Conflicts : Best way of solving when stuck

Discussion in 'Odds & Ends' started by chrischris, Nov 4, 2011.

  1. chrischris

    chrischris Hall of Fame

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    I was discussing and arguing last night with my brother about many different things.
    He says its always best to discuss and talk to find common ground to solve conflicts . I thought it sounded to much a cliche and if it were only that easy there wouldnt be any .
    We got stuck after a while. i dont know what makes it that way for i was a good listener i think but maybe family is sometimes too close and too delicate an arena for some topics of current state of things in the nation.
    I think maybe some of you out there know some general strategies that work on conflicts small medium and big.

    What methods do you guys like that can make 'stuckness' go away ?
     
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  2. dParis

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    I find linking to a good, environmentally friendly, video usually does the trick.
     
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  3. LeeD

    LeeD Bionic Poster

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    Always, when argued to a stalemate, get each other in a headlock and go by the results.
     
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  4. autumn_leaf

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    I try not to get stuck in the first place. Define everything that is ambiguous and you'll have a much better starting point for any discussion. That is one of the biggest faults of language, a word will have different meaning for different people.

    Sometimes when an argument gets stuck moving forward it is better to take a step back to remind themselves what was their initial goals, then reroute the course of the discussion as necessary.

    Sometimes people just disagree. That's plain and simple and nothing can really change that because that is based upon opinion not tangible facts.
     
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  5. Andreas1965

    Andreas1965 Rookie

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    What about hitting each other in the face?
     
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  6. chrischris

    chrischris Hall of Fame

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    Yes the ability to have a good laugh at oneself is a good icebreaker.
    I sometimes take my insights a bit too 'hard' i guess.
    These days if you are serious about important things some people get an allergic reaction probably due to their needs being under 'threat' and you can get stuck.
     
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  7. Clay lover

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    I am a pessimist. I think conflicts never revolve themselves, therefore I try my hardest to avoid them.
     
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  8. chrischris

    chrischris Hall of Fame

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    Ok,i think i can understand this. .. my brother is a pessimist and i have had it close all my life .. Me i used to be an 'outrageous ' optimist . i think now i am a realistic optimist.
    What makes a person a pessimist? i think its when ones needs are not heard or recognised its easy to 'give up'.. Do you have some things that you need and cant get across to others?
     
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  9. chrischris

    chrischris Hall of Fame

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    The topic me and my brother got stuck on was what civilization means.. anyone got it down ?
     
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  10. ollinger

    ollinger Legend

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    Have the combattants sit around a big CO2 producing bonfire and turn marshmallows into carcinogens.
     
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  11. chrischris

    chrischris Hall of Fame

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    Seems you maybe have a need to upset me a bit , is that so?
     
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  12. ollinger

    ollinger Legend

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    Quite the contrary, I wanted to entertain you. If you didn't enjoy conflict, provocation and debate, you wouldn't seek them out so much in this forum.
    .
     
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  13. chrischris

    chrischris Hall of Fame

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    Ok, i can then say you did not succeed for imo it was not funny. Because it felt like you wanted to have a laugh at my expense.
    Do you understand that?
     
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  14. ollinger

    ollinger Legend

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    No, because it's disingenuous. Nobody who's so thin skinned and easily hurt goes on a forum like this all the time to start conflict. Let me put it in psychological terms: some people who present themselves as altruistic and selfless are defending against unconscious rage.
     
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  15. chrischris

    chrischris Hall of Fame

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    I understand what you are trying to say.
    I think its a shame you are evaluting something you cant .
    So it can be that in order to label and fill the need to catagorize is too temping.
    Used to be a little bit disgusted once in a while in the past but thats part of youth .

    Do you think it would good to find that i belong to category of fakes that pose as altruistic and selfless ?Perhaps you have that 'wish'..


    I have a need to find new solutions though . Dont you ?
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2011
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  16. mikeler

    mikeler G.O.A.T.

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    Speaking of youth, how old are you? It is usually easier to resolve conflicts with adults versus younger folks.
     
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  17. chrischris

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    Ok ,what method do you then recommend from your own experience of solving conflicts?
     
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  18. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

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    Don't know about that, but have come across people who present themselves as altruistic and selfless in order to prevent any kind of criticism about their incompetence. Plenty of such people in the workplace.
     
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  19. mikeler

    mikeler G.O.A.T.

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    Agree to disagree when you reach an impasse.
     
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  20. chrischris

    chrischris Hall of Fame

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    Thats hardly something of a solution, now is it?



