I fell in love with a married woman.

Discussion in 'Odds & Ends' started by ninman, Jul 1, 2012.

  1. Loose Cannon

    Loose Cannon Rookie

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    I really think you should not give up hope.


    Marriages........come and go.....some are flat out mistakes......that need some outside assistance to help the pour soul that is trapped in the marriage,


    Its cold, but life isnt always fair. If there is even the slightest hope to find the possible love of your life......dont give up. Like a hrd fought tennis match.....its easy to give up and say.....its not my match! but its those who battle through the elements......thrawt off any potential excuses.....and grab the win! the ball is in your court....You hit enough quality strokes.....you may win at love
     
  2. r2473

    r2473 Legend

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    ^^i heard that the ops dream girl is stroppy and wont let her husband play league tennis
     
  3. jmverdugo

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    While I think you are right in most of what you said usually it is a bad idea to interfere or provide "Outside Assistance", if a person wants to end his/her marriage it has to be their own decision, you cannot really tell from the outside what is going on in a marriage.

    Maybe this is the love of his live but it could very well NOT be, so, is it worthy to go ahead and maybe risk to break up a marriage for it? Think about it, it is not like he has known this lady forever and already know what is like to live with and without her, pretty much he just met her! so they clicked - according to the OP at least - who by the way may not be the best at assessing what is going on in this type of situations, my recommendation would be to forget about it and move on, if things are meant to be she should be the one doing the second step - because I think the lady already knows the feelings of our friend.

    my last 2 centavos.
     
  4. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    Welcome to the interwebz, yo.
     
  5. Legend of Borg

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    It's none of his business what goes on in her marriage.

    You go too far, but then again some people lack a conscience that stops them from doing things like this.
     
  6. Loose Cannon

    Loose Cannon Rookie

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    i dont disagree with you.....


    I was kind of giving him a different perspective.....albiet a little unorthodox


    Its not for everyone......but sometimes.....things are just meant to happen a certain way.....as unpopular as it may be to the general public......alot of people are praying for a bail out. This is not the Little House in the Prarie,where Ma and Pa Ingles are always destined to be together for life.
     
  7. Loose Cannon

    Loose Cannon Rookie

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    i dont disagree with you.....


    I was kind of giving him a different perspective.....albiet a little unorthodox


    Its not for everyone......but sometimes.....things are just meant to happen a certain way.....as unpopular as it may be to the general public......alot of people are praying for a bail out. This is not the Little House in the Prarie,where Ma and Pa Ingles are always destined to be together for life.
     
  8. Loose Cannon

    Loose Cannon Rookie

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    Exactamundo Son!

    Sometimes it just doest pay to worry about what is morally right or what will hurt some stranger. You Only live once........you dont get a second chance at these things alot of times.
     
  9. ninman

    ninman Hall of Fame

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    They say that all is fair in love and war, but I personally couldn't bring myself to do something like that.
     
  10. Agent Orynge

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    You're just encouraging his romantic nonsense. It's nice to believe that there is one true love for everyone, but there are what, 7 billion people on earth? Somehow an awful lot of them seem to find their special person, so that makes for a lot of odds breaking. No... the fact is there are plenty of people for each of us to be happy with in our lifetimes, and there's no reason for OP to get so worked up over one that's already married, especially when he clearly doesn't know his @$$ from a hole in the ground when it comes to love. Time to stop being juvenile and move on.
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2012
  11. ninman

    ninman Hall of Fame

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    The vast majority of relationships and marriages are deeply unhappy. 50% of all marriages end in divorce and a large number of the other 50% are probably not happy marriages.

    My Auntie was married for 25 years to an abusive husband and had 2 children with him.

    I obviously know a lot more about life and relationships than you, given that I've been married and I'm divorced. I've learned through experience what type of person I am looking for in a relationship, but I'm also very emotional and am not very good at handling things that don't go my way.

