Staggeringly dumb comments your GF/WIFE/other females have said to you...

Discussion in 'Odds & Ends' started by Ross K, Aug 12, 2010.

  1. Ross K

    Ross K Legend

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    Watched a film the other night. 'Enemy at the Gate'. A not terribly good movie (imo) from a few years back with Jude Law (dire) and Ed Harris (brilliant) as two snipers conducting a kind of duel, amidst the appalling carnage and general hell of Stalingrad during WWII. Anyhow, about half way through, my wife uttered the immortal line:

    "So... was Stalin not a very nice then"?:shock:

    There then was a brief discussion about Stalin, Russia, WWII, Great Britain during the war, etc. After which, I can only say I was left feeling SHOCKED by my otherwise mega-intelligent wife's lack of knowledge...

    "Did the British go into Russia as well?"...:eek:

    Okay. You may say (and I don't want to sound sexist here) this isn't such a typical female area of know-how... but come on!... we are not tallking about football or something (incidentally another area she has ZERO knowledge about)... but surely the vast majority of the western world's educated woman must be aware that Stalin was a tyranical, genocidal monster and dictator who is right up there with Hitler and Pol Pot etc???!!!

    So... good men of TT... "staggeringly dumb comments your GF/WIFE/other females have said to you"... any of you got some good ones!?:wink:

    R.
     
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  2. michael valek

    michael valek Rookie

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    a. why do you need all those rackets?
    b. your lancia integrale looks like an old golf / skoda
    c. on hearing "stairway to heaven" be led zep, she asked, "is this REM?"
    is that enough?
     
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  3. Dilettante

    Dilettante Hall of Fame

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    The other day my girlfriend parked her car under a tree, on a heavily gardened street. We hanged around for a while and when we returned she saw a big bird poop on her car and started to complain about the street birds pooping cars all the time. I still don't know what kind of bird was she trying to speak of, but she literally said "that's because these trees are full of gazelles".

    I could not stop laughing for about fifteen minutes.

    Other night while walking through the city we saw a locust on the floor, crossing the street on the asphalt; that attracted our attention because you don't see locusts here in the city. The locust was walking very slowly, and my girlfriend said: "why does not the grasshopper just jump? It would arrive sooner". I said "yeah or it could take a taxi too".

    Then I was starting to explain that the locust didn't jump because didn't want to, and that locusts not only can jump but fly, she said "oh yes, I know it can fly". Then she pointed to a signal maybe ten meters far from us and said "I bet it can fly even that far".

    Then I said (after stop laughing though) that even a small mosquito could fly further than ten meters, and that locusts can fly for over hundred kilometers. Her answer simply was: "not this one. This is not a locust, this is only a big grasshopper".

    Of course that killed me.

    She's intelligent, but you could say animals are not her main area of interest. But heck, she's funny.

    Lucky me she doesn't read this forum or I would have my head instantly pulled off my body.
     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2010
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  4. Feña14

    Feña14 Legend

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    How long have these relationships been going for? :) I'm wondering if they only start coming out with these things after a certain length of time :)
     
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  5. Dilettante

    Dilettante Hall of Fame

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    I think this stuff comes after several months, when they gain confidence and don't think they need to take so much care of what they say any more. Although I suspect when they realize that you find this kind of stuff funny and cute, they just let it flow naturally.

    I just recalled one from other past girlfriend:

    We were speaking on the phone and she was saying she was nervous about some exam and her stomach was hurting a bit, but for some reason she temporary forgot the word "stomach" and she said (word by word, I'm not embellishing it):

    "I have a little pain on my... [short pause], you know, that small balloon where Coca-Cola gathers".
     
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  6. tennismonkey

    tennismonkey Semi-Pro

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    How about: "I do." :???:
     
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  7. SlapShot

    SlapShot Hall of Fame

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    My ex while watching Teddy Kennedy speaking at the DNC in '08: "All of the Kennedies look the same. I mean, he looks exactly like Edward Kennedy."