    Besides that who has the advantage of deciding when an impasse has been reached?

    I am interested in solution more than what age people are or if they have a need to impose things like age as having any bearing on competence to think fresh , new and constructively to find solutions.
    To surrender and throw your hands in the air so to speak is a bit old and often advantageous to the party that decides to take that path.
    It can easily be misused as well in order to delay and stall .
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2011
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  21. mikeler

    mikeler G.O.A.T.

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    When you pose a general question, expect a general answer.
     
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  22. chrischris

    chrischris Hall of Fame

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    Ok , having gone thorugh the general mode , if i then ask you to answer the other specific question in my previous post ,i would be grateful.
     
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  23. chrischris

    chrischris Hall of Fame

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    What is a tough negotiator in your view?
     
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  24. mikeler

    mikeler G.O.A.T.

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    Somebody who plays like they have the upper hand and can dictate the terms of an agreement.
     
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  25. chrischris

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    ok, what about somebody that does in fact have the upper hand and plays like he doesnt and dictates the terms of an agreement?
    How would you 'label' him and does anyone in particular come to mind ?
     
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  26. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    chris, is English your second language?
     
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  27. chrischris

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    Agent Orynge,
    Why do you need to ask me that?
     
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  28. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    'Need' is such a subjective term. It's OK to say yes...
     
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  29. chrischris

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    Ok, let me rephrase it for you in very simple words so that you dont have any doubts.

    Why did you ask that question?
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2011
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  30. albino smurf

    albino smurf Professional

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    find the common ground and work from there. It is also important to recognize when one or both sides will never agree and again move on from there.
     
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  31. mikeler

    mikeler G.O.A.T.

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    Why are you so defensive about answering it?
     
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  32. chrischris

    chrischris Hall of Fame

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    Isnt that obvious.. it is quite irrelevant to the topic of this thread, ,dont you agree?
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2011
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  33. chrischris

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    Good idea!
    But when things do get stuck it seems most act like kids instead of responsible adults.
    Blame games ensue.


    I think it may be smart to see what needs are not being met when that happens.
    Is the other sides needs are not clear to me, can i maybe figure them out somehow and why do they have that need at all .

    To define what is a need and what is a want is good to to get some structure and grounding to build an argument that stands the test of debate and discussion.
     
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  34. mikeler

    mikeler G.O.A.T.

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    Perhaps Mr. Orynge has some kind of point to make based on your answer.
     
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  35. dParis

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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1KxC-S7QgA

    Let's move on. We can find a solution.
     
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  36. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    Because I'm curious. No judgment involved.
     
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  37. chrischris

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    Last edited: Nov 7, 2011
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  38. chrischris

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    Ok im curious too. I speak 4 languages.
    Whats your favorite Ben and Jerry's flavor?
     
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  39. r2473

    r2473 Legend

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    I'm beginning to see your basic problem.

    I think the solution would be for you to not be such an a$$hole.

    Give that a try and see if things get unstuck for you.

    Anybody care to guess how old chris is? I say 16.
     
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  40. mikeler

    mikeler G.O.A.T.

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    I'll take the under.
     
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  41. davedomart

    davedomart Semi-Pro

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    LOL sounds more like a mommas boy.
     
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  42. chrischris

    chrischris Hall of Fame

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    Who on this here thread , would favor non violent communication over violent communication?
     
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  43. r2473

    r2473 Legend

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    Good call.
     
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  44. mikeler

    mikeler G.O.A.T.

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    Me me me me me.
     
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  45. ttbrowne

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    chris, JMO, but approach it from the view of "what civilzation means to me".
    I doubt you could convince anyone, especially a pessimist, about how to look at this subject objectively.
     
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  46. thug the bunny

    thug the bunny Professional

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    What a silly topic to get stuck on. Are you seriously trying to collectively take on the entire fields of sociology, anthropology, politics, theology, and philosophy? Why not just jump straight to the meaning of life?
     
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  47. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    I don't have one, but I did recently try Americone Dream and Schweddy Balls. I enjoyed the Americone Dream more.
     
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  48. r2473

    r2473 Legend

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    ..or who makes the best pizza or if 50-year old man should be wearing skinny jeans.
     
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  49. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    42.

    Next?
     
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  50. thug the bunny

    thug the bunny Professional

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    Was that from Hitchhiker's Guide or Monty Python?

    I think we're about done as far as useless conjecture, theorizing, and opinionizing goes.
     
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