He keep telling me what to do...

Discussion in 'Adult League & Tournament Talk' started by nhat8121, Jun 8, 2009.

  1. nhat8121

    nhat8121 Semi-Pro

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    A old friend of mine. I've known him for a long time, but we don't really hang out much b/c I just don't get along with him. He used to play HS tennis so I suppose he's not too bad. Until just recently that I've got into tennis that we really just have this in common...probably why we don't hang out much.

    So today, we play double together. We played before and it'd been bad, but today, it just went up another level. He keep telling me where to stand, where to serve, where to hit, drop shot, make them come in and lob, hit and the weaker player, and everything else you can think of. He's giving me signs of what he's gonna do. He's also doing some random I formation...it was a real clinic out there. I just nod and went along with whatever he says as I didn't wanna make a big deal as it's just recreational tennis. He also told me he has a coach who tells him to play all out no matter who your opponents are. Whom he had played with earlier in the day and has commented on how good he is at the net. I thought it was idiotic, but I didn't say anything b/c he'd been playing tennis for a long time and he has a coach. He's fitter, he works harder than me. He plays with his shirt off, whereas I play with 2 layers on haha.

    Our opponents who was nice enough to ask us to come play b/c we were just standing there waiting for an open court. They're roughly about 3.0 guy and gal. The woman can't even run that well also. Did I mention how strong this guy is...he can really smash the ball. I just try to hit nice balls to the other couple and run to the net to try and play some volleys. When they do those lobs, my partner would smash those overheads. Some of them are quite scary. One almost took off the head of the guy, another hit the leg of the woman. It made me cringed...it pissed me off, but I didn't have the balls to tell him anything.

    He told me I need to move more, pay more attention and be more competitive. That really got to me so I ask if he wants to play a quick first to 3 games of single. I just wanna show him of how competitive I am without actually telling him. I went on to beat him 3-1 and I really didn't even play that well...it was pretty sad.

    We went on to play another set of double with a different couple. This time I ask if I can play on the woman's team and he can play with the other guy. This dude can serve, I've seen it, I know he can serve much better than I am. Yet, he does this underhand serving. Of course I go in and crush it. Then I ask "wtf you're trying to prove? would you do this in a real game? just play normal, man." He said he didn't wanna hit hard at my partner. At this moment, I think due to all that anger that has bottled up from earlier. I just told him "Why don't you f***ing try to hit at my face then, I don't mind." When his partner (who later told me how painful it was for him on his side of the court with all the directings) serves at me and he's at the net...I smacked two really hard (or as hard as I can really hit) forehands right at him (he lost both points.) Not sure if that was the tipping point but he told me I have a really bad attitude and that he will never play with me again. I didn't try to explain anything nor did I feel like explaining my feeling about the whole situation. I didn't say one word, he left the court without saying another word to me. I'm assuming our friendship ends here.

    Now that I'm home and thinking about it. I feel that maybe that would helped him, me, and all the people that get to play with him in the future if I had told him straight up of how I felt. That your coach is an idiot, you don't have to destroyed the weaker players to show your prowess. You are not as good as you think you are. You don't know everything like you think you do. You can't even win points off 5.0 players, not to say staying competitive with them. Stop frigging telling me what to do, I hate it. Stop telling others what to do, they don't like that either. Stop bragging out how good your life is...I don't care. Put your effing shirt on, it's not that hot. Wear shorts that have pockets, I don't want to hold balls for you when you serve. Of course, not necessarily in this tone, but it's too late for this now...and it sounds like a rant now :( It's just not easy for me to keep a friend I guess :(

    There's another regular at the court who's not a friend, but I've played with him many times now. This dude sucks...roughly 3.0 due to his endless unforced errors. He tells everyone he play with what to do, he complains when they make errors, he questions all the line calls. Everyone hates to play with him, they all love to play against him and smack the ball at him. Yet, no one wants to tell him to stop being a b*tch. Maybe the next time I play with him, I will man up and tell him to stop telling me what to do...
     
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  2. some6uy008

    some6uy008 Semi-Pro

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    You see, there's one thing I see wrong with your perspective; people don't see their faults, only those around them.

    I'm pretty sure the guy is at home thinking what a scum bag you are too.
     
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  3. nhat8121

    nhat8121 Semi-Pro

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    that's probably true

    i guess, there's no turning back...
     
