Can you file Harrasement charge for this?

Discussion in 'Odds & Ends' started by acura9927, Aug 21, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. acura9927

    acura9927 Semi-Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2012
    Messages:
    471
    If a single person at work hears from different co workers things like

    1. Go find a wife
    2. Go to your home country and find a wife

    Or it is a gray thing where its just common office chit chat? or if the person is pissed off enough has merit to file harrassement charge.
     
    #1
  2. jorel

    jorel Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2004
    Messages:
    2,488
    first talk to ur co workers and tell them that it bothers you (sounds like ur coworkers are just joking around) but if it bothers you ...its not funny any more

    if they continue after talking to them about it..go to HR

    or you can give it right back to them with something like...is your sister single?

    or their mom.

    depends on the type of relationship u have with them too..are they ur friends..do u joke around with them alot?
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2012
    #2
  3. Govnor

    Govnor Professional

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2011
    Messages:
    1,329
    what have you been doing?
     
    #3
  4. acura9927

    acura9927 Semi-Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2012
    Messages:
    471
    I work in a big office and its only been married people saying this to me. The unmarried people have never said one thing. HUH? I always thought married people were busy up the @@@@ and too busy to think about some single guy.
     
    #4
  5. hollywood9826

    hollywood9826 Semi-Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2008
    Messages:
    515
    Location:
    Havre de Grace, MD
    So you must be from a differnt country than wehre you work.

    Your married co workers want you to enjoy the happiness that is being married and like you enough to want to see you married. They also want you to get married to hot piece of tang from your home country beciase they are tired of looking at local broads.

    If it does bother you let them know and they will probably stop.


    But you might as well go back to your home country and find some poon, bring it back and get married. You need a wife dude.
     
    #5
  6. ollinger

    ollinger Legend

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2004
    Messages:
    5,926
    As jorel notes you're not likely to get anywhere with a harassment charge until you've let management know about it and they've failed to deal with it. But perhaps first you should ask yourself why you think it's happening to you. I find it hard to believe that your being single is sufficient to cause people to harass you. Are you aloof or remote from your coworkers? Are you unfriendly? If you hope to continue working there for a time and not be miserable, it might be better to think about how you can have a better relationship with your colleagues than to start plotting how you can blow the whole thing up.
     
    #6
  7. West Coast Ace

    West Coast Ace G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2005
    Messages:
    13,351
    Location:
    So Cal
    1. seems innocuous enough. But would have to actually hear it in context to know if it's in good natured fun or mean spirited. 2. is probably over a line - the 'home country' sounds like a slap at someone's ethnicity.

    Regardless, @jorel is correct - the first step should be to talk to the coworkers directly. If that fails the boss. If nothing comes of that - or it spawns more serious abuse, then a trip to HR is appropriate. Going straight to 'filing a complaint' isn't going to end well.
     
    #7
  8. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,969
    I think you should go back to your home country and find a wife.

    Hopefully your home country is Sweden.
     
    #8
  9. West Coast Ace

    West Coast Ace G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2005
    Messages:
    13,351
    Location:
    So Cal
    Yeah. And hopefully he brings a few of their sisters back for his buddies on TW... :)

    The Swedish Bikini Team doesn't rebuild - they reload!
     
    #9
  10. acura9927

    acura9927 Semi-Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2012
    Messages:
    471
    I'm from Hong Kong and not attracted to the women from my own culture really. I like Eastern European women with dark hair. I kind of have the grass is greener somewhere else syndrome.
     
    #10
  11. West Coast Ace

    West Coast Ace G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2005
    Messages:
    13,351
    Location:
    So Cal
    I guess. I go to HK twice a year and fall in love about 150 times a day...
     
    #11
  12. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,969
    OK. Since you are from Hong Kong, you have no case. Nobody is feeling sorry for you.

    Now, if you were from Armenia or something........
     
    #12
  13. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2005
    Messages:
    34,810
    Very poor advice. There is NO excuse for harassment about protected categories like marital status. It has nothing to do with any other aspect of the person's personality. Such comments about blaming the victim were what led to the laws in the first place.
     
    #13
  14. jorel

    jorel Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2004
    Messages:
    2,488
    with harrassment..it truly is relative... if the person percieves being harrased then it is harrasment

    SNL actually did a funny skit of this once with tom brady
     
    #14
  15. acura9927

    acura9927 Semi-Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2012
    Messages:
    471
    Well dont go to China than, maybe you will fall in love 500 times a day. In HK the men all say China is where its at.
     
    #15
  16. Fearsome Forehand

    Fearsome Forehand Professional

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2007
    Messages:
    1,185
    Location:
    USA
    This doesn't seem like something like this should result in a harassment claim.