    Beautiful, smart girl, just occasionally said some silly things.
     
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  8. mtothedeuce

    mtothedeuce New User

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    My fiancée and I were watching a show on the Discovery channel about lions. The narrator of the show said something like, "This is where the lion attacks occur." My fiancée looks me right in the eye and goes, "What's a cur?"

    Not necessarily stupid, but I found it endlessly amusing.
     
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  9. El Diablo

    El Diablo Hall of Fame

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    It would never occur to me to describe the Stalin comment as "dumb." The distinction between dumb and uninformed is a crucial one. And history in particular is something people seems less and less informed about. (Studies of this in the US are striking. For example, 75% of high school seniors couldn't place the Civil War in the proper half-century.)
     
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  10. AmericanTemplar

    AmericanTemplar Professional

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    1. "So where do I put that?"
    2. "Logic? I don't get it?"
    3. "Does this gut make me look fat?"
     
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  11. Fedace

    Fedace Banned

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    Roger looks pretty in Pink tonight..........
     
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  12. TheJRK

    TheJRK Rookie

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    Not to me but...

    On the elevator at work with two ladies, one is pregnant.

    Lady #1 - Oh, congratulations, how far along?

    Lady #2 - 7 months now.

    Lady #1 - Wow... is it yours?

    <me and Lady #2 exchange confused looks>
     
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  13. decades

    decades Guest

    op, you just got dumped right? by text?
     
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  14. jswinf

    jswinf Professional

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    I've been married a long time and my wife has said many strange and wonderful things, but I'm not posting 'em. No sir, not me, too smart for that.
     
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  15. r2473

    r2473 Legend

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    I haven't been married that long, but my wife only says thoughtful and insightful things :)
     
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  16. mikeler

    mikeler G.O.A.T.

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    Maps are dumb.
     
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  17. Ross K

    Ross K Legend

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    That literally just made me LOL!!!... very funny!
     
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  18. Ross K

    Ross K Legend

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    Ha ha - loving that too SS!:roll:
     
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  19. Ross K

    Ross K Legend

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    "OKAY, I THINK WE HAVE A WINNER, FOLKS!!!"... :lol:
     
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  20. Moose Malloy

    Moose Malloy Legend

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    Surrogates aren't that uncommon these days.
     
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  21. Ross K

    Ross K Legend

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    Whaaaaaaaat?!... too funny!... that is unbelievable... quite staggering indeed... cheers TheJRK :roll:
     
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  22. CCNM

    CCNM Hall of Fame

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    For the longest time I was not aware that Russia was a republic in the old Soviet Union. I thought it was just another name for the USSR, so when the union fell apart I asked "what happened to Russia?" and my mother said-calmly-"Russia is still there." Once I figured it out I felt like a real dummy. :lol: BTW I'm a female
     
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  23. Ross K

    Ross K Legend

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    Kudos to CCNM for posting that!!

    Er... which reminds me...

    Who actually said... (and I can absolutely promise you this is true)... in a somewhat puzzled tone when he was in his 20's, to an elderly relation remarking upon the sight of some ducks taking flight... "What then... you mean ducks FLY?!"...:shock:

    What can I say?..."THINKS FRANTICALLY"... look, I had a typical urban, inner city upbringing... the only ducks I knew about came with crispy pancakes!... :oops:
     
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  24. Gasolina

    Gasolina Professional

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    Most of the women I know aren't really interested in world news, current events, history, culture of other countries, technology.

    I don't know why

    Seriously, everytime we play trivia games with other couples all the dudes come out on top
     
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  25. GRANITECHIEF

    GRANITECHIEF Hall of Fame

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    Whoa, sounds like fun!
     
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  26. Bartelby

    Bartelby G.O.A.T.

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    A cur is a word, so the sentence could have meant 'the lion attacks a mongrel'.


