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View Full Version : UGH! My 10 year old and tennis


momtogrif
06-22-2009, 08:31 AM
Ok, wasn't sure where to put this. My 10 year old goes out this weekend and makes it to the final in a JR tournament and wins the doubles in his age group, too. So, this AM he goes to clinic at the club and comes home crying b/c he's screwing up his forehand. He says he played terribly and is ready to quit tennis. He's still crying all about it and is frustrated about his game.

Hello, he just won two trophies. But, he goes out and plays at clinic and cries about it???? Is this normal? Should I make him take a break? He said he was getting really mad at himself. Being a mom and growing up around all girls, I don't know if this is normal for boys who are high achievers. But, one thing I can't stand is crying about something stupid!

Kostas
06-22-2009, 08:41 AM
No kids here (1st on the way) but I would probably just let him get over it.

If he is a high acheiver in tennis then I can't imagine he seriously wants to quit over this.

Let him settle down and take a couple days off. Get back out on the court and let him beat the hell out of some kid and he'll feel better.

You may want to see if something happened at the clinic (like a coach changing his grip or something stupid like that).

momtogrif
06-22-2009, 08:46 AM
No kids here (1st on the way) but I would probably just let him get over it.

If he is a high acheiver in tennis then I can't imagine he seriously wants to quit over this.

Let him settle down and take a couple days off. Get back out on the court and let him beat the hell out of some kid and he'll feel better.

You may want to see if something happened at the clinic (like a coach changing his grip or something stupid like that).

Thanks, he was frustrated b/c he felt that he was playing kids that weren't as good as he is(in his opinion). He said that the coach made him run a lap for hitting a few mis-hits but didn't make the other kids run for their errors. I think it was b/c he is the only tournament player there and that the coach feels that he needs it, so he's harder on my son. I don't mind that.
What bugs me is how emotional he is getting about it. I mean, can't he just let it go?????

SoCal10s
06-22-2009, 08:48 AM
man, I wish I can coach your kid.. with that kind of mental make up he's ready to be a champion or a train wreck ... find him a real patience coach who can take him to where his drive wants to go.. better yet get him into golf.. good luck...

Fandango
06-22-2009, 08:53 AM
If he doesn't want to play then say fine. He'll come back to tennis eventually.

beernutz
06-22-2009, 08:58 AM
He played a tourney this weekend, made the finals, and is back at a clinic on Monday morning? It is possible there is some tennis burnout involved? Who made the decision to attend the clinic, him or you?

momtogrif
06-22-2009, 09:06 AM
man, I wish I can coach your kid.. with that kind of mental make up he's ready to be a champion or a train wreck ... find him a real patience coach who can take him to where his drive wants to go.. better yet get him into golf.. good luck...

HAHA! He tried golf all last summer but came back to tennis in the fall! He's pretty good at golf, too, and I'd like to get him back out at least on the range but I think tennis is his passion. Obviously, b/c he just got out of the shower and says he wants to go to another clinic tonight!!! Uh, no! You played 5 matches this past weekend and had clinic this AM. I think a break is in order. So, I guess he's not quitting tennis for good.....yet!

eagle
06-22-2009, 09:22 AM
Congrats to your son.

Are you sure Grif is only 10?

Thanks, he was frustrated b/c he felt that he was playing kids that weren't as good as he is(in his opinion).

He sounds like a lot of posters on TW. :)

I'm sure he'll be fine.

r,
eagle

momtogrif
06-22-2009, 09:25 AM
Congrats to your son.

Are you sure Grif is only 10?



He sounds like a lot of posters on TW. :)

I'm sure he'll be fine.

r,
eagle

Oh, yes! He's only 10! But, both mom and dad come home from matches and complain the same way except we don't cry about it! I mean, I know my forehand has disappeared for weeks at a time and I don't cry about it, I just sit and stew about it and get mad at myself, etc. I guess it's harder to watch when it's your own kid!

Gemini
06-22-2009, 09:47 AM
Oh, yes! He's only 10! But, both mom and dad come home from matches and complain the same way except we don't cry about it! I mean, I know my forehand has disappeared for weeks at a time and I don't cry about it, I just sit and stew about it and get mad at myself, etc. I guess it's harder to watch when it's your own kid!


I don't have any kids though I did "grow up" with three tennis-playing nephews with each begining at age 8 and the oldest is now 17 headed to college. The youngest one (now 14) at age 11 did the exact same thing your son did. He would play great in a tournament and then throw a running, screaming fit the next day in practice because would lose to a "weaker" opponent. My brother (his dad) used to tell him that it was okay and everyone doesn't win every match. He would reassure him that he played really well in the tournaments and that's what really counts, reminding him of the trophies he's won. He also told him everybody has "not-so-good" days when they play and they would come back tomorrow and try to make it better. That's what worked for my nephews (and what worked for us growing up.) I do think it's pretty normal to be honest.

TennisCoachFLA
06-22-2009, 09:59 AM
Many of the 10s are like that....they can go from great to garbage players in their minds from day to day! If this passes fast, let it be.

I would just chill out and let him do his thing....while observing his actions and listening to his words. You want to make sure this really is about tennis and not something else bugging him.

Also, take this opportunity to check you and dad's actions and words....just mentally review the last 10 conversations you have had with your son and see if tennis isn't getting out of whack priority wise.

I had one dad who was describing his tense relationship with his kid do just that last week. He later called me and said, "Wow, I just realized that 9 out of the last 10 conversations I had with my daughter were about tennis".

Kids need balance, need to know their parents have their tennis in perspective, and sometimes they need a tennis chill pill gently 'forced' upon them!

