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sureshs
06-17-2009, 11:21 AM
1. After a gruelling point, as the server is ready to serve, I will say "take 2."

2. After an incident during the first serve, like a ball showing up from another court, when the server is expecting me to say "take 2,", I will shout "Second serve."

3. When the opponent spins the racquet and asks up or down, I will say "Yes."

4. When the opponent asks me which side I want on a cloudy day, I will say "The sunny side."

5. If the opponent puts up a great lob which I cannot reach, I will say "you should add the lob to your game."

6. If I am hitting against a teaching pro and he hits a really good one, I will say "You are great and should consider teaching tennis."

7. If my partner is not moving, I will shout "The ban on movement was lifted yesterday."

sureshs
06-17-2009, 11:33 AM
Guess I am the only one who makes these jokes

Jim A
06-17-2009, 11:40 AM
I'm a bit more self-depricating

when I flub something its often followed with "I pay $50/hr to hit that shot"

VAmazona
06-17-2009, 11:52 AM
those are horrible horrible jokes.






lol

sureshs
06-17-2009, 11:55 AM
8. If we have a situation in mixed doubles where it is a guy and a girl against two guys due to scheduling constraints, I will ask "Which of you is the woman?"

JSF1
06-17-2009, 12:27 PM
If someone shanks and loses the point, I reply "Shank you very much!"

PimpMyGame
06-17-2009, 12:29 PM
If it's my service game and someone is trying to hit/pass the ball back to me between points and it goes in the net I shout "Don't worry, I'll get it" and charge the net.

I suppose you have to be there, really.

CrocodileRock
06-17-2009, 12:40 PM
If I am receiving in a doubles match, and the server double faults, I turn to my partner and say "I won my half."

Joeyg
06-17-2009, 01:09 PM
To my male partner, "Excuse me, ma'am, but does your husband play"?

beernutz
06-17-2009, 01:17 PM
I like to say 'yours' right after my partner gets nailed in the body with a line drive shot. That always lightens the mood on court.

subaru3169
06-17-2009, 01:19 PM
3. When the opponent spins the racquet and asks up or down, I will say "Yes."



:lol: :lol: i am so gonna say this next time

seleswannabe
06-17-2009, 03:05 PM
I like to say 'yours' right have my partner gets nailed in the body with a line drive shot. That always lightens the mood on court.

Me likey this one.... :twisted:

catfish
06-17-2009, 05:08 PM
If my partner doesn't move at all for a shot I say "Good effort!".

blakesq
06-17-2009, 06:13 PM
If a guy has a new tennis bag, i will ask him "Nice bag, do they also come in a men's version?"

120mphBodyServe
06-17-2009, 06:48 PM
If a guy has a new tennis bag, i will ask him "Nice bag, do they also come in a men's version?"

*SLAP*... lol...
Sorry, I can't think of any on court jokes...
Maybe later...

kylebarendrick
06-17-2009, 07:26 PM
After being aced:

"Take 2...

...other side"

(learned this one from a former partner)

Ajtat411
06-17-2009, 07:45 PM
When I hit a winner, I rush the net and get in their face and tell them how much they suck!

Cindysphinx
06-17-2009, 08:11 PM
I have to say, I saw the funniest thing today. Our opponent went to spin her racket. Her Yonex racket. This is the logo that was on her handle butt:

http://www.sweatband.com/upload/products/main/Yonex-RDS-26-Tennis-Racket.jpg

She patiently explains that the little circles were up and the little triangles were down. Or maybe the triangles were up and the circles were down? She says, "Call it." I say, "Uh, down?"

Then she starts spinning it in her hand so neither of us can see and says, "Say when." I decide to let her spin for a while to see if perhaps she would get a rug burn on her palm. Then I said, "Uh, when?" She spins it one more time and then shows me the handle. Circles up. I just stood there. Circles up, circles up, what did that mean? "Uh, did I win?" Apparently I had.