     
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  27. Bartelby

    Bartelby G.O.A.T.

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    This is correct, but you're not exactly dumb as the Russian empire that the communists took over became in effect the Soviet Union's empire so people did use Russian or Soviet power/empire interchangeably.

    The communists liked to pretend that Russian was just another republic in the greater Soviet system of republics, but ...

    Russia is not just another republic, it's the leading or hegemonic republic. It's like the British Empire but even more so: Was the British empire ever run out of Wales, Scotland or Ireland? No!




     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2010
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  28. jmnk

    jmnk Professional

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    I have a similar one. English is not my native language and this took place over the phone - so quality was not that great.
    My wife and I called friends of ours asking them to come over and we've heard him say:

    "My wife's dead. funeral is tomorrow".

    We were stunned. We saw his wife like the day before. We said sorry, hanged up, and started preparing for the funeral.
    Later it turned out he said:

    "My wife's dad's funeral is tomorrow"

    I mean it is easy to understand the difference when you read it, not so much when you hear it over the phone.
     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2010
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  29. JoelDali

    JoelDali G.O.A.T.

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    "Do you think I'm going to hell for this?"
     
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  30. fed_the_savior

    fed_the_savior Banned

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    what was it??? :twisted: needs a backstory
     
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  31. jswinf

    jswinf Professional

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    This is a classic. Also I like that it flies in the face of the mildly (?) sexist challenge of the thread to make fun of wives and girlfriends.

    All of us mono-lingual folk are missing out on a lot. Congrats to all who speak multiple languages.
     
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  32. Tina

    Tina Banned

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    Thanks. I do
     
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  33. jamesblakefan#1

    jamesblakefan#1 G.O.A.T.

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    I dunno...I'll try this one.

    Was talking to my roomate last year and apparently he didn't know who former VP Dick Cheney was. I say "Dick Cheney. The guy was Vice President for like 8 years!" Still no clue.

    So I say "Do you know what Halliburton is?" He's like "What? Who is Hali Burton?" as if it's a person, like Halle Berry. I can't tell you how dumbfounded I was. Mind you we are college Sophomores at the time, and he had no idea who Cheney was or what Halliburton was.
     
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  34. Ken Honecker

    Ken Honecker Rookie

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    Ahem I think I might have the winner here.

    Just when I think my wife has overcome her upbringing she goes and does something that threatens to dislocate my jaw with amazement. Now it is common practice at out house to make outrageous requests to whoever is headed towards the kitchen, something along the line of "could you get me some ice water ...and use 4 cubes... and get the ones with the rounded corners". When we are talking about what to have for dinner Crystal usually asked what is the hardest to make, which I believe is meant to be a exercise regime for Vicki.

    Well there we were lounging about upstairs and talking about food.

    Me: "I'm in training so I don't want much, maybe half a cracker" (Saltine style)

    Ashley (18 year old daughter) playing along: "Could I have the other half?"

    "Sure"

    "I want the half with the most salt on it cause sometimes there is more on one side than the other."

    "Why don't we have mom split it end-wise and you can have the top with the salt and I'll take the unsalted bottom?"

    Vicki rearing up off the sofa: "I can do that!"

    I went on to explain carefully that I meant standing the cracker on end and slicing down through the 3/16 inch width. But she said she knew what I was talking about and headed downstairs to perform her magic, leaving Ashley and myself staring at one another in stunned disbelief. After a bit Vicki returned and told us that "I could have done it but it kept crumbling".
     
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  35. stules

    stules Rookie

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    How about a panicky phone call ........."help. Come an bring the spare keys for the car. The door opening beeper thing has a flat battery, and I am late."

    Uh..........use the key on the same key ring.........it also opens the door...
     