    It sucked, but I'll get over it. Maybe you should stop being a troll, step out of your mums basement and embrace the world outside.
     
  12. Agent Orynge

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    What does any of that have to do with where you're at right now? 'We barely no each other,' remember when I quoted you on that in my first reply? That says it all. Don't tell me that your divorce or divorce statistics give you some peculiar insight which enables your love-at-first-sight powerz. You're only fooling yourself, and people who have already pointed that out to you numerous times in this thread are the only voices of reason here. Ignore them at your own peril.

    I've stepped out into the world, even carried a rifle through some of it. I'll take my mum's basement any day of the week, thank you.
     
  13. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

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    I'm giving the OP some good advice based on my superior moral vantage point as a westerner. He can take it or leave it. If you don't have any advice it's better that you shut up.
     
  14. Wolfman Jack

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    For one moment I thought I was an alien dropped in a far out planet with upside down moral standards. At least I see some other people agree there is something wrong with this
     
  15. Wolfman Jack

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    What happened to people trying hard and not giving up easy (and certainly not using adultery as a way out?) Are you people insane?

    Do you people think that a Marriage Certificate is simply a paper with which you can wipe your fecal matter?

    Now, don't take me wrong. Maybe in China it is (in which case I suppose the OP can do anything he pleases.)
     
  16. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

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    Somebody asking for advice on whether adultery is an option in a tennis forum calling somebody else a troll? LMFAO.
     
  17. ninman

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    Ok, first of all I have never asked if I should start an affair with this woman, I was simply asking for emotional support.

    Second of all adultery is a religious concept and I am an atheist, and yes a marriage certificate is exactly that, a piece of paper. Whether you believe in what that piece of paper symbolises is your own personal choice.

    Thirdly, you're coming off as a complete racist. Since when does being a westerner give you a superior morality? People cheat on each other, have affairs, murder, steal, lie and all of the rest of it in the west just as much as they do anywhere else.

    I actually happen to be white, and I have not once told this woman how I feel about her, nor have I in any way attempted to "seduce" her. As I said I was looking for emotional support to get over the disappointment that a woman I liked is already married, but maybe that's too difficult for you to understand?

    Anyway I'm over it now, and I've moved on, so get off your high horse, take a chill pill and relax.
     
  18. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

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    Man, you sure have some stories.

    My grandpa was a police officer and had some brutal stories to tell me before he passed away. Some of them funny, but most of them really sad.

    The incident of the vermillion color in the head, does it have to do with rain, or with bird poop? :)
     
  19. ninman

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    My philosophy on life is that one day I will die and since there is no way of knowing when that day is you should try to enjoy life as much as possible.

    Anyways thanks again for all the advice, it was very helpful and made me feel a lot better about it.
     
  20. Agent Orynge

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    There's that cavalier attitude I was talking about god knows how many pages back. The only question left is when are you going to reach down, grab your b@lls, and tell this woman-child how you feel already?
     
  21. ninman

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    It wouldn't give me any enjoyment to do that.
     
  22. Sentinel

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    The funny incident was not about vermillion, it was about wedding rings.
     
  23. Sentinel

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    I share similar thoughts as yours except ...

    Let's not call adultery a religious concept, since marriage itself is not a religious concept. It arose out of some kind of convenience since women were involved in child-bearing and needed support and protection and blah blah blah.

    I myself do not subscribe to any rituals, practices or institutions and have not married since it never made any sense to me personally.

    However, when you live in a society, (I think) you have to respect the conventions and sentiments of that society. e.g. you may think shame about covering one's body is religious or whatever, but still one has to cover oneself in public so as not to offend others. Similarly, about defecating in public and other things.

    Animals don't have a sense of monogamy and I deal with animals mostly so don't understand this (or most) human convention. However, you do appreciate how much suffering it can cause to a married couple if there is suspicion. I related a case recently in this thread of a couple driven almost to suicide due to suspicion. The man was threatening to finish the family off -- two wonderful little daughters included.