TennisTaxi
06-22-2009, 10:00 AM
My son cried all through 10's & 12's..got better in the 14's, then started yelling in the 16's & 18's...he threatened to quick every other week whether he won or lost... it is how they deal with the frustrartion factor.

Oh yeah, they love to blame parents for their losses too..I got up to go to the bathroom during one of his matches and he told me he lost because I left :)

Being the parent of a junior player is soooo much fun!!

momtogrif
06-22-2009, 10:05 AM
Many of the 10s are like that....they can go from great to garbage players in their minds from day to day! If this passes fast, let it be.

I would just chill out and let him do his thing....while observing his actions and listening to his words. You want to make sure this really is about tennis and not something else bugging him.

Also, take this opportunity to check you and dad's actions and words....just mentally review the last 10 conversations you have had with your son and see if tennis isn't getting out of whack priority wise.

I had one dad who was describing his tense relationship with his kid do just that last week. He later called me and said, "Wow, I just realized that 9 out of the last 10 conversations I had with my daughter were about tennis".

Kids need balance, need to know their parents have their tennis in perspective, and sometimes they need a tennis chill pill gently 'forced' upon them!

Thank you for that advice. I will remind my husband. Yes, it seems like all we do is talk about tennis around here lately and that's mainly b/c he's been playing in quite a few tournaments recently. Next weekend he is signed up for a Super Set and then he has 2 weekends off from tournaments, which I am looking forward to. My husband also mentioned that we should probably take a weekend away and NOT bring tennis racquets!
This is a newly found passion for my son. He was barely getting in his serves about 8 months ago and then something just clicked. His coach suggested he 'try' a tournament back in March and from then on he was hooked. So, this is all very new to us. In November he has to move up to the 12's, though, so that will be a whole new ball game!

SoCal10s
06-22-2009, 10:18 AM
My son cried all through 10's & 12's..got better in the 14's, then started yelling in the 16's & 18's...he threatened to quick every other week whether he won or lost... it is how they deal with the frustrartion factor.

Oh yeah, they love to blame parents for their losses too..I got up to go to the bathroom during one of his matches and he told me he lost because I left :)

Being the parent of a junior player is soooo much fun!!

yeah it's all a nice big roller coaster ride.. the thrills and highs of winning it all and the really downs when they have a bad lost... that's why this tennis thing is so addictive,especially to parents.. I knew a few dads who used to addicted to gambling,and when their kid started to do better in tennis tournaments,they'd stop gambling and went all out supporting the kid's tennis... I don't know if it's good in a bad way or bad in a good way...

eagle
06-22-2009, 10:36 AM
Please remind him also that unless he is Federer or Nadal, expect to lose a lot more than win ... at least in the finals. The ATP top 3 and below are keenly aware of that. :)

Sounds like you have a good plan for keeping balance in your life between tennis and other activities.

Good luck.

r,
eagle

momtogrif
06-22-2009, 11:53 AM
My son cried all through 10's & 12's..got better in the 14's, then started yelling in the 16's & 18's...he threatened to quick every other week whether he won or lost... it is how they deal with the frustrartion factor.

Oh yeah, they love to blame parents for their losses too..I got up to go to the bathroom during one of his matches and he told me he lost because I left :)

Being the parent of a junior player is soooo much fun!!

One of the boys that he played this weekend walked off the court crying. Apparently, last year he threw his racquet and left screaming and crying so I think he's improving! We even saw a boy last week at JR team tennis who sat in the gate area and was screaming and crying and his mom just walked away from him. My son was trying to finish off his singles match and his opponent just basically gave him the last point b/c he was distracted by his own team mates screaming! Now, that was interesting!:-?

eeytennis
06-22-2009, 11:55 AM
Thanks, he was frustrated b/c he felt that he was playing kids that weren't as good as he is(in his opinion). He said that the coach made him run a lap for hitting a few mis-hits but didn't make the other kids run for their errors. I think it was b/c he is the only tournament player there and that the coach feels that he needs it, so he's harder on my son. I don't mind that.
What bugs me is how emotional he is getting about it. I mean, can't he just let it go?????

What kind of coach makes the student run if they miss a shot? I have never even heard of that before...there is definitely a line that is drawn between being tough and being a complete jerk. I am all for making kids run or do push-ups if they act out (screaming, slamming their racket, swearing, etc.) but because they miss a shot?? How is running 1 lap going to improve his technique anyway?

Anyway, for your son, the crying is ridiculous and you should let it be known that it is NOT OK to cry after losing a match or playing badly. TennisTaxi basically said this already, but if you allow your son to behave this way, it will just get worse when he gets older.

momtogrif
06-22-2009, 12:04 PM
What kind of coach makes the student run if they miss a shot? I have never even heard of that before...there is definitely a line that is drawn between being tough and being a complete jerk. I am all for making kids run or do push-ups if they act out (screaming, slamming their racket, swearing, etc.) but because they miss a shot?? How is running 1 lap going to improve his technique anyway?

Anyway, for your son, the crying is ridiculous and you should let it be known that it is NOT OK to cry after losing a match or playing badly. TennisTaxi basically said this already, but if you allow your son to behave this way, it will just get worse when he gets older.

Yep, pretty much told him it was ridiculous and he was pretty befuddled by it himself. He doesn't cry after losing matches. He was crying b/c he was mad at himself. Also, the coach made him run the lap after repeated reminders of what he was doing wrong and he was warned that he would run a lap if he mis-hit one more time. He was hitting off his back foot and was trying to do too much with the ball and be a show off with his forehand. I watched the whole thing. The other children were given the same warning, as well.