The TTW Dictionary

Discussion in 'Odds & Ends' started by Dilettante, Mar 23, 2009.

  1. Dilettante

    Dilettante Hall of Fame

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    Hello everyone. Sorry for my bad English, which didn’t prevent me to this attempt of making a TTW Dictionary.

    The reason why I wanted to start a dictionary is thinking about new, gullible and newly registered posters who could get confused reading about some new tennis concepts that only exist in TTW forum and that those new posters never faced before. We all love TTW, but the forum can get a little surrealistic sometimes for the incautious newbie. So I hope this will help.

    With this dictionary, I just tried to summarize some TTW's popular opinions, it's not like I'm expressing my own opinions here.

    Of course this is an Open Source dictionary, so feel free to make your own additions if you want to.

    ...................

    Now let’s start with some basic concepts:

    Talent:
    ~noun
    1. A quality that allows a player to being better than the rest, despite the number of matches which that player doesn’t win. [i.e: “Pete Sampras won 14 slams but Jean Luc Rodriguez-Hillbilly (sorry, who?) had insane loads of talent”]
    2. Ability of making smooth-motioned and good-looking shots, no matter if a high percentage of those shots happens to send the ball to the parking lot.

    Talented player:
    ~noun
    1. Favourite player (of a specific TTW poster) who doesn’t win as much as that specific TTW poster would like to, but he’s still better than the rest.
    2. Favourite player (of a specific TTW poster) who once did beat a big name, so he proved his superiority for ever and never and that won’t change no matter how many bagels he eats from big names in the future.

    Headcase:
    ~noun
    1. Talented player who smashes rackets.
    2. Talented player who gets pissed, depressed or just quits when he´s losing a match, and who could have *clearly* won if he wouldn’t get pissed, depressed or if he wouldn’t quit.
    3. Player that never loses a match. He just generously grants the match away.

    Clearly:
    ~adverb
    1. Cos I said so.

    Would, should, could:
    ~adverb
    1. Reality.
    2. Strongest possible argument.

    Choke:
    ~verb
    1. One of the only two possible outcomes for a match: you win, or you choke.
    2. When a specific TTW poster’s favourite player had an advantage (match ball, set ball, break ball, point ball, or when he’s just talented --> see “talented”) and doesn’t capitalize it. That proves the player is better than the rival, no matter if the rival is actually able to capitalize his own advantages.

    Choker:
    ~noun
    1. Player that lost a match but you wanted him to win so bad, didn’t you?

    *******:
    ~noun
    1. According to a *******, any poster that says good things about Roger Federer.

    *******:
    ~noun
    1. According to a *******, any poster that says good things about Rafael Nadal.

    Clay:
    ~noun
    1. Any surface on which Rafael Nadal wins a tournament. Clay can be red, blue, green, grey, low bouncing, high bouncing, with leaves on it or covered by cement (it doesn’t matter, clay’s still there).

    Green Clay:
    ~noun
    1. Wimbledon’s surface, which maliciously simulates a living vegetal form of life (it grows on soil, it has leaves, it makes photosynthesis, it produces oxygen) but it happens to be just clay.

    25 seconds:
    ~noun
    1. According to rafael Nadal’s fans, period of time Nadal takes between points. According to a clock, that period can extend from 25 seconds to 35 weeks.

    Mono:
    ~noun
    1. Disease that allows Roger Federer to win sometimes, and to “not to lose” the rest of the time. When Roger wins, Roger wins. When Roger loses, mono didn’t allow him to win.

    Mirka:
    ~noun
    1. Unlike Mono, she allows Roger Federer to win, but doesn’t allow him to do any other single thing alone.

    Serve and Volley
    ~verb/noun
    1. Best and most effective, reliable and powerful style of tennis, no matter if a S&V player didn’t win a challenger for 700 years.
    2. Real tennis. Non S&V tennis needs to be renamed something else (teeNeZ, te@n@s, Pong).

    Mindless Bashing:
    ~verb/noun
    1. Non-S&V teeNeZ.
    2. Pong.

    All court game.
    ~noun
    1. When a TTW poster likes a player, automatically this player has an All Court Game, no matter what the heck having an All Court Game means.
    2. Tennis style which is better because it has the word “all” on it, and nothing can be better than “all”.