    As an atheist, you have every right to believe in what you want to, but would you insult other people's beliefs, or burn their books just because you don't believe in them. Would you destroy their churches and temples ? Surely you see that regardless of your beliefs, or faith, causing suffering to others doesn't make sense. It's not going to make you happy in any way to have used others and ruined a few lives. To snatch someone else's bread just to satisfy your hunger won't make you happy.

    I too believe that I am going to die soon, thus it is important to prioritize very carefully. Most people just go running after sex and temporary pleasures since they've never deeply thought this out. Our imminent death doesn't justify hurting others for the sake of a few moments of physical pleasure.
     
  24. Agent Orynge

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    It's definitely a biological concept, since that's exactly what happens in nature with monogamous species.

    It must be nice to live in OP's perfect, highly principled little world. A microcosm filled with chick flicks, chinese food, and graphing calculators, I'm guessing... and he said something about me being in an ivory tower. It's this kind of attitude that gives the rest of us godless types a bad name.
     
  25. ninman

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    That's why I use the phrase "having an affair", it goes against my own personal ethics to cheat on a partner, or have someone's partner cheat on them with me, and I do respect people's beliefs and married couples.

    I just didn't want this to become a christian thing, i.e. it goes against the 10 commandments to commit adultery. Well that may be your religious beliefs but it's not a reason for me not to do. I don't do it because of my own personal ethics not some religious nonsense.

    It wouldn't make a difference to me if she was married or had a bf.
     
  26. dParis

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    Yeah... did you sort of forget that it was you who brought up the religious stuff and how you didn't want the discussion to be about religion so you brought up religious stuff?

    It's okay, though. If I had the opportunity to play the role of a karmick Don Juan, I'd do Loose Cannon's girlfriend before yours.
     
  27. Loose Cannon

    Loose Cannon Rookie

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    Sometimes you can try as hard as you can....how long should one suffer..................2 yrs? 5 years?? 10 yrs? I know the politically correct thing to do would be.....come to some level headed conclusion and perhaps divorce. Alot of times, that is too difficult with too many variables.....ie kids, assests, or just the fact that one doesnt wont to be alone. So they need that magic spark..ie the china dude.....in this case.....to open their eyes to the misery they are enduring. Alot of times.....people are literally waiting and praying that they get saved from their marriages. The numbers back it up.......marriage.....for the most part....are not built to last....and probably will end up on bad terms.....which could invite the possible affairs in which is being mentioned....
     
  28. MarinaHighTennis

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    This is it.
    Amen.
     
  29. MarinaHighTennis

    MarinaHighTennis Professional

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    Do anything more and shell be uncomfortable and shell leave (move to diff department,etc.etc.) to avoid an unwanted relationship. Which means they never want to see you again
     
  30. Sentinel

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    I don't wish to derail this thread, but I am not sure we are a "monogamous species".

    I have heard of Love birds and maybe a couple more cases, but am not aware how many monogamous species there are.

    I have one relative who comes from a matriarchal society. This kind of society flourished till recently, but only has changed due to some economic reasons (his wife was trying to explain (can't recall details)).

    The male was irrelevant, the women maintained the property and the children. They had all the wealth, and the men were only called in for conception. The dad's role in upbringing was usually performed by the maternal uncles. So men were never needed as bread-winners or for protection.
    Each year a different man could be called (iirc). There were no emotions attached to the man, and almost no meeting the man after conception. He could drop in to see the child once a month or so.

    Another case is where the old people in the community did the child-rearing and the young were not fettered with a relationship. There are other such systems in various parts of India I won't go into. Most of these are getting broken up due to some of those people traveling to metropolitan cities and picking up western (or outside) values.

    I personally think monogamy is an awful thing mankind has inflicted on itself, particularly the whole emotional devastation when you find your partner has "cheated". Men and women are sexually attracted to more than one person, and i don't see how they (barring some exceptional cases) can contain their feelings. So all of you are spending your lives containing your emotions/feelings/desires.

