Top 10 ********* cars

Discussion in 'Odds & Ends' started by zhan, Aug 13, 2006.

  1. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    Got it from another forum but its hilarious!

    Top 10 ********* cars

    ..10 Maserati: This car is in the number 10 spot only because of their lack of prescence on the road. Typical of a mid-30s *********, these cars can be found with their either wealthy or stupidly indebted owners driving like complete morons in thick midday traffic. When they aren't trying to impress high school sophomores with their rad fake ferraris they can be found laying black marks into onramps and nearly taking out soccer moms when they fail to signal while playing NASCAR on the highway.

    ..9 Civic Si: While most civics are owned by sensible motorists just wanting cheap transport, a small group of teenage douchebags, empowered by the fantastic scenes of speed in The Fast and the Fictious have decided that one car stands above all else as a powerhouse road rocket. They have chosen the anemic Civic Si to show the rest of the commuting world just who's boss. With it's stunning 170 HP, these buzzfarting pests can be seen slowly bumbling through traffic, racecar style, sometimes passing on shoulders and turn lanes to prove their macho vehicles are faster than anything they happen to pass, most of the time when no "race" of any sort is taking place.

    ..8 BMW 3-Series: Everyone's encountered these douchebags on the road. Yuppie with a cell phone up to his ear, crappy eurotrash technomusic blaring, chinese knock-off designer sunglasses on and a pink polo shirt with the collar popped like a pro. This metro ********* has only one thing on his mind when he's driving, and that's proving how big a ********* he really is to any and all drivers on the road. When you are at an intersection with a lane that ends, he will try to race you to get in front of you, when you are doing 15 over on the freeway, he will pretend to be agitated and floor his mighty 220 HP mill to flyby you and show that his vehicle is meant for autobahn speeds. Apparently the warranty as a clause about a free replacement vehicle if the car is damaged while running a red light or stop sign, regardless of age or mileage, so be careful when these crowning douchebags pull their ultimate driving machine up to the line, they might just cross it!

    ..7 Dodge Ram: This list wouldn't be complete without the country ********* cousin. Out of all the trucks, none has spurned a ********* craze like the Hemi toting ram. With it's big grille, sunburnt, dirty, tattoo'd arm hanging out the window, and a confederate flag adorning the rear window, this truckload of douchebaggery will bear down on any little car that happens to be in front of them, tail gating them until they can snarl their overstressed engine to gradually pass by. Loud and awful sounding exhausts along with gun racks and cam seat covers are common place on these rural ****** haulers. Just make sure you have a decent bit of distance between these tailgating SOBs if you decide to brake check these lunatics, trucks aren't known for their ability to stop.

    ..6 Trans-Am: A hardy choice for a midlevel *********, Trans-ams are notorious for their owners complete lack of self control when it comes to showing off their badass plastic muscle car. Revving their obnoxiously loud engines at anything with 4 wheels and an audible engine, these douchebags are always looking for a chance to show off their douchebaggery. More often than not, some slack-jawed yokel, upon being called such, will utter phrases like "well what do you drive" or "my ****'s faster'n yours". This boondock ********* call, while not limited to trans-am drivers, is often followed by a big burnout , no matter how thick the traffic is, and a middle finger. It should be noted, these douchebags appear to network with other douchebags to form ****** convoys.

    ..5 Camaro SS: The companion ********* to the trans-am, these ****y *******s have taken a notch above the trans-am because of the ego boost their SS badge gives them. SS, standing for Super Small, is a reference to their ***** size. Often the SS ********* (lol sounds like a ship full of pussies) will try to show off for his inbred girlfriend by racing vehicles that aren't acknowledging a race, or participating in the douchebaggery of trans-am owners, as stated above. On top of burnouts, donuts, and being obnoxious, they firmly believe the SS badge of their Camaro gives them super powers over other Camaros, even V8s, inspite of a weight difference not over come by the marginal power difference.

    ..4 Mustang Cobra: The crowning ********* of the V8, the Mustang Cobra reigns supreme in their godlike douchebaggery. Cobra douchebags suffer from a Napoleonic complex that their cars are the greatest vehicles ever made. The fact that can be fast is the primary fuel for this ego. However, when these douchebags are bested they fall back on a ********* cliche as old as time. People who think their car sucks are jealous of it, and wish they could afford the bourgeois pricetag of a $27000-$30000 car. They are also prone to excuse making, from the design of the car, to the fact that some of these douchebags just don't know how to drive them. These are all excuses levied to try and quell the flood of criticism of the small-dicked, arrogant ********* when they try to show off more than they are able.

