I gave money to a friend, and never saw her again

Discussion in 'Odds & Ends' started by eliza, Feb 26, 2011.

  1. eliza

    eliza Guest

    OK, I feel an idiot because I cannot believe I did this. Maybe just posting it will help me see it in perspective...
    Two years ago I was going out with a group of local "professionals", among which this lawyer from Puerto Rico. She relocated to Boston, MA, but would come and visit MI often. She explained to me she had no money, b/c her father had suffered an heart attack and the family was needy. To cut the story short, I gave her 3,000USD.
    I did not know that people in the US are very different.
    Of course, never heard from her since. No more e-mails, no more calls, she disappeared. Now one of the ex-friends (who told me she does not want to hear from her!!!!!) e-mailed me saying she is on face-book.
    What would you do?
    1) Forget everything, what goes around comes around?
    2) start bugging her?
    3) call the Police, even if there was no loan contract?
     
    #1
  2. angharad

    angharad Semi-Pro

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    Forget it. Unless there was a contract in place, that money is gone. Learn the lesson and move on.
     
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  3. dlk

    dlk Hall of Fame

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    Wow!!! Here where people are not trustworthy often, always write a contract. Verbal aggreements never hold water. I'd chalk it up to a learning experience & never loan money to an individual ever. Maybe 20 or 30 here or there is okay, but 3Gs is insane.
     
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  4. Moose Malloy

    Moose Malloy Legend

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    Puerto Rico is not really the US, just a US province.
     
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  5. Sentinel

    Sentinel Talk Tennis Guru

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    I heard several such stories. Of people who made really good friends in some forum. Over a period of time, someone desperately needed money for some child's operation. Took the money from other forum members and vanished.

    Then one of the victims found the same lady operating on another forum using the same method.
     
    #5
  6. goober

    goober Legend

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    If you lend money away like this, do not expect it back.

    Even when I lend large amounts of money to relatives outside my immediate family, I know it is a donation, no matter how much they say they are going to pay it back. So far I have not been wrong.

    This friend doesn't sound like a very close friend. Just a person in a group of professionals that you meet up with. She correctly sized you up and took you for a ride.
     
    #6
  7. SFrazeur

    SFrazeur Legend

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    Do you know what a mark is?

    [​IMG]

    -SF
     
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  8. Larrysümmers

    Larrysümmers Hall of Fame

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    ^ win.

    when dealing with large amounts of money, it is best to have a contract and when (s)he pays you some or all of it to make receipts.
    contract helps you, receipts help them.
     
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  9. eliza

    eliza Guest

    That's what hurts, that I always been good in sizing people, and I cannot believe I was taken for a ride......everything appeared OK, her professional background, her tenure, her house, her car. It looked like a cash flow issue.....D...IT, HOW STUPID!!!
    Guess I should put it as "never give a dime to anybody" ever again.
     
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  10. albino smurf

    albino smurf Professional

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    you had to know it was gone when you handed it over right? can i have some?
     
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  11. BobFL

    BobFL Hall of Fame

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    'Appeared', exactly the right word. I am not saying that this is the case but do you have any idea how easy is to 'stage things' in this country? And it is not about "people in the US". Your problem has first and last name...
     
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  12. Cindysphinx

    Cindysphinx G.O.A.T.

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    "To cut the story short"? That is the most important part. What exactly was said?

    I don't make loans. I make gifts. That way I never lose more than I can afford to lose, and I never have to hound people.
     
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  13. bad_call

    bad_call Legend

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    money well spent to not see them again. ;)
     
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  14. eliza

    eliza Guest

    I am in a stage in which I am having hard times with this country.
    I lived in Italy, Germany, Spain, France, UK, for years and nothing happened. I still have friends there, and when I say "friends"I mean it. They would open their houses and wallets if I needed them to.
    I come here, and boy, one thing after another.
    Maybe I am just not strong enough to live here.
     
    #14
  15. TenniseaWilliams

    TenniseaWilliams Professional

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    Did you know the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary?
     
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  16. mozzer

    mozzer Hall of Fame

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    I just checked and it is, you liar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111!!11
     
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  17. BobFL

    BobFL Hall of Fame

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    I am sure you are and you also have a good heart. You were just a bit unfortunate to meet 'wrong' people.
     
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  18. fruitytennis1

    fruitytennis1 Professional

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    Your Gullible....
     
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  19. Wicked4hand

    Wicked4hand Rookie

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    Learn your lesson forget about it n move on...... You just meet an As##%#
     
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  20. bezs

    bezs Legend

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    Ouch painful lesson learnt.

    Got burned before lending money to a schoolmate and have been weary about lending money since.
     
