PDA

View Full Version : Best Joke of 2008


mikeler
01-02-2009, 06:39 AM
Jon Stewart at the 2008 Oscars:

"You have to give Barack Obama credit, he's overcome a great deal. Not just he's an African-American. Barack Hussein Obama is his name. His middle name is the last name of Iraq's former tyrant. His last name rhymes with Osama. That's not easy to overcome. I think we all remember the ill-fated 1944 presidential campaign of Gaydolf Titler. It's just a shame, Titler had so many good ideas. We just couldn't get past the name. And the moustache."

10s talk
01-02-2009, 04:04 PM
great thread so far

S H O W S T O P P E R !
01-02-2009, 04:07 PM
Jon Stewart after watching a tape of Obama state that he will use force in Afghanistan if needed (this was after he criticized Obama for being a "war-hating democrat": )

"Who put the bomb in Obama?"

mikeler
01-02-2009, 05:08 PM
Jon Stewart after watching a tape of Obama state that he will use force in Afghanistan if needed (this was after he criticized Obama for being a "war-hating democrat": )

"Who put the bomb in Obama?"


Nice. Stewart has a good writing team.

Hokiez
01-02-2009, 06:22 PM
My favorite:

You know why when you see geese flying overhead one side of the V is longer?




More geese on that side.


ba dum dum

Gee Willikers Batman!
01-03-2009, 02:51 PM
My favorite:

You know why when you see geese flying overhead one side of the V is longer?




More geese on that side.


ba dum dum

Can you explain this? I don't quite get it. :confused:

Tennisguy777
01-03-2009, 03:03 PM
^^^ Just keep reading it you'll get it!

jaggy
01-03-2009, 05:05 PM
My favorite:

You know why when you see geese flying overhead one side of the V is longer?




More geese on that side.


ba dum dum

Love it!!!

Breaker
01-06-2009, 12:40 PM
"Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one... Fox News. That is within a margin of error of plus-or-minus the facts." - Stephen Colbert

Breaker
01-06-2009, 12:41 PM
Not from 2008, but best Jerry Seinfeld joke/observation of all time.

"What's the deal with lamp shades, if it's a lamp, why does it need shade?"

Thank you and good night.

YULitle
01-06-2009, 12:48 PM
I heard this joke on Sirius radio for the first time this year by Emo Phillips -

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said, "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
He said, "Like what?"
I said, "Well, are you religious or atheist?"
He said, "Religious."
I said, "Me too! Are your Christian or Buddhist?"
He said, "Christian."
I said, "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, Me too! Are your Episcopalian or Baptist?
He said, "Baptist!"
I said, "Wow! Me too! Are your Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?
He said, Baptist Church of God!"
I said, "Me too! Are your Original Baptist Church of God or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God!"
I said, "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"
He said, "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!"
I said, "Die, heretic!" and pushed him off.

:D

EPaps
01-06-2009, 12:50 PM
A polar bear walks into a bar... he says to the bartender

"Ill have a rum............................................... .................................................. ......................................... and cola"

To this the bartender replies

"Why the big pause?"

And the polar bear says:

"I was born with them"

ichibanosaru
01-07-2009, 11:38 PM
Love it!!!

I admit to not being too bright. I still don't get it after reading it over-and-over. What am I missing? Something tells me there is nothing to get, though...

fed_the_savior
01-07-2009, 11:52 PM
I admit to not being too bright. I still don't get it after reading it over-and-over. What am I missing? Something tells me there is nothing to get, though...

what's funny is that it is merely a factual, obvious, unfunny answer. (and unexpected)

Duzza
01-08-2009, 12:23 AM
what's funny is that it is merely a factual, obvious, unfunny answer. (and unexpected)

There has to be more to it? I can think of 50 that would be funnier along the same lines?