    The OP should simply tell his co-workers he does not appreciate their comments/advise and if it persists he will go talk to the HR department about it. That should shut them up if they have any intelligence at all.

    This might be another case where there are two sides to the story. Seems very odd that someone would bring up the topic of marriage with a co-worker completely out of the blue without some sort of prompting.

    At any rate, so not a big deal and the OP sounds like a crybaby to me. (I hope he doesn't sue me for harassment for suggesting he is a crybaby.) He should enjoy his single days and tell anyone who suggests he needs to get married that they are jealous of his single lifestyle and simply want him to be as miserable as they are. :)
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2012
    #16
  17. ollinger

    ollinger Legend

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2004
    Messages:
    5,926
    "If the person perceives being harassed, it is harassment"? Umm, no. Sometimes it is paranoia. Sometimes it is what some call hysteroid dysphoria, a form of depression characterized by extreme rejection sensitivity. Sometimes it is the defense mechanism known as projection. Sometimes it is the absence of a sense of humor. Sometimes it is a language barrier. Sometimes..............
     
    #17
  18. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2005
    Messages:
    34,810
    I have undergone legal training in this. If OP things he is being harassed under a protected category, he must report it his manager. The manager is obliged to act, usually referring the matter to HR. No psychological analysis or assumption is permitted.
     
    #18
  19. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,969
    Is ugly a protected category?

    Because none of the chicks at work will sleep with me and I feel like this is harassment.

    Do I have a case? I'm pretty damn ugly.
     
    #19
  20. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2005
    Messages:
    34,810
    It hasn't affected Stepanek. Are you uglier than him?
     
    #20
  21. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,969
    Stepanek is a god. I'm ugly.

    So, do I have a case?

    And if I win, do I just get money, or do these chicks have to sleep with me? Or both? (I hope both)
     
    #21
  22. SuperJimmy

    SuperJimmy Rookie

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2005
    Messages:
    128
    Location:
    Beaverton, OR
    Well first, if you work in a big office, you have to have much thicker skin than the tracing paper thin skin it seems you have now.

    Maybe your coworkers feel closer to you than you really want them to be. They're trying to nudge you along to find that (as hollywood9826 would say), 'hot piece of tang'. You are acting like they just slashed your tires and spit on your ancestor's grave. Why don't you just say to them you don't want to get married, or say you have a girlfriend overseas already and both of you want to focus on careers first for the next few years, maybe then, they'll stop trying to hook you up and move on to other things like what the scores were at Wimbledon.

    If you want to be a loner in a big office, then it's easy, you can just shut down socially, and give one word answers in reply. Or you can act like a d-bag to them, and it would serve the same purpose. Eventually, no one would want to come by your cube to talk to you anymore. You get your wish.

    Sure, you can talk to your manager or HR (whatever the corporate path for harassment is for your company)...which can result in disciplinary action such as having it on official record, or even worse...termination. They might be married, they might have kids. Are you going to do that to them because they made comments to you to encourage you to get some hot ladies? There's also a flip side to this...if HR or whoever is handling this perceives to see YOU as the unreasonable party, someone that's going to cry murder because someone used your stapler, that will have a negative effect on you professionaly.
     
    #22
  23. stapletonj

    stapletonj Semi-Pro

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2009
    Messages:
    449
    Hmmmm, not sure marital status is a "protected class", as in race, reigion, sex, and more and more now, sexual orientation.

    My old school 1970s class brain ( and I don't do these types of cases, so I really am not up on them) seems to recall that one of the prerequisites before being labeled a protected class was a history of discrimination and oppression.

    I do recall seeing that some groups were arguing this based mostly on tax law favoring married couples. But most of these cases were historically dismissed on the grounds that the government had a right to encourage social mores that it found beneficial to society.
     
    #23
  24. Fearsome Forehand

    Fearsome Forehand Professional

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2007
    Messages:
    1,185
    Location:
    USA
    Clearly, such women are rabid ugly-ists.

    You should contact Jackie Chiles because I am pretty sure he will take your case as it is injurious, egregious, outrageous !!!
    I see a jury awarding you millions in a precedent setting decision.

    Ugly-ism has no place in America and should not be tolerated in silence any longer.
     
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2012
    #24
  25. 813wilson

    813wilson Rookie

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2009
    Messages:
    322
    Location:
    Tampa area
    A) Where do you work? Meaning: geographic location and is your "age" in line with a good portion of the other office workers? Are you older/younger than most others? How often do have good conversations with same people whom you are saying bother you with some comments? Is your overall experience with co-workers good? Is this a small group that seems to be consistant in their "ribbing"? is it always the same people? Do you see commonality from them in terms of thier is always the same small group doing/saying the comments?

