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View Full Version : How to recover from a heart breaking loss?


Roddick33
02-03-2012, 02:24 PM
How do you recover? I played 2 important matches today and lost both of them, and they mattered a lot.

Thanks, I'm seriously really sad now.

r2473
02-03-2012, 02:45 PM
Get drunk

.....

Roddick33
02-03-2012, 02:46 PM
I'm only 16 bro.

r2473
02-03-2012, 02:48 PM
Ah, in that case maybe just get stoned.

Roddick33
02-03-2012, 02:49 PM
No seriously, something that a normal sixteen year old would do...

Just pick yourself up and try harder?

I would do that but I just played ****** on all level today.

r2473
02-03-2012, 03:02 PM
Depending on what you enjoy:

1) Hang out with your buddies tonight. Just go out and have a good time. They should be able to "harass" you enough that you'll be laughing and joking in no time.

2) Hang out with your girlfriend. She'll probably be more "sympathetic". That's if you want to be "serious" and "talk about it". That would depress the hell out of me. Guess it depends on your personality.

3) Watch a recording of your favorite tennis match

Larrysümmers
02-03-2012, 03:02 PM
hey man, you got to remember that tennis is a life long sport and that tennis is always going to be there. tennis is all about losing man and that no one is ever going to look down on you for a loss(unless if you were actin like a dick). the only things you can do now is just try not to think about it for a while, maybe even take a mini tennis break, and when you are ready you have to move on and just take it as a learning tool.
i know man, in 7th grade i was 3rd baseman and made an E5, over through the 1st baseman, and it cost us a chance for the championship. that was the same year i let up a game winning goal in soccer that meant no playoffs. ive choked away a 3rd set to cost our team a BIG rivalry match this last season. i know its upsetting but you just gotta take a deep inhale of air and take it in stride.

Larrysümmers
02-03-2012, 03:06 PM
r2473-yeah im a fan of post 4.. it doesnt make losing feel any better, but it sure makes you laugh it off. i like to before going to play helps me feel more relaxed and way more focused on the ball

dlk
02-03-2012, 03:14 PM
hey man, you got to remember that tennis is a life long sport and that tennis is always going to be there. tennis is all about losing man and that no one is ever going to look down on you for a loss(unless if you were actin like a dick). the only things you can do now is just try not to think about it for a while, maybe even take a mini tennis break, and when you are ready you have to move on and just take it as a learning tool.
i know man, in 7th grade i was 3rd baseman and made an E5, over through the 1st baseman, and it cost us a chance for the championship. that was the same year i let up a game winning goal in soccer that meant no playoffs. ive choked away a 3rd set to cost our team a BIG rivalry match this last season. i know its upsetting but you just gotta take a deep inhale of air and take it in stride.

Damn, that'll make you a fan "#4" everytime. I swear big dissapointments stay with you longer as you get older, or perhaps I just make more:cry: I lost a match a couple of weeks ago 6-1 6-3 & felt like sh$t for several days. I was beaten worse than the score indicated.

Larrysümmers
02-03-2012, 03:19 PM
Damn, that'll make you a fan "#4" everytime. I swear big dissapointments stay with you longer as you get older, or perhaps I just make more:cry: I lost a match a couple of weeks ago 6-1 6-3 & felt like sh$t for several days. I was beaten worse than the score indicated.

haha. ive had my share of heart breakers man. trust me that post was from the heart because ive got heartbroken a few times on the field/court. it just shows how much you really care for the sport.

dlk
02-03-2012, 03:24 PM
Yeah, my team lost in the championship two years in a row in football (American). I was the running back/quarterback/monster man, so my responsibility was higher and felt I was more to blame; had my basketball team not went undefeated the first year, those title losses would have bothered me more. But I loved football more, & meant more to my team than I did on the basketball team.

Roddick33
02-03-2012, 03:27 PM
I'm in high school, these matches determined if I could get into Varsity or not.

Limpinhitter
02-03-2012, 03:31 PM
How do you recover? I played 2 important matches today and lost both of them, and they mattered a lot.

Thanks, I'm seriously really sad now.

First, don't take it so seriously. Tennis is just a game. It's supposed to be fun. Second, like all sports, it is very competitive. And, if you play, you are going to win some, and lose some. There's no alternative. When you win, it's because you played better than your opponent on that day. Just accept losses for what they are, your opponent played better than you on that day. Take advantage of losses by learning from them. Try figure out what happened and do what it takes to improve your game.

I'm in high school, these matches determined if I could get into Varsity or not.

If you don't make Varsity this year, practice and play tournaments and get as much match play experience as you can. That will prepare you for next year. BTW, around here, top juniors don't even play varsity tennis. They're too busy playing tournaments.

