PDA

View Full Version : Initiating a handshake


ramseszerg
07-04-2010, 07:51 AM
In North American culture, is it rude for a younger person to initiate a handshake? What about a son's friend initiating to the mother?

And is it rude for a male to initiate a handshake with a female? (Although I'm pretty sure not, I'm having an argument over this)

Thanks!

ollinger
07-04-2010, 08:09 AM
Initiating a handshake with a female, or anyone else, is not rude in the US. Initiating a chest bump with a female is considered unacceptable.

Juges8932
07-04-2010, 11:03 AM
No, it isn't rude.

CanadianChic
07-04-2010, 11:05 AM
Where are you from OP?

jswinf
07-04-2010, 11:43 AM
Pretty much anybody can stick their hand out to shake hands with anybody. It's cool. About the only thing to worry about is not shaking a hand that somebody else sticks out.

Mansewerz
07-04-2010, 12:51 PM
No, but just make sure you don't crush her hand (obviously if initiating with a female!)

cucio
07-04-2010, 01:50 PM
In some situations you can spit in your hand before offering it. It is expected you produce something suitably sticky, to express your expectations of a durable bonding.

Algo214
07-04-2010, 02:03 PM
In some situations you can spit in your hand before offering it. It is expected you produce something suitably sticky, to express your expectations of a durable bonding.
you're kidding, right?, I hope :)

cucio
07-04-2010, 02:14 PM
Kidding? Moi?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGkPR6WQMGg

AudiOphiLiA
07-04-2010, 02:24 PM
Just remember, it's usually game over when you fist pound a woman you're interested in!

Geezer Guy
07-04-2010, 06:42 PM
Anyone can initiate a handshake with anyone else. A good firm grip is best, EXCEPT if shaking with a woman or an older person, do not squeeze too hard.

Don't use the two-handed shake - those are just fake and dorky.
And please, if you're a guy - don't try to hug me for ANY reason.

maverick66
07-04-2010, 07:07 PM
And please, if you're a guy - don't try to hug me for ANY reason.

That one bugs me to. Especially when I dont know the guy that much. I dont want my close friends hugging me so for a casual one to is no good.

And for greeting women. Give them a soft hug a kiss on the cheek and little squeeze on the bottom. They will like it trust me.:)

heycal
07-05-2010, 04:44 PM
No, but just make sure you don't crush her hand (obviously if initiating with a female!)

But also be careful you don't err in the opposite direction. Women do not like a limp handshake from a man. You need to find that happy medium.

Tina
07-05-2010, 05:09 PM
And is it rude for a male to initiate a handshake with a female? (Although I'm pretty sure not, I'm having an argument over this)

It depends on a person. I always initiate a handshake with guys if they are the types that I prefer associating with. I don't do a hand shake with guys who initiates a handshake with me even for my profession:)

ramseszerg
07-05-2010, 06:48 PM
It depends on a person. I always initiate a handshake with guys if they are the types that I prefer associating with. I don't do a hand shake with guys who initiates a handshake with me even for my profession:)

What do you mean, so you just refuse? How should they know you prefer not to associate with their type of a guy?

Tina
07-05-2010, 07:04 PM
What do you mean, so you just refuse? How should they know you prefer not to associate with their type of a guy?

I will smile at them and say "I will see you a little bit". Usually, they get the hint of what I mean.

As for your second question, I can't help you with my thoughts (Sorry). You might want to have a little chat with your female members of household.