Dang. It's just a racket spin. Why all the hoopla?

subaru3169
06-17-2009, 08:34 PM
When I need to pee, I pee next to the opponent's drink bottles!

not in it huh?? :lol: :lol:

iamgoat
06-17-2009, 09:55 PM
thread killer :)

mikro112
06-18-2009, 02:47 AM
1. After a gruelling point, as the server is ready to serve, I will say "take 2."

2. After an incident during the first serve, like a ball showing up from another court, when the server is expecting me to say "take 2,", I will shout "Second serve."

3. When the opponent spins the racquet and asks up or down, I will say "Yes."

4. When the opponent asks me which side I want on a cloudy day, I will say "The sunny side."

5. If the opponent puts up a great lob which I cannot reach, I will say "you should add the lob to your game."

6. If I am hitting against a teaching pro and he hits a really good one, I will say "You are great and should consider teaching tennis."

7. If my partner is not moving, I will shout "The ban on movement was lifted yesterday."

http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/mikro112/d25e1fcb.jpg

sureshs
06-18-2009, 09:02 AM
:lol: :lol: i am so gonna say this next time

Be careful some people have a dirty mind

StringingIrvine
06-18-2009, 12:31 PM
6. If I am hitting against a teaching pro and he hits a really good one, I will say "You are great and should consider teaching tennis."

3. When the opponent spins the racquet and asks up or down, I will say "Yes."

HILARIOUS!!!

Sometimes when i'm playing a good friend and i lose a point i'll say redo ball on. and they will say what ball, and i take out a ball in my pocket and toss it on the ground and say that ball.

Also on my serve i'll hold 2 balls in my hand and toss one super high and immediately dink the second ball into the service box. sort of a fake out. None of them are as good as yours though =p.

Redflea
06-18-2009, 01:18 PM
To my male partner, "Excuse me, ma'am, but does your husband play"?

If a guy has a new tennis bag, i will ask him "Nice bag, do they also come in a men's version?"

Love 'em. :D

NickC
06-19-2009, 07:17 PM
I have one, but I think I'll get a warning or a tempra-ban because it's sort of stereotypical and racist, but funny nonetheless. If KK lets me post it I will.

sureshs
06-20-2009, 01:33 PM
I have one, but I think I'll get a warning or a tempra-ban because it's sort of stereotypical and racist, but funny nonetheless. If KK lets me post it I will.

You need to update yourself about the new times

sureshs
06-20-2009, 01:35 PM
9. When I shank a ball (like Federer), I will say:

I did pay for the frame too, not just the strings

sureshs
06-20-2009, 01:36 PM
10. If someone brings dead balls to hit with, I will say: These balls bounced great in 2001

sureshs
06-20-2009, 01:40 PM
11. There is a guy (let just call him by his real name Dan) who is notorious for never opening a can of new balls, but quietly waiting for someone else to volunteer. Once in a blue moon when he is forced to open his own can, we all start clapping.

10sguy
06-21-2009, 09:43 AM
When my partner is someone with whom I have a good relationship (and I know can handle it), I've occasionally said, "don't miss!," when they're about to hit what should be an easy point-ending putaway. Hey, we've all missed those shots, probably due to not focusing, right? I'm here to tell ya I've NEVER had a partner miss the "easy" putaway after I've uttered those words. I'm betting it makes 'em focus better!

BounceHitBounceHit
06-21-2009, 10:03 AM
1. After a gruelling point, as the server is ready to serve, I will say "take 2."

2. After an incident during the first serve, like a ball showing up from another court, when the server is expecting me to say "take 2,", I will shout "Second serve."

3. When the opponent spins the racquet and asks up or down, I will say "Yes."

4. When the opponent asks me which side I want on a cloudy day, I will say "The sunny side."

5. If the opponent puts up a great lob which I cannot reach, I will say "you should add the lob to your game."

6. If I am hitting against a teaching pro and he hits a really good one, I will say "You are great and should consider teaching tennis."

