I fell in love with a married woman.

ninman · 07-01-2012, 04:07 AM

Ok, let me preface this story by saying that I did not know she was married.

I saw this woman at work, she smiled at me and I just fell in love with her instantly. She just gave me a really, really strong feeling. From then on we'd say hi and smile whenever we saw each other.

One day after work I saw her walking home by herself, so I ran up to her and started talking to her. We got on great, I really great. She invited me to dinner, and gave me every indication that she liked me a lot.

For example, she told me she could hear me singing in my office, and thought it was cute, she thinks I'm handsome and extremely attractive and lots of other similar compliments.

I told her about my favourite movie ever called Life is Beautiful, in it the main character Guido falls in love with a woman at first sight and calls her "Princess" because he joked with children that he was a Prince then she fell out of a window and caught her.

That night online I told her I had found my princess, but she thought I was talking about someone else. Then she said "you, her, my husband and I should get together and the 4 of us can have dinner".

When I read that I was crushed, totally. Now I just feel the deepest darkest despair. I'm not sure what to do. I mean she even liked it when I started imparting all of my tennis knowledge to her, and she also told me she likes to play tennis.

It's going to take me a long time to get over this one, but I just don't understand why I have such horrible luck.

Sentinel · 07-01-2012, 04:20 AM

No No, ninman. Let me be absolutely blunt for your benefit. No crap.

It will not take you a long time to get over this. You think this. Don't make a drama out of this. If you do, then it will take forever.

Quote:

I saw this woman at work, she smiled at me and I just fell in love with her instantly.

It's good you have been honest about this. YOU DO NOT LOVE HER. This is just some infatuation. Your mind is making it up. You are just pretending you have some insufficiency and she can complete it. IT WILL NOT LAST.

Please do not cheat yourself by thinking this is love. You will ruin several years of your life thinking you love her, and you cannot get over it, and life has been unfair etc etc.

Be honest with yourself if you want to be happy. Don't betray yourself with all this nonsense that you've picked up from movies and books and peers -- about falling in love, and finding the perfect partner, and being devastated and being jilted and all that.

Mister drool · 07-01-2012, 04:25 AM

that is uhn... that is a bummer dude.
i guess a boken heart is worse than a broken string hm...
in a years time you wont mind so much, but until then take it easy and go have a drink with your friends

El Diablo · 07-01-2012, 04:25 AM

As noted, this is not love but an enfatuation, an enchantment. Your misfortune may not be what you call your bad luck but rather some lack of maturity. Love develops, it does not smack you in the face the moment you meet someone -- that 's a sign of your own neediness. You will NOT have trouble getting over this, particularly when you come across someone else you are attracted to. Satisfy your need for excitement in your life by taking out some demos -- it works for TripleB every year!!

The Bawss · 07-01-2012, 04:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sentinel

No No, ninman. Let me be absolutely blunt for your benefit. No crap.

It will not take you a long time to get over this. You think this. Don't make a drama out of this. If you do, then it will take forever.
It's good you have been honest about this. YOU DO NOT LOVE HER. This is just some infatuation. Your mind is making it up. You are just pretending you have some insufficiency and she can complete it. IT WILL NOT LAST.

Please do not cheat yourself by thinking this is love. You will ruin several years of your life thinking you love her, and you cannot get over it, and life has been unfair etc etc.

Be honest with yourself if you want to be happy. Don't betray yourself with all this nonsense that you've picked up from movies and books and peers -- about falling in love, and finding the perfect partner, and being devastated and being jilted and all that.

This is truth.

ninman · 07-01-2012, 04:31 AM

I should add that I live in China and she's Chinese. When I talked to her she told me her ambition is to work for a bank in China, when she said that I got this horrible feeling that things wouldn't work out.

I have no plans to stay in China indefinitely, it's just temporary, I really want to move to Taiwan at some point in the future.

Yeah I think I've watched too many movies about romance and falling in love etc, perhaps a little brainwashed, but yeah I did feel pretty down for a while.

ninman · 07-01-2012, 04:37 AM

Thanks for the advice guys, I feel better already. Frustrating thing is she's perhaps a little overly friendly, she said I'm "family" and we can be very close friends etc.

Sentinel · 07-01-2012, 04:48 AM

ninman, maybe we all go through such a phase in our life, and some of us grow out of it. I know a lot of people who do not, they just go from one "love affair" to another each time thinking this is the perfect one. Each time they waste several years of their life and blame the other person.

