Competition on the courts and sidelines - part deux- womens leagues

[Littlemissball]

Maui - please don't tell me you think I am a housewife. I am actually desperately, desperately trying to get away from the bored house wives with money that play tennis because they think it is chic to do and makes them friends and go for the wine and cheese after wards. I am trying to get to the dude-ette status. The real deal. Trying desperately how to accomplish that. I love this game. I want to play for keeps.

[Littlemissball]

Originally Posted by tennis_ocd

Women.

Men would just tell you they broke a string during the first game; no biggie as it wasn't their ususal racket that they'd left at home due to the pain medication for a bad back that has been going on for over a week.

Love it. I was so upset that I made this person cry. I was like omg what have I done? Don't want to play her any more. That was too weird.

[TimothyO]

Miss Ball,

I've seen this sort of soap opera stuff at our club. It's more common on the ladies' teams but it's also with men's teams.

This past year we've had huge storms among the ladies with insults, hurt feelings, etc. It got so bad some people started their own teams rather than deal with the drama.

Among our men I've beat some of our better players in singles and doubles and, yes, they get PO'd when a new player manages to improve and finally bests some of the vets. It quickly goes from "welcome to tennis" noob to cold shoulders after you work your butt off practicing and beat them.

It stinks because I thought the social aspect would be fun. What I didn't realize is that tennis communities have pecking orders and cliques. Upset the pecking order by improving while others rest on their laurels and you're persona non grata. One veteran player got all huffy and asked if I was toying with him in singles and never again asked me to hit with him. Five of our better doubles players were clearly surprised and annoyed with me when I could finally return their serves and, more importantly, blast forehand winners against them. So, no, I don't see invites from them.

OTOH I've met a few really nice people. I think tennis is like so much else in lifeand follows the 80/20 rule. About 20 percent of the people you'll meet will be worth it. The other 80 percent are the chaff.

[Mauvaise]

Originally Posted by Littlemissball

Love it. I was so upset that I made this person cry. I was like omg what have I done? Don't want to play her any more. That was too weird.

It may not sound like it, but this is my trying to be tactful:

If something like making an opponent cry because you beat them can shake you "to the core", maybe you're too emotional for this sport?

If you really want to achieve "dude-ette" status (and I think I know what you mean by that) in tennis the first thing you need to drop is any sense of compassion for your opponents. You step on the court to win and if you can crush them 0 & 0, then you do it - no mercy. Obviously, if it's a purely social match, you can tone it down, but in competition you're, well, competing. There will be a winner and a loser. Your goal is to be the winner.

But you need to that graciously at the same time. This means no fist pumps and c'mons when you're up 5-0, this means thanking the person for a good match afterwords (win or lose). Compliment them on a good shot during the game (even the highest level pro will do this).

This also means not looking down on your teammates because you don't think they are as good as you. Eventually you're going to be on a team where you're the weaker player and you'd better hope you don't get treated the way your treat your weaker teammates.

I appreciate your passion for the sport, but there is more to life than tennis. I'm not the most social of people and I strongly dislike idle small talk. But you know what? I make the effort with my teammates and opponents alike. I do this because it makes for a more pleasant experience for everyone. I do not socialize outside of tennis, I don't join for drinks after or anything, but during practices & warm up, I make the extra effort to be social and take an interest in other people.

This could be why people keep asking me to co-captain teams or I get invited to join teams, even those that would involve me playing up. It certainly isn't my skill at tennis!

[Cindysphinx]

Originally Posted by Littlemissball

Maui - please don't tell me you think I am a housewife. I am actually desperately, desperately trying to get away from the bored house wives with money that play tennis because they think it is chic to do and makes them friends and go for the wine and cheese after wards. I am trying to get to the dude-ette status. The real deal. Trying desperately how to accomplish that. I love this game. I want to play for keeps.

Um.

If this is the sort of thing you are saying to people, I think I have a greater understanding of why you may be having interpersonal issues on your team.

Cindy -- a stay-at-home mom for 15 years who doesn't appreciate being disrespected for it

[tennis_ocd]

Originally Posted by Maui19

The Real Housewives of Tennis Talk

I think there is reality show potential.

[Littlemissball]

Originally Posted by Cindysphinx

Um.

If this is the sort of thing you are saying to people, I think I have a greater understanding of why you may be having interpersonal issues on your team.

