Thoughts on calling out rudeness?

Discussion in 'Odds & Ends' started by jdubbs, Jun 26, 2012.

  1. jdubbs

    jdubbs Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2010
    Messages:
    2,266
    When is it your right to call out rudeness? The other day I was at my local grocery store and this guy is on his phone loudly, throwing in pretty vile swearing to boot, and then passing by me he kept swearing.
    Nothing I havent heard before, but it still bothered me.
    So I told him to keep it down. He objected strongly to that, and I defused the situation by walking away.

    Would you have said something? I figured at the very least he'd think twice about it next time. But don't know if I was overreacting?
     
    #1
  2. Eph

    Eph Professional

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2007
    Messages:
    854
    Location:
    Cambridge, MA
    >>I figured at the very least he'd think twice about it next time.

    Doubtful
     
    #2
  3. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2011
    Messages:
    874
    Location:
    In the darkest recesses of your mind
    Life is like a lottery. It is full of a**holes and you never know when one is going to turn up.

    Should you have said something? There are many factors involved when considering this question:

    1. Was that guy bigger / stronger than you?
    2. Did he have friends nearby that could help him in a possible altercation?
    3. Was he possible under the influence of drugs?
    4. Would he have less to lose than you in a fight / court of law?
    5. Do you appreciate having a felony-free criminal record?

    Hopefully this answered your question. One thing I won't tolerate though, and that is somebody being rude to my woman (or to me, or to a child) directly.
     
    #3
  4. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,949
    when you are in a position of authority over the person in question

    otherwise, i guess it just depends on how much you enjoy pointless confrontation
     
    #4
  5. Eph

    Eph Professional

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2007
    Messages:
    854
    Location:
    Cambridge, MA
    Oh, the irony.
     
    #5
  6. ollinger

    ollinger Legend

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2004
    Messages:
    5,903
    If someone is on a phone swearing loudly you can assume he may already be upset about something; telling him to keep it down at that moment is senseless and counterproductive as it's only likely to upset him more. You were in a fairly public place so you need to expect that some people may use language you don't favor; I don't see that you were especially inconvenienced by his behavior and should not have attempted to be controlling in this situation.
     
    #6
  7. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2010
    Messages:
    11,942
    Location:
    In a sureshsian vortex
    When in doubt, consult Reinhold Niebuhr!
     
    #7
  8. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2005
    Messages:
    34,710
    I don't remember which one, but in one state using profanity in public is a crime.
     
    #8
  9. ollinger

    ollinger Legend

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2004
    Messages:
    5,903
    ^^ probably not for long; Supreme Court a few days ago voided fines against TV networks for brief moments of profanity or nudity.
     
    #9
  10. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2005
    Messages:
    34,710
    That has nothing to do with this. I believe it is a state law for public places. TV is supposed to be watched inside your home at your discretion.
     
    #10
  11. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2005
    Messages:
    34,710
    It was in Michigan, and was already declared unconstitutional. It forbade swearing in front of women and children and was used against a guy who swore after falling off a boat.
     
    #11
  12. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2011
    Messages:
    874
    Location:
    In the darkest recesses of your mind
    Surely the law must have exceptions in place for such circumstances, no?

    I mean, if a red hot meteorite fell through the atmosphere and landed on my crotch, I have the feeling I might say a couple of not so nice words just to celebrate the occasion.
     
    #12
  13. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2011
    Messages:
    874
    Location:
    In the darkest recesses of your mind
    Irony about what? Don't get your burka in a bunch, sweetheart.
     
    #13
  14. sureshs

    sureshs Bionic Poster

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2005
    Messages:
    34,710
    That is the problem with laws. They are made by lawmakers who don't have a job if they don't make laws. That is why one must be very suspicious of any law which restricts any freedom. It will be used as a political tool until it is repealed, but by then people's lives would have been ruined. Generally, say no to any law which restricts any human activity which is not intended to inflict harm on others.
     
    #14
  15. Rui

    Rui Rookie

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2007
    Messages:
    392
    You did good...by saying something and then turning away.
     
