dealing with losing a match

patty_mnouchkine · 01-09-2011, 05:34 AM

Hi everyone, i am kind of an increasingly obsessed individual. If i love something i like to be the best at it. Tennis is something i love watching but when it comes to playing the game i dont have the right attitude. i experience such high degree of emotions. Its terrible. When i lose a match its like i hit rock bottom. i sink sink and sink into depression. and i carry that burden the next day i get ready for a match. although i know the fault lies with me not improving my game or technique and not necessarily how my opponent is playing. but i would really like to know how you all cope with loses. i only play recreational tennis at a local club but every match i play is something special for me. something i would like to win and feel good about myself.

dozu · 01-09-2011, 05:40 AM

you know yourself very well... so 2 things

1 - set other priorities in life higher than tennis... look as long as you are not #1 in the world, there will always be people who can kick you rear... so losing is perfectly normal and you know that.... you feel good about yourself because of who you are, not how you play this stupid little game.

2 - you haven't lost enough... you need to experience more losses so that you are desensitized to it.

patty_mnouchkine · 01-09-2011, 05:41 AM

as an after thought i should say that yesterday was really bad. since there was no one umpiring the match well i did some really cheap things like calling a ball out when it was well inside. only to get some cheap points and feel better.
i ended up feeling no miserable after that that i let my opponent win all the points in the TB

jester911 · 01-09-2011, 02:10 PM

There are a couple things to do to help your attitude. Try to have the outlook that your grateful to have the opportunity to play tennis. It would not be hard to imagine a cause for never being able to play again. Your fortunate that life offers you a way to do something you love doing.

The next thing to do is to quit putting so much pressure on yourself to perform. That pressure causes tension that does not allow you to relax. In order to perform at the level your capable of you must have the ability to relax.

Now this is the hardest part of the equation. You must try to quit thinking about the outcome. That means the outcome of the point, the game, or the match.

What you want to do is just try to perform the best of your ability at each moment and only think about hitting the ball. Don't think about the ball you just hit. Don't think about one your going to hit in the future. Just the one that is in front of you right now. Even if you lose the point, the game or the match if you can look back later and honestly say you played as well as you could at that moment you will forgive yourself.

Training your mind is really not much different than training your muscles. It takes just as much practice to do it and some days it will perform better than others.
It is possible to play well and relax and have fun all at the same time. The secret is to live and play in the exact moment you are in and quit focusing on the past or the future.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

ollinger · 01-09-2011, 02:18 PM

Get some therapy. You've deluded yourself into thinking this is about being the best, which it isn't, because calling good balls out means you have a need to win even if you aren't the best -- winning by cheating would of course not be indicative that you're the best. That something as trivial as a tennis match can affect your mood so much may indicate a latent mood disorder for which you should see a good psychotherapist.

ProgressoR · 01-09-2011, 10:00 PM

Get A Grip

Tennis is not your problem.

Larrysümmers · 01-09-2011, 10:27 PM

Calling Dr. Phil...

Bud · 01-10-2011, 07:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patty_mnouchkine

Hi everyone, i am kind of an increasingly obsessed individual. If i love something i like to be the best at it. Tennis is something i love watching but when it comes to playing the game i don't have the right attitude. i experience such high degree of emotions. Its terrible. When i lose a match its like i hit rock bottom. i sink sink and sink into depression. and i carry that burden the next day i get ready for a match. although i know the fault lies with me not improving my game or technique and not necessarily how my opponent is playing. but i would really like to know how you all cope with loses. i only play recreational tennis at a local club but every match i play is something special for me. something i would like to win and feel good about myself.

Perhaps this may help put things in perspective:

► There will always be someone better at it than you (even Nadal/Federer lose)
► You'll never be a professional tour player
► To most opponents you will win and lose but rarely always win
► It's only a game so enjoy it

How long have you been playing and what is your approximate level?