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  4. 120mphBodyServe

    120mphBodyServe Banned

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    LOL.. Thanks for the laughs...
    Sounds like you need to make some new friends and find somewhere else to play...
    :p
     
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  5. subaru3169

    subaru3169 Semi-Pro

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    ya.. find some better ppl to play with.. i mean, like you said, it's recreational.. some ppl just don't understand how to tone it down in a non tournament/training setting, so it's not your fault he's a *****

    take a look at that assault thread in this section.. not exactly the same thing but the concept is similar.. if no one tells a dbag to stop acting the fool, they'll continue to do so without knowing
     
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  6. PushyPushster

    PushyPushster Rookie

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    Out of all your complaints this was the most important. For everyone. Please mail Super Dude a letter, detailing your issues, and ending with, "Find enclosed - one free t-shirt. We don't need to be assaulted by your sculpted manliness. Thank you."
     
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  7. larry10s

    larry10s Hall of Fame

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    please donate $5 to the charity of your choice for having a free therapy session on this forum based on the length of your post you got it off your chest now just continue to not hang out play tennis etc with this guy
     
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  8. Gemini

    Gemini Hall of Fame

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    The fact that you refer to him as an old friend and then say that you don't get along with him tells me you're not really friends at all. I'd say he's an acquaintance.

    And it seems like you-two just don't need to play together. There's too much tension and misunderstanding from both sides. You can man-up and tell him to stop pushing you around (which is fair enough) but I don't think it's going to be to any effect.
     
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  9. royer

    royer Rookie

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    I would think that most people could sympathize with your situation. Just about everyone has played with a partner who offers way too much advice.

    Personally, I can't stand playing with such people. On-court communication is essential in doubles, BUT when your partner starts "coaching" you ... that's about it for me. I would add that in my experience, the players who love to "coach" their partners during a match would be of greater benefit to the team if they focused more on their own game than on their partner's game.

    The solution? Play singles whenever possible. I'm not trying to be snide, I just really enjoy the individual aspect of singles. It's just me, myself, and I. Of course there are times when myself and I are a real pain in the ass to me. :)
     
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  10. jc4.0

    jc4.0 Professional

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    Freeze them out

    Can I ever commiserate! I don't mind a friend giving occasional advice on the court - especially if I ask for it. But it's highly annoying to have someone continually coaching and critiquing your game. Normally it's someone who's no better than you are, and often it's "advice" you don't think is correct. These folks quickly get a reputation for doing it, and eventually have problems finding games.

    I play with one woman occasionally who does this. I just tell her at the beginning of the match, first time she starts with the monologue, that I really can't talk while I play, and can't discuss what she or I did "wrong" in a point, during the game. It destroys my concentration. Usually that shuts her up, or she starts mumbling to herself. If she directs any further "advice" my way I simply ignore her and don't respond. May sound cold, but I really have to zone these amateur coaches out. If I listen to them they'll start to get under my skin and I can't play if I get p'd off. :)
     
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  11. nhat8121

    nhat8121 Semi-Pro

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    He is an old friend. We used to hang out when we were little. I feel he's changed, but then again, everyone changed a little as they grew. Maybe it's not completely true to say we don't get along. I find most of the things he says to be pretentious, braggy, and quite annoying, but I don't tell him that. I just ignore it and try to find something else to talk about. So, maybe he thinks we're all cool. He's one of those people that "work hard and play hard." He probably also read in some book somewhere that you have to be assertive to be successful and it has gotten him far, I suppose. So, I can't fault him for that kinda thinking. I think just because we don't have much in common doesn't mean we can't be friends, no?
     
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  12. royer

    royer Rookie

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    Be friends? Yes. Be partners? NO!
     
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  13. beernutz

    beernutz Hall of Fame

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    I knew Pushy would have the funniest answer.

    But seriously, send the letter.
     
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  14. Cindysphinx

    Cindysphinx G.O.A.T.

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    Yeah. The coaching on stroke mechanics drives me absolutely nuts. I always wonder "Why are you watching me hit so attentively that you can correct my stroke mechanics? Watch our opponents, not me!"

    And then the advice is so *wrong.* The advice I get a lot is that I "ran through the shot and I need to stop before I hit." It's probably the Number One piece of wrong, unsolicited hitting advice.

