I need some advice

Discussion in 'Odds & Ends' started by Falloutjr, Jul 27, 2010.

  1. Falloutjr

    Falloutjr Banned

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    Ok this is the story. I have this friend, me and her went to school this last year together this last year and had biology together. Well she was interested in me this year, I could tell, but I didn't give it much thought. Well, this summer, me and her have been hanging out more and one day we were hanging out and I was thinking "Man, she's going to college 3 hours away...maybe we should have some fun before she goes". So I kissed her and whenever we hang out we do fun stuff like that. But I think she really does still like me and if we go any further than we have, I would feel bad. I mean, I know that it wouldn't work because she's going so far away to go to school, but she talks about stuff like me coming to visit and "not hitting on any of the other college gals" and telling me "cuz. you should know why." when I asked her reasoning. I mean, I like the stuff we do, but I don't really like her in the same sense that she likes me and I feel like I'm leading her on because I think she really thinks she can make this kind of thing work when 1. I'm not interested and 2. I couldn't make it work with a girl that lived 20 minutes away last summer, the idea that things would work with her going to college full-time and being 3 hours away is just ludicrous and out of the question. I mean, she's really nice and she really does seem to have a genuine interest in me, which is more than I can say of most girls I've met to say the least. I feel a little bad. Any good advice guys?
     
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  2. ollinger

    ollinger Legend

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    Ever consider just being honest with her about your not wanting to start a relationship?
     
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  3. Falloutjr

    Falloutjr Banned

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    Well I haven't actually said that, I dropped some subtle hints that I wasn't interested in that over the course of the year and I thought she caught on as we sat right next to each other 2 periods a day and it never really came up. But I guess she isn't aware that my advances weren't emotional.
     
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  4. GetBetterer

    GetBetterer Hall of Fame

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    Falloutjr:
    -_- You are leading her on... you're a jerk. Just kidding. Just...stop calling her? Break-ups are hard. I've stuck with my woman for years, although I do hit on other chicks I would never go any further. ^^ Perhaps I need some help too.

    But yeah, you're leading her on.
     
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  5. Leelord337

    Leelord337 Hall of Fame

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    just take some time apart and see if you miss her. i bet if she started dating another guy you would suddenly fall in love with her. people want want they can't have. well anyway...if i were you i would write her a good luck card for college and make it impersonal and congratulatory. it would make it easier to move on.
     
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  6. Eph

    Eph Professional

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    Have some summer fun. You're young. Before you know it, you'll have kids, a wife and debt.

    Until then, enjoy your time.
     
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  7. OrangeOne

    OrangeOne Legend

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    People are saying to stop calling her? Write an impersonal message? Please.

    If you don't like her enough, and if she's more invested than you are, you need to do the right thing and be honest with her. You think you are using her because you are....
     
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  8. LanEvo

    LanEvo Hall of Fame

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    Be honest, stop leading her on. Best advice.
     
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  9. SoBad

    SoBad Legend

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    Just treat the situation as if she's not going away, because once she does go away the guys on campus will keep her busy.
     
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  10. ProgressoR

    ProgressoR Hall of Fame

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    I think we have all been there in a similar situation (unless we are really ugly), my advice is not to lead her on any more, its the tougher choice, the easy choice is to just leave things and hope she gets the message, but she hasnt so far. And it looks like you made the first move, so she probably thinks you like her that way.

    Do the tough thing, the right thing, be honest.
     
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  11. LameTennisPlayer

    LameTennisPlayer Professional

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    ^^^ lol (unless we are really ugly)

    how charming
     
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  12. Falloutjr

    Falloutjr Banned

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    I lol'd. Surely someone as smart as herself doesn't see anything in our future, maybe she just wants me to come down there some time to have some fun? ;) There's no way in hell she'd sit around in her dorm without ANY guys waiting for me to visit. Now that I think about it, I feel like I'm leading her on less and less. You guys are right, it's summer, what's wrong with a summer fling? Thanks for the advice, I don't feel like an asshat anymore :D
     
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  13. El Diablo

    El Diablo Hall of Fame

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    voice mail, text message, email, snail mail, e-card, in person......there are simply so many ways to be honest with someone that it's inexcusable not to be. You can have a summer fling with someone who's ALSO looking for a summer fling, but to do so with someone you know wants more means you're scum, and I don't want you joining my profession (medicine) if you have so little integrity.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2010
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  14. rnrockz1

    rnrockz1 Guest

    Dude. Get a life.
     
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  15. goran_ace

    goran_ace Hall of Fame

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    Summer fun is what it is. Be young and just enjoy it while you can. You both would be better off not bringing a relationship to college. Thanksgiving is also known as 'Black Thursday' because that's when college kids come home for the first time freshman year and break up with their high school sweethearts because of the distance and all the new people they've met on campus.
     