Fedace · 01-10-2011, 07:12 AM

Keep playing and always strive to improve. If you win everytime and beat everybody, then you are not improving. and That is much more boring and won't be fun.
Tennis is a good way to relieve stress from other aspects of your life. Hitting the tennis ball is much better than taking out your stresses on your wife or girlfriend.
So continue playing and have Fun and always strive to improve and always remember that if you win everytime then the game will become very boring very fast.

mucat · 01-10-2011, 09:29 AM

Unless you are Fed or Nad, you shouldn't need to deal or worry about losing a match. Afterall, you will be losing very often, as often as changing underpants. So get used to it.

XFactorer · 01-10-2011, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bud

Perhaps this may help put things in perspective:

► There will always be someone better at it than you (even Nadal/Federer lose)
► You'll never be a professional tour player
► To most opponents you will win and lose but rarely always win
► It's only a game so enjoy it

How long have you been playing and what is your approximate level?

Well put.

I'm going through my Ivanovic phase right now. Or shall I say Safina?

I'm racking up a lot of losses and the culprit is confidence to hit my shots.

patty_mnouchkine · 01-11-2011, 02:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bud

Perhaps this may help put things in perspective:

► There will always be someone better at it than you (even Nadal/Federer lose)
► You'll never be a professional tour player
► To most opponents you will win and lose but rarely always win
► It's only a game so enjoy it

How long have you been playing and what is your approximate level?

thanks for writing. i have been playing for about 7 months now. i'd probably be at 2.5...anyway the way i am dealing with it now i am letting my opponent get away with all the points. i am ignoring the faults and calling the serves an ace. i want to lose so much i really dont care about losing. i know this way i am going to lose the charm of the game but despite all my reasoning when i am on court hearing 0 40 on my service game really really hurts.

stanton warrior · 01-11-2011, 04:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by patty_mnouchkine

thanks for writing. i have been playing for about 7 months now. i'd probably be at 2.5...anyway the way i am dealing with it now i am letting my opponent get away with all the points. i am ignoring the faults and calling the serves an ace. i want to lose so much i really dont care about losing. i know this way i am going to lose the charm of the game but despite all my reasoning when i am on court hearing 0 40 on my service game really really hurts.

You're taking tennis way too seriously...

I've been playing for about 2 years and until a few months ago 0-40 on my serve meant a near certain break. Which didn't hurt but ****ed me off, and it led to going for way too much on those breakpoints.

These days I've got a much better serve and forehand and I feel like I can still salvage those kind of games. Maybe not every time but often enough to focus 100% on every breakpoint.

I used to lose against all kind of players I felt I should be beating. Heck, one girl beat me like 6 time in a row, and she let me knew that she was enjoying it.. Every single ****ing time!

What I did was working on my serve, getting fitter and playing more, not just matches but also specific trainings on the forehand, backhand, slice, return and so on.
Now I can crush my previous "nemesis" 6-3 6-2 without playing my best. And you know what, it's boring!

I now play against better players who can kick my *** 1 and 2 if I'm not fully focused and that gives me motiviation to get even better.

01-09-2011, 05:41 AM	#3
patty_mnouchkine Semi-Pro Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 467	as an after thought i should say that yesterday was really bad. since there was no one umpiring the match well i did some really cheap things like calling a ball out when it was well inside. only to get some cheap points and feel better. i ended up feeling no miserable after that that i let my opponent win all the points in the TB __________________ The sweet symphony of the supreme Spaniard has been silenced by the skinny swine from Srbija

01-09-2011, 02:18 PM	#5
ollinger Hall Of Fame Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 4,429	Get some therapy. You've deluded yourself into thinking this is about being the best, which it isn't, because calling good balls out means you have a need to win even if you aren't the best -- winning by cheating would of course not be indicative that you're the best. That something as trivial as a tennis match can affect your mood so much may indicate a latent mood disorder for which you should see a good psychotherapist. __________________ Angell 105 WC Silverstring

01-09-2011, 10:00 PM	#6
ProgressoR Hall Of Fame Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: No Man's Land Posts: 1,538	Get A Grip Tennis is not your problem. __________________ Those who say it is not equipment that makes the player, clearly do not understand the importance of the right sweat band

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