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  21. jmverdugo

    jmverdugo Hall of Fame

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    Dear Eliza,

    I come to you as man of peace and with the knowledge that you are a person with great heart and that still beleives in the greatness of our goodness. In god I trust and I know that He will lead your heart to help me in these sad moments for me and my country. I am a citizen of Lybia that has inherit a large fortune ($40,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.10) and I am having some troubles moving my money out of my country after some rebelious forces started to cause problems in an otherwise peaceful country. I come to you to ask for help to move my money away from these bad men so me and my family can keep living our modest life. In return for your good hearted actions I will give you a commision of 25% over the tansfered money.

    All I need from you is your account & swift number, bank's address and your social security number.

    Also, since the bad men have freeze some of my accounts I would need a loan from you of $20,000.0 so I can make the before mentioned transfer and to have some money for expenses, this loan will be returned to you with a 50% interest rate per hour.

    I know that you will find in you kind heart enough goodness to beleive in the words of an honest man that is currently in a very dificult situation caused by mean people that are pursuing a change in my country based on their personal interests.

    I will wait with anxious you positive answer end the required information, God will reward you - you know it in your heart.

    Sincerely,

    Omar Khadafi
     
    #21
  22. Mac_Attack

    Mac_Attack New User

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    No, it is not a "province" but a US territory and as such is part of the U.S., but not part of the process of representative gov't enjoyed by the states and retains the status of an independent country.
     
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  23. eliza

    eliza Guest

    I did not receive a letter or e-mail, this was a person well known in the professional circle.......
     
    #23
  24. TenniseaWilliams

    TenniseaWilliams Professional

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    Hey, I'm really sorry about that. Did you know if you say the word gullible really slowly, it sounds like chicken?
     
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  25. dominikk1985

    dominikk1985 Legend

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    You got ripped of. I even think she planned that thing and just pretended to be your friend.

    Is she illegal in the US? If yes you could give the police a hind, so that she gets kicked back to her origin country:D.

    I'm sorry for you. You were trying to be good and she took advantage of it shamelessly.
     
    #25
  26. mozzer

    mozzer Hall of Fame

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    Omg stop lying, it totally doesnt, i just tried for about 10 mins!
     
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  27. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

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    No harm pinging her on FB. Maybe she will feel ashamed and give you some money, or at least let you know what is going on.

    This is a common phenomenon, nothing to be upset about except the large sum. I once helped a guy get a job. He was calling me up at vague times asking me to help. After he got a job, I ran into him. He said Hi and ran away. Then I confirmed that he indeed had gotten the job.

    Now why would he not only not thank me, but actually avoid me? Because people feel awkward about the situation they had been in and do not want to face the past again. They almost want to wipe the slate clean and want no reminders from their past. If money is involved like in your case, that is a further motivation. They will justify saying "Eliza doesn't need the money any more, she will only get upset if she hears about my troubles again, let her lead her life" etc. The self-justifying human mind works in strange ways.
     
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  28. SuperDuy

    SuperDuy Hall of Fame

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    Or how about this one:



    Hi Grandma,

    I am in South Africa right now and I got my wallet stolen along with $5000. I need $2000 for a return flight or I will be stuck here. Just send the money to &*(Q#^$#Q^$Q)($)&&*(^ and this will allow me for a safe trip home.

    Thanks, &*^&())*^




    ^Another scam Ive seen before, someone emails an old person knowing the name of a grandchild and asks for money because they got theirs stolen. Or they would phone the victim.

    Don't fall for anyone unless trusted.
     
    #28
  29. Mick

    Mick Legend

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    in the mob movies, they would send some big guys to her place to collect the money plus interest :)
     
    #29
  30. eliza

    eliza Guest

    Thank you for the kind words, I really feel I was GULLIBLE. I e-mailed some common friends, and I just got a call from a lady attorney. She told me she had not seen her too, and that SHE does NOT want to see/hear from her again.......
    Guess I needed the lesson.
    From now on I am bankrupt, and my car is my doberman's...I just drive it.
     
    #30
  31. Mick

    Mick Legend

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    someone said i like (my) money to be in my pocket rather than in someone else's pocket :)
     
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  32. GetBetterer

    GetBetterer Hall of Fame

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    eliza:
    There was a loan contract. A mutual contract yes, but still a loan (and hence should be returned with either 0% interest, normally in the case of mutual loans, or higher in the case of a bank loan).

    Don't call the police, they work for your state. They can't go out-of-state and arrest somebody but you can sue (for the same cash back), call the police in the other state or my personal favorite (although I've never done it), hire a bounty hunter.

    Bounty hunters usually work for the people who loan money to pay for court bails so you can always hire one of them. They're not restricted by law (as long as their methods are okay too).
     
