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Tennis_Monk 01-25-2010 05:40 PM

ESPN announces ESPN-W.
ESPN today announced newest addition to their already spiralling line up. Channel ESPN-W will debut on April 1 this year for paid subscribers and will be fully dedicated to broadcasting tennis matches of Williams sisters. "ESPN-W has figured out what US sports lovers wants" says T.Hissucks, director,Fully Rotten Broadcasting, a marketing research firm."This is a classic case of demand exceeding the supply.US Tennis lovers need more Williams tennis matches and ESPN-W aims to fill in that void.It is almost impossible for any other channel to pull this off" notes H.Aplessvuwer of the Tennis times magazine.

ESPN Tennis Program director Wewil kilu indicated that viewers can expect non stop williams matches interspersed with guest appearances by Lisa Raymond, Vania King, Kevin Kim Andy Roddick and other Us tennis players.Mr.Kilu also indicates that the channel will air special shows and one minute clinics. "In our previews we have seen tremendous response from our audience for 'Shove it down the throat' and 'Whack a linesmen' shows. With ESPN-W , Audience will never have to search for a Williams Tennis match."It doesnt matter what tournament is going on and which other players are in the line up.We will find out a way to show a williams match.If Williams sisters arent playing singles,double, exhibition or even practising, we will dust off the old tapes" confirms Kilu.

According to financial firm DowntheSink, ESPN-W will have an estimated viewership of 0.000000000000000001% and will be fully profitable in 10000000 years.

However not everyone is warm to ESPN's efforts. A law suit is being filed by TWforum's Williams fans.The law suit alleges that ESPN has been doing this kind of programming for several years and ESPN-W is merely an effort to make more money.Several members of the forum independently confirmed to our correspondent that "ESPN's definition of tennis is Williams sisters.I dont remember seeing any other tennis player on ESPN and the other day i didnt realize it was Roger Federer playing.ESPN quickly corrected the mistake and switched back to a Venus match for everyone's relief. I am not even sure how ESPN-W will be any different from ESPN". Commenting on this lawsuit spokesperson for ESPN ,I.gnoreU indicated that ESPN-W is a result of ESPN listening to user needs. "With ESPN-W , we can now occassionally show other US players on ESPN2. Granted we will still fill ESPN2 with Williams matches but we plan on allocating atleast 1% of airtime for other US players and 0.005% of airtime for Non Us Players. It is a tremendous oppurtunity for US audience to see other players play tennis".

T.Hissucks = This Sucks
H.Aplessvuwer = Hapless Viewer
Wewil kilu = We Will Kill You
I.gnoreU = Ignore You

Special thanks to raiden031 for the following post

Chadwixx 01-25-2010 05:46 PM


Originally Posted by Tennis_Monk (Post 4326164)
will debut on April 1 this year for paid subscribers

How surprising :roll:

Tc offers to stream it to fans for free but espn wont allow it, but you can pay for theirs...

Probably not gonna be able to stream wimbledon now. I hope the ibm us open hangs in there and doesnt allow espn to grace the fans with a ppv package.

djokovicgonzalez2010 01-25-2010 06:04 PM

best. post. ever. i loled

djokovicgonzalez2010 01-25-2010 06:37 PM

i hate them so. nbc worst of all though

BetterAtDoubles 01-25-2010 06:43 PM

Funny. I was just thinking they might as well rename their "Australian Open Coverage" to "Williams Sisters Coverage Regardless of Whether the Best Men in the World are Playing."

edmondsm 01-25-2010 06:45 PM

It doesn't say anything about coverage of crazy-*** Richard Williams. I'm not paying for it unless I am guaranteed video of Richard Williams calling some one a racist every 1/2 hour.

Vyse 01-25-2010 06:47 PM

Haha great stuff

Gen 01-25-2010 11:09 PM

Vow! WHole channel populated by this super-ugly family. Just great! Americans have a collection of serena-and-daddy tantrums plus venus-and-mommy pouting. I don't watch them even on free Eurosport, don't trust my gag reflex when seeing williamses.

Tennis_Monk 01-26-2010 03:11 AM

I was worried last night when watching Roddick Vs cilic about williams match. Sure enough ESPN cut off the Roddick-cilic match to show the Williams doubles. What a relief!.

Sure enough , i couldnt see some good points in Roddick-Cilic match. Who cares? I was able to see a wiliiams doubles points.

ttbrowne 01-26-2010 05:32 AM


(Laffing my tennis a** off)

cknobman 01-26-2010 05:51 AM

True greatness.

Good post I say......good post!!!!

kishnabe 01-26-2010 09:33 AM

Very Intersting post...I'd think this is a good decision by ESPN!

malakas 01-26-2010 09:35 AM


Good post

anantak2k 01-26-2010 02:14 PM


Great post.

Tennis_Monk 01-26-2010 05:28 PM


(in the event someone missed it because of a williams match)

DRII 01-26-2010 06:06 PM

Haters or racists much?

me thinks so!

kickenchiken92 01-26-2010 06:11 PM

Haha, I lawld. Is Gilbert commentating all the matches? :twisted:

Tennis_Monk 01-26-2010 06:13 PM


Originally Posted by DRII (Post 4332936)
Haters or racists much?

me thinks so!

The post is a lighter vein (poorly done ofcourse) satire on ESPN. Do some people hate ESPN?--you bet. I am not sure why racism is in picture. I thought all sports channels show all "races" .

djokovicgonzalez2010 01-26-2010 06:16 PM

Racist? Really?

kishnabe 01-26-2010 06:17 PM

If this was a true Idea---after venus match with Na Li... they might have to rethink their decision!

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