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Old 10-09-2012, 01:13 PM   #45991
sapient007
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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Sit close, but not too close. If you can seat yourself, don’t pick a table too far from the action. Even a little bit of walking will contribute to your fatigue levels. At the same time, don’t sit two feet from the food stations because all those smells will hit you at once and wreak havoc on your olfaction.

First stop: meat. The ham, beef, and chicken will likely be tucked away in the far corner from where you’re seated, but that should be your first target. Soups, breads, pastas, and rice are simply road blocks intended to fill you up quickly and save the restaurant money


Your beverage of choice: nothing. Drink as little as possible. Liquids take up space in your stomach that could be better used for food. If you must, pour yourself a half glass of water and take a sip after every plate–just enough to cleanse your palate for the next round.

Second stop: meat. Seriously, load up on meat if you want your money’s worth. At full-service carving stations, let the carver keep loading your plate until it’s full of dead animal. Don’t be tempted to shove some mashed potatoes on the side to fill the gap in that plate.

Third stop: meat. Or maybe seafood. Just don’t fall for those generic-looking white fish fillets you’ll sometimes see. They usually taste terrible and are cheaper than tender slices of beef.

Fourth stop: something else. If you’re still eating after downing a few pounds of pork and poultry, you’re probably close to breaking even. Feel free to sample some of the other wares.

Bread should still be a no-no because it’s dirt cheap and will fill your tummy faster than you can say “I gotta puke.”
Take a break. Now is probably a good time to break out that book and pause for a bit. Avoid the temptation to down a mug of soda. The only digestive aid you should use right now is time.

Fifth through ??? stops: victory! Once you’ve gotten your money’s worth, it’s time to celebrate your win. Grab a brownie, smother it with ice cream, toss on every topping in sight, and top it all off with a big slice of roast beef. Mmmmm.
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