Hope it helps. -Tina

maverick66
07-05-2010, 07:14 PM
If someone ever refused my handshake without having a reason for no contact I would be pretty offended and done with them forever. So your prejudging people by how they look is a sick practice.

raiden031
07-05-2010, 08:02 PM
I don't do a hand shake with guys who initiates a handshake with me even for my profession:)

That is extremely rude.

raiden031
07-05-2010, 08:05 PM
I absolutely hate shaking hands unless it is someone VERY close to me. It is a source of a great deal of social anxiety for me. I don't know who I should or shouldn't initiate a handshake with. If I am leaving a party/gathering and shake one person's hand, then I feel like I need to go aroud the room and shake every single person's hand otherwise I fear I am excluding them as if they are unimportant. I would rather shake no one's hand than shake only a subset of the people around me.

kimbahpnam
07-05-2010, 09:07 PM
how about initiating a handshake with the left hand?

cesarmo03
07-06-2010, 12:12 AM
that is really a weird culture from the people on USA, here in south America between guys we shake hands, and with a girl, we kiss with the cheek.

And if we initiate a handshake with the left hand that means we are hypocrite with that person.

That is so mean with the lefthanders.

ramseszerg
07-06-2010, 05:23 AM
That is extremely rude.

Well, by saying I should have a little chat with a female in my family, she's implying that all females share that view...? And she acts as if it was the male's fault for offering to shake in the first place.. This is why I asked the question. ??????

Gimmick
07-06-2010, 05:44 AM
In tennis we have female players and male umps, male players and female umps, and mixed doubles who all shake hands after a match. I have yet to see any nationality exhibit a reluctance to shake at the appropriate time, even if it's someone they don't normally associate with.

The obvious exception is when the players are very angry, which says something about people who refuse handshakes in the appropriate context.

raiden031
07-06-2010, 06:00 AM
Well, by saying I should have a little chat with a female in my family, she's implying that all females share that view...? And she acts as if it was the male's fault for offering to shake in the first place.. This is why I asked the question. ??????

I don't really know what she was talking about. So in order to shake someone's hand, they have to be date-able? Is that it?

Li Ching Yuen
07-06-2010, 08:09 AM
A whole bunch of initiators we have here...

goober
07-06-2010, 08:56 AM
that is really a weird culture from the people on USA, here in south America between guys we shake hands, and with a girl, we kiss with the cheek.

.

Kissing on females on the cheek you just met would definitely not go over well in North America. Hugs and kisses are only between people you know well.

Handshakes are never rude to anybody - young, old, male or female. Refusing to shake ones hand though would be pretty rude in most situations.

heycal
07-06-2010, 09:15 AM
Kissing on females on the cheek you just met would definitely not go over well in North America. Hugs and kisses are only between people you know well.

In many cases, if you spend a social evening with someone you just met, you might kiss or hug the females goodbye. It's somewhat common in certain circles.

raiden031
07-06-2010, 09:20 AM
In many cases, if you spend a social evening with someone you just met, you might kiss or hug the females goodbye. It's somewhat common in certain circles.

During award shows on TV, usually the men peck the woman on the cheek as well, even in North America.

Its just something you don't do if you are being introduced to someone for the first time in most social situations.

dParis
07-06-2010, 10:25 AM
During award shows on TV, usually the men peck the woman on the cheek as well, even in North America.

Even at The State of the Union Address - which I thought was a little strange, whether it be Rice, Clinton or Pelosi getting their cheek pecked at such a formal/professional event.

Cindysphinx
07-06-2010, 10:29 AM
Handshakes should always be reciprocated -- always -- unless you have a medical reason (illness, arthritis), and it would be a good idea to give a quick explanation. If I ever refused to shake a client's hand, I would not have much of a career at that establishment.

That said, all the kissing has to stop. In the social circles where I am, men and women air-kiss the women. The men shake hands and, if they are very good friends or are very drunk, will give each other a back-slapping kind of hug.

I find the air kiss hopelessly awkward. Is there a convention on which side you go for first? Get this wrong and you have the Aborted Air Kiss, which is hideous to experience or witness. I am starting to think I touch my left cheek to her left cheek, with no actual kiss. I have difficulty getting the timing right, because I am in the process of saying hello and I don't wish to shout in her ear.

Dang, can't we all just shake hands?

