The Journey!!!

[Olybel]

Originally Posted by Pro_Tour_630

with all respect to KG, he had no kids so I doubt he knows what is going on with regards to parenting, he had no responsibilities and he drank himself to death.........BTW I am from his home town

KG than wrote this poem as a child of someone which is even better.

[coaching32yrs]

Originally Posted by Olybel

Hello to everyone,

Compliments for Talk Tennis forum and compliments also for this thread.

My 7 year old son introduced me to tennis half year ago when he brought brochure to home and started with training in local academy. Before that I was rarely even watched Nole games though everyone else in my family is fan of him.

It is logical that we as a parents have dreams , wishes and hopes for our children. So they have also. It is crucial that kids dreams wishes and hopes are set higher than ours for them.

There is no use if I dream his Wimbledon trophy if he doesn't.

As Kahlil Gilbran says:

....You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them be like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.....



English is not my native language therefore I apologize if any mistake is made.

Gilbran's quote are, in my opinion, exactly right. They apply directly to the junior tennis world. Kids sports would be so much better off if parents stopped living their dreams through the children. I know it is hard to do, I plead guilty myself. After many years of being an obsessive tennis parent I have reformed. It is much healthier.

[barringer97]

Originally Posted by ga tennis

I picked up tennis late. I started tennis at 13. I became obssessed with tennis and played hours a day. In my home town we had a family move there from California. All three of the sons played d1 college tennis. The youngest son was my age and the father helped me out and basically made me a backboard for his son to train against. I had played every sport before then so i had a very good athletic base. By the time i was in the 18s i was number one in GA. My mother never watched me play and my father lived 3 hours away so i had NO parental support. I was fortunate that my mother remarried a man who was very well off. In the 8th grade they sent me to live in Sarasota at Nicks academy. It was INCREDIBLE!!!! I use to watch 12 year old Seles train hours a day. I use to hang out and go swimming at night with A.A. I would get to play basketball with Aaron Krickstein and Jimmy Arias. I loved it!!! So no my parents did not push me at all. It was all me. My daughter likes to say daddy you didnt even play tennis when you were my age so you dont understand what im going thru. She is right. Im trying EVERYTHING i can to make her love tennis the way i do. I hope one day she really starts to love tennis but if she doesnt worst case scenario is a full tennis scholarship. THANK GOD FOR TITLE 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our stories are pretty similar.

Any advice for my (just turned) 8 year old girl? She already tells me she hates tennis (but she hates Math, Homework, cleaning her room, etc also), but she likes playing because she is better then anyone else. We have been playing for a couple of years, maybe 5 hours a week. At times she is amazing, other times she just sucks. Any idea how to make it more enjoyable for her?

[tball2day]

Originally Posted by ga tennis

.....................So no my parents did not push me at all. It was all me. My daughter likes to say daddy you didnt even play tennis when you were my age so you dont understand what im going thru. She is right. Im trying EVERYTHING i can to make her love tennis the way i do. I hope one day she really starts to love tennis but if she doesnt worst case scenario is a full tennis scholarship. THANK GOD FOR TITLE 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So GA, you are going to have her play all the way through college even if she doesn't love it? Have you thought about the childhood memories you are leaving her with while you are busy making sure you are living yours?

I think you should talk to parents of college players and understand what it takes to get there and the life you are subjecting her to, including HER college years, not to mention all of them between now and then. You seem like a nice guy with great intentions, but do you want an older daughter that resents the choices you made for her because of your dreams? It's fine to encourage the love - but you have to be willing to let it go if the signs present themselves or it will be unhealthy for you both.

I have known many many players (ages 12-16ish) that have moved on from tennis for whatever reason - changing interests, injury, etc., and every one of them has ended up happier in what they are doing now than they ever were with tennis - be it speech and debate, drama, academics, service clubs, or whatever. They have to make their own path. Tennis can be a miserable existence for those whose hearts aren't in it. A player has to give up a lot to be good at it, so the player better be the one liking it. Listening to an older kid talk about how they grew up playing tennis cause their parents wanted them to but never really liked it is a really sad conversation to be part of.

[ga tennis]

Originally Posted by tball2day

So GA, you are going to have her play all the way through college even if she doesn't love it? Have you thought about the childhood memories you are leaving her with while you are busy making sure you are living yours?

