If Apple designed a tennis racquet ....

Discussion in 'Odds & Ends' started by sureshs, Sep 17, 2007.

  1. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2005
    Messages:
    35,057
    (the iStick), how would it look?
     
    #1
  2. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    all i can think is that it would certainly restore the child-like wonder in me.

    1. somehow steve jobso will have it run OSX.
    2. and i can see Firewire ports althouh what function i dunno. a webcam - will record your entire session and send it to your laptop via firewire.
    3. there'll be an iPod in there too so you can watch movies while you play. the throat could have a screen fitted there.
    4. the strings, aah the strings will be apple strings that only apple makes and thats where he'll make his bucks , i guess.

    the ad will say something like 27 inches of pure pleasure in the palm of your hands.
    they could even call it the iRod.
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2007
    #2
  3. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    he'll have the sexiest grip ever made. you will lust just to touch and smell the grip. playing will give you an iGasm.
     
    #3
  4. BiGGieStuFF

    BiGGieStuFF Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2004
    Messages:
    2,462
    Location:
    Houston
    It'll look like an apple on a stick.
     
    #4
  5. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2005
    Messages:
    35,057
    There would be a built in cell phone to use during the changeovers.

    Camera with instant replay so you can hit a shot, then review it at once to see what you did wrong.

    It will also record close to line balls with a mini version of Hawk Eye - disputes would be resolved on the spot.

    A bluetooth connection to send the ball impact sound to an earphone - helps you hear the sweetspot impact in an amplified way.

    Gyroscopic sensors and accelerometers to sense wrong biomechanics and give a beeping feedback.
     
    #5
  6. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    but instead of making the racquet themselves, they will tie in with some awful manufacturer, and tie you down to it.

    to see the instant replay, just swipe your finger on the sweetspot.
     
    #6
  7. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    DISPUTES !!! what am i paying apple 600 bleeding USD for, if the internal Hawk eye goes against me. It will always rule in my favor!
     
    #7
  8. Nuke

    Nuke Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2005
    Messages:
    2,974
    Location:
    location, location, location
    #8
  9. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    at the point of contact the internal correction system (guided by laser beams) will do 2 things:
    1. correct angle of impact so that ball goes within one cm of the nearest line possible (one other side).
    2. modify string tension so that ball blasts at highest speed possible.

    Each shot guaranteed to be a winner, no matter what your level.


    (if the grip detects an extra squeeze, it blasts the ball onto the body of the opponent)
     
    #9
  10. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    at the end of the set it can print your statistics, which will always be:
    Score: 6-0
    UE: 0
    Aces: 12
    Winners: 12
    Second Serves: 0
    First serve %: 100
    Second Serve points won: NA
    Points won on service return: 100%
     
    #10
  11. surfryder

    surfryder New User

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2007
    Messages:
    92
    #11
  12. jmverdugo

    jmverdugo Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    2,971
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    I think it will look like the white version of the Vantage rackets. Apple designs are rather minimalistics and rounded, just like vantage forms and painjobs. Just my opinion.

    Ok found a picture:

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2007
    #12
  13. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    iRod

    wow it looks so se** i am willing to pay 600 USD for it, and stand in line several days outside the apple store to get it.
    latr you can all say it was a PS85 paintjob har har, gloat gloat.
     
    #13
  14. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    next time i string my rack, i am putting the apple sign instead of the stupid outdated passe W.
     
    #14
  15. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    hey wait. looking at the pic surfryder posted.... all 2hbh's will have to change to one hand to use it. (i told you we'd be tied down somewhere!)
    national outcry!
    el jobso says in an interview he really doesnt give a sh** about a few wimps who use both their hands to use their iRod.
    He sends Moshe and his gang to bump off all known 2hbh's.
     
    #15
  16. surfryder

    surfryder New User

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2007
    Messages:
    92
    or they can just make a iExtend for your racquet...click a button, and the buttcap pops open to extend 5 inches on the racquet for 2hbh people!
     