7. If my partner is not moving, I will shout "The ban on movement was lifted yesterday."

After an opponent hits a fault on a poorly executed toss, you can say "Good get!". ;) :twisted: BHBH

spartan1o5
06-21-2009, 10:48 AM
If someone hits a fault or hits out I usually say "Return to sender" not much X__X

BounceHitBounceHit
06-21-2009, 12:02 PM
9. When I shank a ball (like Federer), I will say:

I did pay for the frame too, not just the strings

If I can EVER shank a ball like Federer that will be the apex of my tennis playing life. ;) BHBH

ChrisCrocker
06-21-2009, 01:37 PM
if someone serves and it lands far away from the service box, i say "just out by a bit" or if they hit the ball on to a different court "i think it was out"

jwr1972
06-22-2009, 08:49 AM
if someone serves and it lands far away from the service box, i say "just out by a bit" or if they hit the ball on to a different court "i think it was out"

I like that one and I also like to say "Let" when I get aced and also I'll say "Net, fault" on a ball that is way out that never touched the net. If I'm gassy, I'll let one rip, clutch my buttocks, and say, "Anyone have a Kleenex?"

sureshs
06-22-2009, 10:52 AM
If I'm gassy, I'll let one rip, clutch my buttocks, and say, "Anyone have a Kleenex?"

Please stay away from me

steebo
06-22-2009, 07:05 PM
If any of my male friends hit a delicate drop shot, I always congratulate them on being able to play so well while menstruating.

Fedace
06-22-2009, 07:06 PM
Your wife was great last night.

steebo
06-22-2009, 07:08 PM
When my opponent hits a shot I can't return, I tell them I was thrown off by them playing so far above their skill level.

Bhagi Katbamna
06-22-2009, 07:32 PM
I have a couple of friends that are a bit overweight(but are really good players). Once one of them was playing in Iowa, and the other was watching. One of the locals said something to the effect of "you Hannibal(where I live) players seem to work out at the same gym." To which my other friend replied: "Yes, Old Country Buffet."

Bhagi Katbamna
06-22-2009, 07:33 PM
Whenever I hit a total frame shot winner when I play against a good friend, I say "the ball can't go where it isn't aimed".

Bhagi Katbamna
06-22-2009, 07:38 PM
I told a friend who hit a down the line winner while playing someone else "that looked like Federer." After a pause of a few seconds while he was basking in the glory, I added "An older and fatter version of Federer with less hair."

Commando Tennis Shorts
06-22-2009, 10:48 PM
Your wife was great last night.

When I play Alex Clayton, I like to say, "Hey, do you think it's weird some guy named Fedace is parading your photo around online?" :) lol

PeppermintMocha
06-22-2009, 10:53 PM
Your wife was great last night.

lol, best joke.

TBobLP
06-22-2009, 11:00 PM
i like to go with the whole "ballwasinsayswhat" routine

iLose
06-25-2009, 07:14 PM
Haha, I like this thread.

Two of my favorites (which I probably use a little too often)

1) If I miss a serve or a shot way out I look at my opponent and very seriously ask "was that good?"

2) If I am every on the run and about to take a haymaker swing (a shot that goes out 99.9% of the time) at the ball, while im swinging I yell "RAFA!" or "ROGER!"

Cross Court
06-25-2009, 07:25 PM
I just curse and yell at my opponent for hitting to my backhand.

Nah just kidding, usually if I don't like my opponent and he hits a ball that goes way out, I would say "Ooo, just out." Stuff like that. Usually I'm quiet when I'm playing someone I respect.

beernutz
06-26-2009, 06:44 AM
Your wife was great last night.

LOL, like someone would actually believe you'd been with a woman.

MNPlayer
06-26-2009, 06:55 AM
Here's one I've heard a few times from guys after they hit a (rare) good shot:

"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while."

sureshs
06-26-2009, 07:29 AM
We have a guy who keeps saying things like "they used to call me Pistol Pete" or "they used to call me Rafael Nadal" after hitting a good one. So we decided to name him "Rafa Nada."

