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Chopin
05-30-2010, 10:11 PM
Dear TW posters,

It gives me great pleasure to present you with my latest thread: the greatest posts of all time. In this thread, it is my hope that posters will quote some of the most moving, most insightful, most funny, most absurd and simply greatest posts they've ever read on these boards. Please note that the emphasis is on “fun,” so please keep things light-hearted.*

*As some of you may or may not know, in other parts of the board I’ve assumed the role of Ernst Stavro Blofeld as one poster described me as acting like a James Bond super villain, which I rather liked the sound of. Regardless, here, I’m more like a 19th century Romantic, so please, I implore you, leave your vendattas at the door.

So, yes, without further delay I declare this thread started, formally and in writing.

Best,
Chopin

dParis
05-30-2010, 10:30 PM
Dear TW posters,

It gives me great pleasure to present you with my latest thread: the greatest posts of all time. In this thread, it is my hope that posters will quote some of the most moving, most insightful, most funny, most absurd and simply greatest posts they've ever read on these boards. Please note that the emphasis is on “fun,” so please keep things light-hearted.*

*As some of you may or may not know, in other parts of the board I’ve assumed the role of Ernst Stavro Blofeld as one poster described me as acting like a James Bond super villain, which I rather liked the sound of. Regardless, here, I’m more like a 19th century Romantic, so please, I implore you, leave your vendattas at the door.

So, yes, without further delay I declare this thread started, formally and in writing.

Best,
Chopin
^^Oh, of course it's this one - you needy, self-absorbed narcissist.^^





;)

himynameisNIKE
05-30-2010, 10:37 PM
This one is pretty good :lol:

Tennis fans in general typically have one of the following opinions of Andy Murray
1). He's great player and will eventually win some slams
2). He's an underachiever
3). He's overrated/ boring/ugly/
4). I hate him


Whatever your opinion of Andy Murray may be, that is exactly what Andy Murray wants. I have discovered that Murray is actually a evil mastermind and his goal is to troll the world (of tennis).


Just hear me out,


At a very young age, Murray had wanted to get people angry. He knew that if he wanted to become a troll master, he would first need to become famous. This was why he chose tennis.

Murray started gaining attention in 2006 where he was only one of two players, along side Rafael Nadal, to defeat Roger Federer. (back in the day when federer losing a match was rare)

Before reaching the top 10, Murray would continue to build on his reputation of having "potential" by taking nadal to 5 sets at the AO and continuing to frustrate federer.


Slowly, Murray would improve his ranking in hopes of trolling everything in his sight.

So how does he troll you ask?

1st, his style of tennis.
Some call it pushing and others call it counterpunching. It's clear that he does frustrate his opponents and some people that watch his tennis. Of course he is able to play aggressive tennis, but why do it all the time?

2nd, his appearance.

You think someone that ugly occurs naturally? That long hair, ugly mustache, facial hair and side burns topped off with Fred perry designer clothes and a cap.
Of course he could have switch to nike clothes but he chooses addias....
of course he does shave, and cut his hair occasionally but why do it all the time?


3rd , his results

He continues to troll the tennis community either surpassing peoples expectations or failing them.
Don't you think its convenient every time Murray loses a match he gets "blown off the court" or "chokes?

Looking as this Slams results shows his true motives



Australian Open (06-10) 1R 4R 1R 4R F


U.S. Open (05-09)2R 4R 3R F 4R





Murray has continually built up a bandwagon (especially here at TW) only to wreck it. Look closely at his results for the US AND Aus OPEN, Murray has purposely improve from the previous year only to do bad the next year, and then do better after that.


of course he could continue to improve his slam results and win a slam but why do that?


4th. Trolling his nation

What would be more sweet for Murray than dashing the dreams of a whole nation...nothing
Britain has already picked Murray and their next hope and Murray knows this. This is why he is making look like he will win wimbledon, but in reality he will never win wimbledon. Sure he have some great matches like the 5 setter with gasquet, only to lose later to some other guy.

He continues to stab Britian by saying numerous times his favorite slam is the US Open and that he likes the clay courts....

____


Sure Andy Murray could have won a couple of slams by now... but that would be meaningless compared to Federer and the other greats. Instead, Murray has his sights on becoming the GTOAT.


