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ninman
06-13-2010, 03:43 PM
Ok, so I should probably go through the full story. I live in Shanghai China, this girl lives in Wuhan China (she is Chinese), I met her online, through ICQ about a year before I came to China. We spent a great deal of time chatting online. Thing is, I knew it then and it's even more apparent now, but she was desperate to get married before she turned 30 because of some weird Chinese custom (apparently if you are unmarried after 30 then no man will even look at you let alone marry you). Anyway we stopped talking to each other about 6 months before I came to China, and I'd all but forgotten about her, I had applied to go to study Chinese at Wuhan University, but I met a new girl in Shanghai (also through icq).

So I then applied for university in Shanghai, however roughly one week before I came to China the first girl (from Wuhan) called me and asked me to go to Wuhan instead, but I refused because I couldn't break up with the new girl. This hurt her a lot, after about 2 or 3 months in China I did break up with the new girl, because I couldn't get the first girl out of my head. We started dating, but she never really trusted me, I would make frequent trips to Wuhan, but she kept accusing me of cheating on her, and got really angry at any behaviour she deemed out of the ordinary. She also kept threatening to sleep with other guys if I misbehaved. My friends in Shanghai kept telling me to dump her, but I couldn't do it. She also had this nasty habit of stonewalling me by turning off her phone then going to sleep after getting really angry with me over the smallest little thing, when there was really no reason to get angry at all.

I planned on marrying her, but the problem was that I am still married to a girl in the UK because my divorce hasn't arrived yet. She kept putting a lot of pressure on me to get a divorce quickly, presumably so she could marry me. Well it turned out my ex wife (also Chinese) was coming to China to see her family in the north for Chinese new year. All of my friends had gone home, leaving me in Shanghai alone, so my ex wife's mum invited me to go to their home for Chinese new year. The last time I visited them I had a really good time, so I thought I would have a good time this time. My gf wanted me to go to Wuhan, so i told her I would, but my gf refused to introduce me to her family because I was still "married", and I told her I would go to Wuhan but she insisted on me going to my ex wife's home. At my ex wifes home I had a miserable time, so I told my gf that I would leave early and come home, we had a fight via text message, and I ended up jumping on a plane to Wuhan and meeting her. That night I got food poisoning and spent all evening throwing up.

The very next day we went to Shanghai together. She got really angry with me because I have this very old nail biting habit, and couldn't stop it no matter how many times she told me to. She started stonewalling me again, but I talked her around. As we got back to my home in Shanghai I suddenly just didn't feel any connection to her at all, and I thought "this isn't a relationship" I wanted to break up with her but decided to sleep on it. The next day she got ****ed off with me again for watching TV shows on my computer early in the morning while she was trying to sleep, and because this was the second time she'd asked me not to do that it was now unacceptable. She walked out of my house to see her friend, and that was the last time I saw her.

Now I don't know what to do because I just can't stop thinking about her. It's driving me crazy, and I don't know why I'm putting myself through this, when I should clearly just move on.

Now she has a new bf who apparently is much better than me, she won't talk to me even, doesn't answer my calls, doesn't reply my texts, reply to my emails, nothing. I really don't know what to do.

brad1730
06-13-2010, 03:58 PM
You know what to do... move on. Focus on work or school, keep away from the bars, start working out more, go out to eat with friends, keep busy. What not to do... sit at home, get fat, get drunk in the middle of the week, spend lots of time thinking how great she was, let your imagination get away from you about her and him.

Just keep busy, and let time work it's magic.

ninman
06-13-2010, 04:16 PM
You know what to do... move on. Focus on work or school, keep away from the bars, start working out more, go out to eat with friends, keep busy. What not to do... sit at home, get fat, get drunk in the middle of the week, spend lots of time thinking how great she was, let your imagination get away from you about her and him.

Just keep busy, and let time work it's magic.

I tried that, she even called me once and asked for me back and I said no. It's been 4 months and I've just started thinking about her again.

El Diablo
06-13-2010, 04:45 PM
Get yourself into psychotherapy. You list a litany of immature and vindictive behaviors of hers, then blithely announce "I planned on marrying her." Excuse me?? This is a little masochistic on your part. Also, the fact that you are ready to jump into one marriage when you haven't even left the other while at a presumably young age (one assumes, as you are a university student) speaks to a kind of dependency and excessive neediness that may be problematic for you.

ninman
06-13-2010, 04:55 PM
Get yourself into psychotherapy. You list a litany of immature and vindictive behaviors of hers, then blithely announce "I planned on marrying her." Excuse me?? This is a little masochistic on your part. Also, the fact that you are ready to jump into one marriage when you haven't even left the other while at a presumably young age (one assumes, as you are a university student) speaks to a kind of dependency and excessive neediness that may be problematic for you.

