I fell in love with a married woman.

[Mick]

some years ago, i worked at this company and these guys were flirting with this one woman at lunch time. After she left, I asked the guys, "you know she's married, right?" and one of them responded, "Sure. We only like married women."

[Fugazi]

Originally Posted by ninman

Thanks for the advice guys, I feel better already. Frustrating thing is she's perhaps a little overly friendly, she said I'm "family" and we can be very close friends etc.

If you can find a way to tell/write her that you're uncomfortable being her friend because you have other feelings for her, I believe it could help either distance yourself from all this suffering or, in the best scenario, it could lead her to express her true feelings for you (whatever they are).

[Talker]

What a bad situation.
She may want to have a fling but it's your time that's being wasted.
I wouldn't want that kind of relationship, too many perceived bad things can happen and you'll probably feel miserable much of the time.

Better to find something that will have a better possible conclusion.

She didn't think you were talking about someone else, she just pretended such so that she could tell you she's married. I think she wants you, but peril awaits.

I suspect this is most probable.

[ninman]

Originally Posted by SwankPeRFection

Is she older than you or seem more independant than most women your age? If so, than it's not uncommon for these types of women to invite men to dinner and compliment them innocently. Those things don't mean they want a relationship with you beyond friends. After all, you can compliment your friends right?

Do the right thing, leave it at that. Have respect for her husband.... even if this isn't what I said above and she doesn't. If a woman is married or involved and she wants to start another relationship that goes beyond friends, then she should break it off with her previous involvement first.

She's about 4 years younger than me actually, doing a masters degree. I should point out that I have a PhD and am a lecturer so in a way I'm kind of her "superior".

She definitely gave me the impression that she was very seriously into me. I should say I have Asperger's so I may be misinterpreting her actions, but I said to her (this was way before she mentioned she was married btw) "would you like to come around to my house for dinner, I can cook for you?" and she gave me a huge grin and said "yes".

I did think maybe she had a bf before I talked to her, but I wasn't sure. I saw her hanging out with this guy sometimes, like they would leave together to go to classes or something. But my friends told me that based on the way she was looking at me and how she reacted when she saw me that she was probably single.

Yeah kind of gutted, but life goes on. I do feel a bit more confident about myself though. I never used to think of myself at being attractive, so if one person finds me attractive then other people will, so it was a good thing in that respect. But yeah I certainly won't be going beyond friends with her that's for sure, I just see no good that can come from it.

[MarinaHighTennis]

Originally Posted by ninman

She's about 4 years younger than me actually, doing a masters degree. I should point out that I have a PhD and am a lecturer so in a way I'm kind of her "superior".

She definitely gave me the impression that she was very seriously into me. I should say I have Asperger's so I may be misinterpreting her actions, but I said to her (this was way before she mentioned she was married btw) "would you like to come around to my house for dinner, I can cook for you?" and she gave me a huge grin and said "yes".

I did think maybe she had a bf before I talked to her, but I wasn't sure. I saw her hanging out with this guy sometimes, like they would leave together to go to classes or something. But my friends told me that based on the way she was looking at me and how she reacted when she saw me that she was probably single.

Yeah kind of gutted, but life goes on. I do feel a bit more confident about myself though. I never used to think of myself at being attractive, so if one person finds me attractive then other people will, so it was a good thing in that respect. But yeah I certainly won't be going beyond friends with her that's for sure, I just see no good that can come from it.

Its actually a good thing you know shes married so you can stop each other. You can get into a world of trouble and you should tell her to be faithful to her husband if she likes you that certain way.

@Sentinel: Bravo *applause* good advice

[PrinceMoron]

I fell for a PDRGT+ but it was just a crazy infatuation, great fun while it lasted, I knew it would do me no good in the end.

[soyizgood]

OP, I understand finding a woman is hard anywhere, especially in China given the male-female ratio there. I don't pretend to be an expert on relationships because I am not. That said, there are plenty of women to choose from. You'll need to be selective yet realistic.