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  16. decades

    decades Guest

    I mean, just tell her that "you feel like your best relationship with her is platonic, and you don't want to ever jeopardize your relationship with her".
     
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  17. ProgressoR

    ProgressoR Hall of Fame

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    you might not be welcome in medicine, so either go into banking or law, where morals are career limiting.
     
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  18. ProgressoR

    ProgressoR Hall of Fame

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    platonic, but still based around bedroom activity.
     
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  19. Falloutjr

    Falloutjr Banned

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    Why wouldn't I be welcome in medicine? I happen to think I would make a good doctor :l as long as I do my 8 years of school and residency like everyone else, I don't see what the problem would be.
     
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  20. ProgressoR

    ProgressoR Hall of Fame

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    El Diablo will inject you with slow killing poison if you dare to become a doctor.
     
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  21. Falloutjr

    Falloutjr Banned

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    He dislikes me so much that he doesn't even have the decency to give me cyanide? And he says I have no integrity :D
     
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  22. babbette

    babbette Legend

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    Am I the only that doesn't see 3 hours as being too far away?

    Most girls romanticize everything. If you kiss them and "do fun stuff like that" they're going to hope for more, unless you're really upfront from the beginning and let them know where you stand.

    3 hours doesn't really seem that far too me. It could be that she doesn't really click with anybody at her college, she likes to have fun with them but she looks forward to the time when she will get to talk to you and see you.

    Talk to her to make sure she knows that you just want a summer fling. If you're too scared to tell her....tweet her:twisted:
     
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  23. Falloutjr

    Falloutjr Banned

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    Yeah, I think you're the only one that sees 3 hours as not too far away. Most girls I've met don't romanticize anything at all, really, so I can't agree with you on that one. Maybe its just a difference in our cultures. I can't speak on how well she gets on with people at her college, she's only brought it up a couple times. She said something about meeting 2 cool people down there and that she doesn't want a roommate but that's about it. It's not that I'm scared to say that, I'm just not ready yet. Maybe we can keep going then site distance as a way to end things when she leaves? :twisted:
     
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  24. GetBetterer

    GetBetterer Hall of Fame

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    babbette:
    True love needs no bounds...not even those of time. Hence the fact I always have time for Tennis. :D
     
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  25. Steady Eddy

    Steady Eddy Hall of Fame

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    That doesn't have to be. Take control. Get a vasectomy. I'm convinced that humans aren't happy in nuclear families and that's why there's so much anger in the world. That's also why there's so much insistence on how important family is: if that were so, people wouldn't feel the need to insist on it so much.
     
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  26. ProgressoR

    ProgressoR Hall of Fame

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    ^^^ what? vasectomy? and have no little dudes with that cool hair? That is crazy talk dude
     
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  27. babbette

    babbette Legend

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    Maybe this isn't too much relating to your problem but it seemed lke a good place to post it
    ..................................
     
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  28. fed_the_savior

    fed_the_savior Banned

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    Just admit you don't mind using her feelings for a potential booty call. Stop rationalizing.
     
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  29. Falloutjr

    Falloutjr Banned

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    I'm not quite sure if I do or not yet, honestly. I think I want to though. That sounds worse out loud than it did in my head :???:
     
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  30. maverick66

    maverick66 Hall of Fame

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    Your what 17,18 yo? Your not in love and you are being emotional over nothing. Tell her you dont want a relationship and move on. This isnt complicated. Stop being a wimp and deal with the fact that you are gonna hurt her feelings. Better to do it now then when she thinks there is something really there.
     
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  31. Falloutjr

    Falloutjr Banned

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    You missed the issue completely. Take a lap.
     
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  32. maverick66

    maverick66 Hall of Fame

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    I might have quoted the wrong thing but my post is right on for the original one. You need to be honest. My part about you not being in love was basically meant as a reason to just tell the truth. teens tend to make alot out of nothing thats why i put that in there. Just be honest now because she thinks you are a couple if she is saying dont flirt with other girls.
     
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  33. Falloutjr

    Falloutjr Banned

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    The point of this topic was that I wasn't sure if I should be honest and sacrifice something I want to spare the feelings of someone else or if I should, for once in my life, be willing to enjoy MY life and get something I want, even if it comes at the expense of another. Right now, I think I want the latter.
     
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  34. Steady Eddy

    Steady Eddy Hall of Fame

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    See the dog in my avatar? He's got cool hair. And he's cheap. A kid costs $250,000. No big deal if you're a: movie star, world class athlete, or a Fortune 500 CEO, but if you have a regular salary or wage, how can you justify saying good-bye to that kind of money? One kid = $250,000, Two kids $500,000, Three kids $750,000...which means you'll retire with maybe one to two hundred thousand instead of the $2 million plus you really need.