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  36. 813wilson

    813wilson Rookie

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    Dated a girl years ago who smoked. Back when one could light up during air travel. I picked her up at the airport one evening and she was really mad because just when she lit her last cigarette, the stewardess announced - " we're getting ready to land. Please distinguish all cigarettes." When I asked her if she could identify all the brands, she didn't get it....

    Same girl's mother and I had a debate about the Nile River. Discussing the fact that it one of a handful of rivers that flows North. Her contention was that it doesn't. There is "no way a river can run uphill."
     
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  37. spaceman_spiff

    spaceman_spiff Hall of Fame

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    Well, technically speaking, she was partially correct: no river can run uphill. She was simply unaware that uphill in northern Africa is south. :)
     
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  38. 813wilson

    813wilson Rookie

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    Her contention is/was that anything "north" of you must mean it is above you. As in greater altitude from sea level. To back this up she mentioned the Mississippi River, defiantly and diffinitively stating that it flows "down or south." I agreed that all rivers flow down but down does not have to mean "south" and showed her that the start of the Mississippi flows "north". To this day, I don't think she gets the distinction. For those wondering; neither she nor her daughter are blondes.....
     
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  39. mikeler

    mikeler G.O.A.T.

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    Being from Florida, you should have given her the St. Johns River as an example of a river that flows north.
     
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  40. 813wilson

    813wilson Rookie

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    Moved here a few years ago - was in Towson, Maryland at the time and thought it "stung" a bit more showing her the example she was using....
     
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  41. fed_the_savior

    fed_the_savior Banned

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    My neighbor's wife thought mosquitoes bred in bushes... she was out hacking the beautiful wall of bushes between our houses so that they couldn't breed in there. :lol:
     
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  42. drakulie

    drakulie Talk Tennis Guru

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    some of the comments here are hysterical. keep em coming .......
     
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  43. MAX PLY

    MAX PLY Hall of Fame

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    True story . . . dated a woman once who had to go to a "assertiveness training" course sponsored by her employer. When she returned, I asked, "So, are you more assertive now?" She replied, "I guess so." Nuff said.
     
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  44. athiker

    athiker Hall of Fame

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    Perfect...and I'm sure that's not the first phone call that has been made to a spouse, parent or dealer that has gone like that!

    Another classic...and again...I doubt she is alone.

    Err...as the son of a cartographer and husband of a...uh..."map challenged" individual I can appreciate this one. She has gotten better, but it was standard practice for quite a few years that she would simply assume two lines met on a map that didn't just b/c it looked like they should! For example trying to detour around a city or some other detour due to a highway accident or similar and she's in the passenger seat w/ the map and I'm driving. After many laments of "Honey, you can't just make those two lines meet! You can only go by what's actually printed on the paper!" Or "Is that what the map says or what you want it to say?" A bit snarky I know, but necessary due to previous experience. Like I say, she's improved a lot...getting GPS hasn't hurt either. :)
     
    Last edited: Aug 13, 2010
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  45. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

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    She could be a surrogate mother
     
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  46. Ross K

    Ross K Legend

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    Ha ha!!!:lol:
     
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  47. goober

    goober Legend

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    Somehow back in high school I ended up at dinner with my older sister's boyfriend and his family. The family was discussing how some kids "made it big". The mother looks at her teenage son (who was barely passing high school) and says in a completely serious manner, "Well why don't you just write a paper about AIDS and become famous?"
     
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  48. SFrazeur

    SFrazeur Legend

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    I am not married, but I'm going to taker a murderous stab in the dark and say that it not a good idea to call your wife stupid on an Internet forum.

    -SF, Single
     
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  49. Ross K

    Ross K Legend

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    SF ^^^,

    Not that I, nor indeed too many others I think, have used that exact term, but tell me... obvious question, I know...............
    ....so what's wrong with that? :wink: :)
     
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  50. mtommer

    mtommer Hall of Fame

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    My sister was in DC at the Holocaust exhibit. While there she overheard a teacher telling her students that the Jews should have just went to Israel to escape persecution.
     
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