    GOAT
    ~noun
    1. Eternal, immutable and carved in stone condition which happens to change every 1/2 weeks.
    2. Favourite player of a TTW poster.
    3. According to many, a player who has the biggest talent ever (no prove necessary) and who will eventually come back from the dead and blow away the whole competition by 6-0, 6-0, 6-0 (and 6-0) because when he’s on he just could sweep God from the court. That is: Marat Safin.

    Bad
    ~adverb
    1. Everything Andy Roddick does on court, no matter if he wins or loses.

    Good
    ~adverb
    1. Everything Richard Gasquet does on court, no matter if he wins or loses.

    WTA
    ~noun
    1. WTF
    2. Said what?
    3. Joke.

    Prime
    ~adverb/noun
    1. Miracolous State of Grace when a player from 80 centuries ago could dominate the actual competition.

    Prime vs. Prime
    ~noun vs. ~noun
    1. TTW’s most succesful “Quantum Leap” TV series’ adaptation.

    Exo.
    ~noun
    1. Scientific prove that an old player who retired because he was no longer dominant, could come back and sweep today’s weak competition.
    2. Extend of Pete Sampras domination beyond time and space.

    Retirement:
    ~noun
    1. What every player should do after losing any given single match.
    2. What Marat Safin shouldn’t *ever* do because he’s the GOAT and he will just come back and make a badass PWNAGE of the entire ATP field.
     
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    #1
  2. rubberduckies

    rubberduckies Professional

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    ^^^^^ LMAO. Greatest post ever.
     
    #2
  3. Blinkism

    Blinkism Legend

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    This is truly genius, I mean absolutely the GOAT of TennisWarehouse Posts!

    And I'm not one to throw around terms like GOAT (except the time I once claimed that Canas was going to be GOAT, but that was in college and those were experimental times!)
     
    #3
  4. luckyboy1300

    luckyboy1300 Hall of Fame

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    sticky please!!!!
     
    #4
  5. GasquetGOAT

    GasquetGOAT Hall of Fame

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    Hahahaha...a GOAT post! Definitely worthy a sticky for the TTW General Pro Player Discussion !
     
    #5
  6. roundiesee

    roundiesee Hall of Fame

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    LOL! Great, entertaining post! I have a sneaking suspicion that your English is much better than you're willing to let on... :)
     
    #6
  7. aldeayeah

    aldeayeah Hall of Fame

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    Needs more terms!

    I think there's potential in things like "one-handed backhand" (maximum expression of talent), "two-handed backhand", "weak age" (synonym of "the current age" in every moment in history), "pusher", "grinder", "moonballing", "head to head"...
     
    #7
  8. cucio

    cucio Legend

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    Excuse
    ~noun
    1. Attempt at serious, logical, unbiased analysis of the Objective Reasons for a certain result, no matter if you clearly state that you are not implying the result would have been different had the circumstances changed or that that's how the sport works and there's nothing unfair to it.

    Objective Reason
    ~noun
    1. Worthless excuse.

    Exhaustion
    ~noun
    1. Pre-emptive explanation of a foreseeable defeat. Nicely sets up the stage for an Epic Comeback.

    Epic Comeback
    ~noun
    1. Opponent's choking.

    Pwnage
    ~noun
    1. Victory by 7-6(12), 0-6, 7-6(25). The score just didn't reflect what happened on court.
     
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  9. ruerooo

    ruerooo Legend

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    OP, this post is genius. You are the GOAT.

    So you should retire. :lol: :lol:
     
    #9
  10. BorisBeckerFan

    BorisBeckerFan Professional

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    English is not my native language either but I think what you have posted has exceeded the boundries of a traditonal post and is actually a great work of art. Where were you educated or are you just that naturally talented?
     
    #10
  11. federerdomination

    federerdomination Semi-Pro

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    Yes Greatest Post!!!
     
    #11
  12. Gorecki

    Gorecki G.O.A.T.