    #15
  16. Sentinel

    Sentinel Talk Tennis Guru

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2008
    Messages:
    28,733
    Location:
    Brave New World
    I tried recently.

    It was late at night, about 5 houses from mine. The house is divided between 2 brothers and their family. One bro owns the ground and first floor, the other owns the second floor. They both have grown up kids and even some small grand-kids.

    There was a major fight going on, their kids (in their 20's) were abusing and threatening one another in the most obscene manner. Their mothers were also their and most of the abuses/threats were sexual and related to the mother, sisters and even each other. They were shouting at the top of their lungs.

    Finally i walked up and begged them to discuss their issue with love (in my own language). They began explaining their stand to me and soon went back to their fight, and it only got worse with them calling the police. So then i had to just ignore it and go back.

    I was later told that they frequently have fights. They were accusing each other of having killed their father etc too. I actually had a good opinion of those people. The family on top almost every night will throw bones down for my stray dogs. The family below usually used to allow these dogs to sleep in their front yard (esp during rain) whereas all the other houses shooed them away and closed their gates. Maybe they still do despite the mud and dust they bring in.

    I was shaken that people can abuse their relatives in such an obscene manner.
     
    #16
  17. KenC

    KenC Professional

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2009
    Messages:
    1,428
    Location:
    The Cliffs of Insanity
    You must be in Italy! If so, this is how they whisper. You should hear how they talk normally. A normal conversation between two could drown out a Metallica concert. When they yell it skews the US Geological surveys. You get used to it after about a decade.

    As an aside, bad social behavior is the norm and good social behavior is ridiculed. We live in a sick society that idolizes and mimics hip hop gangstas. Adapt or get an automatic weapon and climb up a bell tower.
     
    #17
  18. Maui19

    Maui19 Hall of Fame

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2010
    Messages:
    1,649
    Another ironic post in a thread about rudeness.
     
    #18
  19. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2011
    Messages:
    874
    Location:
    In the darkest recesses of your mind
    That's some pretty wild story, Sentinel. People are complex animals, and conflict is bred into all of us in one way or another.

    The one thing that comes to mind from your story though is that famous saying, "familiarity breeds contempt." I think your story is just a very extreme example of it.

    Do you have a camera that shoots video? If so, how about making a video of it and then posting it on youtube? Maybe throwing in some Hindi music and some subtitles completely unrelated to their quarrel, making it into one of those Bollywood type musicals? I guarantee you it would be a hit (not being facetious here, actually.) :)
     
    #19
  20. Sentinel

    Sentinel Talk Tennis Guru

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2008
    Messages:
    28,733
    Location:
    Brave New World
    Actually this is a very typical story in my country. Someone owns some land, has kids, and then the kids fight over the land. Often the son files a case against the father. A lot of families get broken up over land. Remember that India has a huge population and its a small country. So land has the fastest rising value, and everyone is out to acquire land. All the politicians, criminals etc are into land grabbing/acquisition, so having a piece of land is near impossible today if you are a salaried person. Only the very rich can think of buying land today.
     
    #20
  21. krz

    krz Professional

    Joined:
    May 23, 2007
    Messages:
    889
    Location:
    Concrete Jungle Where Dreams are Made
    This thread reminds me of people who are "chirp n" on their obnoxious Nextel in public because... you know everybody needs to hear your conversation.

    That and friggin blue tooth headsets outside of the car... guess it makes them feel important.

    /end rant.
     
    #21
  22. LuckyR

    LuckyR Legend

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2006
    Messages:
    6,404
    Location:
    The Great NW
    A couple of things:

    It is totally possible to make your opinions known to a55holes without fisticuffs being an issue.

    You can absolutely avoid confrontation, most do, in fact. However, I choose not to go through life wishing "someone" would do something about this or that. I prefer to make sure "someone" does. >95% of the time, the "someone" ends up being me.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2012
    #22
  23. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,949
    what do you do luckyr?
     
