getting enough attention right?
5. What would you do in my situation?

All advice is welcome! Thanks guys so much! you guys are pretty much my last hope because I can't really ask for this type of advice from any of my friends lol

oh and im 15 if you guys dont know

I do the same thing sometimes but here's a good trick:

When you're texting somebody, instead of sending the message right away save it as a draft and reread it.

Then think "Now would I want the hottest girl in school reading this?" or something like "What if I accidentally sent that to somebody with a mouth even bigger than mine and they started telling everyone about it?" or maybe even "What if my favorite teacher at school (if you have one) got a hold of this message?"

And if you begin to question your word choice upon evaluating your message then you probably don't want to say that.

Hope that helps:)

Ballinbob
12-26-2008, 08:20 PM
Bob,

I'm not an expert in parent/child relationships, but many teens have trouble getting along with their parents. It is an awkward age because you are seeking independence but you are still not an adult yet.

When you talk with people, if their eyes start to drift, they are no longer paying attention. Try your best to do one thing...LISTEN. Then ask questions about what you've heard. This is a true conversation. When you do this, the person will likely be more interested in you because they sense that you care about what they have to say.

Thanks:) I'm trying my best with my parents... My mom hasn't talked to me for over a week because she thinks im doing drugs and my dad is just there. He talks to me and tries to understand me. Thing is I don't even understand myself so that doesn't make it any easier for any of us.

And yeah I'll keep that in mind for both talking 1 on 1 with people and with texting. I definitely start talking about myself too much sometimes.

Thanks, I'll try and do that more for sure

RoddickAce
12-26-2008, 08:22 PM
When your friend gives you single-worded replies like..."lolz...." or "haha", then that means they're getting bored.

mikeler
12-26-2008, 08:23 PM
You have analysis paralysis! Women like men who can express their feelings in a nice way. Don't say "Nice rack" to a girl, but if you think a girl looks nice say "You look great tonight" or "I really like that perfume". Women spend a lot of time trying to look good for us, so compliments to them rarely get you in trouble. On a side note, never answer the question "Do I look fat?". That is a woman with PMS who will start a fight no matter what the answer!

How is the vacation in Cali?

Ballinbob
12-26-2008, 08:25 PM
I do the same thing sometimes but here's a good trick:

When you're texting somebody, instead of sending the message right away save it as a draft and reread it.

Then think "Now would I want the hottest girl in school reading this?" or something like "What if I accidentally sent that to somebody with a mouth even bigger than mine and they started telling everyone about it?" or maybe even "What if my favorite teacher at school (if you have one) got a hold of this message?"

And if you begin to question your word choice upon evaluating your message then you probably don't want to say that.

Hope that helps:)

Haha I like it thats great actually! I like the hottest girl at school one, that'll definitely work for me! I'll get back to you once I try this, I really liked it. I will undoubtedly question my wording alot of times trying this lol. Its hard to get it right on the first try, this will help alot I bet.

And Roddick Ace, yeah im learning that the hard way lol:)

mikeler
12-26-2008, 08:26 PM
Always reread what you send two or three times. That is a good suggestion. Sometimes I type something on first pass that accidentally says the opposite of what I mean. We all make mistakes.

What can you do to prove to your Mom you don't do drugs? Or do you? If so, get off them now, they'll ruin your life.

Ballinbob
12-26-2008, 08:34 PM
You have analysis paralysis! Women like men who can express their feelings in a nice way. Don't say "Nice rack" to a girl, but if you think a girl looks nice say "You look great tonight" or "I really like that perfume". Women spend a lot of time trying to look good for us, so compliments to them rarely get you in trouble. On a side note, never answer the question "Do I look fat?". That is a woman with PMS who will start a fight no matter what the answer!

How is the vacation in Cali?

Yeah I agree I do have analysis paralysis. I'm working on it though....just give me some time. I'll be making another thread when I find a girl I'm interested in and I'm going to compare how I acted before and how I acted after to see if I improved. It will be different next time, I'm going to be myself this time and hopefully it will be ok. Watch out for that thread in the future. And yeah, with the girl I liked in the other thread, she wore glasses for one day and I complemented her for them and said they were nice. She loved it, I was surprised... I honestly just liked her glasses but she seemed really pleased.