You really think I need therapy? Ok, if I can be completely honest, the sex was amazing, it was so good I was willing to ignore all of her immature and vindictive behaviour. She really loved to take revenge on me as well, I have autism and sometimes I would unknowingly do something that she didn't like, or say something she found a little hurtful (unintentional). Rather than simply point it out to me, she would do it back to me deliberately.

I really don't know why I want her back so much, but it's driving me crazy, although I'm getting better. I'm starting to feel like I need her less now than I did before.

sapient007
06-13-2010, 05:07 PM
how old are you dood? this shouldn't even be a online question for someone approaching 30. i don't think you have autism but rather ******ation.


that's all. hope it helps.

ninman
06-13-2010, 05:11 PM
how old are you dood? this shouldn't even be a online question for someone approaching 30. i don't think you have autism but rather ******ation.


that's all. hope it helps.

I'm sorry that didn't help at all. I'm 25 anyway, in case you're still interested.

Feņa14
06-13-2010, 06:55 PM
Stay away from girls! They're evil :)

atatu
06-13-2010, 08:44 PM
Do they have match.com in China ? I think you should move on...

Bartelby
06-13-2010, 08:47 PM
The problem is that you couldn't ignore all her vices, so you need to be more ruthless if sex is what interests you. On the other hand, if you want a relationship, then do not go near anyone with character flaws or erratic behavior. Constancy is the key virtue and one you may not also possess.

Power or control for racquets; pleasure or constancy for life.



You really think I need therapy? Ok, if I can be completely honest, the sex was amazing, it was so good I was willing to ignore all of her immature and vindictive behaviour. She really loved to take revenge on me as well, I have autism and sometimes I would unknowingly do something that she didn't like, or say something she found a little hurtful (unintentional). Rather than simply point it out to me, she would do it back to me deliberately.

I really don't know why I want her back so much, but it's driving me crazy, although I'm getting better. I'm starting to feel like I need her less now than I did before.

dParis
06-14-2010, 04:47 AM
Ok, so I should probably go through the full story. I live in Shanghai China, this girl lives in Wuhan China (she is Chinese), I met her online, through ICQ about a year before I came to China. We spent a great deal of time chatting online. Thing is, I knew it then and it's even more apparent now, but she was desperate to get married before she turned 30 because of some weird Chinese custom (apparently if you are unmarried after 30 then no man will even look at you let alone marry you). Anyway we stopped talking to each other about 6 months before I came to China, and I'd all but forgotten about her, I had applied to go to study Chinese at Wuhan University, but I met a new girl in Shanghai (also through icq).

So I then applied for university in Shanghai, however roughly one week before I came to China the first girl (from Wuhan) called me and asked me to go to Wuhan instead, but I refused because I couldn't break up with the new girl. This hurt her a lot, after about 2 or 3 months in China I did break up with the new girl, because I couldn't get the first girl out of my head. We started dating, but she never really trusted me, I would make frequent trips to Wuhan, but she kept accusing me of cheating on her, and got really angry at any behaviour she deemed out of the ordinary. She also kept threatening to sleep with other guys if I misbehaved. My friends in Shanghai kept telling me to dump her, but I couldn't do it. She also had this nasty habit of stonewalling me by turning off her phone then going to sleep after getting really angry with me over the smallest little thing, when there was really no reason to get angry at all.

I planned on marrying her, but the problem was that I am still married to a girl in the UK because my divorce hasn't arrived yet. She kept putting a lot of pressure on me to get a divorce quickly, presumably so she could marry me. Well it turned out my ex wife (also Chinese) was coming to China to see her family in the north for Chinese new year. All of my friends had gone home, leaving me in Shanghai alone, so my ex wife's mum invited me to go to their home for Chinese new year. The last time I visited them I had a really good time, so I thought I would have a good time this time. My gf wanted me to go to Wuhan, so i told her I would, but my gf refused to introduce me to her family because I was still "married", and I told her I would go to Wuhan but she insisted on me going to my ex wife's home. At my ex wifes home I had a miserable time, so I told my gf that I would leave early and come home, we had a fight via text message, and I ended up jumping on a plane to Wuhan and meeting her. That night I got food poisoning and spent all evening throwing up.

