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-   -   Handshakes Should Be For Shutting Up (http://tt.tennis-warehouse.com/showthread.php?t=465339)

Cindysphinx 06-02-2013 07:06 AM

Handshakes Should Be For Shutting Up
 
One of my players told me about the end to a recent match.

Our gals lost. Opponents had played one player relentlessly, as she is a singles player who doesn't volley, doesn't transition, doesn't really get doubles.

During the handshake at the net, one opponent said to the singles player: "Keep working on it. You'll be really good someday."

The other opponent chimed in: "Yeah, we really targeted you."

What the heck?

Why be rude like that? It is often apparent who is the stronger player and who is struggling. If you picked on one player for the win, why embarrass her needlessly by laying responsibility on her, right out in public? Better to keep your assessments of your vanquished opponent's skills to yourself.

There seems to be an epidemic of this in ladies doubles. I have seen people do everything from diss a player's rating ("Oh, we thought your partner was the 4.0") to provide unsolicited stroke analysis ("You should toss the ball more to the right on your serve").

Me, I'm going to keep my post-match remarks limited to, "That was fun" or "Great match."

Gut4Tennis 06-02-2013 07:11 AM

egos are out of control

finally a thread I can fully agree with you

well said darling

LeftyRighty 06-02-2013 07:57 AM

Don't baby your players. If they have obvious weaknesses that the other players pick up on, what's more incentive to fix it than those people telling her the things they saw, and why they targeted her?

If it hurt her feelings or something, fine I guess. But if she gives up over hurt feelings then she will keep losing. If she can take those comments, hurtful and embarrassing or not...and turn it into things she fully works on, that will make her a strong winner at heart.

I think it's a good thing. An eye opener IMO.

Cindysphinx 06-02-2013 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeftyRighty (Post 7465111)
Don't baby your players. If they have obvious weaknesses that the other players pick up on, what's more incentive to fix it than those people telling her the things they saw, and why they targeted her?

If it hurt her feelings or something, fine I guess. But if she gives up over hurt feelings then she will keep losing. If she can take those comments, hurtful and embarrassing or not...and turn it into things she fully works on, that will make her a strong winner at heart.

I think it's a good thing. An eye opener IMO.

Oh, ugh.

Nobody likes middling rec players who have never coached a day in their lives who hand out unsolicited (and sometimes incorrect) advice.

If your vanquished opponents ask you what your strategy was, by all means tell them. If they ask you to explain how you hit X shot so well, do share.

Otherwise, assume they know which of their shots/skills didn't measure up and pipe down, IMHO.

LeftyRighty 06-02-2013 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cindysphinx (Post 7465020)
...she is a singles player who doesn't volley, doesn't transition, doesn't really get doubles.

During the handshake at the net, one opponent said to the singles player: "Keep working on it. You'll be really good someday."

The other opponent chimed in: "Yeah, we really targeted you."

What the heck?

Me, I'm going to keep my post-match remarks limited to, "That was fun" or "Great match."

If the match went badly, saying that was fun, is kinda rude...It's like saying...that was fun because it was soooo easy...or that was fun FOR ME, but i know not for you.

Saying great match, when it wasn't great, it was easy...is rude too. At least more rude than saying "keep working on it, you'll be really good someday".

That semi encouraging.

The bold comments I don't find rude, I find helpful. If I went for a handshake and someone said...."man we really targeted your forehand". Even if I knew I hit it out every forehand...That would make me focus on that.

Sometimes people that are coached, don't listen to coaches when they are too nice and polite. It takes a good loss and embarrassment to make someone believe that their faults are really their fault.

Gut4Tennis 06-02-2013 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LeftyRighty (Post 7466594)
If the match went badly, saying that was fun, is kinda rude...It's like saying...that was fun because it was soooo easy...or that was fun FOR ME, but i know not for you.

Saying great match, when it wasn't great, it was easy...is rude too. At least more rude than saying "keep working on it, you'll be really good someday".

That semi encouraging.

The bold comments I don't find rude, I find helpful. If I went for a handshake and someone said...."man we really targeted your forehand". Even if I knew I hit it out every forehand...That would make me focus on that.

Sometimes people that are coached, don't listen to coaches when they are too nice and polite. It takes a good loss and embarrassment to make someone believe that their faults are really their fault.

you make a good point

roman40 06-02-2013 04:12 PM

I agree with Cindy, if you can't say anything positive during handshake, don't say anything at all. Does Federer say "Thanks" or "Good match" to opponents he bagels? Yes, he does.

Advice is not wanted, unless it's requested.

NLBwell 06-02-2013 04:13 PM

Just don't worry about it, and all will be OK.