I got back from Cali last night. Really the best part of the trip was the amazing weather there. Cali's weather beats Denver anytime. What a trip home though lol, was crazy. The san diego airport was having trouble and our flight to Colorado got canceled. So we ended up going to San Francisco, waiting 2 hrs for the next flight, and then going to Denver. The flight takes like 45 mins longer than it should because the airport wouldn't give the pilot clearance to land at the airport so we just hovered around for that time. My dad is ****ed by this point because we shoulda arrived home like 4hrs ago. So we get to our car and it wont start lol, omg you shoulda seen my dad! Anyway, we ended up waiting an hour for someone to give us a boost and payed the guy like $30 to do it.... We got home alright though. Boy was my dad mad..

edit- I don't do drugs..... I got tested and searcher and all that jazz and Im clean. My dad believes me, not my mom. I don't know, Ill work on it. No way I can do drugs and run track/play tennis. I don't think thats possible

mikeler
12-26-2008, 08:40 PM
Sorry to hear about the stressful trip home. Do you ever sit down with your Mom and talk? Just wondering why there is a disconnect. Again, I'm not an expert in this subject. I've been very fortunate that all my family relationships have been good so far in my life. You have a good heart Bob, these next few years might be a little tough, but you are on the right track my man.

Ballinbob
12-26-2008, 08:51 PM
Sorry to hear about the stressful trip home. Do you ever sit down with your Mom and talk? Just wondering why there is a disconnect. Again, I'm not an expert in this subject. I've been very fortunate that all my family relationships have been good so far in my life. You have a good heart Bob, these next few years might be a little tough, but you are on the right track my man.

Thanks:)

I'll tell you the whole deal with my parents tomorrow. I'm tierd and don't really feel like typing an essay right now. Its a long story...

Check back here tomorrow and I'll have it posted by then

Mansewerz
12-26-2008, 08:59 PM
anyway, so basically you guys think I'm overthinking this? Maybe its just part of my personality and not really an attention getting thing? Or maybe both.... I have no clue. Sometimes I end up being really funny when I talk alot and other times not. I guess it backfires though sometimes for ppl who talk alot

i can talk a lot too, and sometimes I have the epic fail moment where my jokes backfire. But just wait for another opportunity :D

GeorgeLucas
12-26-2008, 10:12 PM
Alright..... I got a big problem with not knowing when to stop talking. I'm just referring to talking with friends not like a business interview. Just casual talk that means nothing. I don't even know why I do this to be honest. Like when I text i'll bring up a good topic to talk about and then get carried away and just won't stop talking. And the thing I don't realize I'm going overboard until its too late because the conversation will be going fine and then I say that 1 thing that really is unnecessary and my friend just wont respond. That's when I realize"crap, why the hell did I even say that..?". It's really getting embarrassing and I didn't talk to any of my friends for like 2 days because I was sick of myself. Then today my friend texts me and I do the same thing again....ugh! I also have the tendency to want to talk to people about things that really just aren't.....necessary (only thing I could think off). For example awhile back I was just feeling dumb so I descided to get up and dance to some random song. Anyway, I actually ended up telling my friend about this over text for some reason and it was um, an awkward conversation lol. I always feel so dumb after alot of conversations with my friends. Sometimes I'm fine and I don't go overboard with the talking, but its gradually getting worse.

Basically when I analyzed this, I realized that I need attention and am doing this stuff for attention. It makes sense because I never talk to my parents because I don't really like them.

Anyway, some questions:

1. General rules to know when to shut up
2. General rules to know when to text and if what your talking about is neccessary....
3. What is the best thing I can do? I don't get attention from my parents and I don't want to seem like an attention freak with my friends.
4. Just do double check, from what I posted, it seems like im not getting enough attention right?
5. What would you do in my situation?

All advice is welcome! Thanks guys so much! you guys are pretty much my last hope because I can't really ask for this type of advice from any of my friends lol

oh and im 15 if you guys dont know

I can see how this is a problem: looky here you already wrote an essay for us! This problem of yours might actually be a nonproblem, heh heh. I nor anyone cares if someone talks as long as they are interesting. Maybe youre the guy who has the crowd of people gathered around him at lunch while he relays in vivid detail the previous nights adventure.