    Everyday when you come home from work, the dog is so glad to see you. Do kids always act like that?
     
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  35. Falloutjr

    Falloutjr Banned

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    That's because kids can feed themselves, empty their body of waste by themselves, and entertain themselves. If it weren't for the microwave, television, and indoor plumbing, your kids would idolize you.
     
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  36. Steady Eddy

    Steady Eddy Hall of Fame

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    So that's why modern people don't have kids as much any more? It's b/c of the: microwave, tv, and toilet? Now I know. :)
     
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  37. Falloutjr

    Falloutjr Banned

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    Note how the average family size decreased as the Industrial Revolution occurred. You've just been edumacated.
     
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  38. TheOneHander

    TheOneHander Professional

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    C'mon now, listen to yourself :)

    You just asked yourself if you wanted to be honest and if you wanted to potentially harm someone else. The answer is pretty clear. ;)

    You're putting yourself first-not this girl. You are using her for your own personal gratification. Yeah, it'll be fun and you'll have something you want, but what happens when you're through? Will you have the same friendly, good relationship you had before-will she still respect you even though you led her on? Or are you willing to totally disregard another person's feelings and emotions so you can have some fun?

    I don't want to sound critical, but when this "fling" is all over, are you going to be able to look back and truthfullyay, "I'm happy with my decision and I did the right thing"?

    Good luck-do whatever you feel best for this situation :)
     
    #38
  39. SirGounder

    SirGounder Hall of Fame

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    OP sounds a lot like me a few years back. You really should let her know how you feel. She'll most likely be pissed but it's better to not lead her on. It's only summer fun if she knows it too. If she thinks it's more and then you let her know at the end of summer, she'll go crazy, train to become a navy seal/russian spy, and come back years later to wreak havoc on your life. Worst of all, you'd be a jerk. JK, dude there are plenty of girls who want summer flings so go find one of those and then cry about how you let the good one get away.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2010
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  40. Falloutjr

    Falloutjr Banned

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    This made me lol. Did any of you watch the first season of Hung? Where the girl paid Ray to hang out with her and go to all of her therapy with her and then dumped him for no reason when things were going good? It's sort of like that. I wanna go over to the dark side for a while, if that makes any sense.
     
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  41. TnTBigman

    TnTBigman Professional

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    It's obvious she not attractive enough for you to want more than "fun". The experience is good. Hope you dont catch nothing in the process.
     
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  42. GetBetterer

    GetBetterer Hall of Fame

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    maverick66:
    Girls try to find "true love" as seniors in high school, the other years they're testing men.

    You made your first kiss.

    Falloutjr:
    Bail out now before you go deeper into the rabbit hole. Tell her the truth.

    I do recommend getting some booty before you bail out though, but you have to do it fast. It's like a cave collapsing in on you, if you don't get out in time, you're trapped in the cave of marriage forever!!!
     
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  43. Falloutjr

    Falloutjr Banned

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    Yeah her dad is leaving the country soon, that's when we plan on having the most fun ;) see, I don't even know why I feel bad about this anymore, she's the one making more moves than me now :twisted:

    EDIT: That was her idea, not mine lol
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2010
    #43
  44. OrangeOne

    OrangeOne Legend

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    It's sentences like this that make me genuinely hope karma exists.

    Don't be a tool.
     
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  45. GetBetterer

    GetBetterer Hall of Fame

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    Falloutjr:
    He's turning to the dark side!!! WILSON! GET IN HERE AND KILL THAT BABOLAT!!!

    On a serious note, listen to the angel shoulder.
     
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  46. rnrockz1

    rnrockz1 Guest

    Dude, please, tell her that you don't want to pursue a serious relationship with her, don't break her heart!
     
    #46
  47. TheOneHander

    TheOneHander Professional

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    Yeeees, Witch Doctah say karma bite back hahd.

    Bad juju happen if you use others for personal gain.

    Witch Doctah come give you Kafka dreams.
     
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  48. maverick66

    maverick66 Hall of Fame

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    I misread his original post and though he actually gave a crap about the girl as a friend but after reading this thread I have decided he is a spoiled little brat.

    I agree he is a tool and a few other names that I wont say. I hope she lights his balls on fire so he cant pollute the rest of the world.:)
     
    #48
  49. r2473

    r2473 Legend

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    #49
  50. Fifth Set

    Fifth Set Professional

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    This is not a great attitude to have in a relationship. If you are acknowledging that furthering the relationship would be "at her expense," you are being selfish.

    Even if you don't believe in karma, the golden rule, etc., at least have some basic sympathy for another human being.

    Not every discussion with her has to become this deep "let's talk about our feelings" psychoanalysis, but even your own personal development would be enhanced by finding a way to have better communication with her about where it's all going.
     
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