What will he do next? I don't know maybe, win the French for the lulz....



http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Sport/Pix/pictures/2009/6/21/1245602283625/Andy-Murray-001.jpg



cliffs: Andy Murray is a troll

Ross K
05-30-2010, 10:46 PM
Just off the top of my head... Kinsella's "Ode to a PT280"... Nick B's racket review which mainly consisted of a photo of a smashed Fischer frame (he hated the frame so much he just demnolished it!)... loads of witty ppl posted for ages on the Bab Alliance thread... hmmm... I need to think as I'm sure there are many...

Mr_Shiver
05-30-2010, 10:51 PM
^^Oh, of course it's this one - you needy, self-absorbed narcissist.^^





;)

Love it and 2nd it.

Tina
05-30-2010, 11:14 PM
This picture makes me laugh!!

la tigra

http://img192.imageshack.us/img192/3048/zoolander1.jpg

Tina
05-30-2010, 11:18 PM
This is funny too.

The Stranger

This is very interesting and not the ending I had expected!!!!

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Texas town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with
adventures, mysteries and comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped
talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol... But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular
Basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished.
He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name?.... .. .

We just call him 'TV.'

(Note: This should be required reading for every household ! )

He has a wife now....We call her 'Computer.'
AND COUPLE OF CHILDREN, THEIR NAMES R CELL PHONES

ShiroRm
05-31-2010, 02:42 AM
I'm amazed by the interest (and faith) american people have in rankings.
So that I'm still waiting for a "The best of the best" thread.
It would offer a certain margin for confrontation.

Dags
05-31-2010, 03:06 AM
This post is always worthy of mention:

Hello everyone. Sorry for my bad English, which didn’t prevent me to this attempt of making a TTW Dictionary.

The reason why I wanted to start a dictionary is thinking about new, gullible and newly registered posters who could get confused reading about some new tennis concepts that only exist in TTW forum and that those new posters never faced before. We all love TTW, but the forum can get a little surrealistic sometimes for the incautious newbie. So I hope this will help.

With this dictionary, I just tried to summarize some TTW's popular opinions, it's not like I'm expressing my own opinions here.

Of course this is an Open Source dictionary, so feel free to make your own additions if you want to.

...................

Now let’s start with some basic concepts:

Talent:
~noun
1. A quality that allows a player to being better than the rest, despite the number of matches which that player doesn’t win. [i.e: “Pete Sampras won 14 slams but Jean Luc Rodriguez-Hillbilly (sorry, who?) had insane loads of talent”]
2. Ability of making smooth-motioned and good-looking shots, no matter if a high percentage of those shots happens to send the ball to the parking lot.

Talented player:
~noun
1. Favourite player (of a specific TTW poster) who doesn’t win as much as that specific TTW poster would like to, but he’s still better than the rest.
2. Favourite player (of a specific TTW poster) who once did beat a big name, so he proved his superiority for ever and never and that won’t change no matter how many bagels he eats from big names in the future.

Headcase:
~noun
1. Talented player who smashes rackets.
2. Talented player who gets ****ed, depressed or just quits when he´s losing a match, and who could have *clearly* won if he wouldn’t get ****ed, depressed or if he wouldn’t quit.
3. Player that never loses a match. He just generously grants the match away.

Clearly:
~adverb
1. Cos I said so.

Would, should, could:
~adverb
1. Reality.
2. Strongest possible argument.

Choke:
~verb
1. One of the only two possible outcomes for a match: you win, or you choke.
2. When a specific TTW poster’s favourite player had an advantage (match ball, set ball, break ball, point ball, or when he’s just talented --> see “talented”) and doesn’t capitalize it. That proves the player is better than the rival, no matter if the rival is actually able to capitalize his own advantages.

Choker:
~noun
1. Player that lost a match but you wanted him to win so bad, didn’t you?

*******:
~noun
1. According to a *******, any poster that says good things about Roger Federer.

*******:
~noun
1. According to a *******, any poster that says good things about Rafael Nadal.

Clay:
~noun
1. Any surface on which Rafael Nadal wins a tournament. Clay can be red, blue, green, grey, low bouncing, high bouncing, with leaves on it or covered by cement (it doesn’t matter, clay’s still there).

Green Clay:
~noun
1. Wimbledon’s surface, which maliciously simulates a living vegetal form of life (it grows on soil, it has leaves, it makes photosynthesis, it produces oxygen) but it happens to be just clay.

