to start with your last point, yes learning to kill these smashes from the baseline is the key, no reason for your opponents to stop doing it when you said yourself its "working". while your learning and getting a feel for this shot, I always felt a "slice serve" type shot is the easiest way to safely hit this shot and still be on the offensive. I still hit this type from time to time if im not feeling confident or slightly off on a particular day.
anticipating the lob to the backhand side and getting around it to hit a smash or at least a forehand should be the goal. Other than that, all you can do is work on your backhand. If you have a good slice or topspin, you could hit it low to the net guy. He cant play to close to the net or you would easily lob him, so that low shot you hit will likely set up a tough volley for him. If your parnter at the net knows what hes doing, hell be ready to cut off the volley that will have to be hit up and set up an easy volley for him.