On the other hand though if youre talking about your pet cats all the time then you really ought to shut up and re assess your conversation skills.

Leublu tennis
12-27-2008, 02:37 AM
This may sound trite but, part of a solution is being able to identify the problem. You have done that. Keep the faith. The problem might eventually just go away. Could be a phase of your life. Don't give up trying, though. And good luck. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

albino smurf
12-27-2008, 05:11 AM
Small talk is for small intellects. If you don't have something interesting to contribute to a convo then wait until you do or just listen and keep your mouth shut. Nobody likes a rambler.

Ballinbob
12-27-2008, 08:41 AM
i can talk a lot too, and sometimes I have the epic fail moment where my jokes backfire. But just wait for another opportunity :D

Yeah lol, I see what you mean. You want this to be kinda like tennis haha, you want more winners than unforced errors=more good jokes than bad ones :)

I can see how this is a problem: looky here you already wrote an essay for us! This problem of yours might actually be a nonproblem, heh heh. I nor anyone cares if someone talks as long as they are interesting. Maybe youre the guy who has the crowd of people gathered around him at lunch while he relays in vivid detail the previous nights adventure.

On the other hand though if youre talking about your pet cats all the time then you really ought to shut up and re assess your conversation skills.

Haha no I usually talk about interesting stuff, except I have trouble knowing when the topic gets old and then I say that 1 stupid thing that backfires. I do talk about my "pet cats" sometimes though, and its really sad that I do. This is when I get lazy and don't even bother trying to think of a good topic to talk about.

This may sound trite but, part of a solution is being able to identify the problem. You have done that. Keep the faith. The problem might eventually just go away. Could be a phase of your life. Don't give up trying, though. And good luck. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

Nah its ok. If it was an easy problem to fix I would have done it myself. I posted this thread for some tips and tricks thats all. Will definitley keep trying

Small talk is for small intellects. If you don't have something interesting to contribute to a convo then wait until you do or just listen and keep your mouth shut. Nobody likes a rambler.

Yeah agreed. I can usually think of a good topic to talk about but have trouble stopping. That's when I look like a rambler and thats where I get embarrassed. Either way though Im going to spend more time listening than talking for now, I don't need to talk as much as I do...

Ballinbob
12-27-2008, 09:14 AM
double post

Breaker
12-27-2008, 09:14 AM
Simple, make timely exits. No matter what the situation is if you make someone laugh or make a good comment get the hell out of there. This makes everyone think you are the funniest person on the planet and social king. If it worked for George Costanza it can work for you.

You can thank me later.

brad1730
12-27-2008, 09:27 AM
Bob - I have a friend who's great at listening. He remembers what I say, and asks me later how it went. Try to remember each conversation, and refer back to what people said later. I think you're on a great path. There aren't too many people who question their own behavior at any age. I read "How to win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, and it helped me to become a better friend. I wish you the best luck with your friends and your family. - Brad

Ballinbob
12-27-2008, 10:42 AM
Simple, make timely exits. No matter what the situation is if you make someone laugh or make a good comment get the hell out of there. This makes everyone think you are the funniest person on the planet and social king. If it worked for George Costanza it can work for you.

You can thank me later.

Haha yeah I need to do this more often. I often do this when I'm busy so I just say something funny and leave. I need to be busy more often lol:)

Bob - I have a friend who's great at listening. He remembers what I say, and asks me later how it went. Try to remember each conversation, and refer back to what people said later. I think you're on a great path. There aren't too many people who question their own behavior at any age. I read "How to win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie, and it helped me to become a better friend. I wish you the best luck with your friends and your family. - Brad

Thanks. I question my own behavior alot lol, believe me its not good when you go overboard. Just like mikeler said, I have analysis paralysis. Sometimes its good, other times it just gets you stressed out...for no reason. I'm trying to get over it though :mad:

stormholloway
12-27-2008, 11:00 AM
In all sincerity, I think this is one of the dumbest threads I've ever seen in my life.

Ballinbob
12-27-2008, 01:12 PM
In all sincerity, I think this is one of the dumbest threads I've ever seen in my life.

