PDA

View Full Version : 'Growing Up' help?


in[k]
07-28-2010, 09:34 PM
Well maybe I should start off with a little about myself: I'm 16, play tennis, high honors and top 10% of my class (~600). I don't have tons of friends but I am very close to the ones I have. Now on to my problem... Over the past year I feel like I have changed so much. I have started drinking (only socialy), got my first real job, visisted my brother at college to see what life will be like away from parents, got my license, and even smoked weed for the first time. Even though my general personality hasn't changed, everything else has. I know that I am at a big stage in my life right now, but I am confused. Part of me longs for the days of innocense and no responsibility, but the other part is enjoying new freedoms and hoping for a bright future. I am also realizing all of the mistakes I have made in my life, and wish of changing them (relationships mostly).

As they say i am at a crossroads. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys.

Bud
07-28-2010, 09:41 PM
;4904557']Well maybe I should start off with a little about myself: I'm 16, play tennis, high honors and top 10% of my class (~600). I don't have tons of friends but I am very close to the ones I have. Now on to my problem... Over the past year I feel like I have changed so much. I have started drinking (only socialy), got my first real job, visisted my brother at college to see what life will be like away from parents, got my license, and even smoked weed for the first time. Even though my general personality hasn't changed, everything else has. I know that I am at a big stage in my life right now, but I am confused. Part of me longs for the days of innocense and no responsibility, but the other part is enjoying new freedoms and hoping for a bright future. I am also realizing all of the mistakes I have made in my life, and wish of changing them (relationships mostly).

As they say i am at a crossroads. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys.

Ever read Catcher in the Rye? :)

in[k]
07-28-2010, 09:46 PM
No but I will in my English class this year. I assume by that grinning smiley that it is a story about going into adulthood?

Bud
07-28-2010, 09:51 PM
;4904578']No but I will in my English class this year. I assume by that grinning smiley that it is a story about going into adulthood?

First thing I thought of while reading your OP.

Here's a synopsis: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Catcher_in_the_Rye

SoBad
07-28-2010, 09:56 PM
;4904557']Well maybe I should start off with a little about myself: I'm 16, play tennis, high honors and top 10% of my class (~600). I don't have tons of friends but I am very close to the ones I have. Now on to my problem... Over the past year I feel like I have changed so much. I have started drinking (only socialy), got my first real job, visisted my brother at college to see what life will be like away from parents, got my license, and even smoked weed for the first time. Even though my general personality hasn't changed, everything else has. I know that I am at a big stage in my life right now, but I am confused. Part of me longs for the days of innocense and no responsibility, but the other part is enjoying new freedoms and hoping for a bright future. I am also realizing all of the mistakes I have made in my life, and wish of changing them (relationships mostly).

As they say i am at a crossroads. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks guys.

Well what are the decisions youíre trying to make? Youíre at crossroads when you can go one way or another, what are your options here? You canít go back to days of innocence, you can only move forward.

Whether or not booze drugs and random sex will be key components of your transition to college, only you can decide. I can tell you though that potheads can be pretty annoying to deal with for non-potheads, so Iíd recommend you go easy on that one.

in[k]
07-28-2010, 10:09 PM
By relationships I did not mean sex. I could/should be friends with other people whom I just blew off in the past. And I am not and will never be a druggy, just a fun escape with friends once in a while seems to help relieve some stress. And I am not looking towards college but rather the rest of my life. I will never be able to fully enjoy childhood any more, and I envy younger kids who have such simple and carefree lives. I know I have to move forward, but right now I feel like I am losing a part of me.

And thanks for the link Bud.

LameTennisPlayer
07-28-2010, 11:35 PM
acknowledging mistakes at 16...? Wait till your 30+; u havent even touched the iceberg of making mistakes yet

w4kj4k
07-29-2010, 02:53 AM
Hmm your 16 and already talking about this.
I just graduated highschool this year, and am now moving on to college. Looking back, i DID enjoy highschool, but i wish i wouldve tried to enjoy it more and stress less because it really is fun looking back on it man.

For now just enjoy your time as a highschool student, once you graduate, THEN you will see how fast life changes and your friends will dissapear and such.

westside
07-29-2010, 03:30 AM
^^ Couldn't of said it better myself!!!!

I'm coming to the end of my first year of University (college), but during my final year of high school, i was counting down the days until it was over. Looking back on it now, I should've just enjoyed everyday of it instead of wishing for it to be over because High School were the best days of my life.


Here's my favourite saying which i think is relevant

"Live today like it's your last, but look forward to tomorrow"

in[k]
07-29-2010, 07:29 AM
Thanks for all the help guys. I guess I'll just take it a day at a time and try to be myself and enjoy it.

LanEvo
07-29-2010, 07:40 AM
Hmm your 16 and already talking about this.
I just graduated highschool this year, and am now moving on to college. Looking back, i DID enjoy highschool, but i wish i wouldve tried to enjoy it more and stress less because it really is fun looking back on it man.

For now just enjoy your time as a highschool student, once you graduate, THEN you will see how fast life changes and your friends will dissapear and such.

I am in the same boat, going to UC Davis in another month or so. Already, I wish I was back in college because everything was so carefree. I actually fell scared as hell entering college, bc IDK what it'll be like, I don't mind being independent and such, but I am so used to my parents being there I can't let go. So, we'll just see what happens.

TheJRK
07-29-2010, 09:52 AM
;4904557']Well maybe I should start off with a little about myself: I'm 16,

Here's the answer you are looking for.

max
07-29-2010, 10:10 AM
If I could go back in time to when I was 16, and could sit down with Young Max, Old Max would say, "Max, you're a great guy. But it's true what they say about problems with the whole 'free sex, drugs and rock and roll thing'. Sorry to sound mean-spirited, whatever, but it's true. That stuff's enticing, but the way to real problems."

