Lucky Dad

[jht32]

Originally Posted by gplracer

I have read a lot of posts and I have some comments. We all want the best for our kids. We all want the best for kids we hear about in the forum. That said, I find it interesting that we say play matches, no do not play matches. I find it interesting that we say the USTA is no good and not developing players. I find it interesting that some say to not play a lot of tournaments. I find it interesting that some say how many lessons are enough or not enough. And on and on and on….. THEN, we state that the chances of becoming a pro or a D1 college athlete are so small that we should not worry about such things. If the chances are so small (I believe they are) then what difference does it make? My kids play tennis because their dad (me) introduced them to the game. I play with them. I go to all of their tournaments with them and watch almost all of their matches. That is getting harder now that there is two playing and now going to different level tournaments. My kids like the friends they have met through tennis. They like going out of town and staying in a hotel with dad. (My younger son says he likes “hotel smell”) They like seeing the friends they have made all over a four state area when they get to the tournament. They play for the fun of it all. They also like to win too! They love to play in the USTA events. After all they got into tennis to compete. As a parent I want them to be the best they can be for sure. They do the lessons and the clinics and the USTA camps. But for many people it is not about developing a world class player. It is about having something they can enjoy with their kids and look back at the memories. I have a friend whose son played at Furman University and recently graduated. He told me he envied me. He said I was lucky to be at this stage of life where the kids are playing and traveling. For him that stage is over. I am sure something else will take its place but he says, “It was the best of times.” He told me when his son got in the car after the match, they never talked about the match. The discussion was always the same and it started with, “So I found three local barbeque places which one do you want to try?” Remember it is the journey not the end. It is not about how good or bad your kid is. It is about being with your kid. I feel lucky to be involved in tennis.

Great post. Thanks.

[ga tennis]

You are a lucky dad gplracer!!!! I also consider myself the luckiest dad. I know people in my neighborhood think im crazy because they see me and my kids on the court all the time. My daughter said to me the other day daddy why dont you have any friends. I said i dont need friends i have you and your brother and mommy and thats all i need. Soon as i get off work i drive home and pick up my kids and am with them playing until they go to sleep. I never had a father around when i was groing up and i think alot of my problems as an adult are because of that. I told my wife i have failed at everything i have ever done in life but i will not fail at being a parent. I thank god every day for my kids. I push them really hard in school as well as tennis because i belive if you do something you should give 100% !! Im sure some days my kids would rather come home from school and sit on the sofa and eat chips and watch t.v. because tennis everyday is hard. I tell them to be great you have to be different!!! I am not gonna lie i want more than anything for my kids to make it as professional tennis players,but if they dont thats o.k. because we have made memories that will last a lifetime.

[Woolybugger]

The kid won't remember wins/losses 10yrs from now, but what will stay with him are the good times spent together.

[tennis5]

Originally Posted by ga tennis

You are a lucky dad gplracer!!!! I also consider myself the luckiest dad. I know people in my neighborhood think im crazy because they see me and my kids on the court all the time. My daughter said to me the other day daddy why dont you have any friends. I said i dont need friends i have you and your brother and mommy and thats all i need. Soon as i get off work i drive home and pick up my kids and am with them playing until they go to sleep. I never had a father around when i was groing up and i think alot of my problems as an adult are because of that. I told my wife i have failed at everything i have ever done in life but i will not fail at being a parent. I thank god every day for my kids. I push them really hard in school as well as tennis because i belive if you do something you should give 100% !! Im sure some days my kids would rather come home from school and sit on the sofa and eat chips and watch t.v. because tennis everyday is hard. I tell them to be great you have to be different!!! I am not gonna lie i want more than anything for my kids to make it as professional tennis players,but if they dont thats o.k. because we have made memories that will last a lifetime.

Sometimes, when we grow up with one extreme as a child,
as a reaction to that......... we try to correct it by going to the other extreme parenting our kids.
Unfortunately, although we have the best intentions, it is an over correction.

Realistically, it is probably best to be somewhere in the middle of the parenting spectrum.

[ga tennis]

Originally Posted by tennis5

Sometimes, when we grow up with one extreme as a child,
as a reaction to that......... we try to correct it by going to the other extreme parenting our kids.
Unfortunately, although we have the best intentions, it is an over correction.

Realistically, it is probably best to be somewhere in the middle of the parenting spectrum.

I do the best i can.

[tennis5]

Originally Posted by ga tennis

I do the best i can.

I know....

Similar position here, but more of a micromanaging ( school) as an over correction to my own parents who were way hands off.

Sometimes, the hardest thing is not recognizing the problem, but figuring out how to change.

[Tennisguy3000]

I didn't play tennis as a kid but I was a top go cart racer. I proudly remember winning races & some of the huge trophies I got for winning big races.

What I remember most was the long drives with my father & brother to all of the different tracks. My father pretending the car was running out of gas & getting us to fill up the glove box with all of the garbage/paper in the car as fuel (lol, he was a smart man) and playing all of the silly I spy with my little eye games. Good times for sure.

