couple of random thoughts.
1 - women care a lot more than guys about the rating number (3.0, 3.5, 4.0, 4.5) than winning.
2 - men want to play at the lowest rating level they possibly can while not being completely bored and winning 75% - 100% of their matches. higher being better.
3 - playing up is the fastest way to get bumped up but nobody at the higher level wants to play someone who is playing up.
4 - OP wants a competitive match with someone so she can hopefully move her dynamic rating high enuff to eventually get bumped up to 3.5 ....
BUT doesn't want to play someone who is playing up and is also trying to raise her dynamic rating high enuff to get bumped up to 3.0.