    B) Answers to most of those questions determine your course. As suggested, address within your peer group first. If they are not apologetic / didn't know the comments bothered you, you're okay. If nothing changes, I'd wager the same group may have similar comments to others and it SHOULD be addressed
     
    #25
  26. mucat

    mucat Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2004
    Messages:
    2,072
    Location:
    king size donut bed
    I think OP is too uptight. Sort of agree with the co-workers.
     
    #26
  27. goober

    goober Legend

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2004
    Messages:
    8,491
    What is the context in which they are saying this to you? It is such a weird thing to say to someone. It would be very helpful to know the backgroud of the conversation that led up to these statements.
     
    #27
  28. gavna

    gavna Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2010
    Messages:
    3,661
    Sounds like your married coworkers are trying to push you into the joy of marriage so you can enjoy the misery and suffering like them:twisted: they just want you to join that wondeful club and have what they have:twisted:

    I'm sure they are just teasing you - now lighten up and grow a pair and give it back to them:)
     
    #28
  29. West Coast Ace

    West Coast Ace G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2005
    Messages:
    13,351
    Location:
    So Cal
    I can't believe you guys are answering @suresh.

    +1. The only bad thing about being singled is never being able to be a Tennis Dad like Jim Pierce - shouldn't every man get to make someone run behind a car at least once? :)

    @acura9927, I've been going to Shanghai for the last 7 yrs (and booked for this yr) for the Tennis Masters Cup and now Masters 1000. The huge difference between HK and Shanghai - the women in HK love their city; the women in Shanghai hate theirs and only see you as a one way ticket out.
     
    #29
  30. syke

    syke Professional

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2012
    Messages:
    1,356
    Haha... :)
     
    #30
  31. Steady Eddy

    Steady Eddy Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2007
    Messages:
    2,544
    Location:
    Arizona
    Doesn't sound like they're harassing you. Sounds like they even like you. I sure wouldn't "tattle" to management and try to get them in trouble. Then they'd want to get even with you, and they'd never forget.

    I wouldn't recommend the harassment strategy unless something is WAY over the line. Deal with little things yourself.
     
    #31
  32. syke

    syke Professional

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2012
    Messages:
    1,356
    There you go... Hong Kong...
    It's entirely normal to be at the receiving end of such remarks.
    Women in this former British colony are known for being nosey.
     
    #32
  33. syke

    syke Professional

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2012
    Messages:
    1,356
    Yikes... No offence but they are like villagers in a city setting...
     
    #33
  34. jorel

    jorel Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2004
    Messages:
    2,488
    unless the person is a nutjob..the rules will favor with the person being harassed
     
    #34
  35. jorel

    jorel Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2004
    Messages:
    2,488
    sooo...i heard they might be bringing back the PT280
     
    #35
  36. acura9927

    acura9927 Semi-Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2012
    Messages:
    471
    Yeah, I cant take my own culture anymore. Boring Boring eating dim sum is not a hobby. And the worse backstabbers I've ever meet.
    I tuned it almost all out except for the good Cantonese music.
     
    #36
  37. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,969
    So, did you file charges today or did you get married today?

    (Given the two choices here, I'd file charges if I were you. Much more pleasant).
     
    #37
  38. LuckyR

    LuckyR Legend

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2006
    Messages:
    6,404
    Location:
    The Great NW
    Seriously? Sounds like you are not anticipating much of a future with this company. Hope you payday is worth you becoming unhirable...
     
    #38
  39. West Coast Ace

    West Coast Ace G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2005
    Messages:
    13,351
    Location:
    So Cal
    Amen. When you're on the freeway you look over and see someone with a death grip on the wheel of a nice car - and think "he/she could have been living on a farm 3 yrs ago". It is amazing to think 20 yrs ago everything on the Pudong side was farmland - but when the Party runs the RMB printing presses 24/7, incredible things can happen. Of course occasionally there is 'collateral damage':

    http://gizmodo.com/5304233/entire-new-13+story-building-tips-over-in-shanghai/gallery/1
     
    #39
  40. dParis

    dParis Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2004
    Messages:
    1,634
    Who doesn't. Blond works too.
    I don't think that "grass" somewhere else is supposed to be green, bro. You're gonna want to stay away from that.
    :lol:

    you said, pudong.
     
    #40
  41. syke

    syke Professional

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2012
    Messages:
    1,356
    Don't we just love these "C9s". I don't agree with the good Cantonese music bit though. hmmm... different strokes I guess..

