Based on my experience, it sounds like most of you either 1) live in areas where there are lots of hard-to-get-along-with people or 2) make this way more complicated than it is.
I live in a community with one tennis facility, but it is terrific. I have never spoken to anyone who wanted to play that was left off a team. We often have individuals call the tennis center to play USTA tennis and they get put on a team. We limit the number of players on a team to 14. Many players show up on league night even if they are not scheduled to play. The extras will find a court and get up a game. I have captained 2 teams and played on about 5 others over the last two years. To my knowledge, everybody is pretty easygoing about where they play and who they play with. We do have some that prefer singles to dbls or vice versa. I feel fortunate compared to some of you guys.
Now the ladies leagues? That's another story...