    #16
  17. snoflewis

    snoflewis Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2006
    Messages:
    2,838
    if apple made a racket...they would price it way higher than it's really worth...just like all their computers.
     
    #17
  18. Jackie T. Stephens

    Jackie T. Stephens Professional

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2007
    Messages:
    841
    I'm sorry but that sounds retarded :D
     
    #18
  19. AlexP

    AlexP Rookie

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2007
    Messages:
    157
    An apple designer tennis racquet would have very fluid edges, basically everything is rounded off, including the grip, it would also have a very dense string pattern of 110 x 150 with the idea of using fiber glass to sting it, so later on after the match you could project anything you want onto the fiber string.
     
    #19
  20. Jackie T. Stephens

    Jackie T. Stephens Professional

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2007
    Messages:
    841
    The iStick..... lol.
     
    #20
  21. mucat

    mucat Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2004
    Messages:
    2,072
    Location:
    king size donut bed
    If Apple designed a tennis racquet ....

    -their rackets will come in all kind of fruity colors...

    -the string pattern of the racket is 1x1 and Apple insist that will be enough

    -their rackets are only compatible with their own brand of a accessories, iGrip, iString, iLead, iDampener...they also come in all kind of fruity colors...

    -their rackets are only compatible with their own brand of balls...you guess it, the iBalls also come in all kind of fruity colors...
     
    #21
  22. mucat

    mucat Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2004
    Messages:
    2,072
    Location:
    king size donut bed
    If Apple designed a tennis racquet ....I would be double posting...
     
    #22
  23. Topaz

    Topaz Legend

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2005
    Messages:
    6,783
    Ahhhh...iBalls!!! Love it!
     
    #23
  24. Craig Sheppard

    Craig Sheppard Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2004
    Messages:
    2,361
    Location:
    Raleigh, NC
    If Apple made a tennis racket....

    I don't know what it would look like, but it would be way expensive, work only with Apple branded strings and grips, play just about the same as every other racket out there, and everyone would want one but not know why.
     
    #24
  25. A.T.S.

    A.T.S. Semi-Pro

    Joined:
    May 23, 2007
    Messages:
    651
    If apple made a racket it would make fun of a microsoft racket.
     
    #25
  26. federer envies me

    federer envies me Semi-Pro

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2007
    Messages:
    632
    Location:
    Cincinnati
    no apple is awesome. If apple made a raquet as sweet as their other products I would buy it no matter how it plays
     
    #26
  27. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    OMG. this one was really over the edge.
     
    #27
  28. quest01

    quest01 Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2006
    Messages:
    4,616
    I just know one thing, if Apple made a tennis racket i already know its going to be overpriced just like the rest of there products. Also i highly doubt many pros would endorse an apple tennis racket because of the lack of hardware support.
     
    #28
  29. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    i just pray to God that Microsoft does not make a racquet.

    OTOH, if the Linux guys make a racquet (not to hijack the thread), it won't be compatible with any balls, strings, grips etc that have been made in this century.

    Back to Apple.
     
    #29
  30. TENNIS_IS_FUN

    TENNIS_IS_FUN Professional

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2006
    Messages:
    960
    iraq-uet....
     
    #30
  31. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    if apple designed a tennis rack, the strings will double up as a guitar.
    Steve Jobs in his keynote address at the Moscone Center will stand there like a buffoon saying:
    A Racquet, a guitar!
    A Racquet, a guitar!
    A Racquet, a guitar!
    ... while the appletards wildly cheer.
     
    #31
  32. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    wondering whether they would make just one head size or many?

    praps you can change the headsize with some slick gesture. the graphite+kevlar will just move from the frame to the handle making the headsize smaller, and the rack more HL. that will require some kind of liquid metal.
     
    #32
  33. Voltron

    Voltron Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2006
    Messages:
    3,906
    Location:
    Pffft, like I'd know
    dddddd
    Two headsizes, and they will be so far apart that no one can use either one. A 16 oz 80 sq inch model, and a 8 oz 160 sq inch model.
     
