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Old 11-23-2012, 01:04 PM   #1315
yourmailman
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Default ACME announces new tennis gear ...

Today, ACME announced a new barrage of tennis gear and clothing that should be on the market by the first of the year.

The flagship of their racquet line will be the Wascally Wacquet. A medium powered 95" beauty that will be predominantly grey with orange highlights.
The Wascally will additionally come in three other sizes, 98", 102", and the 108" model for older player.

In addition, they announced a clothing line based on their number one customer, Wile E Coyote. They will be offering polos and crews in mostly brown, with areas of tan and white. Much like the famous LaCoste emblem, these smart looking outfits will have a likeness of Mr. Coyote on the left breast area. The will also sport a SUPER GENIUS patch on the right sleeve.

As mentioned above, various grades of string will be offered as well. The roadrunner red co-poly (tentatively called "Meep-Meep"), and the Tasmanian Devil textured string just called "Spinner". There is also a natural gut string that is reportedly made of duck (when in season). All racquets are designed to be strung at between 30 and 35 pounds.

Not stopping there, ACME will also introduce a highly technical ball machine that can shoot balls at over 100 mph, and double as a rocket for chasing down your opponent after the match.

For the kids, two lines will be produced ... the "Tweety" for 21" and 23" racquets, and the "Chicken Hawk" for 25" racquets.

As for shoes, ACME has leaked rumors of rocket powered sneakers to help slower players move around the court. These may be a little late coming to market, due to "faulty shut off switches". Insider reports claim that Mr. Coyote was seriously injured when his rocket shoes failed to shut down, and he was propelled through 6 fences and the side of the clubhouse.

Preliminary sketches of the racquets show the possibility of add-ons such as a laser sight, and tuners.

ACME spokesman Elmer Fudd issued a statement earlier today stating that he thought "The new ACME tennis line will change the game in a vewy wadical way. We can't wait to see how Woger Fedewew and **** like our innowations."

ACME CEO Porky T. Pig closed the press conference with his now famous "Ba-da, ba-da,ba-dat's all folks!"

Mr. Fudd added "Be vewy, vewy quiet .... I'm hunting winners."
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Last edited by yourmailman : 11-23-2012 at 01:12 PM.
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