Nadal Decline Poetry

Discussion in 'General Pro Player Discussion' started by JoelDali, May 11, 2011.

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  1. tusharlovesrafa

    tusharlovesrafa Hall of Fame

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    OH SENTI C'MON YOUR english is great...Even if some asks you to write a poem in hindi you won't be able to write it..those rhyms and wording sense is sumthing which frm inside..:)
     
  2. Lsmkenpo

    Lsmkenpo Hall of Fame

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    Rafa ball backhand....

    ball Nole backhand winner,

    Nole win again!
     
  3. sbengte

    sbengte Legend

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    I thought of Colin's GOAT poem and LOL'd as I watched the Tokyo final. I read it again and LOL'd some more. Epic :)
     
  4. jones101

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    The BH had no penetration,
    Rafa silenced the Japanese nation,
    By not displaying his power and grit,
    He was fed a bagel by the sour Brit.
     
  5. 15_ounce

    15_ounce Guest

    [​IMG]


    Thanks for the bagel
    It tastes like an angel
    Don't congratulate my team
    They left the stadium already
    I feel so lonely
    No uncle Toni
    They all left me
    They just want the money
    I can have all the bagels in the world
    And keep me company
     
  6. Colin

    Colin Professional

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    I guess I was more prescient than I could have hoped at the time! I'm glad you thought of this, because I didn't. I was too busy being amused by the timing of my cable company's monthly emergency alert test interrupting play late in the match, which I had saved on DVR. Even they, somehow, knew what a disaster was unfolding.

    Anyways, to commemorate this mighty loss, a new poem is in order ...


    Nadal's Light Breakfast: A Bagel

    You can blame it on my brain or blame it on my knees.
    Either way, that set should be served with cream cheese.
    Of course, I prefer Jewish bagels. Where is Dudi Sela?
    Murray's dirty bagel will probably give me salmonella.
    But it's all my losses that really have me queasy.
    Beating me in finals is becoming way too easy.

    I must apologize to the good people of Japan
    for inflicting a second disaster in one year's span.
    The whole time I was living in psychological fear.
    Japanese restaurants are everywhere here.
    And my poor singed fingers felt memory's weight
    as my racket transformed into a searing hot plate.

    Nole doesn't eat bagels anymore; they're not gluten-free.
    So he gives them away, to an overly generous degree.
    But with no Novak, I felt a master's win coming inside.
    Now with Murray, my hopes have been Shanghaied.
    You're looking for a point here, but check the score.
    I don't have one to spare because I only had four!
     
  7. Benhur

    Benhur Hall of Fame

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    It occurs to me that Tennyson’s Ulysses could be easily adapted to a Nadal monologue planning, as Ulysses does in that poem, a last heroic voyage in old age.

    Few changes needed. Once the link is established, many of the verses just fit the purpose nicely. For example:

    It little profits that an idle king,
    Born with steel tennis balls right where it counts,
    Should sit among these crags, and count the ways
    He could have won the points he let escape.

    How dull it is to pause, dwell in the past
    And rust unburnish'd, not to shine in use!

    Some work of noble note may yet be done,
    Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.

    Cast off these moorings, boatswain, we are off
    On yet another conquest past the hump
    That hides the splendor of new slams and cups.

    The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
    The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
    Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
    'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
    Push off, and sitting well in order smite
    The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
    To sail beyond the sunset and the baths
    Of all the western stars, until I die.

    It may be that the Serb will wash us down,
    It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
    It may be that the Scot will get there first
    Or that we get our pillage scotfree.

    Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
    We are not now that strength which in old days
    Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
    One equal temper of heroic heart,
    Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
    To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
     
  8. Fed Kennedy

    Fed Kennedy Hall of Fame

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    Degrees of Gray in Mallorca

    You might play the final Sunday on a whim.
    Say your patellar tendon broke down. The last good forehand
    you had was years ago. You walk these streets laid out by the insane, past capri pants that didn't last, Serbs that did, the tortured try of
    local 3.5s to accelerate their buggy whips.
    Only churches are kept up. Federer turned 70 this year. The only troll is Mats Wilander, not knowing what he's done.