The very next day we went to Shanghai together. She got really angry with me because I have this very old nail biting habit, and couldn't stop it no matter how many times she told me to. She started stonewalling me again, but I talked her around. As we got back to my home in Shanghai I suddenly just didn't feel any connection to her at all, and I thought "this isn't a relationship" I wanted to break up with her but decided to sleep on it. The next day she got ****ed off with me again for watching TV shows on my computer early in the morning while she was trying to sleep, and because this was the second time she'd asked me not to do that it was now unacceptable. She walked out of my house to see her friend, and that was the last time I saw her.

Now I don't know what to do because I just can't stop thinking about her. It's driving me crazy, and I don't know why I'm putting myself through this, when I should clearly just move on.

Now she has a new bf who apparently is much better than me, she won't talk to me even, doesn't answer my calls, doesn't reply my texts, reply to my emails, nothing. I really don't know what to do.
In other words, she left you for Golden Retriever. :wink:

brad1730
06-14-2010, 05:11 AM
I tried that, she even called me once and asked for me back and I said no. It's been 4 months and I've just started thinking about her again.

You started thinking about 'her' again or 'sex with her' again? Don't idealize the relationship or the sex. You must be strong, or you will reset your life back 1 to 2 years. Think about it. You know how it will go... 1st 2 weeks (great fun, great sex, you both are on your best behavior) next month - slight signs of the past, but the sex is still great, 3rd month - the newness has worn off, you now remember vividly why your broke up, 4th month - regret has fully set in, sex no longer very good, fights occuring frequently. By month 5 (or earlier) you've broken up again. Now you can spend the following 6 months putting your life back together - asking yourself 'why did I go back?'

The_Question
06-14-2010, 06:36 AM
Alright, I'll be honest here...I didn't read all that.

But I'll say this, drink...a lot...and do it for about 2 months straight...

athiker
06-14-2010, 06:45 AM
Alright, I'll be honest here...I didn't read all that.

But I'll say this, drink...a lot...and do it for about 2 months straight...

...and maybe consider leaving a tip for your bartender or waitress during this drinking binge. Who knows what your new path of generosity towards others might lead you down? :)

Rockitdog
06-14-2010, 07:46 AM
Leave them damn crazy Chinese women alone!!!!

albino smurf
06-14-2010, 08:02 AM
Sounds like you were hooked up with a manipulative woman that you are better off without. It also sounds like you need to do some maturing of your own, particularly in relationships and interactions with women. Make sure you are looking at yourself as a possible part of the problem, not saying that you are, but it is easier to put the blame on others than to really be introspective and figure out why you are having consistent problems with relationships.

onehandbh
06-14-2010, 08:02 AM
ninman,

do have a particular preference for chinese girls, or are you open
to other asians as well? are you asian?

here is a website where you can meet a nice, klassy, chinese lady:

http://www.bigbadchinesemama.com/brides/

Rockitdog
06-14-2010, 08:10 AM
ninman,

do have a particular preference for chinese girls, or are you open
to other asians as well? are you asian?

here is a website where you can meet a nice, klassy, chinese lady:

http://www.bigbadchinesemama.com/brides/

Sounds like the crazy women might be from the same mold.

sphinx780
06-14-2010, 08:12 AM
" when I should clearly just move on."

You know what to do, just do it. It takes time to get past the hurt, the doubts, the questioning of yourself and the if's. Cut off all contact with her, find something you enjoy (tennis perhaps?) and just be happy with who you are on your own.

Once you are completely cool with yourself it will amaze you how clear it becomes when you find the girl that is worth marrying. Life is short with the right person but with the wrong person, it will be an eternity and you deserve better than that.

One question that I asked myself during those times: "Is this person worth devoting the rest of my life to?"

My life is worth a hell of a lot, so if I'm going to spend that for someone else, that person better deserve everything I have to give.

Mansewerz
06-14-2010, 08:27 AM
She would purposely insult an autistic person who unintentionally does something? Kick her *** to teh curb!

malakas
06-14-2010, 08:42 AM
she treated you like scum,you realise that and post it now and you still think of her?Come on...There are more women in the world.

And dude..25 and already getting divorce and thinking of marriage again?Perhaps you should stay single for a while and discover more yourself and have FUN!