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    Mallorca
    ~noun
    1. Balearic island where the current number one Rafael Nadal was born grew up. it's also the birth place of former world number one Carlos Moya.
    2. Place belived by *******s (see *******) to be in the past and underdeveloped in what regards to tennis development despite it had previously generated one Number One in ATP ranking and and is part of what can be currently the biggest tennis nation.


    Myth
    ~noun
    1. a popular belief or tradition that has grown up around something or someone ; especially : one embodying the ideals and institutions of a society or segment of society - "seduced by the tennis myth of Nadal's exclusive greatness within spanish tennis"
     
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  13. Dilettante

    Dilettante Hall of Fame

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    I am overrated, you guys are Dilettantards and all of you should retire too.

    Lol
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2009
    #13
  14. Breaker

    Breaker Legend

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    Honestly that was brilliant.

    Done
    -adj
    Ex. "Hewitt is done"

    1. Used to describe any player who has not won a major tournament in the past 3 months.
    2. Used by *******s or *******s to describe any player besides Nadal, Federer, Murray, or Verdasco (currently) who gets a thread dedicated to them.

    Best (insert stroke name here)
    -n, adj
    Ex. "Nadal currently has the best backhand"
    1. Used to describe the backhand stroke of the player who has won the most recent major title.

    Overated
    adj
    Ex. "Nalbandian is overated"
    1. Used by fanboys of top players when someone expresses that they like a player not named Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, or the most recent major title winner.

    Underated
    adj
    Ex. "Nalbandian is underated"
    1. Used when someone expresses that they like a player not named Roger Federer, Rafael Nadal, or the most recent major title winner.
    2. Used by *******s to describe Rafael Nadal whenever someone isn't entirely convinced that he is the greatest tennis player to walk the earth.

    Unbeatable
    adj
    Ex. "Nadal is unbeatable"
    1. Used to describe whoever has won the most recent major title - no matter their record on the year.

    Injured
    adj.
    Ex. "How did he lose? Was he injured?"
    1. The ultimate get out clause in an argument between fanboys over a loss.
     
    #14
  15. Gorecki

    Gorecki G.O.A.T.

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    Blister
    ~Noun
    1. an elevation of the epidermis containing watery liquid
    2. The only thing between Rafael Nadal and the God Ex- Machina condition as per *******s (see *******)

    Cardigan
    ~noun
    1. a usually collarless sweater or jacket that opens the full length of the center front.
    2. a piece of apparel not intended for sports, who usually causes the persons on the stands of a match to laugh at the player using them.
     
    #15
  16. Mdubb23

    Mdubb23 Hall of Fame

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    Completing the point with a shoulder-high punch in
    Sheer brilliance.

    3. What Fabrice Santoro should have done three years ago.
     
    #16
  17. random guy

    random guy Professional

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    Objective
    ~adj
    1. Subjective.
    2. Subjective but with lots of half baked statistics.
     
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  18. diegaa

    diegaa Hall of Fame

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    excellent thread.
    amigo valenciano, me saco el sombrero ante semejante post. :)

    keep it up.
     
    #18
  19. King of Aces

    King of Aces Banned

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    Dilletante,

    Es el Pablo Piccaso de Tennis Warehouse.

    Gracias Maestro!!!!!!!!
     
    #19
  20. BorisBeckerFan

    BorisBeckerFan Professional

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    Mi mamá pasó 4 meses de vacaciones en Europa hace 2 años y dijo que España es el país más hermoso de Europa. Quedo encantada.
     
    #20
  21. lonestar

    lonestar Semi-Pro

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    Wow, just wow.

    Brilliant stuff.
     
    #21
  22. Jonny S&V

    Jonny S&V Hall of Fame

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    G.O.A.T. post, amazing, splendiforous, etc... There are just not enough words to describe it! :shock:
     
    #22
  23. Fearsome Forehand

    Fearsome Forehand Professional

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    Additional TW definitions:

    USTA 5.5; USTA 3.5

    28 years of age: 14 years of age.

    Rants and Raves: 1) A section of the Tennis Warehouse message board primarily devoted to decidedly partisan, pointless, sarcastic and often hostile political discussions in which no poster's mind is ever altered from its original position. 2) An ongoing study in the utter futility of anonymous poster's arguing over the internet about subjects one would normally never discuss with strangers.