25 seconds:
~noun
1. According to rafael Nadal’s fans, period of time Nadal takes between points. According to a clock, that period can extend from 25 seconds to 35 weeks.

Mono:
~noun
1. Disease that allows Roger Federer to win sometimes, and to “not to lose” the rest of the time. When Roger wins, Roger wins. When Roger loses, mono didn’t allow him to win.

Mirka:
~noun
1. Unlike Mono, she allows Roger Federer to win, but doesn’t allow him to do any other single thing alone.

Serve and Volley
~verb/noun
1. Best and most effective, reliable and powerful style of tennis, no matter if a S&V player didn’t win a challenger for 700 years.
2. Real tennis. Non S&V tennis needs to be renamed something else (teeNeZ, te@n@s, Pong).

Mindless Bashing:
~verb/noun
1. Non-S&V teeNeZ.
2. Pong.

All court game.
~noun
1. When a TTW poster likes a player, automatically this player has an All Court Game, no matter what the heck having an All Court Game means.
2. Tennis style which is better because it has the word “all” on it, and nothing can be better than “all”.

GOAT
~noun
1. Eternal, immutable and carved in stone condition which happens to change every 1/2 weeks.
2. Favourite player of a TTW poster.
3. According to many, a player who has the biggest talent ever (no prove necessary) and who will eventually come back from the dead and blow away the whole competition by 6-0, 6-0, 6-0 (and 6-0) because when he’s on he just could sweep God from the court. That is: Marat Safin.

Bad
~adverb
1. Everything Andy Roddick does on court, no matter if he wins or loses.

Good
~adverb
1. Everything Richard Gasquet does on court, no matter if he wins or loses.

WTA
~noun
1. WTF
2. Said what?
3. Joke.

Prime
~adverb/noun
1. Miracolous State of Grace when a player from 80 centuries ago could dominate the actual competition.

Prime vs. Prime
~noun vs. ~noun
1. TTW’s most succesful “Quantum Leap” TV series’ adaptation.

Exo.
~noun
1. Scientific prove that an old player who retired because he was no longer dominant, could come back and sweep today’s weak competition.
2. Extend of Pete Sampras domination beyond time and space.

Retirement:
~noun
1. What every player should do after losing any given single match.
2. What Marat Safin shouldn’t *ever* do because he’s the GOAT and he will just come back and make a badass PWNAGE of the entire ATP field.

JoelDali
05-31-2010, 03:10 AM
http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e237/JoeDali/J011Y_Buhleaves.jpg

Chopin
05-31-2010, 05:29 PM
This thread is off to a fine start, my friends. I'll be quoting some of my own posts in coming days.

Tina
06-02-2010, 10:23 AM
This thread is off to a fine start, my friends. I'll be quoting some of my own posts in coming days.

Hey Chopin, there will be no fun at all to quote your own posts.

I think your Poll: "Who would you rather have dinner with: Chopin or Pete Sampras?" is HALLARIOUS. I was unsure whether a real Chopin and a Chopin at TTW you are referring and so do other posters.

I also like "Chopin's Masterpiece Collection: What Makes a Stringer Great". This was my first participation at TTW (The first thread I took seriously).

:)

r2473
06-02-2010, 11:21 AM
Greatest Posts of All Time

http://www.annenewman.com.au/files/images/The%20Fence%20Post.jpg

Ronaldo
06-02-2010, 11:41 AM
Too bad Senator Jay Billington Bulworth's posts vanished. The greatest trick the Senator ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, poof. He's gone. You got to be a spirit! You can't be no ghost.

cghipp
06-02-2010, 12:10 PM
Some of the photo threads are pretty hilarious. I wish I'd bookmarked them. Here are two of my favorite comments from "regular" threads:

http://tt.tennis-warehouse.com/showpost.php?p=4470126&postcount=2
...in which Drakulie describes Nadal's family as a bunch of *******s.

http://tt.tennis-warehouse.com/showpost.php?p=1775888&postcount=4
...in which Dedan's Penthouse suggest getting vaccinated before a trip to Turkey, to avoid coming down with L-Tryptophan.

Chopin
06-02-2010, 12:23 PM
Hey Chopin, there will be no fun at all to quote your own posts.

I think your Poll: "Who would you rather have dinner with: Chopin or Pete Sampras?" is HALLARIOUS. I was unsure whether a real Chopin and a Chopin at TTW you are referring and so do other posters.