Roddick33
02-03-2012, 03:33 PM
yeah I'm thinking positive about it now.

Thanks!

Larrysümmers
02-03-2012, 03:40 PM
will you have a chance to challenge again? once again i know that feeling of losing the number 1 spot a couple times through a season. my advise to you is to practice as much as you can. the coaches may see that, and 2. it always seemed like its easier to be the challenger than the one being challenged, that is if the skill is close.

Roddick33
02-03-2012, 03:40 PM
will you have a chance to challenge again? once again i know that feeling of losing the number 1 spot a couple times through a season. my advise to you is to practice as much as you can. the coaches may see that, and 2. it always seemed like its easier to be the challenger than the one being challenged, that is if the skill is close.

Yeah I'll probably end up being like JV 3 or something..I fail lol

but we have a really strong school.

Larrysümmers
02-03-2012, 03:46 PM
ha. well just work at it man, youre what a soph or jr? but trust me man, once you get on the court rankings dont matter.

charliefedererer
02-03-2012, 03:48 PM
You must get over it.

It is so disappointing now that there probably is a part of you that thinks: "If I get over it too quickly, it will invalidate how seriously I took the matches, and the practice it took to get ready for the matches."

But the two are separate.

It is okay to feel terrible that you lost.

AND it is okay to get over it.



It's Friday night...

if you don't have a bunch of friends to go hang out with,

go see an action movie, put on a basketball game or something that will get your mind off of this.


No, diversion of your mind for an hour or two won't prevent you

from still being upset afterwards, but it should be less intense.


And over time it will get better.


It's hard to see now...

but the iron is strengthened by the trial of fire.


Consider yourself strengthened.


A prediction: You will still enjoy your next fifty years of tennis.

Roddick33
02-03-2012, 03:51 PM
ha. well just work at it man, youre what a soph or jr? but trust me man, once you get on the court rankings dont matter.

I'm a sophomore.

Roddick33
02-03-2012, 03:53 PM
You must get over it.

It is so disappointing now that there probably is a part of you that thinks: "If I get over it too quickly, it will invalidate how seriously I took the matches, and the practice it took to get ready for the matches."

But the two are separate.

It is okay to feel terrible that you lost.

AND it is okay to get over it.



It's Friday night...

if you don't have a bunch of friends to go hang out with,

go see an action movie, put on a basketball game or something that will get your mind off of this.


No, diversion of your mind for an hour or two won't prevent you

from still being upset afterwards, but it should be less intense.


And over time it will get better.


It's hard to see now...

but the iron is strengthened by the trial of fire.


Consider yourself strengthened.


A prediction: You will still enjoy your next fifty years of tennis.

Very wise and philosophical. Thanks a lot, I'm already feeling better about it, but that's because I have another chance tomorrow :)

I better not muck that one up.

rkelley
02-03-2012, 04:24 PM
How do you recover? I played 2 important matches today and lost both of them, and they mattered a lot.

Thanks, I'm seriously really sad now.

Forget the drugs.

Allow yourself to feel sad for awhile. It's just tennis, true, but the matches were important to you and it's OK to admit that and be bummed for a while.

Then, honestly, at some point get back on the court and start hitting again. If you're on your high school team then we might be talking about a weekend and then you're back at it. You can do it.

If you were close this year then you should be good to go next year if you keep working at it. And remember too, there are kids out there that tried out for tennis teams and didn't even make JV, and they don't necessarily suck.

It's fun to whack the ball. Always remember that.

skiracer55
02-03-2012, 05:13 PM
...it's just a tennis match. So you lost...they didn't take you out and shoot you, right? And if you'd have won, they wouldn't have handed you a wildcard into Wimbledon, right? Trust me, as a Vietnam Era veteran, there are a lot worse fates in life, and you're going to run into them, sooner than later, so get over it, and get back on the court...or not...it's up to you...

kiteboard
02-03-2012, 06:01 PM
There's always suicide. Some go that route. How do you think Fed feels after going two match pts. up on Joker two yrs. in a row and losing both? Losing hurts, and sucks and you don't hold grudges against yourself, or feel misplaced guilt for not trying/training/whatever hard enough to win. Everyone loses. Focus on bringing victory in, not focus on bringing loss.

Mick
02-03-2012, 06:23 PM
nadal had a tough loss recently and he says just accept the loss.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/tennis/6337306/Nadal-all-class-despite-Aussie-Open-finals-loss

Maui19
02-03-2012, 06:35 PM
I'm in high school, these matches determined if I could get into Varsity or not.

Well I can tell you what I do. I get motivated to get better. I figure out what I need to improve on, then I put a plan together on how to improve those things.