    Tennis Tips/Instruction: 1) A section of the Tennis Warehouse message board in which truly clueless people pretend to have considerable knowledge of the nuances of tennis techniques that they do not actually possess. 2) A section of the message board provided to facilitate the exchange of vast amounts of misinformation regarding the game of tennis and its various techniques.
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2009
    #23
  24. ilovecarlos

    ilovecarlos Professional

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    ****stands up and applauds*****
    I belive the author of this thread and I have "strolled the beaches rolling rrrr's"
    Some of the best and most honest stuff I've read here/or the opposite...depending on how you feel...heheheh
     
    #24
  25. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

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    Pusher: An opponent to whom a person loses

    3.5: Tennis playing level characterized by low serve speeds of 110 mph and low kick serve bounces of 8 feet

    Player's frame: The most suitable frame for a 3.5 player, which weighs a mere 14 oz (unstrung)

    Poaching: A 3.5 doubles player cooking an egg on the hot court surface in summer

    Federer: A person who always loses to two particular opponents

    One-handed backhand: An extinct stroke which existed during the age of the Dinosaurs
     
    #25
  26. MegacedU

    MegacedU Professional

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    Hey now, no unfair stabs at Andy Roddick. Don't hate him because he's beautiful and talented.
     
    #26
  27. King of Aces

    King of Aces Banned

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    Miscellaneous > Odds & Ends >
    -noun-

    1- section where TW puts threads that they disagree with but have no answers for.
    2- section relegated for Nadal fans.
    3- Where posts go prior to being deleted .
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2009
    #27
  28. TMCW140

    TMCW140 Hall of Fame

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    Absolute genius
     
    #28
  29. TW Staff

    TW Staff Administrator

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    banned user
    ~noun~
    1. someone trying to poke fun at moderation/talk tennis admin
     
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  30. Breaker

    Breaker Legend

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    Hahaha now this is priceless :)
     
    #30
  31. Gorecki

    Gorecki G.O.A.T.

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    rofl....

    Way to go Ki_ces (KOA).. keep them coming!
     
    #31
  32. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    Friends, I am new here and would like to understand these frequently used terms.

    1. Humble
    2. Arrogant
     
    #32
  33. lovecr717

    lovecr717 Rookie

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    best thread ever
     
    #33
  34. shadows

    shadows Legend

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    I'll echo that haha, pleasant read after not venturing out of General and results for a while xD
     
    #34
  35. luckyboy1300

    luckyboy1300 Hall of Fame

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    1. Humble

    -any player whose conduct, behavior, press conference answers, etc. are done in the Nadal way.

    2. Arrogant

    -any player whose conduct, behavior, press conference answers, etc. are NOT done in the Nadal way.
     
    #35
  36. Sentinel

    Sentinel Bionic Poster

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    Thanks for clarifying. Could someone throw clarity on the term 'cheating' and 'cheater'.
    I've seen Nadal being called a cheater and I'm flummoxed. Apart from injury timeouts, ball bouncing, wiping sweat off, and challenging when you have a huge lead, what other things constitute cheating ?
     
    #36
  37. I can't pick my favorite. Tops are:

    1. S&V
    2. "Bad"
    3. 25 Seconds
    4. All-court game

    I'm link this post in my sig. LEGENDARY
     
    #37
  38. Dilettante

    Dilettante Hall of Fame

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    This is the chapter 2 of the TTW Dictionary. Once again, this is a summary that doesn't reflect my own opinions and it's not meant to offend anyone:

    Annoying
    ~adjective
    1. Things that your favourite player’s rival does during match (i.e. breathing, having loud heart beats, staring before opponent’s serve).

    Cheating
    ~verb
    1. Things that your favourite player’s rival does during match, in case your favourite player loses that match (i.e. breathing too strong on purpose, having loud heart beats on purpose, wearing contact lens in order to reflect the sunrays directly to the opponent’s eyes to make him miss the shot).