crazysoccer00
01-08-2009, 07:44 AM
one day in april two horses are born, a black one and a white one. the rancher has his 5 year old daughter name them, so she names them Blackie and Whitie. as the horses grow, they both turn out to be great race horses, and grow to be friends because of it, then rivals. they would race each other around the barn and the pastures, but neither one ever had a clear victory, and when they did, the other would train harder to get himself a clear victory the next time. so when they come of age the rancher sells them to two different people, and they say their good byes. so they are separately training, not expecting to ever see the other again, when their first race comes along their both there. they have a happy reunion and realize that their owners have entered them both into the same league, and will be racing for the rest of the year. they also realize that their owners were bitter rivals, and were both worried about the other ones horse beating theirs. with a chuckle about that, Whitie and Blackie went to their starting positions. as the race starts, Whitie's owner yells encouraging things like "do your best, your only as good as you know you are!" but Blackie's owner yells profanities and vicious threats about what will happen if he doesn't win. so they start off, and their both doing great with all the other horses behind them. they win in a tie for first, against all odds the finish was to close for their cameras to make a clear decision about the winner. so they congratulate each other and happily go back home. this only encourages them to train harder to beat the other the next time. as you may know, jockeys are typically superstitious people, and follow crazes and trends of things to help their horse do better. it just so happens that this year the trend was to read of the other horses and their times, as a way to help the horse know about the competition. every time they would read the other ones name, they would smile to themselves and think about how they would beat the other the next time. well anyway, they keep racing, either draw or switching close victories when they finally get into the Kentucky Derby. they both train incredibly hard, working and pushing themselves so they can win. by the time the date rolls around, they had all the contestants memorized, and knew exactly what to do to beat them. as they were having their usual pre-race chat, they notice a horse nobody has seen before. a Grey horse, who was a mysterious last minute entry, which is why he wasn't on any of the jockeys programs that they were telling their horses. they go up to him and ask him what his name is, but he doesn't say anything. they ask the other horses about him and they all say he didn't respond to them either. so they start the race, the horse still hasn't ever said anything, and the owners do their usual thing of yelling nice things to Whitie and insults to Blackie. they are both neck and neck as usual and a prominent lead above any others when the Grey horse comes out of nowhere and beats them both by a hair. they are both shocked and try to congratulate him after the race, but he still says nothing. but now, he scoffs an snickers at them when they try to talk to him. so Blackie and Whitie are walking along together after the race. and they are talking about how they never would have expected a newcomer to get this far, and they start to get depressed about how much time and effort they put into beating each other when he was going to win. they are getting more and more depressed when Blackie says "wait a sec, we were racing for each other, what does it matter who won, we are still friends and we worked hard" "yeah" Whitie replied "but I'm parched, care to go get a drink?" "well, i suppose" said Blackie reluctantly. now happy and optimistic about the coming year, they both walk into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face?"

Andres
01-08-2009, 09:07 AM
^^The Intro button is your friend. Use it.

Voltron
01-08-2009, 09:14 AM
one day in april two horses are born, a black one and a white one. the rancher has his 5 year old daughter name them, so she names them Blackie and Whitie. as the horses grow, they both turn out to be great race horses, and grow to be friends because of it, then rivals. they would race each other around the barn and the pastures, but neither one ever had a clear victory, and when they did, the other would train harder to get himself a clear victory the next time. so when they come of age the rancher sells them to two different people, and they say their good byes. so they are separately training, not expecting to ever see the other again, when their first race comes along their both there. they have a happy reunion and realize that their owners have entered them both into the same league, and will be racing for the rest of the year. they also realize that their owners were bitter rivals, and were both worried about the other ones horse beating theirs. with a chuckle about that, Whitie and Blackie went to their starting positions. as the race starts, Whitie's owner yells encouraging things like "do your best, your only as good as you know you are!" but Blackie's owner yells profanities and vicious threats about what will happen if he doesn't win. so they start off, and their both doing great with all the other horses behind them. they win in a tie for first, against all odds the finish was to close for their cameras to make a clear decision about the winner. so they congratulate each other and happily go back home. this only encourages them to train harder to beat the other the next time. as you may know, jockeys are typically superstitious people, and follow crazes and trends of things to help their horse do better. it just so happens that this year the trend was to read of the other horses and their times, as a way to help the horse know about the competition. every time they would read the other ones name, they would smile to themselves and think about how they would beat the other the next time. well anyway, they keep racing, either draw or switching close victories when they finally get into the Kentucky Derby. they both train incredibly hard, working and pushing themselves so they can win. by the time the date rolls around, they had all the contestants memorized, and knew exactly what to do to beat them. as they were having their usual pre-race chat, they notice a horse nobody has seen before. a Grey horse, who was a mysterious last minute entry, which is why he wasn't on any of the jockeys programs that they were telling their horses. they go up to him and ask him what his name is, but he doesn't say anything. they ask the other horses about him and they all say he didn't respond to them either. so they start the race, the horse still hasn't ever said anything, and the owners do their usual thing of yelling nice things to Whitie and insults to Blackie. they are both neck and neck as usual and a prominent lead above any others when the Grey horse comes out of nowhere and beats them both by a hair. they are both shocked and try to congratulate him after the race, but he still says nothing. but now, he scoffs an snickers at them when they try to talk to him. so Blackie and Whitie are walking along together after the race. and they are talking about how they never would have expected a newcomer to get this far, and they start to get depressed about how much time and effort they put into beating each other when he was going to win. they are getting more and more depressed when Blackie says "wait a sec, we were racing for each other, what does it matter who won, we are still friends and we worked hard" "yeah" Whitie replied "but I'm parched, care to go get a drink?" "well, i suppose" said Blackie reluctantly. now happy and optimistic about the coming year, they both walk into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face?"