When I have had losses like you describe, I don't sleep very well, so I use that time to put a plan together. Then I am at it first thing the next day, working my butt off.

Use your feelings about your loss to drive yourself to get better. Set goals that stretch you, then get after it. Tracking your progress helps a lot.

Getting better isn't something that just happens. It is something you make happen.

Good luck!

dennis10is
02-03-2012, 07:52 PM
How do you recover? I played 2 important matches today and lost both of them, and they mattered a lot.

Thanks, I'm seriously really sad now.

Ok, a serious post from me.

My high school coach said this often to us and it is true and it works.

Whenever you feel down, go to a rest home, or visit a hospital, visit a soup kitchen. If that doesn't work, volunteer there. You can volunteer to sit and chat with the elderly in rest home.

That should do the trick. If it doesn't work, you are either depressed and should seek help.

jdubbs
02-04-2012, 05:29 PM
Go pick up a hot chick and have a crazy time with her. That will put things in perspective.

dennis10is
02-04-2012, 09:01 PM
There's always suicide. Some go that route. How do you think Fed feels after going two match pts. up on Joker two yrs. in a row and losing both? Losing hurts, and sucks and you don't hold grudges against yourself, or feel misplaced guilt for not trying/training/whatever hard enough to win. Everyone loses. Focus on bringing victory in, not focus on bringing loss.

I'm sorry Kiteboard but your answer is reprehensible. I presume that you are an adult and you are giving this type of advice to impressionable 16 yrs old teenage boy. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Let me tell you what you did wrong.

1: clearly this was an opportunity to steer a young teenager to act rashly and commit acts of violence. Yet you waste it by advising him to turn his anger inward and kill himself. What you should have done is to tell him that his failures were caused by others. His coach, his team mates, his school mates, his neighbors.

2: Get his email, start communicating with him in a one on one basis and convince him that the ultimate cause for his failures, the ruination of his destiny (he was destined to be a world number in tennis, a famous celebrity, a billionaire ) is society.

3: You show him internet resources on how to get even: weapons training, bomb making, etc..

4: Finally, you set him loose on an unsuspecting town.

All the beautiful carnage will not occur because of you Kiteboard. I blame you for the lack of death and mayhem.

How are you going to redress this?

ace_pace
02-05-2012, 02:19 AM
Well i'm going to ask this. How did you play? Did you lose badly? And when I mean badly I mean that did you feel entirely helpless? Like anything and everything you did couldn't work?

Sometimes score does not reflect the actual game itself. Also, I say that there are 2 types of disappointments when it comes to losing at sports.

1. Is that you lost and you feel like you didn't play at your fullest potential e.g. your game let you down

2. Is when you feel like you lost so helplessly, like you couldn't fight back.

Really, the way I see it is, the opponent is usually not the reason why you are upset (unless they are cheating), but its that you let your self down. It doesnt matter if your opponent is better than you or not, in the end its how you feel about how YOU went with the game.

So really what you should aim for is to not necessarily play your best tennis (although it would be ideal) because most of the time, you wont be able to play at full potential. What you should aim for is to play the best with what you HAVE that day and to be able to do so at the worse possible times.

Look, its sorta hard to explain, hence you'll probably dont get what Im saying.

Im going to leave this post with a quote:

"Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."

goran_ace
02-05-2012, 06:05 AM
I'm in high school, these matches determined if I could get into Varsity or not.

How you respond to those losses is just as important as the result of the match(es) itself in your coach's eyes. Are you going to let those two losses affect your play/attitude in a negative way and carry that into the season (and spread the negativity to your teammates), or are you going to pick yourself up and use it as motivation to work that much harder?

One thing to keep in mind, if you lose to a senior top player on your team, your coaches are probably expecting him to win that one easily so it won't necessarily hurt you. If you were simply outplayed by someone who is clearly a superior player, well, hey it happens to everyone at every level (unless your name is Novak Djokovic). The losses that tend to be harder to swallow are the ones where you lose in a tiebreaker or a hard-fought, tight third set to someone who is evenly matched.

I never subscribed to the Kipling quote over the entrance to Centre Court at Wimbledon ("If you can meet with triumph and disaster and treat those two imposters just the same"). I hate losing. Absolutely hate it. But it's a part of competing. No one else is going to feel sorry for you. Most other people don't even care. This is all you. So take a moment to drink it in. Feel the pain so you can remember it. Own it. Then let it go because it's in the past. What happened has happened. Use that memory as motivation to go out there and challenge yourself. Work harder and develop good habits to make sure that from this moment on you can experience the highs of winning more often than the lows of losing.

goran_ace
02-05-2012, 06:13 AM
Well i'm going to ask this. How did you play? Did you lose badly? And when I mean badly I mean that did you feel entirely helpless? Like anything and everything you did couldn't work?