    The very fact that there are huge divorce rates shows that the institution itself is flawed. By no means does your biology restrict your sexual impulses to just one person. No where does marriage make some biological change in you that makes only one person sexually compatible to you. That would be bad for the race in the case of death of one partner. Nature is concerned with long term survival, not the happiness or sentiments of individual specimens.

    Along with many other rules that go against your biology (that society has inflicted on itself) is this rule of monogamy, and the shame associated with the body and with sex. No other species covers itself. Even children hate to cover themselves, esp in warm countries. We have to drill the concept of shame into them.

    However, this institution cannot be broken since humans have managed to attach a huge amount of emotion to it. Plus the fake shame attached to sex and the fake respect/morality attached to celibacy/abstinence. I seriously hope you guys can dig yourself out of this one in a few centuries ... seriously ... I've seen too many people suffer due to this.
     
  31. Agent Orynge

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    I'm not convinced we are either. If anything, you can read post #110 as an argument for polyamory.

    I'm also not saying it's impossible to find love, or even to love just one person, but it takes more than just the cursory glance that was afforded OP (who happens to have the emotional maturity of a 14 year old). Besides time it also takes commitment, discipline, and a solid, pragmatic set of principles to found a relationship on, and that's not an entirely unhealthy thing. Real love is a challenge, not a flight of fancy.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2012
  32. Steady Eddy

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    In olden times, people's life expectancy was much shorter. It was more likely that a marriage would last till death.

    Humanity is very slow at updating their beliefs. Just look at how many still defend the biblical account of the creation of life.
     
  33. syke

    syke Professional

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    Spot on!!!

    Beware of Chinese women from the big cities... There are better ones in Taiwan!
     
  34. Legend of Borg

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    So then what's your take on the OP meddling in the marriage of another based on that? Justified?
     
  35. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

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    Exactly, very well said.

    Physical pleasure is simply a mirage. Unfortunately, that's all many people seem to have.
     
  36. Wolfman Jack

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    If a marriage is untenable because one of the parties (or both) are bad people, then by all means, it should be dissolved somehow.

    However:
    1. Where does anyone get the idea that the woman the OP refers to is living an unhappy marriage?
    2. People do tend to give up way too easily. As in, if marriage goes through the slightest of difficulties, it's time to quit. If you broke friendships radically and permanently anytime there is a disagreement with a friend, you would have no friends. Marriage is a commitment and requires a lot of work.
    3. The reasons 99.99% of marriages fail is because people don't apply JFK's famous quote to themselves: "Ask not what your wife/husband can do for you, ask what you can do for your wife/husband."
     
  37. Steady Eddy

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    However today's institutions came to be, it still would not justify interfering with their marriage. And for his own selfish reasons, he should also stay out.
     
  38. Wolfman Jack

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    I respectfully disagree. The fact that a person can be physically attracted to other people doesn't mean we are not meant to be monogamous. I can be walking down the street and really feel that I need to take a dump. I know it would feel very good if I unloaded a big turd, and it would be a relief physiologically. But to do so wouldn't be appropriate.

    Are people supposed to fvck the first person they feel attracted to? Sexual attraction and love are very different things. True love between couples can only be established through years of shared experiences, confidence, trust, and devotion.

    Call me crazy, but I think human beings are not simply sophisticated animals with intricate emotions and the ability for abstract thought. I think we have souls and we have the responsibility of making the word a better place.

    Studies have clearly shown (in Western countries) that the children of parents that divorce tend to have emotional, intellectual, and even physical problems that children of married parents (even those where the marriage is far from perfect) never have. The studies on this are quite detailed and the conclusions they derive are undeniable.