That being said I also loved when it was track time & ready to fire up the carts with my older brother & show him who was boss and work some lap times & adjust engine/cart w Dad to get a wining time. We were a winning team & a force to be reckoned with, we raced hard & were serious when it came to preparing for the race & our results reflected this well.

Win or lose the ride back was always just as fun as the ride there (with or without the huge trophies). Not much talk of what went wrong but emphasis on what I did well & some things to maybe work on & consider if I thought it would help (my father put the ball in my court if you will).

In the end I think balance is key with an emphasis on fun. In the end if the experience of playing tennis isnt fun anymore they will drop it as soon as they are able when they get older.

Thanks for the thread, it brought back a lot of great memories for me

[10ismom]

I feel being excluded from this thread since I am not a DAD.

[Tennisguy3000]

Originally Posted by 10ismom

I feel being excluded from this thread since I am not a DAD.

Moms Rock! Please post away

Or start a lucky Mom thread

[arche3]

Originally Posted by 10ismom

I feel being excluded from this thread since I am not a DAD.

I do think fathers have a different relationship with the son than mom does. Its the whole "I am Sparta!" Man thing.

[10s4US]

Originally Posted by gplracer

I have read a lot of posts and I have some comments. We all want the best for our kids. We all want the best for kids we hear about in the forum. That said, I find it interesting that we say play matches, no do not play matches. I find it interesting that we say the USTA is no good and not developing players. I find it interesting that some say to not play a lot of tournaments. I find it interesting that some say how many lessons are enough or not enough. And on and on and on….. THEN, we state that the chances of becoming a pro or a D1 college athlete are so small that we should not worry about such things. If the chances are so small (I believe they are) then what difference does it make? My kids play tennis because their dad (me) introduced them to the game. I play with them. I go to all of their tournaments with them and watch almost all of their matches. That is getting harder now that there is two playing and now going to different level tournaments. My kids like the friends they have met through tennis. They like going out of town and staying in a hotel with dad. (My younger son says he likes “hotel smell”) They like seeing the friends they have made all over a four state area when they get to the tournament. They play for the fun of it all. They also like to win too! They love to play in the USTA events. After all they got into tennis to compete. As a parent I want them to be the best they can be for sure. They do the lessons and the clinics and the USTA camps. But for many people it is not about developing a world class player. It is about having something they can enjoy with their kids and look back at the memories. I have a friend whose son played at Furman University and recently graduated. He told me he envied me. He said I was lucky to be at this stage of life where the kids are playing and traveling. For him that stage is over. I am sure something else will take its place but he says, “It was the best of times.” He told me when his son got in the car after the match, they never talked about the match. The discussion was always the same and it started with, “So I found three local barbeque places which one do you want to try?” Remember it is the journey not the end. It is not about how good or bad your kid is. It is about being with your kid. I feel lucky to be involved in tennis.

RIGHT ON!
Those of us that appreciate the family tennis (trip) experience welcome such recognition of beneficial highlights with no harm to those that are "serious".
I'm both. Serious prep, sleep, healthy food during tournaments, play your best, enjoy the battle
We'll squeeze in a few quick touristy moments during tournament
and plan a few days extra during summer
to appreciate and share our great country with our kids
Are you kidding me?
While you can travel non tennis
since you are already there....
Why not pick multi berries, crab, and play in waterfalls in Oregon
fish for Mahi Mahi and do airboat rides, visit relatives in Florida, fish for trout in Arkansas Ozarks, crappie in NC, salmon in Lake Michigan near Wisconsin
and BBQ? How about Austin, Texas in Little Mo days or Memphis!
No one is saying you have to vacation through tennis. Its all about freedom of opportunities no matter what a grinch comments. Lets hope the USTA better factors in the value of nat'l play opportunities in their future plans.
Enjoy the Journey!

[ga tennis]

Originally Posted by tennis5

I know....

Similar position here, but more of a micromanaging ( school) as an over correction to my own parents who were way hands off.

Sometimes, the hardest thing is not recognizing the problem, but figuring out how to change.

I really dont see it as a problem. I wouldnt wanna do it any other way.

[TennisCoachIN]

This is such a great post. The memories created each day with my children is what we will cherish forever. Whether just practice, USTA tournaments or school related tennis, the stories and fun we share together are priceless.

[andyaycw]

Agreed with other posters, this is a fantastic post. I wish I was as lucky as OP to have such a great relationship tennis-wise with their kids (or in my case, me with my dad).

When I started playing tournaments I probably went 0-12 in the first three years which I'd like to at least partially attribute to the pressure I felt from my dad coming to watch my matches. Of course, everything looks so easy from the sideline..."just hit the winner down the line!" "just hit the ace out wide!" and he yelled at me whenever I lost the match. That included a match I lost 0-6; 0-6 to some guy ranked top 100 nationally.

I told my dad to stop coming to my matches, and the next year I not only won my first match, but my first tournament, and finished out the year at 14-5.

I wish I could have had a better relationship with my dad back then, but I simply couldn't perform under the pressure he gave me. It has been nearly nine years now since I played my last tournament...perhaps I'll try playing some doubles matches with him and create some good memories with him...

[gplracer]

I hope you do!

