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Old 01-27-2013, 09:18 PM   #8
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 1,039

I agree, though I also think the aliens are partly to blame, by using their mothership's advanced meteorological weaponry to adjust the wind level and temperatures to suit Novak's game. I have no doubt, with the help of their Scientology unit on Earth, these extraterrestrials — who were also responsible for the JFK assassination, 9/11 and the failed Justin Bieber castration-murder plot, by the way — also brought Djokovic onboard their floating city to spend a day in their blood-cleansing chamber and to luxuriate in the gluten-free buffet.

But that, my friend, is only the tip of a vast multinational corporate conspiracy. Last month, the heads of the Five Fed Families — Rolex, Lindt, Gillette, Mercedes and Nike — met in Geneva (Credit Suisse and Moet were allowed only to teleconference). They decided to chip in another $50 million for Federer to do three things to ensure a Djokovic win: 1. Spur his compatriot Stan Wawrinka to fall in any potential fifth set with Novak. 2. To take Murray to the limit in the semifinal and tire him. 3. To make sure he himself isn't in the final, where his desire to win the title could trump his bonus package.

And that's only the recent planning. Ten months ago, Serbian special forces were dispatched to a fishing village in Spain to inject Rafa with a nerve agent to weaken his knees and make sure he wouldn't be able to seek revenge in a six-hour final.

Granted, it's a lot of work to guarantee one man's victory, but quite worth it, I think.
Colin is offline   Reply With Quote