Parents shielding their children from losses

chatt_town · 09-17-2012, 04:19 PM

So my son has been playing tennis now for a little more than a year. He's learning. One of my biggest things is him learning from losses. So I've been taking him out and we play a lot of tiebreaks. I'd been beating him pretty badly, but I'm showing him why he's losing and most of it has nothing to do with what I'm doing.

I said all that to say that he has on like 4 different times been asked by this parent to play their son. Everytime my son gets up on him, they invent a reason to stop the match. So I told him last night not to ever play him again unless he sees him in a tourney and then it's okay if his parents stop the match. I think it is bad sportsmanship to try and stop matches because your child is losing. The child goes to a private school here in town and my son attends a public school. My son has yet to even play for a school. I don't know how they expect him to ever learn how to win if he doesn't know why he's getting beat. Has anyone else experienced this and if so, what did you do?

RF20Lennon · 09-17-2012, 04:41 PM

find other hitting partners?? enroll him in local tournaments. Send him to coaching classes where he can hit with kids his age etc.

tennis_ocd · 09-18-2012, 06:24 AM

If it really bothers, next time get them to commit up front. "How many games are we playing? A full set?" Or, "For how long?"

Woolybugger · 09-18-2012, 06:32 AM

how old are the kids?
It wouldn't bother me if it happened to my son - he still get to play a few games. The quitter on the other hand has lots of problems. There are lots of kids like that - invent excuses so they never really take full responsibility for their losses/failures.

ruerooo · 09-18-2012, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RF20Lennon

find other hitting partners?? enroll him in local tournaments. Send him to coaching classes where he can hit with kids his age etc.

I like these suggestions. I'd hope he'd be playing with lots of different partners and opponents. I think you get better faster that way.

andfor · 09-18-2012, 09:59 AM

Encourage your child to play more with kids of different levels ages and genders. Teach them to be proactive, reachout and set up the practices and matches with their peers. Also, to accept invitations from others to play. They will be much better players doing this.

I say this because as you get older you'll find match dodging and even practice dodging rampent among juniors. As long as the child is willing to call a wide base of other players, they'll be able figure out who wants to really practice and who wants to hide until tournament time.

As the child gets older, in a safe enviroment of course, allowto them practice without mommy and daddy watching every move. This will help them learn to take responsibility for their own development. It may even lead to more self-motivated practicing on their own. That's the aim.

SoCal10s · 09-18-2012, 11:15 AM

what's the big deal? it's just practice.. practice .. we're talking about practice .. practice.. come on it's practice..

TCF · 09-18-2012, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoCal10s

what's the big deal? it's just practice.. practice .. we're talking about practice .. practice.. come on it's practice..

Ha, AI was the man back when we liked in Philly!

BMC9670 · 09-18-2012, 05:24 PM

IMO, age and ability is key here. If these are kids that can play - ie, have a basic handle on all shots, then this practice is only doing their kid harm.

On the other hand, people put kids in matches before they can really play, usually before they can serve consistently. This leads to the kid getting discouraged. You can make practice competitive while learning the skills, and once you can actually play, then play matches. Then when they lose, they can learn something besides "I double faulted 3 times every game".

If this is a case of simply quitting because the kid is losing - shame on them.

treeman10 · 09-18-2012, 05:37 PM

----------------

BMC9670 · 09-18-2012, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by treeman10

This can continue into later years for sure, in every section it seems there is always a player that has a rep for withdrawing ill or injured or something down in the second set rather than letting their opponent log a clean "W"

Maybe it'll be this kid in a few years.

Yeah, seen those players. Sounded to me like it was the parents pulling the plug, not the kid, which made me ask the question of how old the kids are. As a parent, if your kid isn't ready, you're setting him up to fail playing matches. But if he is ready, let him play and learn from the outcome.

aznhippos · 09-18-2012, 08:40 PM

Sign him up for tournaments. Clearly your son will advance faster because he understands losing and how to adapt to it.

chatt_town · 09-18-2012, 09:12 PM

I guess it's not...but I don't like the notion of someone trying to use my child in that manner. I think what many here said makes sense about having different hitting partners. That kid is a waste of time. If I'm going to teach my son to take beatings like a man, then when he practices and he's pounding a kid's @$$...he needs to be able to pound his @$$ until the final point is won. He needs to have a killer instinct as well as learn how to lose. That kid can kick rocks. There are too many other kids to play.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoCal10s

what's the big deal? it's just practice.. practice .. we're talking about practice .. practice.. come on it's practice..