    :: heavy, pained sigh ::

    Cindy -- who wants to pull her hair out in clumps when her partner coaches her on her serve because she is 100% certain they are not watching her when she serves
     
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  15. subaru3169

    subaru3169 Semi-Pro

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    an older gentleman i play with does this sometimes mostly coz i'm not a doubles player.. but from the first time i've played with him, i was coming back from an injury which hasn't fully healed so i couldn't move as well.. and he kept telling me to move a certain way which i obviously tell him i can't and he just says, "hey you're young, what are you complaining about".. well, gee sir, i didn't know i wasn't allowed to feel injured.. how 'bout you play me singles and you tell me how well YOU can move??

    : sigh : sometimes, ppl are dbags on the court.. one of the reasons i'm glad i was trained as a singles player
     
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  16. Steady Eddy

    Steady Eddy Hall of Fame

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    Giving unsolicited advice seems to come more often from older players. Will I get this way when I get old? I hope not. Also old guys like to talk and don't take any hints that they're boring. I really hope I don't develop that habit either. I wouldn't be in a hurry to say yes when this guys asks you to play.
     
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  17. 120mphBodyServe

    120mphBodyServe Banned

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    Is it so wrong to offer a few pointers to your doubles partner?
    I've done it from time to time.. But I don't believe you have to be a ******bag when you do it...
     
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  18. Steady Eddy

    Steady Eddy Hall of Fame

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    No, it's not wrong to do that a little. How does your partner seem to take it? If his body language says he doesn't like it, then drop it, no matter how good you think your tips are.
     
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  19. mlktennis

    mlktennis Semi-Pro

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    wow that's a great rant!

    Forget the guy and move on. Life is too short to try to be friends with everyone from your past esp when you two have obviously moved in diff directions.

    I just got done playing with a lifelong 3.0 in his 50's with literally no mobility- half step in each direction MAX. had to run all over the court to try and cover everything- lost badly and to top it all off, he's giving me BS advice all match long. Man, it was like going to the dentist and no painkiller.
     
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  20. subaru3169

    subaru3169 Semi-Pro

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    a few little pointers obviously doesn't hurt like "hey watch his kick" or "catch it if he drops".. but listening to a lecture during the entire set is annoying as hell.. say a little bit during the changeover but not during the game.. yeesh
     
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  21. Annika

    Annika Semi-Pro

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    Be married? Yes. Be partners? No....
     
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  22. Vermillion

    Vermillion Banned

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    what's wrong with showing off "sculpted manliness"? some ppl work hard for their physique.
     
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  23. nhat8121

    nhat8121 Semi-Pro

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    nothing, it's cool to show off.
     
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  24. royer

    royer Rookie

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    LOL!:)

    Married couple + mixed partners = DIVORCE!
     
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  25. JavierLW

    JavierLW Hall of Fame

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    I think the funny irony of it though is that shirtless and pocketless are not especially associated with the supposed big shot tennis player.

    A REAL big shot tennis player will at least have pockets.

    As far as giving advice though that goes within reason. If you're playing doubles and you're playing with someone who completely doesnt know where to stand, what shots to hit, etc...., you're liable to say something. (this happens a lot with club players who are otherwise decent tennis players)

    If someone's hiding in the alley, Im going to tell them to move over. If they are offended by that, then Im not going to play with them anymore (which is fine for both of us Im sure) Same with people who stand RIGHT on top of the net. How hard is it to move to a normal position on the tennis court?

    But I think the difference is I am not trying to be a big shot in telling them these things, we're supposed to be a team and we have to work together to win. It's when it turns into a "tennis lesson" that it becomes a problem.

    I once played a match with a guy that I thought was pretty good who was going to be on my 3.5 team the first year and he actually came over and held my hand to show me how to hold my tennis racquet in the middle of the match.

    The guy turned out to be a complete idiot and luckily I was able to get rid of him because he "threatened" to leave to another team if I didn't promise him he'd get a shot at singles. (I told him to go ahead, he called back the next week and claimed he was bluffing and I told him it was too late because I found someone else)
     
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  26. subaru3169

    subaru3169 Semi-Pro

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    where has all the etiquette gone?? how do you play tennis with no pockets?? expecting your partner to hold the second ball everytime is kinda dumb.. and no shirt at the recreational level screams powertool
     
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  27. beernutz

    beernutz Hall of Fame

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    In 40 years of playing tennis I've never had a partner ask me to hold the extra ball. If one did, I'd have no problem whatsoever suggesting to them in a semi-humorous way an alternative location for ball placement.
     