Anyway, I assume you are quite lonely there and don't have many friends. Just log in here, and have a good time with us. Just because we are "digital" or "cyber" does not mean we aren't real people.

I went through many such relationships in my late teens and early twenties. Thankfully I am out of it but it's painful to see others getting trapped into this "false promise" the mind makes of someone else giving you "heaven".

If you send me an email, using my profile I can share a couple of things with you which can make a world of a difference.

Take care, Senti.

ninman · 07-01-2012, 04:50 AM

Thanks I really appreciate it, I just need to ask, how are you supposed to meet somebody?

JLDN · 07-01-2012, 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sentinel

No No, ninman. Let me be absolutely blunt for your benefit. No crap.

It will not take you a long time to get over this. You think this. Don't make a drama out of this. If you do, then it will take forever.
It's good you have been honest about this. YOU DO NOT LOVE HER. This is just some infatuation. Your mind is making it up. You are just pretending you have some insufficiency and she can complete it. IT WILL NOT LAST.

Please do not cheat yourself by thinking this is love. You will ruin several years of your life thinking you love her, and you cannot get over it, and life has been unfair etc etc.

Be honest with yourself if you want to be happy. Don't betray yourself with all this nonsense that you've picked up from movies and books and peers -- about falling in love, and finding the perfect partner, and being devastated and being jilted and all that.

Excellent post, excellent advice. Well done indeed.

ninman · 07-01-2012, 05:34 AM

Hey I updated my profile so you can email me with those things you wanted to share Sentinel. I'd really appreciate it thanks a lot.

Fraser

Mister drool · 07-01-2012, 05:50 AM

Well i do believe that a man and a woman can actually be friends WITHOUT the sexual or love tension between them. Some call this the friendzone (fear), but anyway, I have a friend that is actually some sort of specialist in bang*ng married women… he is a great kid, but he always finds himself in the MOST awkward situations, and believe you me, you do not want to be in one of those!
Like I said, you got friends, you should go out, have a laugh about this in a month time or so, you will feel better
Right now it can be though, but we tennis players are tough guys, I mean, we watch boring nadal games (sorry rafa) and endure it like champs, you can survive anything!!

If times get rough, go out and run 5km, you will feel better… I mean tired….

And better

tistrapukcipeht · 07-01-2012, 06:33 AM

Interesting subject, what you have is a crush, that feels like it is love but it isn't as soon as you find somebody attractive who treats you how you like, gives you attention enough how you want, you'll have another crush that can become love.

As far as you described, she is attracted to you, but she is married, so don't waste your time and effort on that, that are millions of girls out there that can make your head spin in all directions.

You need to meet single ones that you like, remember attraction can be triggered as well, it's not only pre-set .

Sentinel · 07-01-2012, 06:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ninman

Hey I updated my profile so you can email me with those things you wanted to share Sentinel. I'd really appreciate it thanks a lot.

Fraser

I've sent you a longish email. Hope it makes sense

and doesn't contain too much in too small a space.

Bartelby · 07-01-2012, 06:58 AM

This was love, ninman, albeit erotic love, which lasts about two years according to research and then follows the love based on friendship often mistakenly referred to as love itself whereas erotic love is seen as infatuation.

She didn't think you were talking about someone else, she just pretended such so that she could tell you she's married. I think she wants you, but peril awaits.

OldFedIsOld · 07-01-2012, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bartelby

This was love, ninman, albeit erotic love, which lasts about two years according to research and then follows the love based on friendship often mistakenly referred to as love itself whereas erotic love is seen as infatuation.

She didn't think you were talking about someone else, she just pretended such so that she could tell you she's married. I think she wants you, but peril awaits.

Angry homicidal husband or crazy nymphomaniac woman, pick your poison.

As Admiral Akbar says: "It's a trap!!!" There are a lot more fish out in the sea OP.

Dedans Penthouse · 07-01-2012, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bartelby

She didn't think you were talking about someone else, she just pretended such so that she could tell you she's married. I think she wants you, but peril awaits.

^^^^ This +1.

Too many exchanges before the "oh btw, I'm married" came out of her mouth, yes her mouth, a mouth capable of ..... *cue: dreamy harp arpeggios ......

She's married? Run for the hills. Totally off-limits.

