Your wish is my command! *********************** Howdy. It has been brought to my attention that whilst my regional wisecracks are making the British readers groan, other nationalities (mainly the Yanks) are sitting there wondering what soccer team Jimmy Savile plays for and why on earth anyone would tip the council. So, in the hope I can dodge accusations of xenophobia I am providing a glossary of terms to be used when reading the preceding blog post entitled 'Stig of The Dump'. Glossary of Terms: 1) Ryanair: Infamous budget airline who originated business practices such as despising your customers, charging per litre (* see glossary of glossary) of air breathed during flight and referring to a plane that lands in Ceredo, WV as a 'flight to New York'. 2) Hymer: This is a term reserved for novice motorhome drivers and derives from one's virgin trip in the vehicle being known as "breaking the Hymer". 3) Motorhome, (aka 'mobile coffin'): Where living people choose to spend the last 6,000 miles on their way to the crematorium conveyer belt. The US equivalent is RV - derived from the latin meaning 'reduced of vitality'. 4) Savile, Jimmy: A deceased UK celebrity. He started off as a DJ, moved to TV and became a much loved charity-raising, marathon-running, jewellry-jangling public figure of note. Perhaps even more famous in death as a serial paedophile of singular daring and extremely varied tastes. 5) Council Tip: A state funded institution used to depose of those of pensionable age who have no income or assets and no longer qualify for a state pension. (Similar to an EU wine lake but with people). 6) Ice Cream Van: A converted Ford Transit van designed to drive around neighbourhoods selling snow cones and lollipops whilst playing an enticing tune. See also the 'vehicles used' subsection for glossary term no 4). 7) Mano-a-mano: Regional Latin dialect used in America to signify "I met him and then served him a big mac meal". 8) Giant Tampon: White furred member of the rodent family unique to the British Isles. Distinguishable by a box like body and very long tail. A sub-hibernater it sleeps most of the month and only comes out for 2 or 3 days at a time when it typically gets sunburnt. 9) Stig Of The Dump: A children's television series in the 1980s where young schoolboys find a caveboy who they befriend and bring to school. Also known as 'the hairy conflake' it turns out 'Stig' was a naked radio DJ called Dave Lee Travis and that wasn't an old leather belt hanging from his waist. Glossary to the Glossary Litre: As in Liter - and how things were spelled before being butchered and *******ised by distant barbarian cousins of the civilised British. I hope this public service announcement has served its intended purpose. The tennis will be starting soon - honest.