    #33
  34. tennispro11

    tennispro11 Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2007
    Messages:
    1,586
    Location:
    Kansas
    Best Thread Ever!!!!! :)
     
    #34
  35. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    otoh, i suspect the PS85'tards on this forum may drool over the 80 sq inch model even tho in reality they may be shanking each ball :)
     
    #35
  36. Muffin Man

    Muffin Man New User

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2006
    Messages:
    83
    you can bet that the iracquet would have way better commercials than prince or babolat's showing on the tennis channel.

    now....if apple made a stringing machine....i would wait on a very long line for that one.
     
    #36
  37. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    Hi I am a Mac-rack

    commercials ... you mean like the "Hi, I am a PCRack!" "Hi, I am a MacRack" ones?

    "Hey PCRack, why are you playing with the racket cover on? I thought you were supposed to take the cover off while playing?"
    "Er no. i catch viruses very easily. I have to (sniffle) keep the cover on (blows nose)"
     
    #37
  38. Kaptain Karl

    Kaptain Karl Hall Of Fame

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2004
    Messages:
    5,236
    Location:
    The High Country of Colorado
    The iFrame would ...

    ... Cost twice as much as even the Bosworth

    ... Make the game immediately easier to play for all (except the overly "anal" types who'd snottily claim it couldn't possibly be better because THEY couldn't understand how it worked)

    ... Put thousands of Teaching Pros out of work -- because people could play the game well right "out of the box"

    ... Be the frame you borrowed from your friend whenever (some) stroke of yours was "off". You wouldn't know WHY, but it would immediatedly remove all obstacles and your timing and effectiveness with that stroke would be perfect. (And you'd still insist on playing with your POG / PS85 most of the time ... you're a "purist" after all....)

    ... Germinate hundreds of TT threads from the same purists as above, claiming it was ruining the game

    ... Cause "certain purists" to repeatedly claim learning the game with the iFrame ingrained bad habits; everyone should really use a PS85 to learn first ... switching to the iFrame only after they'd "paid their dues"

    ... Have strings that rarely broke and grips that rarely wore out, but even those who started playing the game just last month would be hitting amazing angles, with awesome spins and superlative power

    - KK
     
    #38
  39. origmarm

    origmarm Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2007
    Messages:
    3,207
    Location:
    London
    The iStick would
    - Get upgraded very 6-12months
    - The first versions would have a grip that wore out but you couldn't replace. They would replace it for you for 1/3 the price of the stick
    - You could only get your strings from apple or steal them, or make them from previous tennis racquets you own
    - It would look really cool
    - Shadows would play tennis with it
    - Serena and Venus would issue a black and red version of it.
    - It would also work for squash and racquetball in the later versions
    - Everyone who had an Ipod would tell you that Apple had made the best everything for years anyway and you were just late.
     
    #39
  40. tennisadict

    tennisadict Semi-Pro

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2005
    Messages:
    592
    truuuuuuuuuuuuuue
     
    #40
  41. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    "certain purists" - haha, love that.

    but wait (origmarm), the Serena and Venus brothers! Then you don't know Steve Jobs. You have to be cool and decent looking to play with an iStick. If he finds out these 2 have a stick, or masha has one, or roddick has one, or Mauresmo, he'll find some way of having them relieved of it.
    Ivanovich, Vaidisova, Kirilenko, Jankovic will certainly have one! Can't say about Safin.
     
    #41
  42. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    i am sorry to disagree with you, bro. Mac provides very good hardware. And they do support 3rd party hardware too. perhaps you belong to MS camp where you can stick anything into your comp. that's one reason your comp crashes all the time. Supporting one million device drivers is a baaaad decision. anyway, back to the Apple iStick or iRod.
     
    #42
  43. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    KK, i agree with all you said... BUT ...