Lol well at least I'll be remembered for something around here:)

I agree with you though, it is pretty dumb. That's just how I am though, over thinking everything and so I felt the need to post this.

And um, what were you expecting from a 15 year old teenager anyways?

ichibanosaru
12-27-2008, 01:13 PM
Simple, make timely exits. No matter what the situation is if you make someone laugh or make a good comment get the hell out of there. This makes everyone think you are the funniest person on the planet and social king. If it worked for George Costanza it can work for you.

You can thank me later.

Ahhh - showmanship. 'Just know when to make the exit. ;)

Storm_Kyori
12-27-2008, 01:17 PM
I get a caseof the I-Can't-Shutup Disease as well, but for me it's only on topics I'm know alot about. For example, like if a person who is new to tennis and asks me on what grip I use, I will ramble on and on about my Extreme Eastern and then cover the grips I know and stuff, and simply put, they could care less, they jst wanted to know my grip. So luckily, it's only on these things that I get like that, but yeah if they start lokking around and not directly at you, like eye contact, means they're not listening.

junbumkim
12-27-2008, 01:55 PM
Ballinbob-

I really get the sense that you are a little insecure and unsure of yourself. It is normal especially for teenagers because your character and personality are starting to really develop and form. It's also the time when what other people think of you matter the most (ie peer pressure). Even people in late 20s are insecure and can be unsure of them, so there is nothing to worry about.

First of all, let me start out by saying "Everyone is different". I have met people who will just say most random stuff that doesn't make sense at all, even to people that they just met.

A couple of my friends are a bit like you, they will say somethings that people have no idea how they should respond. He doesn't say anything obscene or rude. But he is a very nice guy. I met him for the first time in 5 years and he had not changed a bit.

On the other hand, I am very reserved to new people and I tend to face moments of silence when I am left alone with a new person. I also don't feel very comfortable at large parties, so I usually feel awkward in those situation.

Although there is so-called "norm", but everyone is different from each other to a varying degree. And, as long as you are different in a respectful and unharmful way, you will be fine and will make friends who will accept you for who you are.

Also, as you engage in more social interactions with your friends and new people, see how they react. If you keep finding yourself in a awkward moment after certain types of subjects, then it's a sign that it's not a very good topic to discuss. So don't be afraid of talking to people and be who you are. Just make note of their reactions, and try to make small adjustments.

You can't really change who you are and your nature. So if you try to change yourself completely, you will only get frustrated. Instead, just trying to make a minor adjustment.

junbumkim
12-27-2008, 02:03 PM
Most importantly, I think you need a slightly better critical thinking skill, which I am sure you will learn through experiences and reading.
It's not a matter of "overthinking". Being insecure is part of human nature, so I don't blame you. But this would be the last place you should seek for the kind of advice you want.

This is a public forum on internet. About 100 strangers, who have no idea who you are, and do not give a cr@p about you are going to read this post. Then, they will either humiliate you for making this kinda post (after all insecurity is the perfect target for humiliation.) or try to tell you what you should do.
50 people telling you what you should do? You will be more lost after questioning than before.

Your time will be better spent on reading books and engage in healthy social activities so that you can broaden your field of interest, which will help your social interactions with other people.

Ballinbob
12-27-2008, 02:29 PM
Ballinbob-

I really get the sense that you are a little insecure and unsure of yourself. It is normal especially for teenagers because your character and personality are starting to really develop and form. It's also the time when what other people think of you matter the most (ie peer pressure). Even people in late 20s are insecure and can be unsure of them, so there is nothing to worry about.

First of all, let me start out by saying "Everyone is different". I have met people who will just say most random stuff that doesn't make sense at all, even to people that they just met.

A couple of my friends are a bit like you, they will say somethings that people have no idea how they should respond. He doesn't say anything obscene or rude. But he is a very nice guy. I met him for the first time in 5 years and he had not changed a bit.

On the other hand, I am very reserved to new people and I tend to face moments of silence when I am left alone with a new person. I also don't feel very comfortable at large parties, so I usually feel awkward in those situation.

Although there is so-called "norm", but everyone is different from each other to a varying degree. And, as long as you are different in a respectful and unharmful way, you will be fine and will make friends who will accept you for who you are.

