My first article about Federer..what do you guys think?

Discussion in 'General Pro Player Discussion' started by tenniswriter, Sep 20, 2012.

  1. tenniswriter

    tenniswriter Banned

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    Last edited: Sep 20, 2012
    #1
  2. RF20Lennon

    RF20Lennon Legend

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    Brilliant stuff man ver well written!!! :)
     
    #2
  3. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

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    "A survey by The Reputation Institute in September 2011 anointed Roger Federer as the second most respected man in the world, behind only Nelson Mandela"

    That is real sad.
     
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  4. RF20Lennon

    RF20Lennon Legend

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    I agree! He should've been first :twisted:
     
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  5. Emet74

    Emet74 Professional

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    You write well, but Fed is a flawed human being, neither perfect nor divine.

    About the "Reputation Institute" poll, people need to understand that it was the institute who compiled the list of names (Fed was the only tennis player on it) and then asked people how much they respected/trusted the various persons on the list. Tiger Woods, Kim Jong Il etc scored near the bottom. Given that there have been no major scandals/controversies about Fed it's not surprising he wound up rating very high.
     
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  6. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

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    So it is one of those made-up polls where the choice has been limited upfront and people from various fields deliberately added to ensure a wide coverage.

    This information should have been researched and made clear in the article.
     
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  7. RF20Lennon

    RF20Lennon Legend

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    Lol why are you getting so offended did you have a bet with the poll makers?
     
    #7
  8. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

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    No it just offends me that a guy on the ATP council who did not say a word against a colleague who made horrific remarks about a particular female player, and who has not expressed any opinion about what some of his colleagues have said about the WTA, is being lumped together with a guy who actually had the guts to confront tough situations. Federer is a guy who can hit a ball with a stick, nothing more. As usual, he has the African project which is a must-do for celebrities to ward-off jealousy and create more opportunities for oneself to travel and be famous. Saying that he is not badly-behaved like other athletes is really like saying someone got a D in a course while most failed. His contemptuous remarks about Nadal in the early days were in sharp contrast to Nadal, who never said anything bad about him. I will pick Nadal as the real honest and sincere guy anytime.
     
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  9. RF20Lennon

    RF20Lennon Legend

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    Nadal just called out fed at this years Aussie open and fed was the one was the one who said it was ok Rafa has now got a difference of opinion! Rafa then apologized what are you smoking? Then it didn't say who is better it just said who is most respected and people respect fed for his game!! Nelson Mandela obviously is the more dignified person
     
    #9
  10. kalyan4fedever

    kalyan4fedever Hall of Fame

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    Sad cuz Aryabhatta should have been most respected :)
     
    #10
  11. BeGreat

    BeGreat Rookie

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    it really is.
    The article is sadder, as it fails to mention federer's divine contributions to The Human Fund.
     
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  12. BeGreat

    BeGreat Rookie

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    On an indePEndent note, the bootlicking has to stop. fedERer is god. he's a gENius. he's a reliGIous expERence. he's divine. he's peRFect. let us mOVe on.
     
    #12
  13. TennisNinja

    TennisNinja Hall of Fame

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    I’m going to be highly critical here, but I need to be realistic about the quality of your work. I don’t think it’s great at all and here’s why.

    • You have absolutely way too many errors spread throughout the article. Please proofread.
    • Personified in the title should be capitalized
    • Posing, His, and Numero should not be capitalized under the first photo.
    • Less passive voice.
    • Period after 2002 in the second photo.
    • Facebook should be capitalized.
    • Lists longer than 3 are awkward, especially when they all mean essentially the same thing.
    • Use Oxford commas.
    • World should not be capitalized.
    • “The immaculate down-the-line single-handed backhand, the perfectly judged out-wide ace in the ad-court, the oh-so-magical forehand pass that leaves his rivals stranded at the net, the perfectly disguised drop-shot which catches his antagonist unawares, the silken drop-volley at the net which elicits a rapturous applause, the inside-out forehand whizzing past his rivals at a razor-sharp angle, or the ungodly tweener that encapsulates the RF brand of coolness; every time he wields his racquet on the tennis court, it is poetry in perpetual motion.” This cannot be a single sentence. It is way, way too long.
    • Type out numbers less than 10.
    • Earth should be capitalized.
    • Did you try to use as many synonyms as possible? Your writing sounds ridiculous and you just seem pretentious. It makes me not want to read the article because it is so over the top. “Myriad hues of sentiments manifest themselves in idiosyncratic ways and are conspicuous to all and sundry by the passionate reactions of players at pivotal points in a match” is a perfect example of a sentence that just makes me want to shoot myself. Great, you have a high vocabulary, give yourself a pat on the back. However, there’s a reason the NYT and ESPN do not use words like “quixotically” all the time. You need to be more accessible to your readers. I honestly think you just right clicked every single word possible and searched through the list of synonyms to make you feel smarter.
    • “All sports are”, not “All sport is”.
    • Quarterfinals should be one word and it should not be capitalized.
    • Don’t use slang like “tourneys”. This is especially jarring when you are using as many “fancy” words as you are.
    • Middle Eastern should be capitalized and shouldn’t be hyphenated.
    • I believe you used the word “avatar” incorrectly.
    • “His feet firmly rooted to the ground, serving to exemplify his character certificate emblazoned with the word “HUMBLE” in bold.” This is not a sentence.
    • Quite a few cases of using commas incorrectly, or not having them when you need them.
    • Holy hyphen overload. So many words just don’t need hyphens.
    • The article is one Federer circlejerk. You must have wet dreams about him or something. There is no way this type of writing would fly in any mainstream sports website.

