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BTURNER
01-16-2011, 10:43 AM
heard an interesting viewpoint from two mothers who had raised their teens conservatively. They both said in hindsight they wished they had given more freedom to teens 'to screw up' . They began to go a bit wild in their first few years of adulthood leading to mild criminal charges for DUI, pot possession, and failures at college etc. If they had not been so harsh those lessons would have been with a juvenile record rather than an adult record. The same rebellion vs parental values is a lot more costly after 18, killing college opportunities, when if they had allowed more freedom to make mistakes, that cycle of growth would probably be over. Do you parents of adults think you were too strict on the groundings,the curfews, too controlling or too permissive in hindsight?

albino smurf
01-16-2011, 10:45 AM
My parents gave me the old heave ho after i messed up as a teenager a number of times. It taught me the most important lessons in life I've learned. Until kids experience repercussions to their actions they'll always just be kids.

ollinger
01-16-2011, 10:50 AM
The suggestion that "if they had not been so harsh those lessons would have been with a juvenile record rather than an adult record" is a fallacy, as something like DUI and failure at college is less likely to occur if kids are raised benevolently. But the more important point is that the rules you lay down are less important than the example you set as a role model with your own behavior. That has a much greater impact on how kids develop.

jmverdugo
01-16-2011, 10:52 AM
I think that to let them make mistakes while they are under your supervision is way better than to let them make mistakes while they are away. If you do not teach them how to make decisions and to take responsability for those decisions, then they will make the worst decision when they do not have you to make them for them.

So I guess that kids should have enough freedom to make mistakes but enough to make really stupid mistakes.

max
01-16-2011, 11:32 AM
The suggestion that "if they had not been so harsh those lessons would have been with a juvenile record rather than an adult record" is a fallacy, as something like DUI and failure at college is less likely to occur if kids are raised benevolently. But the more important point is that the rules you lay down are less important than the example you set as a role model with your own behavior. That has a much greater impact on how kids develop.

Agree entirely with ollie. I'd only add that it's good to explain your reasons for things.

dave333
01-16-2011, 11:53 AM
I think that to let them make mistakes while they are under your supervision is way better than to let them make mistakes while they are away. If you do not teach them how to make decisions and to take responsability for those decisions, then they will make the worst decision when they do not have you to make them for them.

So I guess that kids should have enough freedom to make mistakes but enough to make really stupid mistakes.

This is the sort of perspective my econ professor gives on parenting and economic policy XD. Moderation with parenting is key, like in everything.

Larrysümmers
01-16-2011, 12:01 PM
As a 17 year old, i am happy that my parents are not strict with me. from a young age they havnt forced be to believe in a religion or values, anad i think that was important for me now. i think the more of a big deal a parent makes, the more the kid wants to rebel and do that. i know that if i do something stupid, i will pay for it.
i am happy that they raised me that way. i am now 17, liberal values, i dont do stupid things to rebel.
i mean the pastor's daughter is more of a bad***** than i am, and she lives in a strict, conservatve house.

Polaris
01-16-2011, 01:49 PM
The suggestion that "if they had not been so harsh those lessons would have been with a juvenile record rather than an adult record" is a fallacy, as something like DUI and failure at college is less likely to occur if kids are raised benevolently. But the more important point is that the rules you lay down are less important than the example you set as a role model with your own behavior. That has a much greater impact on how kids develop.

I don't have kids yet, but it is difficult to argue with the bolded part. Well said.