So uh, yeah, TL;DR.

mikeler
01-08-2009, 09:14 AM
one day in april two horses are born, a black one and a white one. the rancher has his 5 year old daughter name them, so she names them Blackie and Whitie. as the horses grow, they both turn out to be great race horses, and grow to be friends because of it, then rivals. they would race each other around the barn and the pastures, but neither one ever had a clear victory, and when they did, the other would train harder to get himself a clear victory the next time. so when they come of age the rancher sells them to two different people, and they say their good byes. so they are separately training, not expecting to ever see the other again, when their first race comes along their both there. they have a happy reunion and realize that their owners have entered them both into the same league, and will be racing for the rest of the year. they also realize that their owners were bitter rivals, and were both worried about the other ones horse beating theirs. with a chuckle about that, Whitie and Blackie went to their starting positions. as the race starts, Whitie's owner yells encouraging things like "do your best, your only as good as you know you are!" but Blackie's owner yells profanities and vicious threats about what will happen if he doesn't win. so they start off, and their both doing great with all the other horses behind them. they win in a tie for first, against all odds the finish was to close for their cameras to make a clear decision about the winner. so they congratulate each other and happily go back home. this only encourages them to train harder to beat the other the next time. as you may know, jockeys are typically superstitious people, and follow crazes and trends of things to help their horse do better. it just so happens that this year the trend was to read of the other horses and their times, as a way to help the horse know about the competition. every time they would read the other ones name, they would smile to themselves and think about how they would beat the other the next time. well anyway, they keep racing, either draw or switching close victories when they finally get into the Kentucky Derby. they both train incredibly hard, working and pushing themselves so they can win. by the time the date rolls around, they had all the contestants memorized, and knew exactly what to do to beat them. as they were having their usual pre-race chat, they notice a horse nobody has seen before. a Grey horse, who was a mysterious last minute entry, which is why he wasn't on any of the jockeys programs that they were telling their horses. they go up to him and ask him what his name is, but he doesn't say anything. they ask the other horses about him and they all say he didn't respond to them either. so they start the race, the horse still hasn't ever said anything, and the owners do their usual thing of yelling nice things to Whitie and insults to Blackie. they are both neck and neck as usual and a prominent lead above any others when the Grey horse comes out of nowhere and beats them both by a hair. they are both shocked and try to congratulate him after the race, but he still says nothing. but now, he scoffs an snickers at them when they try to talk to him. so Blackie and Whitie are walking along together after the race. and they are talking about how they never would have expected a newcomer to get this far, and they start to get depressed about how much time and effort they put into beating each other when he was going to win. they are getting more and more depressed when Blackie says "wait a sec, we were racing for each other, what does it matter who won, we are still friends and we worked hard" "yeah" Whitie replied "but I'm parched, care to go get a drink?" "well, i suppose" said Blackie reluctantly. now happy and optimistic about the coming year, they both walk into a bar, and the bartender says "why the long face?"


Or...


Two horses walk into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face?"

Oui, c'est moi.
01-08-2009, 01:16 PM
Best Joke of 2008

http://www.gamepolitics.com/images/sarah-palin-2.jpg

am22fcw
01-09-2009, 06:01 PM
Jon Stewart after watching a tape of Obama state that he will use force in Afghanistan if needed (this was after he criticized Obama for being a "war-hating democrat": )

"Who put the bomb in Obama?"

"who put the bomb in Obama?"

hahahaha niceeee.