~31/5/10 Israel MURDERS 9 activists who carried humanitarian aid to children,beats,tortures and injails hundreds others breaking all international laws.

Mick
06-14-2010, 09:48 AM
i once had a chinese co-worker. she told me in her opinion, a man should marry a woman 10 years younger than he is because after child birth, the woman would end up looking 10 years older :)

r2473
06-14-2010, 09:53 AM
i once had a chinese co-worker. she told me in her opinion, a man should marry a woman 10 years younger than he is because after child birth, the woman would end up looking 10 years older :)

So you are suggesting that the OP should marry a 15 year old?

Stay away from girls! They're evil :)

A truly wise man.

Jennifer
06-14-2010, 10:09 AM
Give it some time and move on.

-Jennifer

zapvor
06-14-2010, 11:14 AM
Alright, I'll be honest here...I didn't read all that.

But I'll say this, drink...a lot...and do it for about 2 months straight...

spoken like from personal experience

Mick
06-14-2010, 11:42 AM
So you are suggesting that the OP should marry a 15 year old?

actually, it's my co-worker's opinion, not mine :)

she also told me don't focus too much about looks when choosing a mate. as long as you don't throw up when looking at her at the dinner table, she's fit to be your wife, she said :shock:

The_Question
06-14-2010, 11:52 AM
spoken like from personal experience

You think?? :(

zapvor
06-14-2010, 11:56 AM
hahahaha what did you drown yourself with

Bad Dog
06-14-2010, 12:05 PM
actually, it's my co-worker's opinion, not mine :)

she also told me don't focus too much about looks when choosing a mate. as long as you don't throw up when looking at her at the dinner table, she's fit to be your wife, she said :shock:


Did she also mention the necessary criteria for choosing a wife on the basis of consistent emotional stability, reliable libido, moderate body fat percentage maintenance, and compatible sense of humor? :)

Mick
06-14-2010, 12:28 PM
nope. she did not talk about those things :)

but it seems that in a chinese marriage, the husband would drive the old car and the wife would drive the new lexus, at least that how things were for most of the guys that i knew at the last company. my old boss was an exception. he would drive the new lexus and his wife would drive the old car. probably because he ain't chinese, he's a caucasian (wife= japanese) :)

sapient007
06-14-2010, 12:52 PM
hahahaha what did you drown yourself with

oh zap.. where you going with this... what are you drowning yourself with

ninman
06-14-2010, 08:16 PM
I really don't know why I started thinking about her again, but I just can't seem to let go of the pain, I'm getting better though, I'm starting to feel better.

decades
06-14-2010, 08:25 PM
move on and try to make better decisions from now on....

TheLoneWolf
06-14-2010, 08:34 PM
From what you have said, this woman is a total b!tch. I don't care how awesome the sex is, if a woman is a b!tch that's the worst turn off for me.

Furthermore, she is a total b!tch and you are not even married yet. They usually turn into b!tches a while after marriage. This doesn't bode well, unfortunately.

You are in love with an image of a woman that you have formed with bits and pieces, part of it using real traits of this woman, and part of it using imagined features that are not real at all. The reality is far uglier than your idealizations of it. Let it go, because you are trying to hold on to something that doesn't exist.

There are plenty of good human beings that also happen to have beautiful vaginas. If you start with the vagina part and get blinded by the vulva, you are bound to make a huge mistake. That's the reason so many people end up divorcing. Their concept of love is selfish and superficial.

ninman
06-15-2010, 05:36 AM
From what you have said, this woman is a total b!tch. I don't care how awesome the sex is, if a woman is a b!tch that's the worst turn off for me.

Furthermore, she is a total b!tch and you are not even married yet. They usually turn into b!tches a while after marriage. This doesn't bode well, unfortunately.

You are in love with an image of a woman that you have formed with bits and pieces, part of it using real traits of this woman, and part of it using imagined features that are not real at all. The reality is far uglier than your idealizations of it. Let it go, because you are trying to hold on to something that doesn't exist.

There are plenty of good human beings that also happen to have beautiful vaginas. If you start with the vagina part and get blinded by the vulva, you are bound to make a huge mistake. That's the reason so many people end up divorcing. Their concept of love is selfish and superficial.

If I'm honest the reason I broke up with her in the first place is because I realised what she was like. Maybe my brain just started focusing on the fantasy and the great sex rather than sticking to the reality. She really hurt me a lot, and that's ok for her, but if I hurt her unintentionally that's unacceptable. I wouldn't go so far as to call her a b!tch, but she really was incredibly childish, controlling and arrogant.