    The societies you mention (matriarchal, etc) are so alien to me that I can't even begin to think about them. To me, the family unit (Dad, Mon, and children) is sacred, and it is the basis of Western civilization. I don't think our civilization would have advanced to such degree if it were not for the support and structure that the family unit gives the individual.

    And, let's not fool ourselves. Western civilization is what works. It has steadily spread all over the world, including to India, China, etc.
     
  39. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

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    Correct. Furthermore, monogamy is good for the individual, and also society.

    I really haven't read this thread top to bottom, but I'm not sure where you stand. I think this might be due to heavy doses of ironic statements in your posts without evident notice.
     
  40. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

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    Explain this. I have no idea what you are talking about.
     
  41. Agent Orynge

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    Where I stand on what, loving one person versus many?

    My only point about monogamy is that it's good for the child, especially amongst species that bear relatively few offspring (like us). It simply makes sense to have a father in the picture, if only to protect the investment of time and energy. This is all basic reproductive/Darwinian theory, real Bio 101 stuff.

    Socially speaking it's not the same. Other species that are considered monogamous sometimes only spend the mating season together, plus whatever minimum investment of time is required to rear their offspring. For us it's different, for one glaringly obvious reason: we're human, and we're like nothing else on earth. We have a choice. If you're not interested in making babies I guess it doesn't matter, and there's the rub. My personal opinion is that people are welcome to do as they please, providing they're open and accepting of each other. Right now we live in a society on the cusp of completely redefining what we thought marriage was, so maybe it's only a matter of time before polyamory has a place in legal discourse as well. There's no reason to discount it in the meantime just because it isn't the norm.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2012
  42. r2473

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    somebody has been watching woody allen's manhattan

    but this whole thread is best summed up by this ever popular woody allen clip

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCxCRI2Qv6U

    To love is to suffer.
    To avoid suffering, one must not love.
    But then one suffers from not loving.
    Therefore, to love is to suffer.
    Not to love is to suffer.
    To suffer is to suffer.
    To be happy is to love.
    To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy.
    Therefore, to be unhappy one must love,
    or love to suffer,|or suffer from too much happiness...
    I hope you're getting this down

    i never want to marry
    i just want to get divorced




     
  43. r2473

    r2473 Legend

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    [​IMG]
     
  44. Dedans Penthouse

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    ^^^^^^^
    This + "3"

    (notwithstanding imho, his "gazillion" Talk Tennis I.Q., heed this WISE man's words...pleese)

    .
     
  45. Wolfman Jack

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    You people can't be serious. Has humankind degenerated to this extent?
     
  46. ollinger

    ollinger Legend

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    ^^ absolutely! A bill passed by one house of the California legislature and expected to clear the other house will legalize a child having more than two (three....four....) people with legal standing as his parents.
     
  47. Steady Eddy

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    That was stupid.

    If you're interested in getting started in philosophy, I, who knows all about everything, would recommend this.
    http://www.amazon.com/Being-Nothingness-Jean-Paul-Sartre/dp/0671867806

    But read the french version, as so much gets lost in translation.

    Until then I'm sure your basic ideas will be good enough for the cocktail parties that you attend.

    Regards.
     
  48. Larrysümmers

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    become 'swingers' is the best thing me and my GF have done. its really boosted our relationship.
     
  49. Bartelby

    Bartelby G.O.A.T.

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    Can't go past Being and Time, just gotta love Sein-zum-Tode.




     
  50. syke

    syke Professional

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    In the middle kingdom, it is very common to find ladies from the big Chinese cities fishing around for a better financial future.

    You have no idea the tricks they come up with just to achieve that purpose.

    Of course, this is a sweeping generalisation. There are some decent ones around, but what are the odds?

    Just be wary, they will cling onto you, suck you dry and leave you broken.

    Men from western cultures are going feel flattered and their ego stroked with all the attention and submissiveness of these Chinese ladies.

    I heard and seen too many of such stories.

    PS. Ronaldo is an effeminate crook
     

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