PDA

View Full Version : Funny and/or witty one-liners


tennisenthusiast
12-12-2011, 06:47 PM
What are some of your favorite funny and/or witty one-liners that you came across during commentary or other sources.

My fav. one is by Rob Koenig where he described Federer as a South African Diamond Cutter!

OddJack
12-12-2011, 07:16 PM
Koeing has said that about others too though.

hmmm...

"There is a syndrome in sports called ''paralysis by analysis.''


Arthur Ash said that, before tt tennis ever existed

Towser83
12-12-2011, 07:18 PM
I remember when Murray got beaten by Tsonga first round of the AO 2008. Laconte was in the studio with the other tennis experts, think Greg Rusedski and Annabel Croft might have been there. They were asking what he had to do to improve, and Lacoste said "maybe win a match?" and laughed :lol:

Devilito
12-12-2011, 08:10 PM
What are some of your favorite funny and/or witty one-liners that you came across during commentary or other sources.

My fav. one is by Rob Koenig where he described Federer as a South African Diamond Cutter!

LMAO love the diamond cutter!

Tennis_Monk
12-12-2011, 08:13 PM
Nothing can beat ..."no one beats vitas gerulaitis 17 times in a row"

tusharlovesrafa
12-12-2011, 10:37 PM
"No one beats rafa 7 times in a row"

LameTennisPlayer
12-12-2011, 10:41 PM
Nothing can beat ..."no one beats vitas gerulaitis 17 times in a row"

haha yeah thats a classic

MG1
12-12-2011, 10:45 PM
"No one beats rafa 7 times in a row"

Don't speak louder otherwise djoker will be angry!!

sureshs
12-13-2011, 03:01 PM
"Rafa is a one-dimensional player" - Federer

Mainad
12-13-2011, 04:04 PM
I recall hearing this one about Safin. After he lost a match during which he smashed several racquets as usual, he stormed into the dressing room and began smashing all his remaining racquets against the wall. A security guard entered to see where all the noise was coming from. Safin paused, looked at him and simply said:

"Bad day!".

Timbo's hopeless slice
12-13-2011, 04:09 PM
I remember some journalist asking Hewitt at a press conference once "so, Lleyton, what happened out there today?" (he had lost to Fed)

Hewitt just looked at him for a second and said "I played Roger Federer, mate, that's what happened!"

Crazy man
12-13-2011, 04:14 PM
'Go to school kids or you'll end up being an umpire'. Lol.

jones101
12-13-2011, 04:19 PM
'She won Rome & Madrid'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4DHCdE7quU


Also, Hingis on her on court rivalry with Kournikova -

'What Rivalry? I win all the matches'

Hingis on why she stopped playing doubles with Novotna -

'She's old and slow'

jones101
12-13-2011, 04:21 PM
Hingis (1998) on Graf -

"Steffi has had some results in the past, but it's a faster, more athletic game now than when she played. She is old now. Her time has passed."

Sid_Vicious
12-13-2011, 04:58 PM
" I respect him, I think he respects me. We always have a good laugh when we see each other in the locker-room ... and I try to push him over and injure him"

-Andy Roddick on Roger Federer.

heftylefty
12-13-2011, 05:06 PM
"Well, if you take Roddick's serve, Agassi's return, my volley, and Hewitt's speed, you've probably got a chance."

-Tim Henman on Roger Federer 9/20/2004

Mick
12-13-2011, 05:11 PM
one time mcenroe got furious over a line call and he told the bald lineman to grow some hair.

Bobby Jr
12-13-2011, 05:25 PM
It's not funny or particularly witty but I've been getting used to Rob Koenig describing Federer's forehand as a "liquid whip" when they show slow-mo replays.

sureshs
12-13-2011, 07:52 PM
'Go to school kids or you'll end up being an umpire'. Lol.

LOL that is what woodrow says

TopFH
12-13-2011, 08:19 PM
"Ladies, here's a hint. If you're up against a girl with big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. That's the hardest shot for the well-endowed." - Billie Jean King

Towser83
12-13-2011, 08:23 PM
Nothing can beat ..."no one beats vitas gerulaitis 17 times in a row"

lol i forgot my signature was a great one liner

purge
12-13-2011, 10:08 PM
-how would you rate haas' or gonzales' chances in a final against him?
roddick: slim.