I lusted over a woman for 3 years. She would give me a wink and I always bit the bait. Unfortunately, she did the same thing to multiple guys (one took a knife and threatened to kill himself in front of her and her sister, another told her he would kill me if I was still in the mix, another guy wanted her to swear to him she wouldn't see me again.. she saw me again anyway) and in the end many of these guys had their hearts broken. She would give me signs that she really liked me, but that she also wasn't sure if she could love a man. She lied to me saying she dumped all of these guys just to get me to see her again. After I saw her last time, I concluded she's lovely on the outside, but loveless (selfish/confused/eager to just have a baby regardless of the man) on the inside. Last time I checked she was with a guy almost 20 years older than her and he was divorced 3 times with 4 kids. Believe me, I am a much better catch than that. In fact, I met my eventual fiancee shortly after I last saw her.

Good thing you are opting to move on. 2nd chances almost never work out anyway. Once you're in the "friend zone", it's a zone of pure misery for the guy who wants more.

You need to be proud of who you are both on the inside and outside. Women can sense a man with confidence. Well, the good intuitive ones anyway. One woman's garbage is another woman's treasure. Good luck playing this game. Frustrating, but rewarding when you play it with a woman that goes by the same rules.

[acura9927]

Dude, women from the big cities in China will own you. They learn how to con at age 8.

[ninman]

Ok, the thing is her office is right next to mine, literally, so I'm kind of forced to see her every day. Now she considers me a friend she'll no doubt be dropping in every now and then to talk to me or invite me somewhere.

So I'm just going to have to deal with these feelings, good or bad and live with my situation. I don't think she did anything wrong, and I can't be cruel to people and cut them off for no reason, just not my nature.

[Larrysümmers]

make it clear that she is in the 'friend zone' and that you arent interested. if she still wants then it will be even more evident and you should act upon that. women need men to want them.

Originally Posted by ninman

Ok, let me preface this story by saying that I did not know she was married.

I saw this woman at work, she smiled at me and I just fell in love with her instantly. She just gave me a really, really strong feeling. From then on we'd say hi and smile whenever we saw each other.

One day after work I saw her walking home by herself, so I ran up to her and started talking to her. We got on great, I really great. She invited me to dinner, and gave me every indication that she liked me a lot.

For example, she told me she could hear me singing in my office, and thought it was cute, she thinks I'm handsome and extremely attractive and lots of other similar compliments.

I told her about my favourite movie ever called Life is Beautiful, in it the main character Guido falls in love with a woman at first sight and calls her "Princess" because he joked with children that he was a Prince then she fell out of a window and caught her.

That night online I told her I had found my princess, but she thought I was talking about someone else. Then she said "you, her, my husband and I should get together and the 4 of us can have dinner".

When I read that I was crushed, totally. Now I just feel the deepest darkest despair. I'm not sure what to do. I mean she even liked it when I started imparting all of my tennis knowledge to her, and she also told me she likes to play tennis.

It's going to take me a long time to get over this one, but I just don't understand why I have such horrible luck.

you drove her away by going on and on about the Nadal Federer rivalry. that'll teach yahh not to talk shop.

[El Diablo]

Be aware that if you are in fact her "superior" in an organization, then you're inviting not only emotional but legal turmoil if you have any involvement with her (and everything you've written suggests she's just emotionally unstable enough to cause you problems)

[Wolfman Jack]

Originally Posted by ninman

That night online I told her I had found my princess, but she thought I was talking about someone else. Then she said "you, her, my husband and I should get together and the 4 of us can have dinner".

You cannot feel like you have found the one unless there is some reciprocity (which in this case obviously there wasn't.)

Love, as any human emotion, is (at least in part) highly illogical.

My advice: Do not entertain any more thoughts in your mind about this woman. The same you fell in love you can fall out of it. Nothing good can come out of it, and it is immoral to pursue this.

[Tmano]

Originally Posted by ninman

Ok, let me preface this story by saying that I did not know she was married.