I don't think of Catcher in the Rye as really being some kind of valuable tool. Try that Life's Little Instruction Book instead. It's fun and the overall ethos is being considerate to yourself and to others.

I'd also tell Young Max, "don't get hung up on girls. There's plenty of time and plenty of women; there's not just One Soulmate for you. They're as nervous about you as you are about them. Maybe more so."

You know, OP, you talk about "losing a part" of yourself. I think most full adults will agree that life's simple pleasures are the greatest: family, friends, walking in the woods, having a tennis ball hit right nicely in the sweetspot, etc.

TennisandMusic
07-29-2010, 10:13 AM
Hey man, if you're longing for the days of "no responsibility" at sixteen you're in for a VERY rude awakening over the next ten to fifteen years. :p

sphinx780
07-29-2010, 10:50 AM
'Part of me longs for the days of innocense and no responsibility, but the other part is enjoying new freedoms and hoping for a bright future.'

I believe this to be true at any stage in life. Hold on and enjoy those memories fondly but keep in mind for every great memory you have, you will have that many more coming as you move forward in your journey so soak it all in as part of the greater experience.

Every moment continues to shape and change who you are, learn what you can and don't sweat the rest. You're going to screw up plenty more no matter what you do.

If I knew at 20 what I knew at 30 and so forth life would have been different, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I wouldn't be where I am if I wasn't where I was.

Dedans Penthouse
07-29-2010, 12:03 PM
;4904557']Well maybe I should start off with a little about myself: I'm 16, play tennis, high honors and top 10% of my class (~600). I don't have tons of friends but I am very close to the ones I have. Now on to my problem... Over the past year I feel like I have changed so much. 1. I have started drinking (only socialy), got my first real job, visisted my brother at 2. college to see what life will be like away from parents, got my license, and 3. even smoked weed for the first time. Even though my general personality hasn't changed, everything else has. I know that I am at a big stage in my life right now, but I am confused. Part of me longs for the days of innocense and no responsibility, but the other part is enjoying new freedoms and hoping for a bright future. I am also realizing all of the mistakes I have made in my life, and wish of changing them (relationships mostly).....
Let's see, you've moved from playing varsity tennis, receiving high honors and "top 10%" status....to setting the bar *higher* by drinking ("only socially") and smoking weed? Hmmm...

1. You've started drinking, but "only socially?" What 16-year-old drinks "socially?" Yeah, I used to bang girls at your age, but that too was only socially. "Socially" or otherwise, here comes the slippery slope...and there you are, having built up a tolerance to booze and maybe now taking the 'extra' one, or finding more frivillous "social" reasons to drink. Knock that off now. At 16?...drinking's a loser's game.

2. College...and that freedom buzz of living away from the 'rents for the 1st time. Here's college in a nutshell: buckle down the VERY FIRST SEMESTER (hit the books)and then "slowly" take it from there. Freshman are called freshman for a reason...because they ain't 'seniors' if you get my drift. Learn the ropes first then you'll be better able to gauge how to juggle the academic/social-recreational/romantic equation.

3. Weed? Please. Giggles followed by the urge to eat a powdered doughnut the size of an inner tube should tell you something about 'weed' right there. In and of itself, yeah no big deal....but make it a habit and you'll be prone to ignoring the important things.

More to the point, if it's just experimenting for now, er..ok. But beyond that you may want to ask yourself why you've chosen to play with two things (drinking/weed) that involve putting mood altering chemicals into your body. Dude, you're 16. Plenty of time to grow up and make stupid *adult* mistakes later in life. Let your grades up, 'ace' your freshman year at college then see what you want to do with your life.

Fifth Set
07-29-2010, 01:25 PM
Dedans speaks the truth here.

There are many "carefree" days ahead of you to enjoy.

But, drugs and alcohol can lead to a very bad place. Ask yourself whether your friends are leading you into either, as that too can be the root of problems, even if you don't immediately recognize it as "peer pressure."

One way to test this (requires some willingness to be self-critical & respect your parents' opinion, qualities which it seems you luckily have), is to carefully measure whether the parents involved (yours and your friends') see you as the role model or the friends as the role models. That is, if your friends' parents really want your friends to hang out with you but your parents are not happy about your friends, it may be a sign that you're a good kid being dragged down by your buddies. Not a foolproof test, but something to think about.

There are lots of "harmless" mistakes yet to be made in your life, but, just as an example, getting behind the wheel of a car after you have had some drinks or smoked some weed could absolutely ruin your life.

Best of luck, keep up the good grades and keep up the tennis! :)

Admerr
07-29-2010, 01:42 PM
acknowledging mistakes at 16...? Wait till your 30+; u havent even touched the iceberg of making mistakes yet

So incredibly true. I'm 26, recently married, and still learning from and recognizing mistakes. That's life. It's one long road of learning. Don't dwell on them. Learn from them. When I was 16, I didn't think twice about mistakes I made unless I got caught doing them.

Take a step back and relax. You really don't have any worries at 16 except school, and broads. No bills, no rent, etc, etc...

As for the weed- there's really nothing wrong with it unless you become a habitual smoker. I'd rather someone driving next to me stoned than drunk.

Wait until you hit 20/21. You will change and grow beyond belief from 20-25. At least I did.

pyrokid
07-29-2010, 03:10 PM
Dude, all I can say is HS is the s#$%.
Enjoy it.
I can't see myself enjoying life where I have even less time to mess around with friends more than I like it now.

decades
07-29-2010, 03:41 PM
stop drinking. oh and you're "too" serious for 16. Lighten up and you'll get more babes. :)