TheJRK
07-06-2010, 12:01 PM
Kissing on females on the cheek you just met would definitely not go over well in North America. Hugs and kisses are only between people you know well.

In Hawaii, you do this (the kiss on the cheek with females). I found out this is not the case in the DC metro area when I moved here. :oops:

goober
07-06-2010, 12:23 PM
In Hawaii, you do this (the kiss on the cheek with females). I found out this is not the case in the DC metro area when I moved here. :oops:

I have been to Hawaii 5 times. None of the natives ever kissed my wife/aunts/mother in law on the cheek upon meeting them for the first time. :confused: Maybe it is only done between Hawaiians?

cucio
07-06-2010, 12:33 PM
In Spain when a female is involved the custom is two air-kisses. In The Netherlands they go for three, which adds to the awkwardness when you are used to two. After the second you pull back while the other person is trying to kiss you a third time, the effect is more or less like refusing to handshake.

I am with Cindy on this, I prefer to save kisses and close contact for people of any gender I really feel close to. I feel uncomfortable kissing random unknown women so I tend to offer my hand as they come close to be introduced. This makes me the oddball around here, of course.

TheJRK
07-06-2010, 12:49 PM
I have been to Hawaii 5 times. None of the natives ever kissed my wife/aunts/mother in law on the cheek upon meeting them for the first time. :confused: Maybe it is only done between Hawaiians?

You only do it for people you know, or friends of a friend. For example, if you are friends with me and I introduce you to my wife (who you never met) you would kiss on the cheek.

You would not do it with some stranger you just met at the bar.

heycal
07-06-2010, 01:07 PM
I feel uncomfortable kissing random unknown women

There are worse things in life.:)

cucio
07-06-2010, 01:14 PM
There are worse things in life.:)

If you say so...

http://cellar.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=22584&d=1237841881

goober
07-06-2010, 01:17 PM
You only do it for people you know, or friends of a friend. For example, if you are friends with me and I introduce you to my wife (who you never met) you would kiss on the cheek.

You would not do it with some stranger you just met at the bar.

Well with people you know everything is different- not just in Hawaii. But this thread is about what is considered acceptable with people you don't know or just meet. Shaking hands is pretty much standard in NA. I guess there are pockets of society that may do air kissing, but I wonder if these people would do this in a business setting or socially meeting people in other parts of the country.

r2473
07-06-2010, 01:32 PM
I have been to Hawaii 5 times. None of the natives ever kissed my wife upon meeting her for the first time. :confused: Maybe it is only done between Hawaiians?

http://cellar.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=22584&d=1237841881

I think it depends...........

jswinf
07-06-2010, 01:47 PM
I feel like there's more hugging going on these days. I've been working on the 1-armed hug, more of a shoulder-to-shoulder thing--some of those full-on ones can get pretty squishy.

Cindysphinx
07-06-2010, 01:56 PM
Well with people you know everything is different- not just in Hawaii. But this thread is about what is considered acceptable with people you don't know or just meet. Shaking hands is pretty much standard in NA. I guess there are pockets of society that may do air kissing, but I wonder if these people would do this in a business setting or socially meeting people in other parts of the country.

There is a generational element to this. Older people do this air kissing more than young people (thank goodness).

Say you go to someone's house for dinner. You are old friends with the hostess and host. There are two other couples there you have never laid eyes on, plus the host's 18 year old daughter and 16 year old son. How do you greet each of these people when you arrive, and how do you say goodnight to them when you leave?

Around here for a woman like me, it would be:

Attempted handshake to male host, which will usually be rebuffed in favor of a single air kiss.

Single air kiss to female hostess; handshake will never work.

Handshake to the four adult strangers, although a smile/nod/wave will also work, especially if you have a bottle of wine in your hand.

For the daughter, it will be a smile/nod/little wave, delivered with shock and admiration at how much she has grown since last time you saw her.

For the son, a handshake at most. At most.