    The principal supporting business now is rage. Hatred of various Big Servers, hatred of the ATP, The Djokovic Posse, the best liked girls who leave each year for Madrid. One clay slam and a Fedal Exho can't wipe the boredom out.
    The 2010 boom, a grip change, a dance floor built on springs--
    all memory resolves itself in gaze,
    in panoramic green you know the Nole eats
    or two stacks high above the town,
    two dead APDs, the CC FH in collapse
    for fifty years that won't fall down.

    Isn't this your life? That Sureshian kiss
    still burning out your eyes? Isn't this defeat so accurate, the church bell simply seems a pure announcement: ring and lose to f#$king Fish?

    Don't hollow Babolats ring? Are Cortex
    and scorn sufficient to support a town,
    not just Mallorca, but towns of towering blondes, good jazz and booze
    Uncle Toni will never let you have
    until the baseline you came from dies inside?

    Say no to yourself. Federer, twenty when the jail was built,
    still laughs although his bh collapses. Someday soon, he says,
    I'll go to sleep and not wake up.
    You tell him no. You're talking to yourself.

    The KIA that brought you here still runs.
    The money you buy lunch with, no matter when you won it,
    is still silver
    and Andy Murray who served your Bagel
    is slender and his red hair lights the wall.

    (apologies to Richard Hugo)
    [​IMG]
     
  9. JoelDali

    JoelDali G.O.A.T.

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    Years from now Internet Tennis Historians will LOL @ this thread.
     
  10. Colin

    Colin Professional

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    I imagine a day when future generations look at Internet threads in the same light as the traditional classics of literature ... "Crime and Punishment," "Hamlet," "Who would win: 2011 Nole or 1956 Pancho Gonzales?"

    Imagine teachers asking pupils: "Which did you prefer: "Nadal Decline Poetry" or "Moby Dick"?" And a student asks, "What's 'Moby Dick'?" And the teacher says, "the story of a great whale!" And our little Internet tennis troll responds in fury: "Don't talk about Nalby that way!" It brings a tear to my eye.
     
  11. Chopin

    Chopin Hall of Fame

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    Indeed, they will. Indeed they will.
     
  12. Power Player

    Power Player Talk Tennis Guru

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    God D*** this thread is awesome.
     
  13. Chopin

    Chopin Hall of Fame

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    It's great to see the Chopin/Dali Poetry Renaissance alive and well. Let's take a moment and remember the thread that began it all:

    http://tt.tennis-warehouse.com/showthread.php?t=384212

    ***

    "The Iceman."

    They tell us he was the Iceman.
    Ice.
    Man.
    Cold as ice. Cool as ice. Smooth as ice.
    They tell us he was the Iceman.

    Yet what is ice?
    The man across the net?
    Or the pop-sickle underneath your tongue?
    Ice.
    Man.

    After all, we're all only H20.
    H
    Two
    O
    Ice.
    Man.

    Watch that pop-sickle drip, drip.

    Drip.

    Drip.

    Down your lover's lips.

    They tell us he was the Iceman.
    They tell us he was the Iceman.
    Melt.
    Melt away.

    ***

    That poem was written about Borg, of course, but it's poignantly fitting when thinking about Rafa, a figure who parallels Borg.

    Best,
    Chopin
     
  14. Fed Kennedy

    Fed Kennedy Hall of Fame

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    Rafael Nadal was once defending tennis champion of Tokyo. Do not think that I am very much impressed by that as a tennis title, but it meant a lot to Nadal.

    He cared nothing for tennis, in fact he disliked it, but he learned it painfully and thoroughly to counteract the feeling of inferiority and shyness he felt on being treated as a Spaniard at Indian Wells. There was a certain inner comfort in knowing he could knock down anybody that was snooty to him, although, being shy and a thoroughly nice boy, he never fought except on court.

    He was Carlos Moya's star pupil. Carlos Moya taught all his young gentlemen to play like featherweights, no matter whether they weighed one hundred and five or two hundred and five pounds. But it seemed to fit Nadal. He was really very fast.