SwankPeRFection · 07-01-2012, 08:15 AM

Is she older than you or seem more independant than most women your age? If so, than it's not uncommon for these types of women to invite men to dinner and compliment them innocently. Those things don't mean they want a relationship with you beyond friends. After all, you can compliment your friends right?

Do the right thing, leave it at that. Have respect for her husband.... even if this isn't what I said above and she doesn't. If a woman is married or involved and she wants to start another relationship that goes beyond friends, then she should break it off with her previous involvement first.

SFrazeur · 07-01-2012, 09:07 AM

The Odds & Ends section has fallen to a new low.

-SF

Larrysümmers · 07-01-2012, 09:12 AM

well dont stop. keep going until you have her in the sack. dont commit to her because she'd probably cheat on you as well. another thing. dont put all of your emotional eggs in one basket. you will get crushed

07-01-2012, 04:07 AM	#1
ninman Hall Of Fame Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Xi'An China Posts: 3,890	I fell in love with a married woman. Ok, let me preface this story by saying that I did not know she was married. I saw this woman at work, she smiled at me and I just fell in love with her instantly. She just gave me a really, really strong feeling. From then on we'd say hi and smile whenever we saw each other. One day after work I saw her walking home by herself, so I ran up to her and started talking to her. We got on great, I really great. She invited me to dinner, and gave me every indication that she liked me a lot. For example, she told me she could hear me singing in my office, and thought it was cute, she thinks I'm handsome and extremely attractive and lots of other similar compliments. I told her about my favourite movie ever called Life is Beautiful, in it the main character Guido falls in love with a woman at first sight and calls her "Princess" because he joked with children that he was a Prince then she fell out of a window and caught her. That night online I told her I had found my princess, but she thought I was talking about someone else. Then she said "you, her, my husband and I should get together and the 4 of us can have dinner". When I read that I was crushed, totally. Now I just feel the deepest darkest despair. I'm not sure what to do. I mean she even liked it when I started imparting all of my tennis knowledge to her, and she also told me she likes to play tennis. It's going to take me a long time to get over this one, but I just don't understand why I have such horrible luck.

07-01-2012, 04:25 AM	#4
El Diablo Hall Of Fame Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 3,088	As noted, this is not love but an enfatuation, an enchantment. Your misfortune may not be what you call your bad luck but rather some lack of maturity. Love develops, it does not smack you in the face the moment you meet someone -- that 's a sign of your own neediness. You will NOT have trouble getting over this, particularly when you come across someone else you are attracted to. Satisfy your need for excitement in your life by taking out some demos -- it works for TripleB every year!! __________________ "I may be synthetic but I'm not stupid" Bishop, in "Aliens"

07-01-2012, 04:48 AM	#8
Sentinel Talk Tennis Guru Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Shutter Island, unfortunately ... Posts: 23,334	ninman, maybe we all go through such a phase in our life, and some of us grow out of it. I know a lot of people who do not, they just go from one "love affair" to another each time thinking this is the perfect one. Each time they waste several years of their life and blame the other person. Anyway, I assume you are quite lonely there and don't have many friends. Just log in here, and have a good time with us. Just because we are "digital" or "cyber" does not mean we aren't real people. I went through many such relationships in my late teens and early twenties. Thankfully I am out of it but it's painful to see others getting trapped into this "false promise" the mind makes of someone else giving you "heaven". If you send me an email, using my profile I can share a couple of things with you which can make a world of a difference. Take care, Senti. __________________ Nobody knows where you are, how near or how far.

07-01-2012, 05:34 AM	#11
ninman Hall Of Fame Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Xi'An China Posts: 3,890	Hey I updated my profile so you can email me with those things you wanted to share Sentinel. I'd really appreciate it thanks a lot. Fraser Last edited by ninman : 07-01-2012 at 05:39 AM.

07-01-2012, 06:33 AM	#13
tistrapukcipeht Professional Join Date: Mar 2012 Posts: 1,060	Interesting subject, what you have is a crush, that feels like it is love but it isn't as soon as you find somebody attractive who treats you how you like, gives you attention enough how you want, you'll have another crush that can become love. As far as you described, she is attracted to you, but she is married, so don't waste your time and effort on that, that are millions of girls out there that can make your head spin in all directions. You need to meet single ones that you like, remember attraction can be triggered as well, it's not only pre-set . __________________ 2X YY 97T 310 with YY PTSPIN 49/45. (Ezones Xi put away for now) 1x Yonex Ezone Xi Team Plus (Poly HS 54/50) for doubles---Yonex SHT 308!