I think you should talk to parents of college players and understand what it takes to get there and the life you are subjecting her to, including HER college years, not to mention all of them between now and then. You seem like a nice guy with great intentions, but do you want an older daughter that resents the choices you made for her because of your dreams? It's fine to encourage the love - but you have to be willing to let it go if the signs present themselves or it will be unhealthy for you both.

I have known many many players (ages 12-16ish) that have moved on from tennis for whatever reason - changing interests, injury, etc., and every one of them has ended up happier in what they are doing now than they ever were with tennis - be it speech and debate, drama, academics, service clubs, or whatever. They have to make their own path. Tennis can be a miserable existence for those whose hearts aren't in it. A player has to give up a lot to be good at it, so the player better be the one liking it. Listening to an older kid talk about how they grew up playing tennis cause their parents wanted them to but never really liked it is a really sad conversation to be part of.

She really likes tennis. Im not making her play at all. Im just saying for her to one day be a money making pro she is gonna have to wanna be great from within. Right now she could play for alot of d2 teams and she just turned 11. If she ever didnt wanna play she knows im gonna love her either way.

[tball2day]

Sounds good GA. I wish you well - it can be a great ride and a wonderful way to raise kids when everyone is on board with the goals.

[TCF]

=============================

[barringer97]

Originally Posted by TCF

barringer...thats the kicker, many kids say the 'hate' a lot of stuff at that age. My girl told me she 'hated' tennis when she just turned 7.

I told her that was fine, but she had to choose a physical activity. I let her pick 4 of them to try. Took her to some karate classes, gymnastics classes, soccer, basketball. I kept my mouth shut.

She decided she really, really hated karate. Hated gymnastics even more. She really, really hated waiting for the soccer ball to come to her. Likes basketball...pickup though, again 'hated' only getting some of the shots in structured team play!

She magically learned that she 'loves' tennis again like she did when she was 6!

It was a risky move, had she loved soccer instead I would have had to honor her choice.

Cool. I think that will work. I kind of did that, she really hates soccer, so I gave her a choice and she obviously went with tennis.

[TCF]

==================================

[INTO10s]

Take a listen to a recent radio show on parentingaces .com from Nov 26. The guest was Larry Lauer, director of coaching education & development. He talks a lot about what's being discussed here and offers some good insight and advice that I think you all will fine very useful.

[Pro_Tour_630]

Originally Posted by Olybel

KG than wrote this poem as a child of someone which is even better.

yeah his father was a drunk, was in jail, gambled, stole money and got into trouble, never supported his family, then mother took off and went to america on a boat with the kids. MOther died young when he was young so he was on his own and very young on the art gallery streets of boston and new york. Never had helicopter parenting that we see today. Artists and religious figures inspired him.

[Chemist]

Originally Posted by ga tennis

She really likes tennis. Im not making her play at all. Im just saying for her to one day be a money making pro she is gonna have to wanna be great from within. Right now she could play for alot of d2 teams and she just turned 11. If she ever didnt wanna play she knows im gonna love her either way.

Have you ever hinted to your daughter that you expect her to be next Sharapova or Williams? Giving her too much pressure? Some kids are more self-motivated or competitive than others. My older son is so different than his younger brother. He also loves to play tennis, but hates to compete. So, he chose to play doubles for his high school team. He is a happy college sophomore. I surely hope that your daughter will continue her love of the game and I wish you would send all of us a note in 10 years that you daughter is on the US Open main draw!

[Soianka]

Originally Posted by Olybel

Hello to everyone,

Compliments for Talk Tennis forum and compliments also for this thread.

My 7 year old son introduced me to tennis half year ago when he brought brochure to home and started with training in local academy. Before that I was rarely even watched Nole games though everyone else in my family is fan of him.

It is logical that we as a parents have dreams , wishes and hopes for our children. So they have also. It is crucial that kids dreams wishes and hopes are set higher than ours for them.

There is no use if I dream his Wimbledon trophy if he doesn't.

As Kahlil Gilbran says:

....You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them be like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.....



English is not my native language therefore I apologize if any mistake is made.

Nice post. Welcome to the forum.