    He was so good that Carlos promptly overmatched him and got his knees permanently flattened. This increased Nadal's distaste for tennis, but it gave him a certain satisfaction of some strange sort, and it certainly improved his volleys. In his last year at Indian Wells, he read too much and took to wearing tight polos. I never met anyone in his draw that remembered him. They did not even remember that he was defending Tokyo champion.

    [​IMG]
     
  15. sbengte

    sbengte Legend

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    Too good, sir. *tips hat*.
    As for the Andy Murray song, I can imagine Rafa singing that one set to a funky rap tune :D That one is a classic !
     
  16. tlm

    tlm Legend

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    This thread proves beyond any doubt of how many immature little jealous children there are on this site.
     
  17. JoelDali

    JoelDali G.O.A.T.

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    Feeling sad for Rafa...even though I **** on Fed I will always remeber how in awe I am of Rafa practicing at USO on the P courts. 30 seconds of watching him practice is worth more than a lifetime of watching baseball.

    Chin up Rafa, perhaps you were sick today who knows...Allez sexi Rogi.
     
  18. Chopin

    Chopin Hall of Fame

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    The Golden Eagle, Dali!

    I saw it as clear as the evening stars on a cold night.
     
  19. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

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    Thanking The Clash in advance:

    London calling to the faraway Tards
    Now that WTF is here and the games have begun
    London calling to the tennis world
    Come out of the talkboards, all you boys & girls
    London calling now don't look at us
    All that phoney Rafamania has bitten the dust
    London calling, See he ain't got no swing
    'Cept for the ding of that old Cortex thing
     
  20. Power Player

    Power Player Talk Tennis Guru

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    :):):):)

    Lol.
     
  21. sbengte

    sbengte Legend

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    Rafa's WTF song :

    With Nole and Andy injured, Roger way past his best
    I thought I had it in me to pass the ultimate test
    I was fresh as a daisy after two full months of rest
    In perfect health and vigour, I thus began my quest

    Started with a Fishy match, between games I had to go
    Then Roger fed me a bagel that worsened my tummy woe
    I thought I'd singe a Tsonga and make the semi, no ?
    I waited for the choke that never came from Mighty Jo

    And so my campaign ended, Uncle Toni says I suck
    My fortunes might have changed with a tiny bit of luck
    I will now focus on DC, thank God it is played on muck
    Did someone say I care about tour finals, seriously ? WTF
     
  22. 15_ounce

    15_ounce Guest

    :razz::razz::razz: very good !
     
  23. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

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    ^^^

    Plus 1! Well done.
     
  24. zagor

    zagor Talk Tennis Guru

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    Brilliant stuff :)
     
  25. DjokovicForTheWin

    DjokovicForTheWin Banned

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    Does this mean you will be retracting your nose out of Nadal's butt next season?
     
  26. DjokovicForTheWin

    DjokovicForTheWin Banned

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    This deserves a thread of its own
     
  27. Mainad

    Mainad G.O.A.T.

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    Cruel but funny. Well done! :)
     
  28. sbengte

    sbengte Legend

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    Thanks guys :)
    I am waiting for one from Colin.
     
  29. abmk

    abmk G.O.A.T.

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    brilliant :) :)
     
  30. DeShaun

    DeShaun Banned

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    Rafa used to run left-to-right
    Back and forth, all day long.
    Bunting, hacking, lifting moonballs
    Every which way, until his frustreted opponents
    buckled under his defense--"Much too strong"
    They'd say; then they'd cough up short balls
    On which Rafa'd pounce. . .alas, that tactic
    For him worked, but only while his step had bounce.
    For, nowadays a bill is due
    For all the grueling paces
    That his legs were put through.
     
  31. celoft

    celoft Guest


    LOL.........
     
  32. bezs

    bezs Legend

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    [​IMG]
     
  33. Colin

    Colin Professional

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    I guess the pressure's on, especially after you did such a fine job hitherto of feting Rafa's WTF travails in verse. I feel like Tomas Berdych trying to qualify for a place in the semis, but will I find my David Ferrer?