    MACs are geek machines too, not just gr8 UIs. You may know about the unix OS (Darwin) underlying OS X.

    as i said yesterday, (acco to the Apple Insider), the iRod / iStick will certainly be running a slightly stripped version of OS X.
    So PS85'tards and other purists will have no issues. They'll just use the command line equivalent which will make it work like a block of wood.

    But what the "purists" will really love is the pluggable look and feel (PLAF): you can switch to the PS85 St Vincent look and feel by the press of a button, or the PC600 classic l&f, the Asian PS85, the Asian or american K95 etc etc. hope that clarifies matters.
     
    #43
  44. Gorecki

    Gorecki G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2007
    Messages:
    13,226
    Location:
    Puerto y Galgo....
    iSwing...
    iServe...
    iLob...

    a whole new world of possibilities....
     
    #44
  45. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2005
    Messages:
    35,057
    They will also bring out the iStick Nano for juniors. But it will be usable only with iBalls.

    If Microsoft brings out a racquet, you would need to activate it thru their web site before using it. If a friend borrows your racquet, you will be sued. The racquet will not really belong to you - you just have a license from Microsoft to use it.

    Eventually a Linux racquet will come out, but only 2 guys will know how to use it.
     
    #45
  46. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    MS: thats why i said, MS should not be allowed to make a rack!

    Linux: LOL!!! Yes, one will be Richard Stallman, the other Linus Torvalds!
    But wait, altho only 2 will be able to use it, but one million freetards will PRETEND they know how to use it. There'll be one hundred choices for everything and no one will know which one to start with.
     
    #46
  47. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    If Microsoft makes "Microsoft Racquet for Windows", every two games there will be a 4 minute timeout to reboot the rack. Instead of a medical timeout there will be software maintenance timeouts. And instead of calling trainers and doctors you will be calling the tech support guy in.

    If Linux makes a racket, you will spend all your time boasting how many days you went without a reboot and how you compiled the whole racket yourself.

    If Apple makes an iStick you'll just be pounding away on the court, impervious to all of the above.
     
    #47
  48. Zets147

    Zets147 Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Messages:
    1,744
    lmao "one-handers onry"
     
    #48
  49. ananda

    ananda Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2007
    Messages:
    914
    i have stevie over the phone right now. Quite upset about how we have underestimated their design genius.

    He says the iStick won't have strings or iStrings etc. they have laser beams for strings. He's been spending sleepless nights about natural gut and the whole PETA thing. the software can change "string" tension and feel and spin using the touchscreen.

    the pictures you guys have put up are fakes, he fumed, **** poor fakes, made by someone in Redmond, he thinks.

    the iBalls wont be actual tennis balls like we have them. you just cant imagine them, he said. they will be GPS enabled, you'll only need ONE ! no losing tension or requiring new balls, no lost balls. they have a magnetic tracking so lost balls just come back. No ballboys. Just a gesture on the sexy touchscreen. yu can change the weight and feel and bounce of the balls from the software. the balls are basically forever.
    but they can only be used with the iStick cos they aren't balls as you know them.

    then he went back to the iStick pictures and revealed that it could be brushed aluminium unlike that sorry-assed Red and white thing someones put up. he confirmed it would run OSX (yeah, i got one thing right!).

    He also mentioned in passing that the court lines would be special iLines connected to the system on the iStick, we've spoken with ATP about kicking out Hawkeye. Then there's also the iNet which we can't talk about yet. But it's all connected seamlessly. There will be absolutely no need for an umpire or lines-persons, and that means NO wrong line calls ever again.

    he asked me to say thanks to all the guys on this gr8 forum for excellent ideas and said he'll be giving me one iStick for special review soon.
     
    #49
  50. tennis_nerd22

    tennis_nerd22 Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2005
    Messages:
    3,240
    Location:
    Canada
    hahahaha i laughed out loud when i read that, cuz its probably true :D

    definitely, this was a lottttt of laughs.

    iLike ! ! ! this thread...
     
    #50

Share This Page