Get it? Nada = zero.

jwr1972
06-26-2009, 07:51 AM
I have a friend when he is at the net in doubles and his partner is serving, he will lower the net right before the service to give a better chance to his partner.

GPG
06-26-2009, 08:45 AM
We have a guy who keeps saying things like "they used to call me Pistol Pete" or "they used to call me Rafael Nadal" after hitting a good one. So we decided to name him "Rafa Nada."

Get it? Nada = zero.

that's a good one!

when I play with my buddies, after a good shot we say similar things or something like: "Did I told you I used to teach Roger those shots?" or "Roddick was my service student"

Anothe rone I frequently use: when the ball is way out, I say in a serious way like a linesman "out" or I also say "would you like to challenge that one?"

SethIMcClaine
06-28-2009, 08:55 PM
"Nice hit Babe Ruth" after watching an opponent shank one over the fence

spot
07-01-2009, 11:49 AM
If I am playing mixed doubles and my partner double faults I'll turn around and apologize for being too distracting at the net and assure her that its perfectly natural and happens all the time.

If a friend DF's into the net I'll be helpful and call the serve "SHORT".

If a person hits me with the ball, the next time I am returning and they are at the net I'll tell them to "Say ahhh".

Whenever a guy on our team gets too cute with the dropshots and puts them into the net of course they are "Hercules" the rest of the match.

When one opponent is clearly carrying the other we call the other person "Samsonite"

of course Any time a ball comes late onto the court after a great shot its virtually mandatory to call a let.

On a great winner you tell them "I'm sorry but the ball hit the line and skidded out."

When a guy is pounding the ball but not coming close to getting it in you tell them that you think they owe the net an apology.

ms87
07-01-2009, 03:10 PM
when my partner is returning in doubles and the opponent double faults, I will often remark "nice return" to my partner

my most regular hitting partner and I also have a running joke where if one of us hits a great winner (that is clearly in), the other one will casually point his finger as if to say "out"

SethIMcClaine
07-13-2009, 08:57 PM
When someone gets hit with the ball "Way to stand your ground"

CrocodileRock
07-14-2009, 06:18 AM
Sometimes during a match, we hear a siren from a fire truck or ambulance. I usually say "My backhand is a crime - they're coming to get me."

SethIMcClaine
07-24-2009, 07:47 PM
When I'm feeling lazy...
"I would have gotten that, but I dont work on Sundays. Gods rule, not mine"

CrocodileRock
07-25-2009, 06:06 AM
"Nice hit Babe Ruth" after watching an opponent shank one over the fence

I have a similar one - when someone hits one over the fence, i say in my best announcer imitation "And the Yyyyyyankees win the pennant"

SethIMcClaine
07-25-2009, 08:41 AM
I have a similar one - when someone hits one over the fence, i say in my best announcer imitation "And the Yyyyyyankees win the pennant"
I like it!

CrocodileRock
08-20-2009, 01:05 PM
I thought of a couple more: If I win the first point of the warmup, i say "15-love" and hit the next ball. If I'm way behind and serving, I'll say " You ready to start? OK, play these"

muddlehead
08-22-2009, 04:00 PM
after i've been aced , "let. take 2" after a solid winner against me, "just out"

Todd6060
08-26-2009, 12:14 PM
Someone I used to play after I would hit a winner against him, he'd say: "Out ... of reach."

theenrighthouse
08-26-2009, 12:59 PM
When someone gets hit with the ball "Way to stand your ground"

Ha. That's awesome.

Dark_Angel85
08-26-2009, 06:14 PM
1. player serves, booms past you, "I'm not ready?"

2. net caught, ball drops in my favour, "See that?!!! huh!!?? DO YA!?!? EVERYDAY MAN!!!, 4 hours a day!!!"

10ACE
08-26-2009, 07:08 PM
I play tennis at 5:00 pm sometimes, If I am the server and I ace my opponent on my first serve, I say "WELCOME to FIVE O'CLOCK TENNIS!"