Ballinbob
01-11-2009, 01:35 PM
My favorite:

You know why when you see geese flying overhead one side of the V is longer?




More geese on that side.


ba dum dum

Okay I still don't get this. Was playing tennis today and actually saw a V of geese and yes one side was longer than the other.

What does it mean!!!lol i dont get this

Breaker
01-11-2009, 01:36 PM
Okay I still don't get this. Was playing tennis today and actually saw a V of geese and yes one side was longer than the other.

What does it mean!!!lol i dont get this

There were more geese on the longer side than the shorter side.

Ballinbob
01-11-2009, 01:39 PM
^^ Wait so is that supposed to funny or is it like a trick joke....?

Breaker
01-11-2009, 01:43 PM
Haha don't worry about it if you get it you get it I suppose :)

moonbat
01-11-2009, 01:45 PM
http://www.gamepolitics.com/images/sarah-palin-2.jpg

Heh! I'll second that.

Ballinbob
01-11-2009, 01:47 PM
Haha don't worry about it if you get it you get it I suppose :)

oh cmon tell me.... I'm going to loose sleep over this if I dont get it.

Breaker
01-11-2009, 01:50 PM
Just deadpan humour mate :). It's like some of Steven Wright's jokes.

Speaking of..one of the best.

"I spilled spot remover on my dog...now he's gone."

oneguy21
01-11-2009, 01:51 PM
oh cmon tell me.... I'm going to loose sleep over this if I dont get it.

I don't think you have to over analyze the joke. The joke is simple: more geese were flying on the other side. It's funny because it ridicules are tendency to think too hard when the answer comes simply to us when we just use common sense. :)

Ballinbob
01-11-2009, 01:54 PM
^^I never knew jokes could get to you like that. I felt stupid because I didn't get it....and it turns out it was just a stupid joke. I thought that like hunters shot down one side of the V or something, I just could't get it lol

Leublu tennis
01-11-2009, 05:10 PM
Can you explain this? I don't quite get it. :confused:

Thats even funnier than the joke.

Morpheus
01-11-2009, 05:57 PM
Poor taste joke (Rosanne):
A doctor tells a guy: "I have bad news. You have Alzheimer's, and you have cancer." Guy pauses for a few moments, then says, "Thank God I don't have cancer."

Old Joke (but a good one):
This nasty, sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"

The whole bar goes dead silent as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"

The bartender asks the drunk how he knows she's a ballerina. To which the drunk replies, "Easy, who else but a ballerina could lift her leg up over her head like that."

dParis
01-11-2009, 06:26 PM
:confused: I don't get the joke about the geese. :confused:

NickC
01-11-2009, 06:30 PM
Poor taste joke (Rosanne):
A doctor tells a guy: "I have bad news. You have Alzheimer's, and you have cancer." Guy pauses for a few moments, then says, "Thank God I don't have cancer."


That really is poor taste. Almost as low as one can possibly go. I mean, I've got one that does go as low as possible, but I can't post it here, as some people might be offended.

Deuce
01-11-2009, 09:55 PM
In many Christian homes, there is found a Christmas tree. Attached to this tree are many items which owe their origin to the bible. Under the tree, for example, there is often a replica of the ‘nativity scene’ depicting the birth of Jesus Christ. At the very top of the tree, there often stands a beautiful angel. This is the story of how this lovely angel came to inherit this position atop the tree...

It’s Christmas Eve, and all hell is breaking loose at Santa’s Workshop in the previously cozy comfort of the North Pole. All the elves are sick with the Polar Flu, and so their work is slowed considerably. Outside, the fiercest snowstorm in 44 Christmases is blowing wildly. Santa’s suit is ripped, and needs mending. In the midst of the chaos, Mrs. Claus cannot be found anywhere. All of this on Christmas Eve - there is no time to lose. Just then, in the middle of all the havoc, with Santa’s degree of frustration and panic rising by the second, a beautiful angel appears from out of her room at Santa’s castle, innocently asking “Where would you like me to put the tree, Santa?”

I leave the remainder of the story to your imagination.

Morpheus
01-12-2009, 04:04 AM
That really is poor taste. Almost as low as one can possibly go. I mean, I've got one that does go as low as possible, but I can't post it here, as some people might be offended.

I warned you.

How about the one about two cows in the field. One asks the other what he thinks about Mad Cow Disease. The other replies, "What do I care. I'm a squirrel."