    #32
  33. eliza

    eliza Guest

    Yeah I used a bad wording (and I type on a puny keyboard): the contract was oral, so difficult to prove. AHah, bounty hunters.....I should propose this American tool in Italy, think about the money the Gov. could get back from the mafia........
     
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  34. eliza

    eliza Guest

    SO this guy did not even send you a thank you note? The more I know people, the more I love animals...............
     
    #34
  35. Fee

    Fee Legend

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    Do you mean wary?
     
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  36. Steady Eddy

    Steady Eddy Hall of Fame

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    You've already lost $3G, you don't want to lose more chasing it. I worked in the finance industry and know something about collecting. First of all, even if you did have a legal contract the police do NOT go around collecting for one party against another. So don't look for any help from them. If police did go around doing this, that is ALL they would do. The don't have time for that. So expect that you're on your own.

    Collecting is always a problem, even if someone goes to court and the judge rules in your favor, you're still on your own to collect it. I repeat, the police will not go after them to get you your money. This is why lending institutions like to have things like cars as collateral. If someone doesn't pay, then they repossess their car.

    I'd like to add, that if someone gives you a hard luck story, and it's hard to say no, instead try to help them see what government agencies they should contact. This gets you off the hook without you opening up your checkbook and without you sounding hard or harsh. Look at it as a $3000 lesson. Some people pay alot more to learn the same lesson.
     
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  37. GetBetterer

    GetBetterer Hall of Fame

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    eliza:
    If they confess to borrowing money from you, it's still a loan. Because the definition of borrow means to take and give back later. So you can still take them to court.
     
    #37
  38. eliza

    eliza Guest

    Steady Eddy, agree with you 100%, between retainer (or if I went to lower court, fees etc.) and time and heartache, too much. I am lucky I could afford this loss, but never again I will lend money, or racquets or anything......
     
    #38
  39. Mick

    Mick Legend

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    my former co-worker told me when someone gave her a hard luck story, she would give them an even harder luck (made up) story :)
     
    #39
  40. LeeD

    LeeD Bionic Poster

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    Well, at least REMIND her she owes you some bucks.
     
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  41. goober

    goober Legend

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    yah that is pretty much a good standard reply. You start saying my mother was in the hospital for a month, we are upside down on our mortgage, daughter wants tuition money for college we can't afford, ect. They get the picture real quick. :)
     
    #41
  42. Fugazi

    Fugazi Professional

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    Can't believe some people suggest not to confront her! Of course you might not get your money back, and no matter what happens you'll learn a lesson, but I don't see why you shouldn't confront her. Maybe it will make her think...
     
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  43. GetBetterer

    GetBetterer Hall of Fame

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    Fugazi's suggesting a catfight.

    Someone better be there with a recording or I'm not going to be a happy camper...

    Not to mention Fugazi is also suggesting assault charges (and if it gets bad, murder) against a lawyer lol.
     
    #43
  44. Steady Eddy

    Steady Eddy Hall of Fame

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    You stopped after, "you can still take them to court". Say you take them to court. Suppose you win, what then? If you think the police get involved, you're dreaming. You still have a collection problem. So you're back to square one. Some judges will even say in court, "Judgement for so-and-so, (good luck collecting)". Then there are scam collection agencies, they'll charge YOU a fee, and then do nothing, many of them make their money off the lenders, not the lendees. Before you throw good money after bad, check out the option thoroughly, it's likely you'll just have to eat this loss.
     
    #44
  45. GetBetterer

    GetBetterer Hall of Fame

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    Judge Judy says different.

    >.>

    Also, sue for the extra cash you'd have to pay.
     
    #45
  46. Steady Eddy

    Steady Eddy Hall of Fame

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    But that's one of those TV Judge shows. The network is paying people to have their case on TV, so they might be able to withhold some money from one parties pay. If she can get her to agree to one of those shows, good for her. But if it goes to an ordinary small claims court, the woman probably will simply not even show. So the OP will win by default. But collecting will still be her problem.
     
    #46
  47. GetBetterer

    GetBetterer Hall of Fame

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    [​IMG]

    Did somebody call the Bounty Hunter?
     
    #47
  48. SoBad

    SoBad Legend

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    Interesting situation – I’d offer advice, but I have a few questions to get a clearer picture. Would you mind answering them?
     
    #48
  49. Sentinel

    Sentinel Talk Tennis Guru

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    hi, i am in dire straits, can someone gimme a few thousand dollahs.
     
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  50. dlk

    dlk Hall of Fame

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    As soon as I receive my lottery winnings from Nigeria. I sent them $2000.00 to process my 1 mil.:shock:
     
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