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Old 01-12-2013, 06:16 AM   #42
slice bh compliment
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,000

Originally Posted by Colin View Post
Don't worry. All you need is love, according to the Beatles. And all I need is one of Rogi's exhibition checks and I'd be able to open up my dream tennis-karaoke bar, where one is free to belt out his favorite Celine Dion ballads while watching a French Open final.

Until then, I have some songs to dedicate. They're not about tennis per se, but then the indie pop band Tennis really wasn't either. So ...

To Rogi, upon the occasion of his retirement (10 years hence): A very emotional, nostalgic, tear-adorned Bette Midler-ific "Wind Beneath My Wings" (I can fly higher than a Golden Eagle ...). It's too bad I have to take such a Dude-in-"Big Lebowski" hard line against the Eagles because of the titular possibilities, but I simply must for the sake of musical propriety.

To Monfils, upon his next loss: "Tears of a Clown," Smokey Robinson

To Nadal and Djokovic, upon their next six-hour final: "Wasted Hours," Arcade Fire (Or, if the knees are busted up, "Sunday Bloody Sunday." Sure, it wouldn't work for the U.S. Open final because "Monday Bloody Monday" is a terrible idea, but "how long must we sing this song?" is quite apt at the five-hour mark.)

To Venus and Serena, upon their next doubles pairing: "Sister of Mercy," Leonard Cohen (ironically)

To Isner and Raonic, upon their next hitting session: Medley of "Gotta Serve Somebody," Bob Dylan, "No Return," The Kinks and "8 Miles High," The Byrds

To Vera Zvonera, upon facing her next break point: "19th Nervous Breakdown," The Rolling Stones (though I may be underselling her)

To Maria and Vika, upon their next meeting: "Shout," Tears for Fears (These are the things we can do without!) followed by Sonic Youth's "Wh*res Moaning" EP

To Tipsy, upon his next match retirement (any day now): "I Started Something I Couldn't Finish," The Smiths and "Bigmouth Strikes Again" any time he tries to pseudo-philosophize (speaking of which ...)

To Caroline Wozniacki, upon her next press conference: "Don't Speak," No Doubt, followed by theme to "Kangaroo Jack" for her memorable faux-marsupial attack

To Verdasco, upon his next match or underwear-modeling session: "Just Lose It," Eminem

To Rogi, upon his next tournament indoors: "The Way I Feel Inside," The Zombies

To Rafa, upon the long-awaited arrival of the clay season: "Dirty Mind," Prince

To Andy Murray, upon his next didn't-bother-to-shave-or-shower court appearance: "Come as You Are," Nirvana ("And I swear that I don't have a razor")

To Djokovic, upon his next impression: "The Joker," Steve Miller Band, but if it's his scary reminiscent-of-the-mother-in-"Psycho" take on Sharapova, I'd have to go with Smiths again and "That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore"

Hell, I might just have to do a whole Smiths night: "What Difference Does it Make" (Ferrer tries to beat Federer), "Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before" (Ferrer tries to beat Rafa on clay), "Panic" (lineswoman calls a foot fault on Serena) and "Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me" (Andy Murray, unfortunately it was Judy).

BONUS: To the organizers of a Middle East invitational, upon the next occasion you badmouth/exclude a legend and have your star pull out with a faked virus: "Atrocity Exhibition," Joy Division
I just wanted to recognize the fact that Colin's post took a lot of effort and creativity. Salute!

I was playing/traveling when Morrissey's hitEvery Day is Like Sunday was popular. Had it on a mixtape. Literally an actual mixtape. I took it as telling me even a match in the qualys is like a final.

Oh, and anyone remember Fly Monica Fly, a hit right around this time of year in Oz about 15 years ago.

The Kind That Could by a band called .rod laver. I don't really like that kind of music, I kind of just want a concert tee, though. Maybe green with a white adidas trefoil and the band's name under it.

Mack The Knife, by various artists in the 60s (Ella Fitzgerald, Satch, Sinatra, Bobby Darin, guys like that). I always felt they ought to change the spelling to Mac the knife in honor of the man's netgame.

Love Removal Machine by the Cult, in honor of what every tennis player wants to remove from the score on the first serve of every game.

Oh, and the song for when people wuz writing Andre Agassi off those last couple of years he was lightin' up the Oz Open: Forgot About Dre by Dr. Dre.

Insane in the Brain by Cypress Hll
Public Enemy Number 1 by Public Enemy
The Jean Genie by David Bowie
Rebirth of Slick by Digable Planets
People are Strange by the Doors

The above five songs are about Marcelo Rios and Ilie Nastase.

Beastie Boys, She's Crafty, in honor of Martina Hingis and Maria Bueno.

Kinky Afro by Happy Mondays, in honor of Serena's best hairdo back when she kep' it real.

KRS - One, I'm Still #1, in honor of RF's two recent victories in slams over Djokovic.
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