[Ash_Smith]

I'm looking forward to having a child and then having someone else coach them - that way I can not only be "typical tennis dad" I can also be "tennis dad who is a high performance coach"!

That should be fun for whoever their coach is!!!

[hhollines]

"I do the best i can."

Most of us are just trying to do the best we can with the best intentions. However, I mean this with all due respect, but many parents have no idea or clue what it really takes to be a professional athlete (I come from a family with pro athletes) and the upsetting part is many things much occur that are completely out of your control (you can't buy it and you don't get it just because you have your kids on the court everyday for lots of hours).

Additionally, what does it mean to "make it as a professional tennis player?" I'm a lawyer and I make more money than 90% of the professional tennis players and I'll continue to make that level of income far beyond their tennis playing days. My point is at the end of the day, it is about education. Statistically, you have a better chance of winning your state lottery than making a living at professional tennis.

It's about the experience and kudo's to the original poster as I agree 100%.

GA, I read a lot of "I's" in your response . . . "you" want your girls to make it more than anything. I got the impression you might be driving this more then them. I don't know you so I could be off and no disrespect meant. Again, I know we are all just doing what we can.

I'll admit I tend to be more hands off b/c of my experiences as an All-American basketball player and a dad that played in the NBA and having spent my life around some of the best athletes in the world gives me a difference perspective as to how almost "impossible" it is to make it to the top (again, no one really knows all the ingredients of a professional athlete although we think we do and of yea, it takes a lot of luck).

As my dad always told me, "sports is nothing more than an avenue to school and education. Use sports to open up more doors and opportunities through school. Use sport to set up your life in the real world. If, by the grace of god, you are blessed to ever be a pro athlete, that's icing on the cake."

And the kicker from my dad was when he'd say, "if you excel on the court but don't equally excel in the classroom, you are NOT a competitor. Competitors don't turn it off. When I'd score 40+ points in the basketball game, he'd say, I expect all "A's" on that report card b/c the focus and commitment it took to play that well "better" extend to the classroom."

And, of yea, the biggest smile I ever saw on my dad's face . . . when I graduated from law school."

And, now, I'm a dad and what I remember from my dad is the life perspective. Not once did he force or pressure me to do anything in sports (he did demand excellence in the classroom b/c he understood what that meant in the big picture). I think the junior tennis structure is STUPID and the $ required is also STUPID but I only do it b/c my daughter loves the sport (but she can quit tomorrow). The only reason I support this is the "lessons you learn through tennis" will serve a young girl big time . . . independence, dealing with pressure, speaking out, discipline, etc. It's about those things and not the sport, nor wins or losses . . . wins and losses are by-products.

[gplracer]

Originally Posted by hhollines

"I do the best i can."

Most of us are just trying to do the best we can with the best intentions. However, I mean this with all due respect, but many parents have no idea or clue what it really takes to be a professional athlete (I come from a family with pro athletes) and the upsetting part is many things much occur that are completely out of your control (you can't buy it and you don't get it just because you have your kids on the court everyday for lots of hours).

Additionally, what does it mean to "make it as a professional tennis player?" I'm a lawyer and I make more money than 90% of the professional tennis players and I'll continue to make that level of income far beyond their tennis playing days. My point is at the end of the day, it is about education. Statistically, you have a better chance of winning your state lottery than making a living at professional tennis.

It's about the experience and kudo's to the original poster as I agree 100%.

GA, I read a lot of "I's" in your response . . . "you" want your girls to make it more than anything. I got the impression you might be driving this more then them. I don't know you so I could be off and no disrespect meant. Again, I know we are all just doing what we can.

I'll admit I tend to be more hands off b/c of my experiences as an All-American basketball player and a dad that played in the NBA and having spent my life around some of the best athletes in the world gives me a difference perspective as to how almost "impossible" it is to make it to the top (again, no one really knows all the ingredients of a professional athlete although we think we do and of yea, it takes a lot of luck).

As my dad always told me, "sports is nothing more than an avenue to school and education. Use sports to open up more doors and opportunities through school. Use sport to set up your life in the real world. If, by the grace of god, you are blessed to ever be a pro athlete, that's icing on the cake."

And the kicker from my dad was when he'd say, "if you excel on the court but don't equally excel in the classroom, you are NOT a competitor. Competitors don't turn it off. When I'd score 40+ points in the basketball game, he'd say, I expect all "A's" on that report card b/c the focus and commitment it took to play that well "better" extend to the classroom."

And, of yea, the biggest smile I ever saw on my dad's face . . . when I graduated from law school."

And, now, I'm a dad and what I remember from my dad is the life perspective. Not once did he force or pressure me to do anything in sports (he did demand excellence in the classroom b/c he understood what that meant in the big picture). I think the junior tennis structure is STUPID and the $ required is also STUPID but I only do it b/c my daughter loves the sport (but she can quit tomorrow). The only reason I support this is the "lessons you learn through tennis" will serve a young girl big time . . . independence, dealing with pressure, speaking out, discipline, etc. It's about those things and not the sport, nor wins or losses . . . wins and losses are by-products.

Nice post!