Sometimes score does not reflect the actual game itself. Also, I say that there are 2 types of disappointments when it comes to losing at sports.

1. Is that you lost and you feel like you didn't play at your fullest potential e.g. your game let you down

2. Is when you feel like you lost so helplessly, like you couldn't fight back.

Really, the way I see it is, the opponent is usually not the reason why you are upset (unless they are cheating), but its that you let your self down. It doesnt matter if your opponent is better than you or not, in the end its how you feel about how YOU went with the game.

So really what you should aim for is to not necessarily play your best tennis (although it would be ideal) because most of the time, you wont be able to play at full potential. What you should aim for is to play the best with what you HAVE that day and to be able to do so at the worse possible times.

Look, its sorta hard to explain, hence you'll probably dont get what Im saying.

Im going to leave this post with a quote:

"Why do we fall? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up."

Great post.

wrxinsc
02-05-2012, 06:57 AM
I'm sorry Kiteboard but your answer is reprehensible. I presume that you are an adult and you are giving this type of advice to impressionable 16 yrs old teenage boy. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Let me tell you what you did wrong.

1: clearly this was an opportunity to steer a young teenager to act rashly and commit acts of violence. Yet you waste it by advising him to turn his anger inward and kill himself. What you should have done is to tell him that his failures were caused by others. His coach, his team mates, his school mates, his neighbors.

2: Get his email, start communicating with him in a one on one basis and convince him that the ultimate cause for his failures, the ruination of his destiny (he was destined to be a world number in tennis, a famous celebrity, a billionaire ) is society.

3: You show him internet resources on how to get even: weapons training, bomb making, etc..

4: Finally, you set him loose on an unsuspecting town.

All the beautiful carnage will not occur because of you Kiteboard. I blame you for the lack of death and mayhem.

How are you going to redress this?

http://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o195/jmhubbard01/020.gif

Bagumbawalla
02-05-2012, 12:03 PM
Poem (written above Wimbledon gate).

If

by Rudyard Kippling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!


Possibly, some good advice for a tennis player.

Pitmiksovic
02-05-2012, 12:29 PM
r2473-yeah im a fan of post 4.. it doesnt make losing feel any better, but it sure makes you laugh it off. i like to before going to play helps me feel more relaxed and way more focused on the ball

I agree wholeheartedly.
Where do you live Larry? Sounds like we need to get together for a #4 and a good hit!

Nostradamus
02-05-2012, 12:40 PM
1. How did Murray recover after heartbreak to Novak ?
2. How did Federer recover after heartbreak loss to Tim Henman after just beating Sampras at wimbledon ?
3. How did Nadal recover after heartbreak loss to Novak ?
4. How did Stanford Women's team recover after heartbreaking loss to Florida last year ?

Come back and work harder. and continue to improve both mentally and your weak parts of your game. and learn from the experience and don't repeat the same mistakes next time out.

phillipg96
02-05-2012, 12:46 PM
Happened to me today, played terrible. Just go try and have some fun, you'll forget about it

Nostradamus
02-05-2012, 12:51 PM
Happened to me today, played terrible. Just go try and have some fun, you'll forget about it

Exactly. You can't win every tennis match. Roger Federer said you learn more from the match you lost than the ones you win. Learn from what you did wrong and what your opponent did to you that was giving you trouble. and try to improve on that area and if you made too many errors then improve your consistancy. It all comes back to "HARD WORK" and improving.

andry16
02-06-2012, 09:04 AM
Poem (written above Wimbledon gate).

If

by Rudyard Kippling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!


Possibly, some good advice for a tennis player.

best poem ever BTW this was read by federer and rafa in a video just tipe federer poem in youtube

dennis10is
02-06-2012, 04:56 PM
I think Nike did one better

Just do it.

5263
02-06-2012, 05:13 PM
just get back on the horse that threw you!

Go play well and win a match or 2 and it will surely take the edge off the losses if you don't forget them all together.

eric draven
02-07-2012, 10:04 AM
How do you recover? I played 2 important matches today and lost both of them, and they mattered a lot.

Thanks, I'm seriously really sad now.

In the grand scheme of things it's a game. Losing sucks but unless you're a touring pro your livelihood doesn't hang in the balance. What I would do is figure out what is it about the losses that's depressing you so much. Did you let yourself down? Someone else? When you figure out who you've disappointed then figure out why. And once you have the why you'll probably start to see that its something you can work on getting over. My hope is that you don't allow a win or loss dictate your opinion of yourself.