PimpMyGame
06-15-2010, 05:52 AM
We started dating, but she never really trusted me, I would make frequent trips to Wuhan, but she kept accusing me of cheating on her, and got really angry at any behaviour she deemed out of the ordinary.
She's a b!tch.

She also kept threatening to sleep with other guys if I misbehaved.
She's a b!tch.

She also had this nasty habit of stonewalling me by turning off her phone then going to sleep after getting really angry with me over the smallest little thing, when there was really no reason to get angry at all.
She's a b!tch.

She got really angry with me because I have this very old nail biting habit, and couldn't stop it no matter how many times she told me to. She started stonewalling me again
She's a b!tch.

She really loved to take revenge on me as well, I have autism and sometimes I would unknowingly do something that she didn't like, or say something she found a little hurtful (unintentional). Rather than simply point it out to me, she would do it back to me deliberately.
She's a b!tch.

I wouldn't go so far as to call her a b!tch, but she really was incredibly childish, controlling and arrogant.
No, she's a b!tch.

You have been given the gift of freedom. Use it wisely.

Rockitdog
06-15-2010, 06:32 AM
She's a b!tch.


She's a b!tch.


She's a b!tch.


She's a b!tch.


She's a b!tch.


No, she's a b!tch.

You have been given the gift of freedom. Use it wisely.

Well said!!!

ninman
06-16-2010, 08:12 AM
I just want to thank you all for the great advice. Hearing lots of people telling me how horrible she was is really helping me move on. I can take a little comfort though in knowing that her relationship with her new bf was probably arranged by her parents or friends (all of whom heap huge amounts of pressure on her to marry before she turns 30). She told me she's going to get married on Nov.17 to a guy she just met about 2 months ago.

I can see this very clearly now, she's going to marry this guy, he'll get her pregnant, in a year or 2 she'll realise she doesn't like him, but can't leave him because they have a kid together and no Chinese man is going to take a 32 year old woman with a child who is divorced. Next thing I will get a call or an email begging for me back again because her "marriage" didn't work out, either that or she'll spend her life in a very unhappy relationship.

Either that, or the guy will get her pregnant, realise he doesn't love her at all (like I did), and leave her in that condition, unwanted, unloved and alone. I'm starting to heal, little by little, I think in about 2 or 3 months I will have reached the point where I will never think about her again.

cucio
06-16-2010, 08:38 AM
Great sex, uh? What's her phone number? Maybe some kabbalah calculations on it can give us some insight to better advice you.

sureshs
06-16-2010, 09:13 AM
Hearing lots of people telling me how horrible she was is really helping me move on.

That tells me your entire purpose in this thread was to get some support for yourself by blaming her.

I don't know if there is another side to this - we are only hearing from you. So I would reserve my judgement about her.

ninman
06-16-2010, 09:21 AM
That tells me your entire purpose in this thread was to get some support for yourself by blaming her.

I don't know if there is another side to this - we are only hearing from you. So I would reserve my judgement about her.

Not really, I just need to remember what she was really like instead of focusing on the good parts. If I can keep remembering the bad parts and how it made me feel it helps me get over it a lot more easily.

CanadianChic
06-16-2010, 10:56 AM
Ok, so I should probably go through the full story. I live in Shanghai China, this girl lives in Wuhan China (she is Chinese), I met her online, through ICQ about a year before I came to China. We spent a great deal of time chatting online. Thing is, I knew it then and it's even more apparent now, but she was desperate to get married before she turned 30 because of some weird Chinese custom (apparently if you are unmarried after 30 then no man will even look at you let alone marry you). Anyway we stopped talking to each other about 6 months before I came to China, and I'd all but forgotten about her, I had applied to go to study Chinese at Wuhan University, but I met a new girl in Shanghai (also through icq).

So I then applied for university in Shanghai, however roughly one week before I came to China the first girl (from Wuhan) called me and asked me to go to Wuhan instead, but I refused because I couldn't break up with the new girl. This hurt her a lot, after about 2 or 3 months in China I did break up with the new girl, because I couldn't get the first girl out of my head. We started dating, but she never really trusted me, I would make frequent trips to Wuhan, but she kept accusing me of cheating on her, and got really angry at any behaviour she deemed out of the ordinary. She also kept threatening to sleep with other guys if I misbehaved. My friends in Shanghai kept telling me to dump her, but I couldn't do it. She also had this nasty habit of stonewalling me by turning off her phone then going to sleep after getting really angry with me over the smallest little thing, when there was really no reason to get angry at all.

