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View Full Version : Bush, Kerry stranded on desert island


thejerk
08-03-2004, 09:21 AM
If these two were stranded on an island whiich one would build a hut and do the hunting?

drakulie
08-03-2004, 09:26 AM
OK, I'm game. Bush would do all of the above. Kerry would be too indecisive about where to build the hut, which tree to cut down, what type of animal to hunt, etc.

khs_tennis
08-03-2004, 09:55 AM
I totally agree lol.

Camilio Pascual
08-03-2004, 10:15 AM
Neither. Due to a suspension of logging regulations, the island is now denuded of trees. Whoops! There go the fauna with the flora. Unity at last, they are both now fishing with their hands. No fuel to cook them with, though. The fish, I mean.

@wright
08-03-2004, 11:21 AM
Bush would build the hut and then hunt while Mr. Heinz complained about the method Bush used to build the hut. They would not be stranded long, considering the resources Mrs. Heinz has at her disposal.

Coda
08-03-2004, 03:34 PM
jerk, you think of the funniest posts!

speedofpain88
08-03-2004, 09:40 PM
Neither. Due to a suspension of logging regulations, the island is now denuded of trees. Whoops! There go the fauna with the flora. Unity at last, they are both now fishing with their hands. No fuel to cook them with, though. The fish, I mean.

Haha I agree with this. Hilarious post.

Pyro
08-04-2004, 12:45 AM
It wouldn't be good for anyone. Let us take a journey into these two specimens.

Bush: Bush would turn all Lord of the Flies on us, except that rather than hunting a pig he would spot a skunk and say "I know you're hiding weapons of mass destruction" and then the skunk would squirt him and he would say "You know the old phrase in Texas, even though we are in Bermuda, it is, uhhh well you know, clean up Texas? no no no, don't mess with my Lexus, NO NO? Gosh darnit, where's Conddahli, golly thats a long name, and I thought I told Dick no long names!" After catching the skunk, he would flip through his book for hours. Of course the book is "Where is Waldo?" and he stays up trying to find his mischevious foe. He would crash his toy plane into two sandtowers and he would look into little caves and say "You can't hide from Bush!"

Kerry: Kerry would start off by making secret alliances with all of the animals. He would eat a daily meal of ketchup and plants. At night, he would try and help George W. Bush learn how to write the name "Condoleezza" and he set a goal to get GWB to spell "Schwarzenegger" by the time they leave the island. Kerry would set up tents and raise taxes so the animals had to give them fruits and nuts. He would start fire with his purple hearts and he would pretend he was Frankenstein at night to scare GWB.

Finally, on the last day, they must choose who will be the president of the island. GWB says he will lead the conquest for Waldo while Kerry says he will get the island out of deficit and give free education for all. Bush got mad and started chasing him with a stick, Kerry would say "Look, it's a can of Busch Beer" and then he would squirt ketchup in Bush's eye. While Bush was blinded, Kerry (miraculously, who gives a damn, its my story!) puts on a costume of Waldo and Bush gets scared and Kerry chases Bush around the island. Backed into a corner, GWB panics, but they hear a boat.
For the purpose of funny, I have decided to make 2 endings:

It's RALPH NADER. They greet Nader and then throw him out of the boat onto the island, jack his boat and float back to America. Then they both give their trademark insults. Kerry: "Well, we would invite you but we know how much you like being part of the INDEPENDENT party" Bush:"Hey there GRUH-Nader, haha, you know that thing which explodes. Maybe SchwartzaNADER will help you get off the island, have some GatorNADER" *Kerry slaps Bush in the back of the head. "Hey, you best be stopping that, or I will put you on my axis of evil, along with waldo, michael moore, teletubbies and that cereal, Trix, it took me 10 years to figure out you spelled it with a q. Hey, why are you laughing!" Nader feels sad that he is stranded on the island, but happy that he finally won an election...., based on default. The end, hope you enjoyed it.

Alternate ending: Freakier, yet funnier

They hear a boat, mother of god it's Bob Dole and Ross Perot, uhh ****. Bob Dole: "This boat be the SS Dole, the title came from Bob Dole, Bob Dole was screwed from the election, you like Bob Dole, I'm Bob Dole." Bush: "I'm a big fan of yours, who knew that I would be rescued by a pineapple guy. I tried looking for apples in the pine tree but all I found were pointy leaves." Dole: "What the hell is wrong with you? said I, Bob Dole. If Bob Dole know one thing, and Bob Dole know lotsa things, it'd be that pineapples come from Bob Dole land" Kerry: "You're both nucking futs." Perot: "Wait just a minute, I haven't had my turn to speak. *Pulls out charts and pointer. Now the reason y'all can't survive this island is that you don't have charts." Kerry: "Ross, that's a coloring book and that pointer is just an extended piece of beef jerky." Perot:"Now wait just a minute, give me a second to think. I got it! We can use the beef jerky as currency and the coloring book as our logo." Kerry: "Ross, I think Bob Dole is dead, he said his name too much and he is having convulsions." *pokes Dole with a stick
"Bob Dole not dead. Bob Dole telling the ants, bob dole ants, about Bob Dole." Bush:"Dole, I'm hungry, if I peel you, will you turn into a banana?" Kerry: "Did you guys know there is a pot of gold at the other end of the rainbow."Perot: "Now wait just a minute, I knew that. It could help fuel the economy" Bush: "If I got my stories right, at the end of the rainbow will be Waldo." Dole: "Bob Dole could go for some gold." Kerry:"Well, I might be a liberal weiner, but you're all nutjobs, no matter what wing." *Leaves on the ship. (sorry about this alternate ending, it's longer than my story, I just kept on going, I got too excited about this, anyway, enjoy the first ending).

Cypo
08-04-2004, 12:51 AM
LOL Pyro - I hope you don't mind if I cut and paste this into an email and send it to a few friends. Too good not to pass on :-)

Camilio Pascual
08-04-2004, 04:42 AM
LMAO, Pyro. That's rich!

jun
08-04-2004, 12:16 PM
I think Kerry will build hut. Bush will go out hunting, instead bring dozen rocks and start rock bombing the hut that Kerry had built.

thejerk
08-04-2004, 02:23 PM
Yes Jun, you may be right but it would probably only be after they took a vote and both of them dicided that the house sucked and needed to be taken down.
Pyro, thanks, I'd almost forgotten how funny Dole and Peirot sounded. They almost stole SNL material by doing it themselves every time they spoke.