    Well, HK culture is not what is used to be, at least not now with the city infested with Chinese mainlanders. Whenever, I see someone trying to cut a queue, speak loudly in public, pushing and shoving for empty train seats, coughing or sneezing without covering his/her mouth, squatting & spitting at every street corner, having their kids pee and poo in public areas, picking their noses wherever they go, stopping abruptly for no rhyme or reason in middle of a busy narrow walkway with bags and bags of French label luxuries. I automatically label them as mainlanders.

    When I hear someone spouting Mandarin with that loud uncouth strong mainlander accent, I will never fail to stare at them with great disdain.

    Bloody locusts I must say and they are everywhere... Melbourne, Vancouver, Hong Kong, Singapore, you name it... Bloody hell, these people should just buy an one way ticket to the US, and just stay there...

    Whew... Feels good letting it all out...
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2012
    #41
  42. syke

    syke Professional

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2012
    Messages:
    1,356
    Yep, the amount of Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Porsches on the roads of these major Chinese cities are mindboggling. Unfortunately, the mentality of these mainlanders are far from being civilised.
     
    #42
  43. subz

    subz Rookie

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2009
    Messages:
    366
    +1 Good advice.

    The tone of the conversation matters a lot. Was it just fun ? Couple of years ago, colleagues of mine told me the say thing. Find a girl to date etc. but the intention was they thought it would make me happy.

    A recommendation: you can ask them to hook you up with someone if they are so keen for you to be in a relationship :)
     
    #43
  44. chollyred

    chollyred Rookie

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2009
    Messages:
    258
    Location:
    Loganville, Ga.
    +1

    I remember when I was a young pup, there were several co-workers (ladies) that were always trying to get me hooked up and married off. It's like a challenge for them. They don't want to see any young guys not spoken for...They didn't mean any harm, and a lot of times it ended up being funny (like accidently trying to set me up with a married woman). It's like they're trying to "mother" you.

    The next time they make a comment, just quip back that as soon as they find someone worthy, you'll make the jump!

    To be honest, working with a lot of Asian (mostly Taiwanese) people, it takes a while before they lighten up and develop a sense of humor while we (Americans) grow up picking on each other and making fun of ourselves. Hopefully, your co-workers are just trying to be funny and inclusive.
     
    #44
  45. West Coast Ace

    West Coast Ace G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2005
    Messages:
    13,351
    Location:
    So Cal
    +1. That's why the Hongkongers call them 'locusts'. 75% of the rich people in China want to leave for a reason.
     
    #45
  46. acura9927

    acura9927 Semi-Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2012
    Messages:
    471
    They really want to leave that bad? I've only been to China as a tourist so no idea what its like to live there. I remember how insane it is to drive and ride a bike there. Its literally like playing the video game frogger. Yeah, its true saw a lot of public nose picking not too much splitting anymore. I do recall being cut in line at the bank, train stations, nah, I'll stick to living somewhere else.
     
    #46
  47. West Coast Ace

    West Coast Ace G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2005
    Messages:
    13,351
    Location:
    So Cal
    Yes, they really do. For all the 'capitalism' it's still a communist country run by an iron fisted government. Free speech? LOL! The pollution is really going to cause serious health problems in a few decades.

    Great story: spent a week in Shanghai at the Masters Cup then went to HK for 3 days. After landing in HK, a group was waiting for the Airport Express into the city. As the doors opened a young woman tried to bolt in front of people in line in front of her. Her husband grabbed her arm to stop her and said "we're not in China anymore!" Everyone in earshot, even the woman, exploded in laughter.
     
    #47
  48. West Coast Ace

    West Coast Ace G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2005
    Messages:
    13,351
    Location:
    So Cal
    #48
  49. syke

    syke Professional

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2012
    Messages:
    1,356
    LOL.... but they still bring along their faux uppity bourgeois attitude and their boorish manners.

    Once, I was in a lift with a mainlander couple and their local real estate agent. The mainlander woman keep bragging to her agent, how wealthy mainlanders are, snapping up properties all around the world, in the process helping to keep property prices in a healthy state. Even America had to kowtow to China for buying up her debt.

    For a moment, I had a strong inclination to turn around and smack her silly. But as I peered around my shoulder, oh boy she could totally blend in with padi fields as her backdrop. What a sight... All that big arse $$$ talk, while behaving and looking like a farmer from the cultural revolution period.

    From being livid, I ended up amused as I got out of the lift.

    These days if a mainlander try to pull that stopping in the middle of the walkway stunt, I will just tell them 好狗不擋路 (Good dogs don't block the road).
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2012
    #49
  50. subz

    subz Rookie

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2009
    Messages:
    366
    Tell me about it; I had a regular tennis buddy from China. I made a polite joke about him dating a girl; never heard from him again :confused:
     
    #50
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page