    ..3 Subaru STi: The ********* mobile for the 21st century is here. Complete with a simulated ***** enlarging function that gives the owners of these fugly shopping carts with engines the feeling they are more masculine than they truely are. Again spouting claims of jealous or inability to afford a cheap japanese import, the drivers of these cars are the first all-weather douchebags of the list. Because of mass advertising campaigns, the pinheaded morons driving these cars seem to think that any day, rain, snow, shine, or 3" of glaze ice is race day and will not hesitate to prove this to you, even if it means slamming into a telephone pole on a winter day. On top of that, the turbocharged engine gives these twats a sense of superiority over other vehicles that don't have turbochargers. The douchebags brag about these fascinating pieces of technology, even if they haven't a clue how they work.

    ..2 Mitsubishi EVO: Thanks to a mass marketed hype, Mitsubishi was able to jump into the ********* market with the Mitsubishi EVO, an ugly piece of junk that can best be described as a turbocharged chinese takeout box. Because of the hype and aura surrounded by these douchemobiles, their owners think their cars are invincible, able to best every and any car on the road or track, inspite of reality. Again jealousy is an issue with the owners of these rolling dumpsters because we all know people just wish they owned a $30000 Lancer with a hopped up engine. Additional "technology" features (including a massive wing inversely proportional to the owners ***** size) attract quasi-intelligent douchebags to these cars because they can pretend to explain how all the useless marketing features actually make their cars fast. Through extensive ********* networking, a random ********* always knows some other ********* who is a friend of a ********* with an Evo that runs single digits in the quarter mile. This information is bogus, and often imparted by a ********* trying to impress non-douchebags about a hyped up douchemobile that he doesn't own. Races with these uber-fast EVOs never materialize either. Fortunately, the hype on these vehicles is fading away, but egos remain higher than ever as a result, with douchebags desperate to prove how badass they can be by racing anything on the road.

    and now...

    The Number 1 ********* Vehicle of All

    Dodge Neon SRT4: The ultimate in douchebaggery vehicles. A worthless turd of a vehicle, slapped together by the company that brought you the Ram, comes a douchemobile of unimaginable proportions. There is not a single owner of these vehicles that isnt faithful to the ********* way of life. Whether it's talking up their slow piece of crap and never running it, making every excuse from the ********* rolodex of BS reasons why they won't race or lost a race, or simply doing childish ********* things like weaving, blowing through redlights, flooring it at every opportunity, burnouts in traffic, revving at cars two lanes over and in front of them, racing in traffic, nearly rear ending cars, losing control and flying off a road while attempting to race a car that wasn't race, NASCAR impersonations, trying to show off to their ugly girlfriend how macho they are by being a complete moron, pretending parking lots are rally tracks, and thinking they have the fastest car ever built, SRT4 owners do it all. They are world class, award winning, grade A douchebags that need to be stomped, laughed at, outrun, and outdone in every car related anything they bring their pieces of crap too. Even Dodge thought they created a ********* monster they couldn't control so they axed it. Above it all, these douchebags are in intense denial about one thing: THEY DRIVE NEONS. Neons will never be cool, respectable, awesome, attractive, or have a legacy other than being pre-form scrap metal. ****** on SRT4 owners, ****** on!
     
    #1
  2. ollinger

    ollinger Legend

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    Are you the world's angriest, most envious human? As you are the HIgh Priest and Arbiter of Cool, isn't it a little cowardly of you not to inform us what magnificent vehicle YOU drive? Also, tell us what you would drive if money were not a concern so we can know what is truly cool.
    ________
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    Last edited: Sep 3, 2011
    #2
  3. Lakoste

    Lakoste Professional

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    You do know that Maserati is a car brand, not the name of a specific car? That being said, they make very nice cars, although a bit expensive for what you're getting, but if you have the money...

    How many of the cars on your list have you actually been in?
    What do you drive?

    Also, if the person is a "*********" to begin with, does it really matter what car he's in?
     
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  4. lorenza

    lorenza Semi-Pro

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    this is the most random list of cars ive ever seen...
     
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  5. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    can i PLEASE reitterate that
    I DID NOT WRITE THIS
    its a humorous post by someone on a car forum so i thought i post it here
    so EVERYONE can have a laugh
    -.-
     
    #5
  6. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    [​IMG]
    my car
    :|
     
    #6
  7. lorenza

    lorenza Semi-Pro

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    you dont have to get mad...i thought it was funny...just very, very random...
     