    Excuse
    ~noun
    1. Anything a player says in the press conference after losing a match and doesn’t sound like “my rival PWNED me badly”, “my rival is a god and I couldn’t win while being so in awe with his divine light”, “I was 100% today, absolutely ON, healthier than ever, totally focused, no mono, no tiredness, no headcase, but I would never won this match because my rival is the ultra-GOAT and his mother looks like Scarlett Johansson and his coach is Einstein and I praise him every night before going to sleep and I’m so thankful for having the honour of being arse-kicked by him”.
    2. Anything a player says in the press conference after losing a match unless it sounds like “I was threatened by the Mafia not to win this match, and I wasn’t focused because my girlfriend ran away with Radek Stepanek, and my coach ran away with all my earnings, and my whole family died yesterday in a plane crash while coming to see this match, and during this morning’s medical routine I found out to be dying of a strange disease that came to Earth in a meteorite”.
    3. Every time Venus Williams says something.

    Uncle Toni
    ~noun
    1. According to *******s: Malicious, manipulative and ambitious Dr. Frankenstein that took a poor, hungry kid from the slums of the desolate swamps of Mallorca (see also Mordor Islands) and made him a #1 by forcing him to swap right hand for left hand after years of painful Conan-like trainings that took place in an isolated cell somewhere under a shantytown, where the kid only was able to eat steroid-fed worms that left him a permanent butt itching.
    2. According to *******s: modern Mahatma Gandhi that took a poor, hungry kid from the slums of the desolate swamps of Mallorca and made him #1 by teaching him the ways of love, peace, humility, kindness,
    3. According to the rest: that guy that played in a Barcelona’s cricket team or something.

    Grand Slam
    ~noun
    1. Condition in which Roger Federer win all four majors.

    Grand Slum
    ~noun
    1. Condition in which Rafael Nadal win all four majors.

    Pre-Open Era Tennis
    ~noun, History
    1. Heroic past when players (holding bamboo made racquets) developed The Real Tennis on volcanic stony plains despite being hound by atrocious fire-throwing dragons.
    2. Black and white Youtube joke where two immobile players make sissy moonballing groundstrokes for ages, until one of them feels he could start to sweat and that would ruin his facial make-up, and he makes an unforced error on purpose in order to run to the shade seat. And man, that didn't look like my tennis videogames at all.
    3. There was no tennis then until it was brought from the future by Jimmy Connors, the brother of John Connor, that guy from "Terminator".

    Open Era Tennis
    ~noun, History
    1. Disgusting era when a bunch of spoiled, whining brats choke match after match despite being armed with Superpower Intelligent Ultragraphite Racquets From Future.

    Head to Head
    ~noun
    1. Scientific procedure to decide who’s the GOAT (i.e: Nadal beat Federer, who beat Sampras, who beat McEnroe, who beat Borg, who beat Laver, etc, etc; therefore Nadal would beat Jesus).

    Headcase to Headcase
    ~noun
    1. Scientific analysis to prove which player would have been the GOAT in the wonder world of Talent.
    2. Scientific analysis to prove David Nalbandian is the current #1 despite what chaotic, arbitrary, moronic ATP rankings say.
    3. ATP statistics in Oz’s website version.

    Boring Player
    ~noun
    1. Player who wins matches with the same textbook shots that were used by his father, his grandfather, his grand-grandfather and probably by Noah in the ark.
    2. Player who wins too much.

    Fun-to-watch Player
    ~noun
    1. Player who doesn’t win a freaking match but makes unorthodox, stylish, imaginative strokes such as One-and-a-half-handed backhand, reverse serve, autorreverse forehand, rewind/fast forward forehand, between-legs smash, jumping dropshots and forehead volleys.
    2. Fabrice Santoro.

    Tennis nationality
    ~noun
    1. For a TTW poster, certain characteristics that a player necessarily has if he/she comes from certain country. In other (stupid, politically correct) boards it may also be called “prejudice”.