I planned on marrying her, but the problem was that I am still married to a girl in the UK because my divorce hasn't arrived yet. She kept putting a lot of pressure on me to get a divorce quickly, presumably so she could marry me. Well it turned out my ex wife (also Chinese) was coming to China to see her family in the north for Chinese new year. All of my friends had gone home, leaving me in Shanghai alone, so my ex wife's mum invited me to go to their home for Chinese new year. The last time I visited them I had a really good time, so I thought I would have a good time this time. My gf wanted me to go to Wuhan, so i told her I would, but my gf refused to introduce me to her family because I was still "married", and I told her I would go to Wuhan but she insisted on me going to my ex wife's home. At my ex wifes home I had a miserable time, so I told my gf that I would leave early and come home, we had a fight via text message, and I ended up jumping on a plane to Wuhan and meeting her. That night I got food poisoning and spent all evening throwing up.

The very next day we went to Shanghai together. She got really angry with me because I have this very old nail biting habit, and couldn't stop it no matter how many times she told me to. She started stonewalling me again, but I talked her around. As we got back to my home in Shanghai I suddenly just didn't feel any connection to her at all, and I thought "this isn't a relationship" I wanted to break up with her but decided to sleep on it. The next day she got ****ed off with me again for watching TV shows on my computer early in the morning while she was trying to sleep, and because this was the second time she'd asked me not to do that it was now unacceptable. She walked out of my house to see her friend, and that was the last time I saw her.

Now I don't know what to do because I just can't stop thinking about her. It's driving me crazy, and I don't know why I'm putting myself through this, when I should clearly just move on.

Now she has a new bf who apparently is much better than me, she won't talk to me even, doesn't answer my calls, doesn't reply my texts, reply to my emails, nothing. I really don't know what to do.

Exactly what kind of advice are you expecting? I tend to think that threads like this are made up stories for attention because nobody is this dense. You don't know what to do? Really? Good grief!

El Diablo
06-16-2010, 11:37 AM
People are this dense and more, which was the point of post #4. Freud once said the best marriages are arranged marriages because at least people don't marry each other to gratify a neurotic need. I think he was half joking, but his point was clear nonetheless. Get some therapy.

Dedans Penthouse
06-16-2010, 12:14 PM
This whacko (with a petty, vindictive streak to boot) must have one hell of a wanton for you to consider a re-run. Let your mind get the better of you and you'll be creating unrealistic "ah, she wasn't so bad" pipedreams that do not reflect reality. You need some cold water in the face in the form of a reality check:

recall the REAL 'drive-you-nuts' side of her personality.

You don't need that. Move on. Hell, you're in China? Geez, talk about "Too Many Fish in the Sea," you have a gazillion other women to choose from. Kiss Miss Lo-Main-for-Brains goodbye. For now don't force anything. Get involved in your work/studies and treat the social issues like dim sum: sample, move on....sample, move on...

zapvor
06-16-2010, 01:25 PM
yea seriously theres like half a billion chicks over there...lol

CanadianChic
06-16-2010, 01:36 PM
He needs to drop off a little baggage before moving on to some poor, unsuspecting woman. Jeez, he still isn't divorced yet let alone this albatross he's carrying around. Pity the woman who gets messed up in this obsessive, masochistic mess.

aceX
06-16-2010, 02:56 PM
Now she has a new bf

Dude it's over. She doesn't sound like a keeper anyway. Finalise your divorce. Then focus on your non-romantic/relationship goals for a while e.g. career, hobbies (tennis) for a few months. When you're ready, meet some people through more social means - a tennis club rather than online.

aceX
06-16-2010, 02:58 PM
Exactly what kind of advice are you expecting? I tend to think that threads like this are made up stories for attention because nobody is this dense. You don't know what to do? Really? Good grief!


Although tbh obvious things to a third person are often not obvious to the first

ollinger
06-16-2010, 04:51 PM
China actually has a SHORTAGE of chicks. Because of preferential adopting away of baby girls to other countries, and the infamous river drownings of unwanted baby girls, there's a male surplus estimated at twelve to twenty million men. Try Vietnam.....me love you LONG time!

Dedans Penthouse
06-16-2010, 05:16 PM
^^^^^^^^^
lmao, you LONG TIME funny olli~!