Also, as you engage in more social interactions with your friends and new people, see how they react. If you keep finding yourself in a awkward moment after certain types of subjects, then it's a sign that it's not a very good topic to discuss. So don't be afraid of talking to people and be who you are. Just make note of their reactions, and try to make small adjustments.

You can't really change who you are and your nature. So if you try to change yourself completely, you will only get frustrated. Instead, just trying to make a minor adjustment.

Hey thanks for being honest. Yeah I am a little insecure about myself no doubt about that. At first I thought I was only insecure about myself with girls but now I realize that I'm insecure all around. I see what your saying with everyone being different and it depends. What can I do to not be insecure about my self then? I mean, I really don't like that I am insecure. The times where I find myself having a really good time is when I don't think/over analyze everything I do. I want to have more of that, more of those times where I feel like everything is great without me thinking about stuff to hard. The only good thing that's come out of me being insecure is that it helped me with english and writing papers. I'm so picky about all the words and I always analyze everything more than I need too. In english thats not a bad thing though.

Im sick of myself really, I hate that I'm like this. All my friends and everyone I meet thinks I'm a great person and that Im fun to talk to ect. What they don't know is that on the inside I'm miserable. Its almost painful to over analyze stuff like I do... You think your doing everything wrong. I'm dead serious thats how I feel like alot of the time. An example: In a big track meet I run my best time for the 100m (11.77s). I give my school hope that we can still go to state and everyone is jumping up and down because I just gave us a good chance to go to state. And you know what was the first thing I said to my friend? I asked him if I looked funny while I ran because I felt my arms were flying around more than they should. That was seriously the first thing that came to my head when I finished that race. Not "omg we might go to state!" but "oh man I looked like a duck running back there didn't i?". And to this day I still think I run funny when everyone insists I dont...

There's nothing I can do about this though is there? Or will I become more confident in myself as I grow up? If I just start taking more chances will that help? How does this work exactly....because I really dont like this about myself

Ballinbob
12-27-2008, 04:17 PM
whatever....

I'm just going to try and take more risks with life and hopefully I'll up my confidence in myself. I wish I knew what I did to even become like this....

junbumkim
12-27-2008, 04:18 PM
It is a phase that every people go through. Although it's most apparent during the adolescence, people still experience even in late 20s.

As you get older, you learn from your experience, books, and social interactions, and you develop your own values and principles. Once you have these as your backbone, you will become less insecure.

You can't avoid going through the adolescence. Try to read a lot of books in different areas (history, essays, novels, or whatever), and try to engage in different healthy social activities (community service). Don't limit your interest to just track and tennis, but explore other areas. Try to surround yourself with good people and learn from them.

Sometimes, overthinking does really mean that you are thinking too much, but it could also mean that you are unable to determine what is more important and less important. About your track meet, it is natural to worry about how you looked while you were running; there is nothing wrong with it. But in the big picture, you ran your personal best, which I think is far more important (and you know it, too). So the best thing would be forget about how you looked while running and focus on more important stuff.

Ballinbob
12-27-2008, 04:34 PM
It is a phase that every people go through. Although it's most apparent during the adolescence, people still experience even in late 20s.

As you get older, you learn from your experience, books, and social interactions, and you develop your own values and principles. Once you have these as your backbone, you will become less insecure.

You can't avoid going through the adolescence. Try to read a lot of books in different areas (history, essays, novels, or whatever), and try to engage in different healthy social activities (community service). Don't limit your interest to just track and tennis, but explore other areas. Try to surround yourself with good people and learn from them.

Sometimes, overthinking does really mean that you are thinking too much, but it could also mean that you are unable to determine what is more important and less important. About your track meet, it is natural to worry about how you looked while you were running; there is nothing wrong with it. But in the big picture, you ran your personal best, which I think is far more important (and you know it, too). So the best thing would be forget about how you looked while running and focus on more important stuff.

Yeah thanks. Track and tennis are just the sports I play. I do like reading novels but I don't go crazy with them. I usually just pick a good long novel and read it over a month or two. And I do community service for my local library sometimes, I need to get going on that though I need 20hrs community service for school. And your right with the whole track thing. I was really happy with my time and I still cant beat it, but it kinda bugs me that the first thing that came to mind was how I looked.