I also like "Chopin's Masterpiece Collection: What Makes a Stringer Great". This was my first participation at TTW (The first thread I took seriously).

:)

I'm glad, Tina. I like to make people smile (and myself). I truly feel that some of my posts deserve to be in this thread though, Tina. In case you didn't know, I'm very good at amusing myself.

Surfer Rosa Rack
06-02-2010, 12:37 PM
http://directsnapfootball.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/play_63_sw.jpg
http://wowowow.com/files/imagecache/300x/2008_1121_emily-post-cover.jpg

Wally Post
C.W. Post
Markie Post ('boink')
Robert Post
Allman Bros' Whipping Post

Greatest Post far and away

Senator Jay Bullworth "Fork in the Road" in Norcal's "It's Official! I'm Going to Double Hockey Sticks" thread
is that one still around? cannot find it

Tina
06-02-2010, 05:28 PM
In case you didn't know, I'm very good at amusing myself.

So do I, Chopin. At least we have another common interest:). Just wanted you to know I am acting a bit different than normal when interacting with a person I like (the guy that I am interested).

Honestly, you are a great poster of all time for me. Several posts are HALLARIOUS as well but I will let other posters discover your adventure and next adventure;)

djokovicgonzalez2010
06-03-2010, 06:05 PM
Which Chopin was it?

JoelDali
06-03-2010, 06:28 PM
http://www.miata.net/garage/glovebox/post.jpg

vbranis
06-03-2010, 08:29 PM
I have played for a long time w/ Continental Grip. Now my new coach says that I should change it for the Western Grip. I can't find them anywhere so can anyone of you please tell me where can I buy them. Do they sell them in small packages? I don't want to use so much money on them... My coach says that my forehand could work better with Western Grip.

Did you ever **** around with your stringing machine? Like, I mean, just take a useless racquet and string it up at 300 lbs until the whole thing snaps in half and technology flies all over the place.

Well, did you

This is referring to one of the early "Quick Fix Tips" segments on the Tennis Channel (feature Joe Dinoffer and Calindy):
bless your little heart for starting this thread!!! these quick fix segments were the reason i had to nail down all the furniture in my living room to stop my wife from throwing the couch through the tv the next time she saw calindy!!!

i am desperate to improve my game, but not that desperate!!!!!

btw, who the !@#$!#@$@# names their kid that?????

Originally Posted by quest01
I disagree I think there are many female tennis players who can defeat a 5.0 NTRP rated male player. For instance any WTA player in the 10 could easily defeat a 5.0 NTRP rated male with ease. Also I know this may seem far fetched but if you pitted Roddick vs Ivanovich on slow red clay, my wager would be on Ivanovich because she would simply overpower Roddick from the ground. Also at the end of the match I wouldn't be surprised if Ivanovich had more winners off the ground.

Originally Posted by Fedace
I don't know why but i find Women's underwear and shoes more comfortable than men's. and women's tennis shoe has much better colors, especially Nikes.

Originally Posted by todot62
This my friends is an example of a very intelligent post. It is obvious that Fedace is a natural born intellect and my heart patters in anticipation of his next example of logical and intuitive thinking. Please Fedace bless us with more of your incredible knowledge so that we may sit humbly at your feet and perhaps adsorb just a glimmer of your aura. :o

vbranis
06-03-2010, 08:30 PM
And of course:
Originally Posted by Nadalbestever
It was great watching washed up loser Federer get his butt kicked. The funny thing is the match proved how much better Simon's best tennis is then Federer's. Roger played his best tennis and Simon was at about 50% of his best and Simon still won.

Originally Posted by Nadalbestever
I am very talented, and I have so much information to share with the community here.

Tina
06-03-2010, 09:06 PM
The First Victim:

Originally Posted by CanadianChic:You stated the solution to the problem was to kill it. I stated that according to your religion, Thou shalt not kill ...
KK:Which is NOT CORRECT. (Why do you suppose rehashing what you've already incorrectly stated makes it somehow ... persuasive?)

Originally Posted by CanadianChic:.. to which you responded that the interpretation is actually murder of humans.
KK:No,again. I showed you the translation is actually murder (of humans). Pay attention!

Originally Posted by CanadianChic:I believe to view this within the confines of Christianity is narrow-minded.
KK:Then you probably shouldn't have brought it up, huh?