OP: Gawd!....does a well-meaning/LOVING man need "Sarah Lawrence College" type (12 babes to 1 dude) ratios to foster a connection?

Seeking and securing a potential mate should not equate to some "shooting-fish-in-a-barrell" type slam-dunk.

We're men...."we" like "them."

They're women..."they" like "us"

viva le difference. Be a 'gent' and don't get 'bent' and you'll find a zillion Sino-babes 'heaven sent'.

Be nice, period.

And remember ninman to "TIP" your waiters/waitresses ya cheap, nickle-nursing Scot. j/k :razz:

ninman
06-17-2010, 07:15 AM
Although tbh obvious things to a third person are often not obvious to the first

Love is blind as they say. I'm starting to feel much better about it now, I know I'll forget all about her eventually, but there was a time I would have done anything for her. I even have a book that she bought me for Christmas, and a Christmas card I bought for her, both declaring my love for her, and when I read I think "When did I write that? It must have been a life time ago."

jerriy
06-17-2010, 07:41 AM
i once had a chinese co-worker. she told me in her opinion, a man should marry a woman 10 years younger than he is because after child birth, the woman would end up looking 10 years older :)lol

Good one

ninman
06-17-2010, 07:44 PM
That tells me your entire purpose in this thread was to get some support for yourself by blaming her.

I don't know if there is another side to this - we are only hearing from you. So I would reserve my judgement about her.

Of course you could see it that way, but this was about me just trying to move on, and in order to do that I have to tell you things from my own point of view. Of course you can't judge her as a person based purely on things that I've said, I was just trying to get some help to understand why if this is the way I remember our relationship, I would want her back, and wouldn't be able to stop thinking about her.

It certainly helped that people were encouraging me to see that all those things I wrote about were bad things, and I shouldn't see it any other way, that was more what I meant. If you met her you would think she was a perfectly nice person, she only treated me like that, for some reason, and to this day I do not understand why.

Puddy
06-17-2010, 09:14 PM
ninman,

do have a particular preference for chinese girls, or are you open
to other asians as well? are you asian?

here is a website where you can meet a nice, klassy, chinese lady:

http://www.bigbadchinesemama.com/brides/

Nice link!!!

Puddy
06-17-2010, 09:18 PM
I just want to thank you all for the great advice. Hearing lots of people telling me how horrible she was is really helping me move on. I can take a little comfort though in knowing that her relationship with her new bf was probably arranged by her parents or friends (all of whom heap huge amounts of pressure on her to marry before she turns 30). She told me she's going to get married on Nov.17 to a guy she just met about 2 months ago.

I can see this very clearly now, she's going to marry this guy, he'll get her pregnant, in a year or 2 she'll realise she doesn't like him, but can't leave him because they have a kid together and no Chinese man is going to take a 32 year old woman with a child who is divorced. Next thing I will get a call or an email begging for me back again because her "marriage" didn't work out, either that or she'll spend her life in a very unhappy relationship.

Either that, or the guy will get her pregnant, realise he doesn't love her at all (like I did), and leave her in that condition, unwanted, unloved and alone. I'm starting to heal, little by little, I think in about 2 or 3 months I will have reached the point where I will never think about her again.

I feel for you - no question. It may be fitting to hear HER side of the story, though. 'Can do?

ninman
06-17-2010, 10:47 PM
I feel for you - no question. It may be fitting to hear HER side of the story, though. 'Can do?

Would that really help, the best I can do is copy and paste an email she sent me just after we broke up.

CanadianChic
06-18-2010, 01:02 AM
You are ridiculous. Only a chump would do such a thing...no surprise here.

Kobble
06-18-2010, 05:03 AM
Every time I see some typical married guy, he looks pathetic, and the chunky woman does all the talking. Is this case the precursor to that scenario? Any who, I got a story...with a lesson. I had a so-called friend who chased this girl around like he was some kind of lap dog. Always trying to get across his appreciation for whatever she had going for her. Maybe, it was her hairy legs. Beats me. You would think this puppy would find true love and happiness with all his dedication. Instead, he grew up to acquire a court date for beating his wife (another lucky girl). What a progression. Another friend-like person I knew always talked about "pure" chicks. Yeah, his last girlfriend had a restraining order slapped against him. Good girl.

So, if you think you resemble one of those clowns, ask yourself, what's love got to do with you?

Kobble
06-18-2010, 05:06 AM
...Cuz, it is none of your business.