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  28. subaru3169

    subaru3169 Semi-Pro

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    :lol: :lol:

    exactly what i was thinking.. that's the thing, i've never encountered anyone to ask me that either in my time on the courts.. and then i read this on the forum and i'm flabbergasted
     
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  29. Cindysphinx

    Cindysphinx G.O.A.T.

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    Really? I don't like holding more than one ball. Having two balls shoved up your skirt just isn't comfortable. I worry constantly that one will fall out or, um, migrate.

    And I don't like the look of having one on each hip. I don't have a lot of slack in my skirts, shall we say?
     
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  30. dividi

    dividi New User

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    I'm a 4.5 player who's had some formal coaching.

    I had a stubborn 3.0 friend with whom I tried to convince to keep the ball in play instead of taking huge swings and reckless flat serves. I got frustrated a number of times when he tried to debate technique and strategy. One of his arguments was that second serves that go in as opposed to flat serves that land 10ft out are weak and that there's no point hitting a weak shot. He couldn't stand being wrong so he would say I take the game too seriously and that he was a recreational player.

    My point is that it's better to play with people who are on the same page as you. I would say just communicate better, but some people are too stupid for that.

    Last I checked, my friend was taking beginner tennis class at community college trying to get better.
     
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  31. subaru3169

    subaru3169 Semi-Pro

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    when my friends and i play actual sets, the server will always have two balls<HARRR>.. however, there will be 3 balls to play from and the server's partner usually holds the 3rd ball.. i kinda thought that was the norm
     
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  32. JavierLW

    JavierLW Hall of Fame

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    Are you a guy or a girl?

    I have no idea if skirts are supposed to have pockets or what....

    But let's just say in MEN's tennis you're wearing shorts (HOPEFULLY!), and it ought to have pockets.

    (although Ive played mixed, and I dont remember anyone ever asking their partner to hold the second ball for them, that would be weird and time consuming, but not all women wear skirts either, this isnt the 1920's....)
     
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  33. Cindysphinx

    Cindysphinx G.O.A.T.

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    No, no pockets. Just compression shorts if she is wearing a skirt. Chivalry dictates that you hold one ball when she is serving, as a proper gentleman doesn't wish his lady friend to look excessively lumpy.

    Some women will ask for the third ball, but this is rare in my experience.
     
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  34. subaru3169

    subaru3169 Semi-Pro

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    i am a male, so i always wear shorts<or pants if it's cold> with pockets

    the women i play with just shove the second ball up their skirt and their partner would pocket the third
     
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  35. Steady Eddy

    Steady Eddy Hall of Fame

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    Back in the days before the two-handed backhand became popular, players didn't need pockets. Your pinky and ring finger hold the second ball, and you can still make a good toss with your thumb and other fingers. I've often seen pictures of guys like Newcomb and Laver holding the second ball even when playing in slam events! A good player shouldn't need pockets, a really good player doesn't even need the second ball, 'cause he can put the first serve in at will. Does everybody here have a two-handed backhand?
     
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  36. beernutz

    beernutz Hall of Fame

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    I don't use a 2HBH but when I do a one-handed backhand I like to use my off hand as part of the take-back process and that's harder to do if it has a ball in it.
     
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  37. Steady Eddy

    Steady Eddy Hall of Fame

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    With that technique, you'll never be able to play tennis naked.
     
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  38. subaru3169

    subaru3169 Semi-Pro

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    lol well i don't think men would like playing naked anyway with thier willywag flopping around
     
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  39. Cindysphinx

    Cindysphinx G.O.A.T.

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    I've always wondered what guys do to keep their willywang from flopping around. Is a pair of briefs enough?