Originally Posted by CanadianChic:The only reason I made my initial comment (which I stand behind) is to slap down your easy-way-out approach.
KK: And I showed you your "interpretation" is inaccurate / wrong / mistaken.

Will the rest of you TT-ers excuse me? I'm addressing
CC only, as we have "history" on these points.

Originally Posted by CanadianChic:But, if you insist on clinging to religion as opposed to posting your personal views ...
KK: Are you being coy? Or are you simply being willfully ignorant? (I can't think of another motivation for your persistence in pretending you and I have not been "down this road" many times before.)

I don't cling to "religion". Religions are man-made and filled with error. Christianity isn't a "religion". Being a Christian describes my relationship with The Messiah, Jesus Christ. The Bible is His Word to us. In the context of a debate like this one, I insist on this distinction. (And you know I do this, as we've covered this dynamic repeatedly.)

Originally Posted by CanadianChic:I will then say that my interpretation is that animals are to be respected by man. Is SeaWorld the intent of God in respecting His animals. Did he insist on an ark as opposed to a kayak for the purpose of maintaining the animals for our selfish entertainment?
KK: If you are attempting to build a Biblical argument upon your mis-quote of the commandment ... I won't stop you. But I also won't bother following you down this ... ridiculous ... path. It doesn't even make sense.

Thanks, everybody. I'm finished ranting at CC.

The Second Victim:

Originally Posted by David_Is_Right: Actually, the ten commandments were your god's laws for his chosen people - the jews - and did not refer to gentiles or mankind as a whole.
KK: You really shouldn't attempt to post authoritatively about things you know little about. The truth of your incorrect proposal is found in Galatians 3 (and Hebrews, among other places). You're welcome.


The Third Victim:

Originally Posted by kingdaddy41788: Why is it silly? Because you don't like the answer you're forced to give?
KK: I don't recall encountering you on TT much, but my practice is to refuse to respond to hypotheticals at all. Yours was foolish -- in addition to being a hypothetical. I am not "forced" to respond to hypotheticals, perio3d.

Originally Posted by kingdaddy41788: Life is life, and I would argue animals are often far worthier of saving than people.
KK: One of the most insipid claims I've ever seen on the InterNet. (Congratulations.)

Originally Posted by kingdaddy41788: So, because the bible - a religious document which has no place in matters of the law or how our society treats animals ...
KK: I don't accept your premise, so the rest of your argument is ... rubbish. (But for you I'll make an exception.)

Originally Posted by kingdaddy41788: says that we should not murder, but it's okay to kill animals willy nilly .
KK: Please post where the Bible says it's okay to kill animals frivolously. I can't wait to see you defend that assertion.

Originally Posted by kingdaddy41788: [I]Very sound reasoning...
KK: Oh, the irony!!! Thanks for the laugh.

- KK

ReopeningWed
06-03-2010, 09:30 PM
Where can I buy a Western grip?

Toxicmilk
06-03-2010, 09:51 PM
something along the lines of "nadal's forehand is like a bicep curl"

westside
06-05-2010, 12:11 AM
This is perhaps the greatest thread in terms of pure stupidity

http://tt.tennis-warehouse.com/showthread.php?t=331693

orangettecoleman
06-05-2010, 08:53 AM
I'm partial to Fedace's "MY DOG GOT FLEES!" post personally.

piece
06-05-2010, 09:27 PM
something along the lines of "nadal's forehand is like a bicep curl"

dude I swear it was some commentator that said that one haha

Centered
06-05-2010, 11:57 PM
The First Victim...

Best as in worst?

Centered
06-05-2010, 11:58 PM
This picture makes me laugh!!

http://memedepot.com/uploads/1500/1855_moar_cat2.jpg

Tina
06-06-2010, 07:02 AM
Best as in worst?

It depends on a reader:)

Tina
06-06-2010, 07:06 AM
http://memedepot.com/uploads/1500/1855_moar_cat2.jpg

I love this one:) Seriously, My cat (MIMI) liked to jump on my kitchen Countertops while I was cooking. I really miss my cat though.

West Coast Ace
06-06-2010, 11:29 AM
Hot off the presses!

In the General section in the 'How many majors will Rafa win?' thread:

Cassius Clay said

Rafa can win every single FO until 2020, so do the math.

Gorecki
06-06-2010, 12:13 PM
99 % of what fedace posts is GOAT