Upon departure, single air kiss to host and hostess. Any of the strangers can be promoted to air kiss status if you really bonded with them and conversed at length, or if they shared some horrific tale of woe with you.

Anyone who burst into tears during the dessert course gets an air kiss with heartfelt hug.

jswinf
07-06-2010, 02:08 PM
Must have been a pretty bad dessert.

coyfish
07-06-2010, 02:37 PM
There is a generational element to this. Older people do this air kissing more than young people (thank goodness).

Say you go to someone's house for dinner. You are old friends with the hostess and host. There are two other couples there you have never laid eyes on, plus the host's 18 year old daughter and 16 year old son. How do you greet each of these people when you arrive, and how do you say goodnight to them when you leave?

Around here for a woman like me, it would be:

Attempted handshake to male host, which will usually be rebuffed in favor of a single air kiss.

Single air kiss to female hostess; handshake will never work.

Handshake to the four adult strangers, although a smile/nod/wave will also work, especially if you have a bottle of wine in your hand.

For the daughter, it will be a smile/nod/little wave, delivered with shock and admiration at how much she has grown since last time you saw her.

For the son, a handshake at most. At most.

Upon departure, single air kiss to host and hostess. Any of the strangers can be promoted to air kiss status if you really bonded with them and conversed at length, or if they shared some horrific tale of woe with you.

Anyone who burst into tears during the dessert course gets an air kiss with heartfelt hug.

I don't think its age at all. It is mostly culture. I think American culture has established some type of underlying sexual meaning behind even a remedial handshake. Most guys know that many girls take this much further.

I find it offensive to subjugate people to "lesser" greetings based on gender or age (within reason of course) alone. You don't have to shake the hand of a 7 year old but I have had several older american women avoid handshakes when I was in my late teens. The only way to perceive that is as an act of subordination, which it is. There is no other way to explain it but not being old enough to "deserve" the respect implied by a handshake . ..

OrangeOne
07-06-2010, 02:50 PM
Anyone can initiate a handshake with anyone else. A good firm grip is best, EXCEPT if shaking with a woman or an older person, do not squeeze too hard.

Don't use the two-handed shake - those are just fake and dorky.
And please, if you're a guy - don't try to hug me for ANY reason.

That one bugs me to. Especially when I dont know the guy that much. I dont want my close friends hugging me so for a casual one to is no good.

And for greeting women. Give them a soft hug a kiss on the cheek and little squeeze on the bottom. They will like it trust me.:)

Interesting.

heycal
07-06-2010, 03:44 PM
There is no other way to explain it but not being old enough to "deserve" the respect implied by a handshake . ..

When you get older, you'll understand.

Cindysphinx
07-06-2010, 04:26 PM
I don't think its age at all. It is mostly culture. I think American culture has established some type of underlying sexual meaning behind even a remedial handshake. Most guys know that many girls take this much further.

I find it offensive to subjugate people to "lesser" greetings based on gender or age (within reason of course) alone. You don't have to shake the hand of a 7 year old but I have had several older american women avoid handshakes when I was in my late teens. The only way to perceive that is as an act of subordination, which it is. There is no other way to explain it but not being old enough to "deserve" the respect implied by a handshake . ..

That's what I mean about there being an element of age/generation to it all.

On older lady wasn't expected to shake hands. Then women began making inroads in business, and the handshake was expected (after a while, anyway). Which of course blurred the line about what was done socially.

As far as people getting "lesser" greetings, that too has always been done. Grandma needn't rise from her seat when little Billy enters the room, but the reverse isn't true. Men always rise to greet someone; it was optional for women; now it is done by all.

And of course, no one over the age of 10 is allowed to back away from a handshake and hide behind his mother's apron.

coyfish
07-06-2010, 04:27 PM
When you get older, you'll understand.

I am old enough to know to avoid making faulty assumptions. There is nothing to understand. It is a personal opinion.

coyfish
07-06-2010, 04:34 PM
That's what I mean about there being an element of age/generation to it all.