-take us from 4 all in the first set ... you were in the match, and then you got broken.
roddick: yeah i got broken.. and then i got broken 3 more times, and then i got broken 2 more times in the 3rd set and then it was over about.. 26 minutes later.. is that about what you saw, too, or.. ?

-andy is really a fair, fair player and i enjoy every time we play.. and not just because i win :P (fed on roddick at trophy ceremony)

-ise nod me fault, i got banana stuck in me trrroat (the banana incident)

-ive really been feeling at home here, not just because of the weather (söderling in the rain of roland garros)

purge
12-13-2011, 10:16 PM
lol i forgot my signature was a great one liner
who said that anyway?

tusharlovesrafa
12-13-2011, 11:33 PM
roger federer will retire in 2012..

ledwix
12-13-2011, 11:41 PM
“My coach and I were yoking that I could win this match because no one can beat me 10 times in a row."

Dream_On
12-13-2011, 11:54 PM
"This tournament I played like a playstation 3, I hope to upgrade in the new years to a playstation 4." - Davydenko

stringertom
12-14-2011, 12:14 AM
who said that anyway?

That would be the aforesaid Mr. Gerulaitis after beating Connors for the first time in 17 matchups.

stringertom
12-14-2011, 12:59 AM
"Tennis is a psychological sport. You have to keep a clear head. That is why I stopped playing." Boris Becker.

merlinpinpin
12-14-2011, 01:41 AM
"I can cry like Roger, it's a shame I can't play like him." -- Andy Murray

(Love the Gerulaitis one, though... ;))

rossi46
12-14-2011, 03:12 AM
Not related to tennis but a Scottish football (soccer) coach Gordon Strachan was asked by a journalist "Gordon just a quick word ?"

His reply "Velocity" and then walks off.

woodrow1029
12-14-2011, 07:19 AM
LOL that is what woodrow says

Definitely. Who would want to be an umpire? :-)

CitationJet
12-14-2011, 08:02 AM
"That forehand was a frozen rope!" - Brad Gilbert

(I know that will drive some of my fellow ttw's nuts)

:p

Quite Please
12-14-2011, 08:23 AM
"I threw the kitchen sink at him but he went to the bathroom and got his tub..."
- Andy Roddick during his on-court interview describing his fight against Roger Federer after having lost the 2004 Wimbledon Mens Final in four tight sets.

stringertom
12-14-2011, 08:42 AM
"I threw the kitchen sink at him but he went to the bathroom and got his tub..."
- Andy Roddick during his on-court interview describing his fight against Roger Federer after having lost the 2004 Wimbledon Mens Final in four tight sets.

ARod is the Rodney Dangerfield of presser one-liners. Wish he was that funny on-court. LMAO!

Logan71
12-15-2011, 06:02 AM
Federer at Wimbledon 2009 final

"I know how you feel after what happened to me last year"

Roddick

"Yeah but you'd won like five already"

Logan71
12-15-2011, 06:06 AM
Jim Courier talking to Federer at the Aussie open 2010

Jim "How come you can play at such a high level for so long?"

Federer "It's all talent you know,I sit at home on the couch,play with the kids"

Mainad
12-15-2011, 02:04 PM
Roddick is the source of two funny stories I heard:

At Wimbledon, someone asked him if he still had to show his pass in order to enter the grounds. He replied, "You're not kidding. Only the other day I had to queue behind Martina Navratilova and she's only won it like 48 times!"

At the AO, Serena Williams boasted to some reporters that she had once beaten Roddick when they were both juniors. Asked about this, Roddick replied:
"Ah come on, I was 9 years old and pencil thin. I had to run around in the shower just to get wet while she was busy bench-pressing dumptrucks or something!"