    I.e, players from these countries are supposed to be:

    USA: Spoiled moronic brats that weren’t good enough to play Baseball.
    Australia: Spoiled moronic brats that only were good when tennis was played only in Commonwealth.
    UK: Spoiled moronic brats that just aren’t good enough for the freakin’ sport they freakin' invented.
    Spain: All-day running moronic moonballers that grew up playing in African desert and are afraid of any kind of vegetation (i.e. grass) or any sign of civilization (i.e. hardcourts, indoor).
    Argentina: All-day running moronic moonballers that usually get just too pissed and depressed on the 3rd set because Spaniards run more.
    Chile: All-day running moronic moonballers that are already depressed in the 1st set because even Argentines run more than them.
    Serbia: Disrespectful moronic jerks that make fun of players from other countries.
    Croatia: Disrespectful moronic jerks that make fun of players from other countries. But he’s Croatian instead of Serbian.
    France: Sissy moronic kids that get scared of playing in front of strangers.
    Russia: Blonde moronic girls willing for a Green Card and a Florida model agency contract.
    Switzerland: players who speak 17 languages and make a lot of watch commercials. For some strange reason, they don't seem to be moronic.
    Sweden: players who speak 17 languages and make a lot of watch commercials and happen to be blonde.
    Netherlands: players who speak 17 languages and make a lot of watch commercials and happen to be blonde and you never heard of them before and you never will in the future.
    Germany: They used to be good at tennis, but since Berlin Wall was removed, they don’t seem to have a practice place. For God’s sake, build the guys a wall again!
    Italy: Really? I though he was from New York, mainly because he doesn’t win a freaking match. He looks moronic anyway.
    Japan: I swear I witnessed a promising Japanese player, I saw him, I’m dead serious, but I don’t know what happened to him. But damn, he was good.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2009
    Sentinel likes this.
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  39. TMCW140

    TMCW140 Hall of Fame

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    Dilettante, you deserve a medal, this is genius!
     
    #39
  40. Andres

    Andres G.O.A.T.

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    Best thread in the history of TTW
     
    #40
  41. jimbo333

    jimbo333 Hall of Fame

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    I'm actually pleased that I was bored enough to read this:)
     
    #41
  42. charliefedererer

    charliefedererer Legend

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    5,639
    All spot on, but Uncle Toni definition is tops.
     
    #42
  43. lovecr717

    lovecr717 Rookie

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    i cant wait for chapter 3! keep the good work coming , Dilettante !
     
    #43
  44. Nice update!

    "Between the legs smash" -- LoL

    I gotta work on that one.
     
    #44
  45. LanceStern

    LanceStern Professional

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2008
    Messages:
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    The TTW Tennis Dictionary

    Inspired by two posters from the "Is Federer stillin his prime" topic, two posters left definitions of two words, and I found them funny, and thought it would be fun, if not horribly offensive and could troll.

    Give your definition, we'll try to alphabetize them and everything. Put it in a webster style format, different posters can give definitions for the same word. Maybe even synonyms.

    Word type (n., vb., adj.) - definition

    So without further ado:
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    choke - vb. -
    clay - n. - Any surface Nadal wins on (can be red, blue, green or any color really, hard court, carpet, grass or clay)
    out of prime - n. - 1. Excuse for Federers losses in 2009
    tired - adj. - When nadal loses
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2009
    #45
  46. veroniquem

    veroniquem Bionic Poster

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    Clay n.- Any surface Nadal wins on (can be red, blue, green or any color really, hard court, carpet, grass or clay).
     
    #46
  47. LanceStern

    LanceStern Professional

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2008
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    I LOL'd and chuckled

    Someone (could be more than one poster) give me the TTW definitions for choke
     
    #47
  48. King of Aces

    King of Aces Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2009
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    Boring Player

    -adj-

    1- Player who wins too much
     
    #48
  49. veroniquem

    veroniquem Bionic Poster

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    choke vb -1- What a lower ranked player does when he fails to beat a top player. 2- What a player does when he eats too many donuts before or during the match (not targeting anyone in particular ;-)) 3- losing a match after having 1 or several match points, also know as fear of winning.
     
    #49
  50. DarthFed

    DarthFed Hall of Fame

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    Some one needs to add more...they are fun to read but not come up with

    Serve-
    V.

    1-The most important shot in tennis, cannot be interrupted before execution
    2-The most irrelevant shot in tennis (when Andy roddick is involved), and any player who comes up with a good serve under pressure sucks and is just a serve
    3-Andy Roddick...sans Forehand and Grit
     
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2009
    #50

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