    For this task, I decided to focus on the Rafa-Roger match and their ever-evolving BDSMT* relationship.



    Rafa in Bondage

    It was a bagel that fed a nation.
    Like an S&M relationship,
    it became total domination.

    A few games and it all went south.
    Nadal should have switched
    to wearing the ball in his mouth.

    Poor Rafa forgot the safe word.
    Or was it sadistic Roger
    who pretended he hadn't heard?

    Every second serve Fed throttles;
    then on the changeover,
    he kicks over Rafa's water bottles.

    The clock to the gallows ticks.
    Rafa, what happened
    to your backhand-baiting tricks?

    Hit the ball and watch it die.
    This is like a drug intervention:
    You can no longer get high.

    Those RPMs have betrayed him,
    and now he'll have to settle
    for a spin class at the gym.

    Moonballs fall back to Earth.
    *******s pop antidepressants
    as the *******s fill with mirth.

    The courts are a bit faster,
    and so the submissive
    has turned into the master.

    Rafa in bondage, no longer tough,
    and the court is now his oubliette,
    and his racquet a handcuff.

    Listen to the final whip crack,
    and then the score is 5-0, 40-15 ...
    and everything fades to black.




    * Bondage-Discipline-Sadism-Masochism-Tennis
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2011
  34. _maxi

    _maxi Banned

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    that's too good.
     
  35. nikdom

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    Great stuff!! :) :) :)
     
  36. als47

    als47 Rookie

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    That "I thought I'd singe a Tsonga and make the semi, no?/ I waited for the choke that never came from Mighty Jo" is possibly one of my favorite lines that's been written so far in this already superlative thread. Excellent work!
     
  37. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    haha ! Good one.
     
  38. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

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    In honor of the NBA "settlement", I have this praise for the poet laureate of this thread: Colin, u b ballin'!
     
  39. sbengte

    sbengte Legend

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    But you are already GOAT, you shouldn't have worried :)
    You did it again !! Too good.
     
  40. vive le beau jeu !

    vive le beau jeu ! G.O.A.T.

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    what a hit !
    (just tried to sing it)
    it will be really hard to beat that one... :)
     
  41. Ico

    Ico Hall of Fame

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    Clay court specialist
    Made the best of his chances
    Warrior no more
     
  42. nikdom

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    Scratchy scratchy, itchy assy
    End of year out of gassy
     
  43. JoelDali

    JoelDali G.O.A.T.

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    [​IMG]
     
  44. Leelord337

    Leelord337 Hall of Fame

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    ^^lol disturbing much
     
  45. diredesire

    diredesire Super Moderator

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    implied spoiler, i'm willing to move this back to GPPD in a week or so. Just report the OP and request it.
     
  46. natalia

    natalia Semi-Pro

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    *bump*

    show must go on
     
  47. hoodjem

    hoodjem G.O.A.T.

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    Apparently, Monica can't spell.
     
  48. JoelDali

    JoelDali G.O.A.T.

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    I have clutched the hand of the solitary troll in one hand and the 90 SQi Bassault Weapon of War in the other...
     
  49. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

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    As The ****** Turns

    As The ****** Turns
    From "No mas, adios America" to no loss, "Hola, Europa!"
    The world was made "Nagullible"
    ****** claimed la rodilla "eez terrible".

    As the ****** Turns
    The Mallorcan melodrama doth unfold
    Why not play Murray in Miami?
    The truth remains untold
    Was he hurt before he met Fed?
    Is that what Tio Phoni said?

    As the ****** Turns
    How can one explain?
    From such hurt, such pain
    Comes time to take a plane
    For home and time to train

    As the ****** Turns
    Voila! El medico waves the wand
    In two weeks can la rodilla respond?
    Voila, from cripple to gazelle!
    El medico, such a spell!

    As the ****** Turns
    From Cote D'Azur to Ciutat Comtal
    My eyes have seen it all!
    From cripple to gazelle
    "How so, ******? Pray tell!
     
  50. Lonely GOATherd

    Lonely GOATherd New User

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    This kicks the ass of all Tennis poems : ) Very good stuff, sir!
     
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