chatt_town · 09-18-2012, 09:17 PM

My son is 15 now. I think the other kid is about 15...maybe a little older. They both started late I think. I know my son did. Actually, the kid didn't quit. His parents are stopping the matches. He won't play him again. I've already told him....not with his parents around.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Woolybugger

how old are the kids?
It wouldn't bother me if it happened to my son - he still get to play a few games. The quitter on the other hand has lots of problems. There are lots of kids like that - invent excuses so they never really take full responsibility for their losses/failures.

pvaudio · 09-19-2012, 10:33 AM

Find older players for your son to play against. If he's decent in the 16s, find someone at your club or that you can meet who is 17 or 18. I don't mean a 4-star recruit or anything, I just mean someone with years more playing experience who isn't reliant on his parents for transportation etc. A local junior's (I believe he played in the 14s) father used to ask me to hit against his son because of a similar reason. His dad would stay and watch as we played and would often ask me beforehand to do certain things (no one he plays against hits a slice, and I use slice about 50% of the time on my BH side just as an example).

barringer97 · 09-19-2012, 10:46 AM

15? That's crazy.

09-17-2012, 04:19 PM	#1
chatt_town Professional Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 1,114	Parents shielding their children from losses So my son has been playing tennis now for a little more than a year. He's learning. One of my biggest things is him learning from losses. So I've been taking him out and we play a lot of tiebreaks. I'd been beating him pretty badly, but I'm showing him why he's losing and most of it has nothing to do with what I'm doing. I said all that to say that he has on like 4 different times been asked by this parent to play their son. Everytime my son gets up on him, they invent a reason to stop the match. So I told him last night not to ever play him again unless he sees him in a tourney and then it's okay if his parents stop the match. I think it is bad sportsmanship to try and stop matches because your child is losing. The child goes to a private school here in town and my son attends a public school. My son has yet to even play for a school. I don't know how they expect him to ever learn how to win if he doesn't know why he's getting beat. Has anyone else experienced this and if so, what did you do?

09-17-2012, 04:41 PM	#2
RF20Lennon Hall Of Fame Join Date: May 2011 Location: Houston, TX Posts: 3,595	find other hitting partners?? enroll him in local tournaments. Send him to coaching classes where he can hit with kids his age etc. __________________ Intellectuals solve problems, Geniuses prevent them RAFA2005RG- "If he (Rafa) lost Roland Garros it would be like death."

09-18-2012, 09:59 AM	#6
andfor Hall Of Fame Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 4,130	Encourage your child to play more with kids of different levels ages and genders. Teach them to be proactive, reachout and set up the practices and matches with their peers. Also, to accept invitations from others to play. They will be much better players doing this. I say this because as you get older you'll find match dodging and even practice dodging rampent among juniors. As long as the child is willing to call a wide base of other players, they'll be able figure out who wants to really practice and who wants to hide until tournament time. As the child gets older, in a safe enviroment of course, allowto them practice without mommy and daddy watching every move. This will help them learn to take responsibility for their own development. It may even lead to more self-motivated practicing on their own. That's the aim. __________________ "i thought those were just a little harmless brown bugs, you know the ones take wings and fly? but it turned to be Flees." Fedace Last edited by andfor : 09-18-2012 at 02:51 PM.

09-18-2012, 05:24 PM	#9
BMC9670 Hall Of Fame Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 2,038	IMO, age and ability is key here. If these are kids that can play - ie, have a basic handle on all shots, then this practice is only doing their kid harm. On the other hand, people put kids in matches before they can really play, usually before they can serve consistently. This leads to the kid getting discouraged. You can make practice competitive while learning the skills, and once you can actually play, then play matches. Then when they lose, they can learn something besides "I double faulted 3 times every game". If this is a case of simply quitting because the kid is losing - shame on them. __________________ Pro Kennex 7G, Head Rip Control 17 @ 58lbs, rubber band dampener, Tourna Grip.

09-18-2012, 05:37 PM	#10
treeman10 Semi-Pro Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 496	---------------- Last edited by treeman10 : 10-25-2012 at 12:46 PM.