I saw this woman at work, she smiled at me and I just fell in love with her instantly. She just gave me a really, really strong feeling. From then on we'd say hi and smile whenever we saw each other.

One day after work I saw her walking home by herself, so I ran up to her and started talking to her. We got on great, I really great. She invited me to dinner, and gave me every indication that she liked me a lot.

For example, she told me she could hear me singing in my office, and thought it was cute, she thinks I'm handsome and extremely attractive and lots of other similar compliments.

I told her about my favourite movie ever called Life is Beautiful, in it the main character Guido falls in love with a woman at first sight and calls her "Princess" because he joked with children that he was a Prince then she fell out of a window and caught her.

That night online I told her I had found my princess, but she thought I was talking about someone else. Then she said "you, her, my husband and I should get together and the 4 of us can have dinner".

When I read that I was crushed, totally. Now I just feel the deepest darkest despair. I'm not sure what to do. I mean she even liked it when I started imparting all of my tennis knowledge to her, and she also told me she likes to play tennis.

It's going to take me a long time to get over this one, but I just don't understand why I have such horrible luck.

Well if this can make you feel better I'm pretty much in the same situation but I'm the one married. We both work in the same place and she is really attracted to me (she told me) as I'm to her but because she a much better person than me she resists even thought she wants it. Some time you can't get what you want but at least you can try to make it become real but it takes consequences.
Time heals but some time leaves scars.

[ninman]

I'm more like Niles Crane from Frasier. As attracted as he was to Daphne, when she was with someone he never made a move on her. I'm the same, while she's married I will just be her friend and nothing more. If she's happy I have no right to interfere, and besides we barely no each other, so it's not worth it.

[Larrysümmers]

see this is why i dont believe in monogamy. lol

[Agent Orynge]

Originally Posted by ninman

I'm more like Niles Crane from Frasier. As attracted as he was to Daphne, when she was with someone he never made a move on her. I'm the same, while she's married I will just be her friend and nothing more. If she's happy I have no right to interfere, and besides we barely no each other, so it's not worth it.

Poor grammar notwithstanding, this says it all. This should be a FML post so we could all click 'you deserved it.'

[atatu]

Originally Posted by ninman

Ok, the thing is her office is right next to mine, literally, so I'm kind of forced to see her every day. Now she considers me a friend she'll no doubt be dropping in every now and then to talk to me or invite me somewhere.

So I'm just going to have to deal with these feelings, good or bad and live with my situation. I don't think she did anything wrong, and I can't be cruel to people and cut them off for no reason, just not my nature.

Yeah, you're going to suffer for awhile, but eventually you'll get over it, but it may not happen until you move away.

[Bobby Jr]

Originally Posted by ninman

I should add that I live in China and she's Chinese.

Are you Chinese?

If not, it was never going to happen if she was from a remotely traditional family. Many Chinese (and Japanese, and Thai and Malaysian for that matter etc) would go out with a foreigner no problems but when it comes time to get serious the vast majority invariably turn to their own people.

This is how things roll sometimes... I'm sure you'll get over it.

[r2473]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfr6jmJOGA8

Me and Mrs.Jones
We got a thing goin'on
We both know that it's wrong
But it's much too strong
To let it go now

We meet every day at the same cafe
Six-thirty and no one knows she'll be there
Holding hands, making all kinds of plans
While the juke box plays our favorite songs

Me and Mrs.Jones
We got a thing goin'on
We both know that it's wrong
But it's much too strong
To let it go now

We gotta be extra careful
That do we don't build our hopes up too high
Because she's got her own obligations
And so, and so, do I

Me and Mrs.Jones
We got a thing goin'on
We both know that it's wrong
But it's much too strong
To let it go now

Well, it's time for us to be leaving
It hurts so much, it hurts so much inside
Now she'll go her way snd I'll go mine
Tomorrow we'll meet
The same pklace, the same time

Me and Mrs.Jones
We got a thing goin'on
We both know that it's wrong
But it's much too strong
To let it go now