    #23
  24. jswinf

    jswinf Professional

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2009
    Messages:
    1,141
    super-soaker squirtgun and run like hell? :)
     
    #24
  25. LuckyR

    LuckyR Legend

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2006
    Messages:
    6,404
    Location:
    The Great NW
    As usual, it depends:

    For out of control kids (with no parental supervision), I tell them loudly to stop whatever it is they are doing that is the problem. Since 99% of the time they get zero parenting, this is a complete shock to them. They will immediately stop whatever it is and slink away.

    For rude people I will never see again (other customers etc), I will either comment loudly to a fellow suffering customer, thus building my quorum. Or if I am alone, will address the ether in the same way (not making eye contact).

    If it is a rude clerk (whom I will need to deal with later) this is a trickier deal. I will either: do nothing, if I really will need specialty help, or comment normally, if I don't, or perhaps split the difference with a comment on how difficult their situation is that necessitates whatever they are doing, if it is a borderline issue.
     
    #25
  26. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,949
    you are a brave man.

    i just dont care enough about 99.99% of people to get involved in anyway
     
    #26
  27. Eph

    Eph Professional

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2007
    Messages:
    854
    Location:
    Cambridge, MA
    Women are not property. BTW, it's burqa, with a q, not k.
     
    #27
  28. Eph

    Eph Professional

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2007
    Messages:
    854
    Location:
    Cambridge, MA
    I remember Nextel and their walkie talk cell phone!
     
    #28
  29. LuckyR

    LuckyR Legend

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2006
    Messages:
    6,404
    Location:
    The Great NW
    Yes I am, but not for this.

    You've got it totally upside down. I don't do it for them. I do it partially for myself and partially for the Universe.
     
    #29
  30. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,949
    perhaps.

    but jackasses are like the many headed hydra. is there really any point to chopping off heads when two always appear in their place?
     
    #30
  31. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2010
    Messages:
    11,942
    Location:
    In a sureshsian vortex
    Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. If you think you can affect the situation in a positive manner, by all means intercede politely. If rebuffed, let it go. Many rudesters only intensify their negative behavior when you "call them out". That's not exactly a positive influence you will contribute.

    Case in point...I was walking on a dark sidewalk one night when two bicyclists approached me from the opposite direction. Neither had headlights to aid seeing me quickly enough to change course. The first guy hit his brakes so fast that the second guy almost wiped out avoiding his buddy on bike #1. In response, I made a reasonable suggestion..."it would help if you had some lights." Guy #2 got off his bike and challenged me to a "throwdown, right now, Bro!" He only backed down when he saw I had a phone in my hand and was dialling 911. Gone with the wind before the dispatcher could send the deputies.

    I thought I was an agent for positive change. Not so! You can't fix STUPID!
     
    #31
  32. LuckyR

    LuckyR Legend

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2006
    Messages:
    6,404
    Location:
    The Great NW
    I would draw a distinction between stupidity (your case) and rudeness (the OP's and my cases).
     
    #32
  33. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,949
    did u see them? if so, why not yield the entire sidewalk?

    as a long time runner, i've seen it all from cars, bikes, and pedestrians alike. best thing is to avoid the confrontation imo. don't dwell so much on "rights"
     
    #33
  34. Power Player

    Power Player G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2008
    Messages:
    19,752
    Location:
    On my iPhone
    Bikers on sidewalks are an embarrassment to the cycling community.
     
    #34
  35. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,949
    it would be great if everyone followed the rules. pedestrians walked single file on the right. bikes stayed off sidewalks. cars yielded to pedestrians in crosswalks and pedestrians only crossed with the light in crosswalks.

    but since this isnt what happens (and everyone believes they are right 100% of the time no matter what they do), you have to deal with reality as it is. not how u think it should be.
     
    #35
  36. Eph

    Eph Professional

    Joined:
    Oct 7, 2007
    Messages:
    854
    Location:
    Cambridge, MA
    It happens in Switzerland! What a wonderful country. :)
     
    #36
  37. Power Player

    Power Player G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2008
    Messages:
    19,752
    Location:
    On my iPhone
    Of course. I can still point and laugh at people on road bikes who don't ride in the street though.
     