So just to make sure I understood you right, once I start getting older I will understand myself better and as a result become less insecure? Would you say that makes sense? And for the people my age who don't have this problem, they just "know who they are"?

edit-I'm asking this because I want to have the peace of mind of knowing that I won't always be like this and once I understand what it takes to build confidence in myself then I think that will really help me get to where I want. You definitley wont be seeing these threads from me again, thats for sure

junbumkim
12-27-2008, 06:27 PM
I think insecurity usually arise when you have unclear priorities / values and when you are unable to accept who you are.

In other words, the more clear about what is more important and less important, less insecure you become. Sooner you accept who you are, the more secure you are.

In order to accept who you are, you have to have better understanding of you. So the better you understand yourself, and the sooner you accept who you are, the more peaceful you are going to be.

Just remember, each individual is different from another. Just because one of your friend seems so sure of himself or herself doesn't mean you have to be like him. You can learn from him or her, but don't pressure yourself to be like him or her.

I am only 28, so I don't want to sound like an old sage...

A couple of my favorite quotes are
"Accept that you are going to be miserable anywhere, that's how I stay so happy."

It sounds pretty cynical, but it's pretty much saying "Learn to accept whatever is given to you".

Ballinbob
12-27-2008, 06:52 PM
"I think insecurity usually arise when you have unclear priorities / values and when you are unable to accept who you are. "

This cleared up just about everything for me. That made everything click for me. I wont pressure myself to be like my friend, but like you said I'm going to try and learn from him. I'm going to try and take more chances overall and just enjoy my time being a teen and leave the second guessing myself behind

This thread to many may have been dumb to some people, but I got an important lesson on life and that makes it worth it to me.

junbumkim I know you don't me in real life, but I really want to thank you for this. You can be assured that you really helped out this teenage kid who lives in Colorado:). This really meant alot you helping me. (you too miekler:grin:) Everyone on these boards have been understanding and have really helped me alot. In this thread and my other thread with the girl trouble I had, everyone was very nice to me so thx

Thread closed guys

mikeler
12-27-2008, 06:58 PM
Bob,

15 is just a tough age. You'll learn many things about life in the next 10 years. As you grow older, you will get more confident. You'll make mistakes and learn from them along the way. Just try not to make really big mistakes! Taking calculated risks is OK but don't race your buddy at 120 MPH on a crowded highway! Be patient, life will get better and things will become clearer to you as you get older. In the meantime, work on your tennis game.

Ballinbob
12-27-2008, 07:13 PM
Bob,

15 is just a tough age. You'll learn many things about life in the next 10 years. As you grow older, you will get more confident. You'll make mistakes and learn from them along the way. Just try not to make really big mistakes! Taking calculated risks is OK but don't race your buddy at 120 MPH on a crowded highway! Be patient, life will get better and things will become clearer to you as you get older. In the meantime, work on your tennis game.

Yeah I guess it is a tough age. Whatever I'll just take it easy for now and see how it goes.

And I'm working hard on my tennis game. I enjoy tennis so much more than track, and im hoping to get a scholarship to a DII tennis school. tennis is alot more challenging than track.... I just happen to be faster than most kids my age and its not like you can be a skilled runner. I dont consider myself "skilled" at running. I dont think anyone is skilled at running, even Usain Bolt and Tyson Gay and all those great track stars. They're fast as hell, but skilled....? Proper running form really isn't that difficult to get down either.
For tennis, I wish I had access to a good video camera though. I don't know if you can rent one or something, but I'm going to try and post some vid. Believe me, I would like nothing more than for BB to go and rip my game apart.

as for the 120mph races, would 105-110 be more reasonable?:grin:

Anyway, you guy's wont be hearing anymore useless talk about my life for awhile now. Maybe if I find a girl again I'll post a thread, but thats it really. I really enjoyed that thread, learned alot:)

Steady Eddy
12-27-2008, 07:16 PM
You don't know when to stop talking? Whenever you're in doubt, stop talking. You know how most people try for too many winners in tennis? They're better off just keeping it in play. In conversations you're also better off staying on the reticent side. People like quiet people.

junbumkim
12-27-2008, 07:36 PM
Glad I could be some type of help to you..