:)

goat_player
12-15-2011, 02:32 PM
Djokovic, asked by Brad Gilbert in the on-court interview if he had the “tweener” between-the-legs shot like Roger Federer:

“No I have something else between my legs.…don’t worry I won’t show it to you tonight.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=LFyUifWNbUU

goat_player
12-15-2011, 02:36 PM
Novak Djokovic interviewed by Gilbert again:

"Shade is like sleeping with my girlfriend!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcStTtXw1EM

tusharlovesrafa
12-15-2011, 07:56 PM
Djokovic, asked by Brad Gilbert in the on-court interview if he had the “tweener” between-the-legs shot like Roger Federer:

“No I have something else between my legs.…don’t worry I won’t show it to you tonight.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=LFyUifWNbUU

hahahahahahahahaha...nice one...djoker is really a gr8 personality!!:)

veritech
12-15-2011, 10:41 PM
Royalty at Wimbledon

Centre Court at Wimbledon was abuzz on the second Monday, and not only because Andy Murray took on Richard Gasquet. Newlyweds Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge watched from the royal box, even doing the wave at one stage.

"If I'd known they were coming, I would have shaved," Murray said. "I was thinking to myself as I came off [court] I was sweaty and very hairy."

--

Maria rips Andrea

Tennis fans generally adore Andrea Petkovic's "Petko Dance," and why not? There's nothing wrong with a bit of personality in the game.

But as Djokovic discovered with his imitations, fellow players aren't as keen.

When Petkovic comfortably downed Maria Sharapova at the Australian Open, out came the dance. Two months later in Miami, Sharapova got her revenge and subsequently took a swipe at the German.

"More than anything, I sensed that she was tired, probably a lot of the dancing that she's been doing," Sharapova said.


from ESPN

roundiesee
12-16-2011, 03:44 AM
I agree that the best one liner belonged to Vitas. My next favorite from Roger-
On the Rod Laver Arena on Sunday, aggression won’t be a dirty word, yet Andy Murray must choose wisely which tennis balls he smacks, and which he doesn’t, if he is to defeat Roger Federer to win his first grand slam title.
It would also be Britain’s first slam since Fred Perry was the 1936 US Open champion. “I know Andy would like to win the first title for Britain in, what is it, 150,000 years?” was Federer’s cheeky remark during last night’s on-court interview with Jim Courier after he had played some fabulous tennis for a straightforward, straight-sets victory over Frenchman Jo-Wilfried Tsonga in his semi-final.

chandler bing
12-16-2011, 06:27 PM
John McEnroe: "If (Ivan) Lendl were to play Davis Cup for the U.S.A, it would be very hard for me to swallow"
Ivan Lendl: "With his mouth, I'm surprised he finds anything hard to swallow"

Pam Shriver interviewing Martina Navratilova at the U.S Open
Pam Shriver: Martina, what would you describe as your worst memory here?
Martina Navratilova: Losing to you, *****.

TopFH
12-16-2011, 06:29 PM
John McEnroe: "If (Ivan) Lendl were to play Davis Cup for the U.S.A, it would be very hard for me to swallow"
Ivan Lendl: "With his mouth, I'm surprised he finds anything hard to swallow"

Pam Shriver interviewing Martina Navratilova at the U.S Open
Pam Shriver: Martina, what would you describe as your worst memory here?
Martina Navratilova: Losing to you, *****.

Loved Martina's reply.

rnitz
12-17-2011, 02:25 PM
Greg Rusedski, after losing to Sampras in the US Open and predicting that Sampras would lose in the next round: "Pete is a step and a half slower."

Sampras, in reply: "Against him, I don't need to be a step and a half quicker." :)

tennis_pro
12-17-2011, 02:51 PM
John McEnroe: "If (Ivan) Lendl were to play Davis Cup for the U.S.A, it would be very hard for me to swallow"
Ivan Lendl: "With his mouth, I'm surprised he finds anything hard to swallow"

Pam Shriver interviewing Martina Navratilova at the U.S Open
Pam Shriver: Martina, what would you describe as your worst memory here?
Martina Navratilova: Losing to you, *****.

WHAT? No way she said that.

hoodjem
12-18-2011, 08:09 AM
Nothing can beat ..."no one beats vitas gerulaitis 17 times in a row"Yep, the GLOAT.