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  8. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    ollinger got pissed off
    he proly drives an SRT-4
    :mrgreen:
     
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  9. lorenza

    lorenza Semi-Pro

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    haha...he probably does and just got offended...:mrgreen:
     
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  10. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    Now he is going to act like Mr. Tough guy Fast and Furious style and start talking about how my Coupe sucks and how he and his NOS injected SRT-4 going to obliterate my car off the line!
    :mrgreen:
    And he is going to brag how cool his 4 door compact sedan dodge neon is
     
    #10
  11. lorenza

    lorenza Semi-Pro

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    lol. there's no way he could take on your car...period.
     
    #11
  12. siber222000

    siber222000 Semi-Pro

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    lol i have a feeling this thread might turn out to be a conversation between two guys while i was playin day of defeat yesterday. they were arguing about ford or some other truck and they were like aruging for the whole game *one hour* it was so funny :p
     
    #12
  13. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    Yeah thats why I stopped playing Counter-Strike...
    I got tired from arguing useless bs with SRT4 Drivers like ollinger

    I never got how a 4 door front wheel drive compact sedan like a dodge neon would be soo cool...
    i thought to be cool u had to have a red sport coupe that cost good money :mrgreen:
     
    #13
  14. ollinger

    ollinger Legend

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    I drive a 2007 Passat, 6 speed manual, 2.0 turbo. I'm into performance that's eco friendly (Passat good for 32 mpg highway.) That's why I had a 3-series BMW some years ago -- great performance, still gets 30 mpg highway. Save the planet, you know? My motorcycle is a BMW GS in part because they're the first bikes in the world with ABS and catalytic converters for low emissions on all models, and get nearly 50 mpg (most meidum and large bikes get somewhere between 32 and 42 mpg.)
    ________
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    Last edited: Sep 3, 2011
    #14
  15. MTChong

    MTChong Professional

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    Maserati is nice.

    And I have some problems with the list; why isn't the new Pontiac GTO on it? For the price tag all it can do is go straight, no turns.

    The Evo and the STi, on the other hand, are pure performance cars for the price you're paying for them. And trust me, I've driven an Evo - stock, it's still a beast.

    Also, given your list, I'm surprised the latest C6 isn't on there; I know that I'd take a Lotus Elise over a C6, but I still regard the C6 as a great car.
     
    #15
  16. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    NOT MY LIST! I TOOK IT FROM ANOTHER CAR FORUM!!! THANKS!!!
     
    #16
  17. TokyopunK

    TokyopunK Professional

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    Zhan your list is so messed up....
     
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  18. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    ................
    NOT MY FRIGGIN LIST
     
    #18
  19. Lakoste

    Lakoste Professional

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    Top 10 Douchbags
    10. Zhan
    9.Zhan
    8.Zhan
    7.Zhan
    6.The artist formerly known as Zhan
    5.Zhan
    4.Zhan
    3.Zhan
    2.Zhan
    1.Zhan

    This is not my list, it was taken from another forum
     
    #19
  20. Caswell

    Caswell Semi-Pro

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    If you've got numbers on your street car, it takes the express lane to the front of the "Top 10 ********* Cars" line.
     
    #20
  21. BiGGieStuFF

    BiGGieStuFF Hall of Fame

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    definitely written by a mercedes owner since its not on the list. they are the worst in my opinion
     
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  22. TennisProPaul

    TennisProPaul Banned

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    I live in a van down by the river
     
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  23. BreakPoint

    BreakPoint Bionic Poster

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    Top 10 Douchbag cars?

    #1. Nissan 350Z

    .....oops, sorry.... :mrgreen: LOL
     
    #23
  24. TennisProPaul

    TennisProPaul Banned

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    baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa

    totally agree

    anyone with #'s on a car is looking to race

    how sad
     
    #24
  25. TennisProPaul

    TennisProPaul Banned

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    zhan how long did it take you to write that list??
     
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  26. BiGGieStuFF

    BiGGieStuFF Hall of Fame

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    I see guys like that and they rev at me. I rev back and start talking smack. Once the light goes green I turn right :mrgreen:
     
    #26
  27. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    what ever
     
    #27
  28. Caswell

    Caswell Semi-Pro

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    90% of your "mods" are laughable. Shift boots and shifter knobs? Oil filters and spark plugs? You think those are "mods"? Your list would be condensed by a real car guy as "headers and coilovers".

    Your ride's place on the list of Douchbag cars - confirmed.
     
    #28
  29. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    .................................
     