But, mind you, these instances of enlightenment don't really last long, which means you may forget about all these in matter of days or weeks...I am not discouraging you.

It may not hurt to put up a reminder by your bathroom mirror or something so you can look at it everyday until it becomes your nature.

If you think you are doing something right, believe in it even though other people make fun of you about it. Eventually, they will accept you for who you are. And when you look back it was really stupid, then be confident enough to admit that it was stupid and laugh about it.

Ballinbob
12-27-2008, 07:51 PM
Glad I could be some type of help to you..

But, mind you, these instances of enlightenment don't really last long, which means you may forget about all these in matter of days or weeks...I am not discouraging you.

It may not hurt to put up a reminder by your bathroom mirror or something so you can look at it everyday until it becomes your nature.

If you think you are doing something right, believe in it even though other people make fun of you about it. Eventually, they will accept you for who you are. And when you look back it was really stupid, then be confident enough to admit that it was stupid and laugh about it.

I'll write that post down then and put it next to my alarm clock. That way I'll remember to read it everyday. I'm glad I asked for advice here though. I guarantee you i'm not the only teenager who has this problem and I bet there are alot of others that don't have the guts to ask for advice with this. Now that I think about it there are alot of people I know who are like me, but they do a good job of disguising it infront of others (as do i). Doesn't matter if you can disguise it though, the insecurity is still there. Hopefully I'll get better with age and with taking more risks, thats what I'm hoping for anyways. and yeah some may see it as sad posting this kinda stuff online, but there are alot of good people on these forums who can help

Rickson
12-27-2008, 08:08 PM
Bob, start lifting weights. You'll find that the stronger you get and look, the more confident you'll feel, and you'll stop jabbering all over the place.

Ballinbob
12-27-2008, 08:22 PM
Bob, start lifting weights. You'll find that the stronger you get and look, the more confident you'll feel, and you'll stop jabbering all over the place.

lol i need to work on my upper body alot.im 6 ft and 140 lbs and can squat 215 but i bench 125.most guys my weight seem to be lifting 140 or around there. i dont really lift much though,i just do 50 pushups everyday before bed and run alot.and i dont think the blabbering is going to stop ha,thats just who i am.

Rickson
12-27-2008, 08:32 PM
Then use the talking to your advantage. Shy guys don't do well with girls except for genuine tough guys and they're not actually shy. Girls seem to love those guys, but genuine tough guys are a rare find and are even more rarely converted from blabber mouths. What you can do is make jokes all over the place. Just make sure those jokes aren't offensive enough to draw fights from people or hurt their feelings. Try to get girls laughing and you'll soon get those girls hanging out with you and ultimately, that's always been your goal.

Kobble
12-28-2008, 02:19 AM
Bob, there is no skeleton key to life. Everybody has a different opinion of everybody. There isn't a politician, comedian, musician, or ANYBODY who has a 100% approval rating. Hang around with the people who like you, and don't socialize with the people who don't. Do you know what a sell out is? A sell out is a person who was liked by person A, but not person B, and now is liked by person B, but no person A.

Here is what people think of me:

Liberal
Conservative
Racist
Not Racist
Smart
Stupid
Average
Funny
Lame
Fun
Boring
Witty
Slow
Some cops think I am a criminal.
Some criminals think I am the cops.
Yet, nobody thinks I am a schizophrenic.

Steady Eddy
12-28-2008, 06:18 AM
Then use the talking to your advantage. Shy guys don't do well with girls except for genuine tough guys and they're not actually shy. Girls seem to love those guys, but genuine tough guys are a rare find and are even more rarely converted from blabber mouths. What you can do is make jokes all over the place. Just make sure those jokes aren't offensive enough to draw fights from people or hurt their feelings. Try to get girls laughing and you'll soon get those girls hanging out with you and ultimately, that's always been your goal.
At the same time though, girls don't like guys who talk too much. Maybe you shouldn't be shy, but don't be a big talker either. Humor works real well, not only with girls but in lots of other situations too. Make fun of yourself, so people understand that you're not trying to be mean.