Cindy -- a stay-at-home mom for 15 years who doesn't appreciate being disrespected for it

Cindy, I don't say anything to anyone. Once again, my family is everything to me - they are the only people I trust to express how I feel about tennis and what is happening to me on the courts- that and this forum. I am very, very sorry that you are offended as I once again, did not mean to offend you or anyone. I am a very private person which is why I took my problems to this blog for help. I do not meant to offend you or anyone and I am sorry if you take it like that as I was just responding to the other thread saying the real housewives of TW. Once again, I don't talk to anyone out there. That being said, I am looking for serious players that are pushing their body and their mental capabilities to the limit on the tennis court as we are all running out of time and getting older and I don't want to peak, drink beer on the courts or go shopping at Anthea or whatever that place is. It would have been nice to make friends but now I am just looking for fundamental civility as the level at this club has begun to feel like sororiety rush meets Dynasty or Dallas soap opera levels and is robbing me of the joy of tennis. I am looking for serious players and that has been my problem. Tennis Tom is right. Please see his thread. He has hit my problem on the head. League Tennis is social and I am now all about the game. I am not disrespecting you whatsoever. But there is the wine and cheese and apres tennis cliche that really exist within the tennis community and I have to acknowedge that and you can or can't if you want to as well. That choice is up to you. I am sorry you take a offense. That is how I see it. Thank you for all your great advice and help. I really appreciate it.
Best to you and all your endeavors on and off the court.
Sincerely,
LMB

[Cindysphinx]

OK, fine. Understood.

I don't see why "serious rec tennis" and socializing have to be mutually exclusive. If nothing else, why not see it as an opportunity to expand your business network. You never know what business opportunities would pop up if you are willing to get to know people.

I dunno. I consider the women I have met through tennis to be among my closest friends. Four of us are going to IW in 2013, yet we are all committed to improving. The socializing makes the tennis more fun, and the tennis makes the socializing more fun.

But if not, then of course league tennis is not for you and you should play tournaments only.

[tennis tom]

Originally Posted by Cindysphinx

...If nothing else, why not see it as an opportunity to expand your business network. You never know what business opportunities would pop up if you are willing to get to know people.

...But if not, then of course league tennis is not for you and you should play tournaments only.

Originally Posted by Littlemissball

...I am looking for serious players that are pushing their body and their mental capabilities to the limit on the tennis court as we are all running out of time and getting older and I don't want to peak, drink beer on the courts or go shopping at Anthea or whatever that place is.

...I am looking for serious players and that has been my problem. Tennis Tom is right. Please see his thread. He has hit my problem on the head. League Tennis is social and I am now all about the game.

Thanks LMB. I think you will find what you are looking for at the Age Group tournaments. You can perhaps then supplement practicing for tournaments by being on a team and not feel as much pressure. As your skill level improves from tournaments, you'll be able to join 4.0 and above teams depending on your age. My pappy, who was a very wise business man, said never mix business with friendship, it never ends well.

Cheers and g'luck

[NLBwell]

Somehow this reminds me of how Larry Walker, the great player, was described as a member of the Coloraodo Rockies baseball team. He was not a particularly well-liked player, other players thought he was somewhat selfish, but he wasn't terribly disliked and didn't cause problems. He was the described by a sportswriter as "the guy on your softball team who you want to be on your team because he is so good, but he shows up just before gametime, plays, and leaves. You don't really feel that he is part of the team, but he helps you win." You can be that person, enjoy the tennis for what it is, and leave. There isn't anything wrong with that. Don't expect to be treated as part of the team, though.

This is much easier to do with guys than women, however. The women are much more about socializing (in all areas of life). To top it off, there is a culture clash between your hard-driving ways and their social-tribe ways.
Moving up to 3.5 is, in many ways, like losing weight. Often, the social-tribe around you will try to pull you backwards because they are not comfortable with people differing themselves and distancing themselves from the tribe.

If you don't want to socialize - show up, play, and leave, and don't be emotional.

[goober]

Originally Posted by NLBwell

Somehow this reminds me of how Larry Walker, the great player, was described as a member of the Coloraodo Rockies baseball team. He was not a particularly well-liked player, other players thought he was somewhat selfish, but he wasn't terribly disliked and didn't cause problems. He was the described by a sportswriter as "the guy on your softball team who you want to be on your team because he is so good, but he shows up just before gametime, plays, and leaves. You don't really feel that he is part of the team, but he helps you win." You can be that person, enjoy the tennis for what it is, and leave. There isn't anything wrong with that. Don't expect to be treated as part of the team, though.

This is much easier to do with guys than women, however. The women are much more about socializing (in all areas of life). To top it off, there is a culture clash between your hard-driving ways and their social-tribe ways.
Moving up to 3.5 is, in many ways, like losing weight. Often, the social-tribe around you will try to pull you backwards because they are not comfortable with people differing themselves and distancing themselves from the tribe.

If you don't want to socialize - show up, play, and leave, and don't be emotional.

lol -yes be a tennis mercernary. Many playoff bound teams need them.

[blakesq]

How can you NOT make tons of friends with this attitude?

Originally Posted by Littlemissball

Maui - please don't tell me you think I am a housewife. I am actually desperately, desperately trying to get away from the bored house wives with money that play tennis because they think it is chic to do and makes them friends and go for the wine and cheese after wards. I am trying to get to the dude-ette status. The real deal. Trying desperately how to accomplish that. I love this game. I want to play for keeps.