    #29
  30. BiGGieStuFF

    BiGGieStuFF Hall of Fame

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    Zhan, did you just come from an autocross? Is that why there are numbers on your car? I can understand if you came from the track that day. If it's on there on a normal occurrence then in my opinion it's kind of detrimental to the original beauty of the car. I like 350z's though. Nice cars.
     
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  31. Mick

    Mick Legend

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    Roger Federer owns a Mercedes-Benz.

    [​IMG]
     
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  32. BiGGieStuFF

    BiGGieStuFF Hall of Fame

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    He probably owns many other cars, so we can just say he changes cars per his mood.

    When he feels jerkish he'll drive the MB :mrgreen:
     
    #32
  33. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    Used to Auto-X in BSP class
     
    #33
  34. BiGGieStuFF

    BiGGieStuFF Hall of Fame

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    Yeah I tried it twice. Fun as hell. Killer on the tires though, and when you pay like 800 for a set of 4, it can really stop your autocrossing days quickly. I get cheaper tires now of course but even still, it's still pretty pricey. Wish someone would let me borrow their cars for autocrossing.

    How bout you lend me yours :D
     
    #34
  35. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    ;)
    My tires i ripped to threads cuz me = aka the donut guy in my area
    so...
    u know what that means...
    longivity for tires = maybe 2-3 month per rear =(
     
    #35
  36. BaseLineBash

    BaseLineBash Hall of Fame

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    Hummers are "*********" vehicles, unless you are in the army...or using them for a real purpose other than wasting gas.
     
    #36
  37. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    that i tottally agree
    but they r making wussy hummers like H2 and H3...
    the H1 is kind of like the real humvee just without machinegun turrets and thicker armor
     
    #37
  38. Mick

    Mick Legend

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    I would like to know the brands of cars that people don't consider douchebags. [​IMG]
     
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  39. BaseLineBash

    BaseLineBash Hall of Fame

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    I don't think The Humvee is that bad, I think it's a 5cyl. turbo diesel, but the whole GM line of Hummers are wasteful vehicles and are truly ********* vehicles.
     
    #39
  40. Frodo Baggins

    Frodo Baggins Semi-Pro

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    Then I must be a >*********" Cause I'm very Fond of Trans Am..And Some others >{That I love}>In fact Where I live Trans are very Highly.:DRich$${If you Own a trans}.(Loves Trans)>My future dream car!!!:cool:
     
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  41. Return_Ace

    Return_Ace Professional

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    Nice car zhan, i want one... but in blue or black ^^
     
    #41
  42. snoflewis

    snoflewis Hall of Fame

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    this thread and that top 10 list is so retarded. just because someone drives one car doesnt mean everyone who drives it is a ****** or something. that's like starting a top 10 ********* racket list...
     
    #42
  43. BaseLineBash

    BaseLineBash Hall of Fame

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    H1 drivers are are douchebags, latent or not it's fact.
     
    #43
  44. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    well it does hold SOME water... (from my car culture experience, research and indepth analysis)
    like for example... adults wont buy an SRT-4 because its just ridiculous... ppl who buy/drive SRT-4s probably have average age of maybe 22 years old... and those who drive it... well thinks its the greatest car ever...

    now the EVO/STi one... adults buy it either they are hardcore (i mean HARDCORE) WRC fan, SCCA club racing members or simply being outrageous... kids (mostly douchebags) buy and drive an EVO or a STi simply just want to pump out max horsepower from the tiny engine and run the drag (the EVO/STi is more built for corners aka rally, auto-x, etc) ... and they act like douchebags b/c they think their small 4 door sedan is t3h sh!zznit and thinks its better than a ferrari or a lambo just because they put a chip and a cat-less exhaust pumping 400 whp ...

    etc etc...
     
    #44
  45. OrangeOne

    OrangeOne Legend

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    snoflewis, some things should never be said out loud. Because now, of course, you know what someone will do....
     
    #45
  46. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    roflmao!!!
    :mrgreen:
     
    #46
  47. OrangeOne

    OrangeOne Legend

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    And yet again we get priceless pearls of Zhan's objective, well-thought out and amazingly-written wisdom. Hoorah.
     
    #47
  48. SydneyJim

    SydneyJim Rookie

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    LOL no comment
     
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  49. Donnie Darko

    Donnie Darko Banned

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    It was just a cut and paste from another web site.
     
    #49
  50. zhan

    zhan Banned

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    thank you!!
    i dunno why these weirdos think i'd spend an hour writing that list instead of hitting tennis balls
    :rolleyes:
     
    #50

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