    #37
  38. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2010
    Messages:
    11,942
    Location:
    In a sureshsian vortex
    No, it was all too fast for the dark conditions. If they had headlights, which is the legal requirement, all would have been avoided. If I had seen them, of course I would have done what I could to avoid an accident. The point was I politely suggested headlights would be a good idea and World War 3 broke out! I thought I was being constructive and it nearly blew up in my face because you can't fix STUPID!
     
    #38
  39. Power Player

    Power Player G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2008
    Messages:
    19,752
    Location:
    On my iPhone
    No lights at night and on the sidewalk. I wish you had taken them both out..lol.
     
    #39
  40. retlod

    retlod Professional

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2009
    Messages:
    942
    This is one of the reasons I want to buy some land in rural Wyoming and live by myself in peace. People used to be better. :neutral:
     
    #40
  41. Power Player

    Power Player G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2008
    Messages:
    19,752
    Location:
    On my iPhone
    I want to get a place in Jackson Hole. One of my long term goals.
     
    #41
  42. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,949
    that attitude tells me a lot

    they didnt make any noise as they approached on the bikes? you had no idea they were there?

    have you considered wearing something as a pedestrian that makes you more visible at night?

    my point isn't that you aren't "right" by the way. my point is that it doesnt matter.

    look, as a man weighing ~220, i could bowl people down the sidewalk that are on "my side" of the sidewalk walking 2+ abreast. i could probably drag people out of their cars and pound the hell out them when they nearly run me down in crosswalks because they don't stop or dont look or are distracted on their cell phones.

    but instead, i do everything i can to let people do what they will and avoid the conflict.

    same goes for other areas of life. is it really worth confronting everyone that "violates YOUR rights"?
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2012
    #42
  43. stringertom

    stringertom G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2010
    Messages:
    11,942
    Location:
    In a sureshsian vortex
    I was prepared if he hadn't backed off and scooted...in my other hand was a bag of adult liquid refreshments readied for a ricochet off his melon. His buddy was cursing him as they rode away so I'm guessing it would have been a one-on-one until the deputies showed up. This is a tough neighborhood, only miles from the Cady Way murders, PP. You're a bit safer on the other side of WP but it's spreading. I eat late night almost across the street on E. Colonial where the food-truck lady was murdered. That kinda thing shakes me. Never want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
     
    #43
  44. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,949
    i wonder if thats true.

    anyway, youd be surprised how often "friendly is met with friendly" and "confrontational is met with confrontational"

    sometimes, it pays to "fix" your own attitude first.

    people will always do inappropriate things. but we can all control our own reactions. start there first. you know confrontation isnt going to work. ask yourself (honestly) why you engage. if you can answer that honestly, you might have the solution to many of these problems within your own control
     
    #44
  45. Power Player

    Power Player G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2008
    Messages:
    19,752
    Location:
    On my iPhone
    R2 stop trying to be serious.

    It sucks.
     
    #45
  46. r2473

    r2473 Legend

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2006
    Messages:
    6,949
    im just depressed because of my arm :(

    and by the way, you suck loser (that'll show 'em) :)
     
    #46
  47. Power Player

    Power Player G.O.A.T.

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2008
    Messages:
    19,752
    Location:
    On my iPhone
    Sorry about the arm.

    That does suck.
     
    #47
  48. Kevin T

    Kevin T Professional

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2004
    Messages:
    1,417
    Location:
    Too far from the Blue Ridge
    I thought my story last year about throwing the dog turd at the guy would change your outlook. :)
     
    #48
  49. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2011
    Messages:
    874
    Location:
    In the darkest recesses of your mind
    Yeah, that makes sense actually. Does the government have any measures in place to discourage uncontrolled population growth like they do in China?

    Not saying I favour that, as I consider abortion to be a crime personally, although I suppose there are different kinds of measures a government could take besides that.
     
    #49
  50. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2011
    Messages:
    874
    Location:
    In the darkest recesses of your mind
    Yes, it frickin drives me mad too. That's why I enjoyed this scene of Breaking Bad so much:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GI4rwSqrEk
     
    #50

Share This Page