If someone calls FBI, I yell, "For b!tches and Infants"

AlpineCadet
08-27-2009, 12:23 AM
Choking the whole match because you are nervous when playing against better players. *sniffle!*

goran_ace
08-27-2009, 05:53 AM
Whenever I hit a total frame shot winner when I play against a good friend, I say "the ball can't go where it isn't aimed".

I like to say "you pay for the whole racket, might as well use the whole racket"

goober
08-27-2009, 06:19 AM
I like to say "you pay for the whole racket, might as well use the whole racket"

The problem is that joke is so old and overused that it isn't funny any more.

sureshs
08-27-2009, 07:45 AM
The problem is that joke is so old and overused that it isn't funny any more.

It is so old I already listed it in post #27

Ajtat411
08-27-2009, 12:04 PM
I got a really good. First time I've heard it so it shouldn't be old.

But if someone frames one for a winner, I would say "you pay for the whole racket, might as well use the whole racket". hahaha

ARNICOLINI
08-27-2009, 12:24 PM
I got a really good. First time I've heard it so it shouldn't be old.

But if someone frames one for a winner, I would say "you pay for the whole racket, might as well use the whole racket". hahaha

I prefer the variation

Hey you pay more for the racket than you do the strings!

SChamp
08-27-2009, 09:17 PM
I was at a tournament watching an open division singles match. The match was on clay and one guy was hitting all kinds of lines, especially on his serve. His opponent said to him, "you must have put these lines down yourself." The guy said ever so nonchalantly, "I'm in the process of nailing 'em down right now." It was hilarious, but what it made it really cool was the fact that the guy didn't even pause to think about it, it just flowed right off his tongue.

AlpineCadet
08-27-2009, 10:22 PM
^I wish it were caught on tape.

greg_in_atl
08-28-2009, 08:29 AM
A bunch of wisecracks commonly heard during my mens league matches

when someone hits a really soft 2nd serve or drop shot or repeatedly lobs:
"Hey, I hear there is an opening on the Senior Womens Team"

when someone repeatedly hits the ball right on the line:
"Who do you think you are, Sherwin Williams?"

when you're really carrying your partner during a match:
"Hey can someone sew a handle on the back of my shirt for next week?"

when you frame a ball for a winner:
"Well, my strings last longer that way"

since "coaching" isn't allowed by spectators, we came up with code words to use to cheer on our teammates who are having a bad day:
"C'mon Joe, SFU!"

SFU is code for "Stop F^&*ing Up"

sureshs
08-28-2009, 08:31 AM
I got a really good. First time I've heard it so it shouldn't be old.

But if someone frames one for a winner, I would say "you pay for the whole racket, might as well use the whole racket". hahaha

Yeah this is a fresh new joke. This is the third time in this thread.

bsandy
09-07-2009, 05:45 AM
1. Whenever an opponent calls a ball out that I think is in I say "You know the Lines are IN Right?"

2. Whenever an opponent mis-tosses a serve and catches it or lets it bounce, I say "Take Two".

. . . Bud

CrocodileRock
09-10-2009, 05:54 AM
On those rare occasions where I win a set 6-0, I'll tell my friends "I noticed my opponent was hungry. So I fed him a bagel."

Yenster
09-10-2009, 07:08 PM
I call every ball out against good friends. =]

Yenster
09-10-2009, 07:11 PM
Or when I shank it and it goes out of the court, I go " you know lines count right?" Or in doubles, before the opponent I lift up my shorts and blind the server with my white thighs =]

blakesq
09-11-2009, 05:25 AM
in doubles, before returning the serve, i will say to the net man "You got any salt? Cuz you are going to eat this one!"


Or when I shank it and it goes out of the court, I go " you know lines count right?" Or in doubles, before the opponent I lift up my shorts and blind the server with my white thighs =]

shazbot
09-16-2009, 10:39 AM
If I'm playing with someone I know well I'll joke around a lot.