[Soianka]

Originally Posted by ga tennis

I picked up tennis late. I started tennis at 13. I became obssessed with tennis and played hours a day. In my home town we had a family move there from California. All three of the sons played d1 college tennis. The youngest son was my age and the father helped me out and basically made me a backboard for his son to train against. I had played every sport before then so i had a very good athletic base. By the time i was in the 18s i was number one in GA. My mother never watched me play and my father lived 3 hours away so i had NO parental support. I was fortunate that my mother remarried a man who was very well off. In the 8th grade they sent me to live in Sarasota at Nicks academy. It was INCREDIBLE!!!! I use to watch 12 year old Seles train hours a day. I use to hang out and go swimming at night with A.A. I would get to play basketball with Aaron Krickstein and Jimmy Arias. I loved it!!! So no my parents did not push me at all. It was all me. My daughter likes to say daddy you didnt even play tennis when you were my age so you dont understand what im going thru. She is right. Im trying EVERYTHING i can to make her love tennis the way i do. I hope one day she really starts to love tennis but if she doesnt worst case scenario is a full tennis scholarship. THANK GOD FOR TITLE 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. Sounds like you had an incredible junior tennis career.

[hhollines]

"Gilbran's quote are, in my opinion, exactly right. They apply directly to the junior tennis world. Kids sports would be so much better off if parents stopped living their dreams through the children. I know it is hard to do, I plead guilty myself. After many years of being an obsessive tennis parent I have reformed. It is much healthier."

+1. I couldn't agree more. I tell my daughter regularly to write down "HER" goals and we discuss what it might take to reach those goals. She can change, modify or alter her goals at any time and we re-adjust what it might take to achieve. I also tell her to make sure SHE is happy. The only exception is school . . . excellence is required (good thing she likes school and gets good grades). Otherwise, it's all her.

Long story short, early this year she told me "daddy, I love tennis but I don't like to playing 3-4 hrs. every day like many others." So we adjusted and her awesome coach developed a program that includes a bunch of 1 hr. high intensity drills and she loves it . . . leaves the court smiling every time.

So I learned, it's about "quality over quantity" for her. For that 1 hr. she is locked in and we maximize each minute. Many of her friends, play 2-3 hrs. a day and many, of course, suffer at school and/or don't have much a social life (not to mention how many unhappy juniors I run across with their parents controlling every aspect of their live and making them stay on the court). We simply developed a plan based on what she wanted and I could less whether that turns into wins or losses b/c she is happy (although so far, she has had good results on the court and I attribute that to happiness).

It may change on day but for now, at 12 yrs. old, this works great for her. I know others are playing much more, and so be it.

[TCF]

==========================

[High Rustler]

Great thread!

so who in ga is gonig to the bryan bros tonight? we'll be there!

[barringer97]

We had a really good night last night. My daughter just turned 8 and she is now really starting to accelerate through the forehand and is crushing it. Man, the forehand is tough to teach. The backhand is her shot, and she rips it, but this was the first time a really saw it with the forehand.

I did have to make a promise though, I'm not allowed to make remarks on her bad shots or give her tips when she makes a mistake. So I change it up. When she hits a good shot, I tell her, "I like the way you accelerated through on the ball" (or whatever). It's becoming quite a challenge!

She had so much fun that she didn't want to stop.

Good day indeed.

[TCF]

=============================

[Chemist]

Originally Posted by TCF

In no way are tennis focused kids any less happy than any other group of kids. In fact, the kids at our local center who are obsessing with tennis seem way more happier than the other kids.

A story ran a few months ago about Chinese American kids and how miserable they are due to strict academic pressures.

I have never seen a single tennis kid who smokes, uses drugs, or drinks. Most of these kids also do well academically. Playing tennis allows my son to meet other wonderful kids, some hundreds miles away. The tough life of tennis training helps him develop better disciplines in time management, meeting commitment etc that will surely benefit him for the rest of his life. It's so true that many Chinese (or Asian) American kids are under so much pressure to perform well in and out school. My boys took piano lessons when they were like 5. They got yelled everyday for not having required practices. All of us, parents and kids were a lot happier after the older one switched to guitar and the younger started his tennis. Both boys were so much into video games and tennis was an effective way of making them stop "the war games". In just a few years, tennis has changed my younger one from a quiet "nerd" to a confident, cheerful, and happy kid. He told me that he has over 1,700 Facebook friends and over 200 Twitter followers.