Random thread of good jokes, aggie jokes, yo mama jokes, or what have you..

Discussion in 'Odds & Ends' started by Leelord337, Nov 21, 2007.

  1. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    You want hubby to shrink ! :eek:

    We cannot have a reduction of dark matter in the universe. That will mean infinite expansion, and a final end ! :(
     
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  2. West Coast Ace

    West Coast Ace G.O.A.T.

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    Guy calls the boss: "I'm sick; can't come in to work"
    Boss: "You're always sick. You're missing too much work. When I'm sick I ask my wife for s*x. A few hrs later I feel great. You should try it."
    Worker shows up to work in about 3 hrs. "Boss, great advice. I feel phenomenal. By the way, you have a very nice house."
     
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  3. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  4. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  5. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

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    These patrons were very wise to get there before Phatsbury made his way to the line!:eek:
     
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  6. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    [​IMG]
     
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  7. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    Phatsbury entering the AYCE buffet.

    [​IMG]
     
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  8. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  9. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  10. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  11. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  12. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

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    Is that LeeDF taking advice from AngieB???:eek:
     
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  13. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    suresh is the one who plays mixed doubles, and now it looks like we know how he double bagels women. I just did not know the bageling happens under the net.
     
  14. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  15. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2015
  16. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

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    ^^^Why identical posts four days apart? You are a joke!:eek:
     
  17. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    Sorry but i had too much on my plate :D
     
  18. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

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    You got to the AYCE buffet before Poobs, no?:eek:
     
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  19. gavna

    gavna Hall of Fame

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    After spending the last 5 weeks in South and West Africa.... I have a bunch I heard:


    Press Release

    International Rugby Board (IRB) Rugby World Cup 2015


    Following complaints to the IRB about the All Blacks being allowed to motivate themselves by performing the 'Hakka' before their games, other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own. The IRB Rugby World Cup 2015 organizing committee has now agreed to the following pre-match displays.

    1. The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles, before moaning about how they invented the game and gave it to the world, but no-one appreciates them.

    2. The Scotland team will chant "You looking' at me, Jimmy?" before each of them smash a bottle of beer over their opponents' heads.

    3. The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half perfoming a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the traditional route from their dressing room to the pitch via their opponents' dressing room.

    4. Unfortunately the committee was unable to sanction the Welsh proposal to form a choir and sing Tom Jones' "The Green Green Grass of Home".

    5. Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own "Las In-Goal-Areas", and have to be forcibly removed by the match stewards.

    6. Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other 13, whom they will imprison between the posts. These two will then go about selecting the best parts of the pitch to settle on and claim they have been there for centuries.

    7. The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future years they will amend the records to show that they were, in fact, the most important team in the tournament, and Hollywood will produce a blockbuster film called "Saving Flanker Ryan".

    8. Five of the Canadian team will sing "Le Marseillaise" and hold the rest of the team to ransom.

    9. The Italian team will arrive in Armani gear, sexually harass the female officials, and then prepare pasta dishes, which they will then flog to the crowd for a fortune.

    10. The Japanese will shock fans by demonstrating how to capture a whale for scientific research by harpooning an opposition prop.

    11. The French won't have a pre-match display and will simply hide in fear in the dressing room for the whole match.

    12. The Australians will have a barbecue on their side of the field and invite the opposition over before the game. The food and alcohol will be in abundance and, by the start of the game, no-one will remember what they came to the stadium for. After some streaking, the singing of dirty songs and the occasional chunder, everyone will go home thoroughly convinced it was a bloody good night.

    13. The Moroccan team will quietly pray during the first half and then launch suicide attacks against the opposition after the break. Unfortunately, this strategy works well for the first game only, after which Morocco is forced to withdraw from the tournament due to lack of players.

    14. Samoa will prepare a huge feast in the middle of the pitch by digging a large hole and filling it with burning embers. They will invite the opposition over by saying "We'd like to have you for dinner." Only when the opposition arrive at the pit will they realise that there is no meat and that they are, in fact, the main course.

    Hopefully, with these policies now in place, further problems in this area should cease to exist
     
  20. gavna

    gavna Hall of Fame

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    Another I picked up from a coworker in Gabon.....

    What is the difference between a tourist and a racist in South Africa..........

    About a Week
     
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  21. gavna

    gavna Hall of Fame

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    I heard this one in Cape Town!!!!


    Three South Africans, a black and two whites, are in jail, discussing what they're in for.

    The first white South African is asked what he's in for, to which he replied "Robbery, and I got two years. The judge said it was lucky it wasn't armed robbery, or I'd have got five years."

    The second white South African is asked next, to which he replied "Sexual assault, and I got 7 years. The judge said it was lucky it wasn't rape, or I'd have got ten years."

    The black South African is finally asked, to which he replied "Riding my bike without a light, and I got life.
    The judge said it was lucky it wasn't dark, or I'd be facing a firing squad!"
     
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  22. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  23. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

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    I see you have edited your submission to hide your symptom of premature dementia. You really do have too much on your plate!:eek:
     
  24. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

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    Here's how The Poobs shocks the pool:

     
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  25. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    ^ Haha !

    [​IMG]
     
  26. Capulin Zurdo

    Capulin Zurdo Semi-Pro

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  27. jswinf

    jswinf Professional

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    Animators can't draw noses?
     
  28. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  29. gavna

    gavna Hall of Fame

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    Ha that's not a joke.......it's a current fact of life today! Hahahaha
     
  30. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  31. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  32. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  33. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  34. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

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    The Eskimo equivalents of SentiSureshs!:eek:
     
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  35. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  36. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  37. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  38. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

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    It is OK unless you're downwind from Poobs!:eek:
     
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  39. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    Epidemic alert !!!!



    Reminds me of the pool in the TV series "Last Man on Earth". Pls don't watch it, it sucked.
     
  40. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

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    Reminds me of the pool scene in Caddyshack..."It's no big deal!":eek:
     
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  41. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    Haha ! That was just one piece.
    This guy has his own swimming pool. Instead of using the toilet in his house, he sits on the diving board and uses his pool as the john. The pool fills up, and it's disgusting fo the others who come over later.
     
  42. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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  43. Rusty Shackleford

    Rusty Shackleford Hall of Fame

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    When I was younger, one night I was trying to stick a roll of quarters in the lower regions of my sleeping GF at the time (a superhot blonde with more sex appeal than common sense), and she woke up alarmed, saying "What the hell are you doing?"

    I just told her "I was having a discussion with one of my buddies today about who was going to win the Superbowl, and he told me to put my money where my mouth was."

    ;)
     
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  44. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    Dirtymouth Pottyford.
     
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  45. Rusty Shackleford

    Rusty Shackleford Hall of Fame

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    [​IMG]
     

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