When they hit a shot, or a serve that is soooooooooooooo far out (I'm talking like 10-12 feet, or to the back of the fence type shot) I will yell back to them, "Wanna check shot spot on that one?".

When my brother and I play, whenever one of us hits a drop shot that we can't get too, we call each other a**holes and laugh while trying to track it down.

sureshs
09-16-2009, 11:24 AM
Lately, I have been having a ball yelling "Foot Fault" in social doubles matches. A couple of guys have gotten so nervous they are double faulting whenever I am around. Yet they know it is supposed to the joke of the moment so they can't be upset about it.

BetterAtSingles
11-06-2009, 09:35 AM
When I spin my Wilson racquet before a match, instead of saying "M or W?" I say "Money or Women?" This usually catches most people off guard and they get a chuckle out of it.

RichieD3
11-06-2009, 11:03 AM
If I'm down a few games before I get on the board when I finally do I break out the Vitas "nobody beats me 6-0" but 6-1 happens all the time.
Vitas had the greatest tennis joke of all time. Conners (I think had beaten him 17 in a row when Vitas finnaly won) at the presser he says "Nobody beats Vitas 18 times in a row".

Ken Honecker
11-07-2009, 12:08 AM
After my opponant makes some absolutely amazing play, getting to a ball that was totally out of reach and herfing it back into play I let the crowd know that "I am so good I can bounce it off his racquet no matter where he holds it".

Stewy30
11-07-2009, 07:16 AM
In the middle of a point/rally, I will begin to grunt like Sharapova or make orgasm sounds everytime I hit the ball. The point usually finishes with one of us on the ground laughing, and weird looks by others if there are others there. =)

kennydoe
11-07-2009, 01:25 PM
After losing the first bunch of games of a match, I’ll ask if my opponent is ready to start the set yet. (this was already noted)

If I double fault after the first point, I’ll still ask to confirm that “it’s ‘first one in’ right?”

If I’m passed by a great shot, I’ll call “Out - !” - when the opponent scoffs I finish with “-- standing!” or “ – of reach”

Last night the woman I played in an XD match got aced up the middle and she said “sorry – I’ll be there in a minute”.

On an un-gettable ace, I’ll sometimes call ‘foot fault’

If an opponent asks how far out their ball was, I’ll say “8 inches”, but hold my thumb and index about an inch apart. (this is a penis joke, btw).

If my opponent mis-hits a winner, I’ll claim the point since ‘it has to be on purpose’.

If my (or opponent) hits a shot that’s far out of my league, I’ll ask “can you show me how you hit that shot?”

If a shot that hits the net cord and dribbles over…if it’s me I say “I’ve been working on that shot all week!”. If my partner hits it, I say ‘just like a taught you” and if my opponent hit it I say “is THAT what you have to do to win a match?!??”

If my partner volleys a ball that would have been out by a mile, I’ll tell them they saved the curtain (or fence) a lot of damage.

In doubles, after the second bounce on a ball hit between us, I’ll shout “yours!”

I don’t drop my racquet for serve, I just spin in my hand quickly and stop - Instead of asking “M or W”, I’ll ask “E or 3” and stop with the head perpendicular to the ground instead of parallel. People look at me funny every time.


Reading back how many stupid things I say, it’s a wonder anyone ever wants to play with me!!

Great thread!!!

eagle
11-07-2009, 01:33 PM
- If making unforced errors of late, I'll say "Sorry, I seem to have caught swine tennis".

- Come one! Serve like a man. :)

- "Watch the jewels please."

- When down a set, we say "We have them where we want them".

- We call folks who don't admit touching the ball Gonzo.

- If we see a blatant foot fault, we yell out "I'm gonna shove this ball down your throat".

r,
eagle

retlod
11-08-2009, 12:18 PM
1. "That's a great shot...in doubles."

2. After sailing a serve so long that it barely lands inside the baseline..."That was IN!"

3. After a totally lucky shot...fist pump and a "YESSSSS!!!"

4. During a set when I'm getting thrashed, I'll make up a fake set score like 0-18.