    Oh, wow. I've really wandered off-topic, huh? :)
     
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  40. subaru3169

    subaru3169 Semi-Pro

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    i play fine in boxers, thank you very much hahaha
     
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  41. Xisbum

    Xisbum Semi-Pro

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    I'm an older player, and the only time I give advice is when my partner asks for it. I expect the same courtesy in return, especially from you "younger" players. :)
     
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  42. subaru3169

    subaru3169 Semi-Pro

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    i think it may depend in certain situations.. i'll give you one example

    one person i play with<for doubles> is a gentleman in his 40s and he isn't quite that good, especially during match play.. whenever we play a match, he always tries to make these weird drop shots and we lose many crucial points which cost us the game.. ultimately, he gets frustrated for making shots like those and other shots that are similar.. so after losing so many points from his unforced errors, i had to tell him to quit making those things as they're low percentage shots.. even HE gets upset at himself for doing it, hello?? quit doing that stuff

    i don't mind losing, but i'm not improving or even feel it's worth playing with such poor shot selection.. i don't want to lose because of someone's intentional crap shots, i'd rather lose because i was outplayed
     
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  43. Cindysphinx

    Cindysphinx G.O.A.T.

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    Ho boy. Losing because of a Partner's Intentional Crap Shots. Yuck.

    I can understand if someone just can't reach a ball, or can't hit the shot they want, or is just having an off day. And some bad shots have some benefit even if you miss (lobbing net players, keeping a poacher honest by going down the line).

    Insane Shot Selection for the sake of it, though? That's just deflating.

    I had a recent match in which my partner was really struggling. It just wasn't her day. She started to turn things around in the second set.

    So opponents hit her a high-bouncing ball in the ad court, while she is in no-man's land (on her way to the net, maybe?). She chooses to bounce it, which is fine. She executes some nice footwork to get back and around this ball and get it into her strike zone for a FH. I'm expecting her to blast it.

    And then she tries a FH drop shot. On game point. On a high ball. From a deep position. Against an aggressive net player. It bounced in her own service box. Doh!! :)

    I used to play with a lady who was so in love with her drop shot that she would drop shot when opponents were both at net. Whoa, Nelly!
     
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  44. nhat8121

    nhat8121 Semi-Pro

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    occasional advices are cool with me...but when they start telling me what to hit and where to hit, it just annoy me so much. It literally sucks the energy out of me, I just play worse and worse, we lose and I don't even care...it's just bad, bad, bad all around.
     
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  45. Vermillion

    Vermillion Banned

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    So the verdict is in?

    If you have a sculpted body, it's cool to play with your shirt off, but you MUST have pockets.

    Correct?
     
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  46. nhat8121

    nhat8121 Semi-Pro

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    I don't find it cool at all...to show off. Unless, it's hot and you feel better playing shirtless. Frankly, I don't care if one wants to show off if that's how they like it.

    You either need to have pockets or find a way to keep the 2nd ball when you serve. I can hold the 3rd ball, in case of a let or something, but not every time you miss your 1st serve.
     
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  47. Steady Eddy

    Steady Eddy Hall of Fame

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    I use duct tape.
    Yeah, this should be in the instruction section.
     
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  48. beernutz

    beernutz Hall of Fame

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    I understand. Sorry about that ya'll.
     
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  49. Xisbum

    Xisbum Semi-Pro

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    Well, if a partner does nothing but try bone-head shots at inopportune times and doesn't ask for my help, then he/she won't be a partner for very long. I try to avoid people who make tennis anything less than fun, but I don't presume to know more about their game than they do. I can only tell them - if they ask - what works for me and what I think might work for them (and us as a team). If they don't ask, I either find another partner or play singles.

    Even in doubles, tennis is ultimately an individual game, at least to me. The best doubles teams are those with partners willing to blend their individual skills to produce a stronger pair. If the other partner isn't fulfilling his/her part of the team contract - which includes frequent communication between partners - then it's just two people playing singles. In those cases, I would just rather play regular singles, with no one to disappoint but me.

    Just my opinion, of course. I'm no tennis genius, just an old guy who's seen a lot in my day. :)
     
    #49
  50. subaru3169

    subaru3169 Semi-Pro

    Joined:
    May 25, 2009
    Messages:
    515
    Location:
    la, ca
    i see.. i too would much rather play singles, but i only play doubles since most ppl i know now who play are into doubles and there aren't enough courts anyway.. so what i do is to just practice my shots.. but with that particular person as my partner, i can't do that if he keeps screwing it up

    ugh.. frustrated younger gentleman, i am=p
     
    #50

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