TTMR 06-02-2013 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roman40 (Post 7467110)
I agree with Cindy, if you can't say anything positive during handshake, don't say anything at all. Does Federer say "Thanks" or "Good match" to opponents he bagels? Yes, he does.

Advice is not wanted, unless it's requested.

I have no doubt that when Nadal and Federer shake hands after the usual outcome, Nadal says, "that backhand again, eh?"

roman40 06-02-2013 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TTMR (Post 7467179)
I have no doubt that when Nadal and Federer shake hands after the usual outcome, Nadal says, "that backhand again, eh?"

They are friends, so it would probably be alright, but I strongly doubt he would say anything like that.

Cindysphinx 06-02-2013 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TTMR (Post 7467179)
I have no doubt that when Nadal and Federer shake hands after the usual outcome, Nadal says, "that backhand again, eh?"

Hee! :)

Well done, sir.

Mike Hodge 06-02-2013 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cindysphinx (Post 7465020)
One of my players told me about the end to a recent match.

Our gals lost. Opponents had played one player relentlessly, as she is a singles player who doesn't volley, doesn't transition, doesn't really get doubles.

During the handshake at the net, one opponent said to the singles player: "Keep working on it. You'll be really good someday."

The other opponent chimed in: "Yeah, we really targeted you."

What the heck?

Why be rude like that? It is often apparent who is the stronger player and who is struggling. If you picked on one player for the win, why embarrass her needlessly by laying responsibility on her, right out in public? Better to keep your assessments of your vanquished opponent's skills to yourself.

There seems to be an epidemic of this in ladies doubles. I have seen people do everything from diss a player's rating ("Oh, we thought your partner was the 4.0") to provide unsolicited stroke analysis ("You should toss the ball more to the right on your serve").

Me, I'm going to keep my post-match remarks limited to, "That was fun" or "Great match."

I agree.
Anyone with half a brain knows they were targeted and why. The opponents were merely feathering their own nest. If a match is one sided, all one has to do is exchange a general pleasantry and leave it at that. Leave the coaching to the pros --- the people who do it for a living.
My motto: If I want instruction or analysis, I grab my checkbook.

sureshs 06-02-2013 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TTMR (Post 7467179)
I have no doubt that when Nadal and Federer shake hands after the usual outcome, Nadal says, "that backhand again, eh?"

No, he says "Smell it."

Gut4Tennis 06-02-2013 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NLBwell (Post 7467112)
Just don't worry about it, and all will be OK.

Ahhhh if it were only that simple

true true

Loose Cannon 06-02-2013 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sureshs (Post 7467378)
No, he says "Smell it."

eh.....missed its mark......

IA-SteveB 06-03-2013 05:38 AM

It wouldn't have bothered me a bit. For this being such a mental game, I don't get why any little thing gets people so riled up.

tennis_ocd 06-03-2013 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cindysphinx (Post 7466474)
Nobody likes middling rec players who have never coached a day in their lives who hand out unsolicited (and sometimes incorrect) advice.

Mixed feelings. I enjoy; encourage even, advice from some while dreading it from others. Strangers telling me to "keep at it" or "we were targeting you" wouldn't bother me in the slightest. (Unless I felt I was the stronger partner! Then it's painful assessment time.) There is a social aspect to the game.

It's not as if they publicly announced to the world they can't volley, transition, or get doubles. ;)

NTexas 06-03-2013 09:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cindysphinx (Post 7465020)
"Keep working on it. You'll be really good someday."

The other opponent chimed in: "Yeah, we really targeted you."

."

A lot of this matters how it was said also. If it was said in a nice manner than it is ok. But if said just being rude, than its not cool at all.

dcdoorknob 06-04-2013 06:27 AM

To me, hearing 'keep at it' after just being beaten soundly just comes off as patronizing.

The 'we were targeting you' isn't so much patronizing as it probably is just redundant. If you just spent the whole match hitting 80% of the time to me, you can rest assured I already noticed.

tennixpl 06-06-2013 11:48 AM

no right answer.
i never say anything like that unless its asked. If its a true slaughter nothing needs said. if you were able to take advantage of something than the person probably knows and if not should ask. unsolicited advice is just patronizing. only time ill say its okay is if its not advice but observation of some minor tweak the player could have done to beat you, the nit essentially become a compliment bc you are acknowledging it was close and they could have won, but even then its cool not say anything.

had a guy once keep hitting to my forehand and i was killing him with it. i felt so bad i wanted to pause the match and even ask him why he wasn't hitting more to my backhand? he didn't otherwise seem like he couldn't if he wanted too. but that would have been patronizing and rude during and would have been patronizing and rude afterwards too. didn't say good match said "thanks for the match" i meant it and no more was said....


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