    Tl;dr: Way too many errors in the article, word choice is horrendous, you treat Fed like a god.
     
    #13
  14. onehandbh

    onehandbh Hall of Fame

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    IMO, this section is a bit too understated:

    His is a story, befitting a magnum opus wherein the protagonist serves to redefine the very meaning of being humane and affable, of being a mortal and yet a demigod, of being a magician and a captivator and yet holding his own in the direst of circumstances, of meeting triumph and disaster and treating those two imposters just the same.

    Maybe slightly rephrase the beginning of that sentence to something like this:

    Lord, vice-admiral Federer, whose voluptuously strokes, somehow, defying
    the gods, using the milkiest of ways seen in our galaxy to massaging a ball and coax it into
    landing inside the man-made boundaries found in the majestic game of
    tennis -- originated in England, but elevated to heights never seen before
    by the Swiss Maestro himself -- has redefined the very meaning of
    being humane and of life itself, elevating him to near -- dare I say --
    g*d like immortal greatness, ...
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2012
    #14
  15. flyinghippos101

    flyinghippos101 Legend

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    Your article is a treat for the fedfans that camp outside Roger's house hoping they find his discarded slipper in his garbage.

    For everyone else, it's nauseating.
     
    #15
  16. Nadalgaenger

    Nadalgaenger Professional

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    The article is solid stylistically, but reads rather like an ambitious college undergrad trying to drop 25-cent SAT words to raise the eyebrows of lowbrow readers.
     
    #16
  17. Prisoner of Birth

    Prisoner of Birth Banned

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    Good vocabulary is when words flow, one after the other, like poetry. Not necessarily when readers/listeners don't know the meanings of some of the words.
     
    #17
  18. cork_screw

    cork_screw Hall of Fame

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    What's more sad, that there's a "Reputation Institute" (probably founded by a group of 16 year old girls), or that he's just short behind a man who has made great progress in attempts to end apartheids in Africa. Which is like saying Slammin' sammy sosa, barely beaten by Martin Luther King as the most popular black guy in recent history.
     
    #18
  19. peRFection

    peRFection Rookie

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    tenniswriter

    great article.... And haters gonna hate
     
    #19
  20. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    haha, if the OP had substituted Roger with Rafa, all these haters would have been very pleased.

    OP, are you the writer, are you Indian. No wonder suresh is coming down so strongly on you!
     
    #20
  21. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    To the author: read some of the articles written by boojay. Check his threads.

    Also you are not really bringing out the religious experience of watching Roger. As a Roger fan, I was not engaged by the article. I found myself skipping through it.

    I need to feel aroused (spiritually speaking) from the first sentence, and taken higher and higher till a resounding climax at the end. We don't watch Federer just for great tennis, we watch him because he restores hope in humanity, hope for the survival of the human race. Let us not denigrate the great Federer by only speaking of his sporting achievements. He fills the vacuum left behind after the passing of Mother Teresa.

    Of course, some Nadal fans will do all they can to crucify him with their keyboards just as they did 2000 years back with forks, whips, nails and the holy cross.

    I look forward to more from you.
     
    #21
  22. Sabratha

    Sabratha G.O.A.T.

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    Very well written.
     
    #22
  23. 6-1 6-3 6-0

    6-1 6-3 6-0 Banned

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    I finally understand why Federer was #2 to Mandela.
     
    #23
  24. RF20Lennon

    RF20Lennon Legend

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    LOL this is hilarious!!!!!!
     
    #24
  25. JMR

    JMR Semi-Pro

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    As a whole? Gratuitous hagiography. I could understand the impulse to write something like this if the Federer Fan Club had commissioned a tribute and was paying by the word, but otherwise ....

    And Fed is my favorite current player.

    "Roger emotes quixotically in constrained bursts of excitement and then lets loose an unbridled flow of unsullied sentiments that reflect the cumulative credo of his persona."

    You must admit that line is awful.
     
    #25

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