On older lady wasn't expected to shake hands. Then women began making inroads in business, and the handshake was expected (after a while, anyway). Which of course blurred the line about what was done socially.

As far as people getting "lesser" greetings, that too has always been done. Grandma needn't rise from her seat when little Billy enters the room, but the reverse isn't true. Men always rise to greet someone; it was optional for women; now it is done by all.

And of course, no one over the age of 10 is allowed to back away from a handshake and hide behind his mother's apron.

Well I don't see how age / generation = culture but I see what you were saying about the group greeting scenario. I was under the impression that most people were talking about meeting individuals for the first time.

When you don't know the person I think everyone deserves at least a handshake. I find it pretty awkward to say "hello, my name is ..." without extending a hand or similar gesture.

TheJRK
07-06-2010, 05:57 PM
Well with people you know everything is different- not just in Hawaii. But this thread is about what is considered acceptable with people you don't know or just meet. Shaking hands is pretty much standard in NA. I guess there are pockets of society that may do air kissing, but I wonder if these people would do this in a business setting or socially meeting people in other parts of the country.

The OP asks about a son's friend meeting his mother... this would fit the example I provided. The example I provided also covers the fact that 1. You didn't know my wife when you were introduced 2. You just met. The response I provided covered what the OP asked when starting this thread.

ramseszerg
07-06-2010, 06:22 PM
I am old enough to know to avoid making faulty assumptions. There is nothing to understand. It is a personal opinion.

I think heycal was being funny.

dunno
07-07-2010, 06:57 PM
It depends on a person. I always initiate a handshake with guys if they are the types that I prefer associating with. I don't do a hand shake with guys who initiates a handshake with me even for my profession:)

lolwut.....

AudiOphiLiA
07-07-2010, 07:41 PM
What about the "Christian Side Hug"?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_Oj0-splZw

Yulitle posted this link in another thread...

goober
07-08-2010, 05:46 AM
The OP asks about a son's friend meeting his mother... this would fit the example I provided. The example I provided also covers the fact that 1. You didn't know my wife when you were introduced 2. You just met. The response I provided covered what the OP asked when starting this thread.

When I was a teenage/20s, there is NO way I would kiss my friend's mom on the cheek when meeting her for the first time. I would still consider that a stranger even if it is a friend's relative. Family would be different. I guess things are different in Hawaii.

Cindysphinx
07-08-2010, 08:56 AM
When I was a teenage/20s, there is NO way I would kiss my friend's mom on the cheek when meeting her for the first time. I would still consider that a stranger even if it is a friend's relative. Family would be different. I guess things are different in Hawaii.

I wouldn't air kiss a peer's adult son under any circumstances. If he started moving his cheek toward me . . . nope, not gonna happen.

I think it is charming when a pre-teen offers me his hand for a handshake with a proper hello and greeting.

maverick66
07-08-2010, 09:17 AM
When I was in France every woman I met that required a greeting be young or old greeted me with the little kiss on the cheek. So you might have something about it being a culture thing.

Here in the USA we act like every little gesture has to be about something sexual so we shun almost any contact with others. Its sad that a little greeting that has almost no meaning besides being friendly is seen as bad.

Slazenger07
07-08-2010, 11:40 AM
how about initiating a handshake with the left hand?

I do this only with other lefty friends that I know. Otherwise it would incorrect/odd to do so.

Slazenger07
07-08-2010, 11:43 AM
In many cases, if you spend a social evening with someone you just met, you might kiss or hug the females goodbye. It's somewhat common in certain circles.

Yea, I hug my female friends, male friends get the handshake.

raiden031
07-08-2010, 11:55 AM
I wouldn't air kiss a peer's adult son under any circumstances. If he started moving his cheek toward me . . . nope, not gonna happen.

I think it is charming when a pre-teen offers me his hand for a handshake with a proper hello and greeting.

Why would you reject the kiss?